Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 88, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 July 1909 — RELATIONS-IN-LAW OF BRIDES. [ARTICLE]

RELATIONS-IN-LAW OF BRIDES.

Nervous Strain From the Obligation to Meet Husband’s Relatives. There have been fortunate brides, and it is to be hoped there will continue to be, who have never known the nervous strain resulting from the obligation to meet their husband’s relatives. Not until their marriage became an old story did this experience come to them, if at aIL Those who have gone through an ordeal in the way of such experience consider such cases extremely enviable and rare. The brides, however, who are most to be pitied are they who on their wedding tour have husbands who are daft about having their wives meet their “in-laws,” of all ages and conditions, while on their wedding journey. Precious days have to be sacrificed to these “duty visits.” Brides take no such views of husbands in connection with their own blood relatives. On the contrary, they are more apt to resort to various means to shirk the request, if made, and are not at all given to pleasing their own folk by showing off the men they have chosen for their husbands. Brides look upon their own kin folk as creatures to be put off, cajoled, imposed upon and affronted in extremity. Yet, in spite of it all, there will exist a feeling of confidence in a future peace-making when they are ready to take steps toward it. “In-laws” are quite another proposition to them. Tom or Harry’s wife is, to their notion, usually a part of their property, no matter how delicately they may convey the idea or disguise it under cover of kindnesses and courtesies. Intuitively brides feel this and very soon become convinced of it. Therein lies the secret of their sudden revolts and defiances on unexpected occasions and the chip-on-the-shoulder attitude they often maintain. The “in-laws,” on their part, each have a way of building up an ideal bride, whenever there is a new one on the tapis. She is expected to resemble the one they had picked out for Tom—the family idol. From the moment his wife came into their presence the process went on of fitting the bride into their visionary creation. This keeps them constantly on the alert. They scent the air for a false note and watch continually to discover her defects, while their critical faculties, newly sharpened for this examination and comparison, absorb their attention from morning until night. How is she affected? What of her? She, too, is bent upon “in-law” investigations, but so prejudiced is sbfc against the various members of the family, very often, that she cannot do any one of them justice. As a general thing such family criticisms, inspections and meetings are most unsatisfactory to both sides, so far as the forming of good opinions and life friendships are concerned. It will take years of character tests in the future to bring about that desired end. Brides are also apt to fall back upon their family traditions or take up tne modern coaching and assume a fixed pose on occasion where "in-laws” have to be made up to. They are very often advised, on visiting such relations, to be entirely, subjective, to show but very little individuality, if they have any at all, and never to introduce family topics in conversation, or dictate, or argue, lest they tread on the family sensibilities. They are to pass over and ignore whatever may be said or done that in any way should lean toward a misunderstanding. They must be extremely amiable under all circumstances and act as if they were assured of the affection and esteem; if not positive admiration, of every member of the household. Tom, of course, takes everything for granted and is in a continually blissful state over his bride’s winning ways and the speed with which she has captivated his uncles, aunts and cousins, to the furthest remove of kinship. In the brief moments they have to themselves he tells her that she alone, in all the world, could have made such a triumph from start to finish and perfected his entire happiness. But the bride’s vision is too clear not to see that she and the “inlaws” are as far apart as ever; that their customs and habits would never fit into hers, nor their views of men and things ever harmonize with those she holds. At last the hour is welcomed, unconsciously in a way, when trunk packing and farewells form a prelude to departure. Tom’s family were more or less hysterical in the fuss they made over the departing guests, waving handkerchiefs as they stood and gazed at the handsome motor as it was swung down the road In the far distance.