Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 90, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 July 1909 — New In Name, But As Old As the Hills. [ARTICLE]

New In Name, But As Old As the Hills.

A winsome and pleasant young lady of Monticello claims she has an affliction that is new in name, but has been in evidence as long as there has been people in this good old world of ours. She says she has pacheritis of the heart and there should be little trouble in diagnosing her case. Pacheritis of the heart is an affliction arising from many punctures of that organ by the arrows of the little blind god and the consequent repairing of the same. In the case of the Monticello young lady the disease is only in the acute form as there have been only 72 repairs. It requires 729 repairs before the trouble becomes chronic. There seems to be only one sure way of ridding the ladies of this terrible disease and that is to place a tax upon bachelors. And it is then a grave question whether or not such staid old fellows as Edward Everett Newton, of Monticello, or a number of our local entertainers eligible to the baldheaded row, would submit themselves to the altar in order to prevent the spreading of the disease or the total abolition of it. There art so many winsome young widows these days and pacheritis will probably have pretty hard sailing before it conquers those who are sufficiently well-equipped with the “goods of this world” to keep plenty of hard coal in the bin and a few loaves of bread in the cupboard, because the men have come to believe that these winsome widows are worth while —they converse well and do not always have one eye on the nuptial knot. ——... , .... . It is economy to buy home roasted coffee. It is fresh roasted, stronger and will go further than any other coffee. Our prices are as low as any. C. C. STARR & CO.