Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 86, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 July 1909 — Page 4

Lawn Fete Perils

"Where to tonight?" asked Archie, cheerily, as he came up from the dining room in the boarding house and discovered Willie, his roommate, wrestling with a high collar and other indications of a butterfly career near at hand. Willie gave another desperate tug at the refractory end of the collar, hooked it over the button a!nd drew a long breath of relief before he answered. “I thought I’d drop around to that little lawn party over on the boulevard,” said Willie. “I believe they rather expect me from the warmth of the invitation I got. I told you about that, didn’t I?’’ Hi& smile of gratification faded a bit as he turned and • encountered Archie’s stern look of disapproval. “There you go!” said that worldly young man. “After all the trouble I’ve taken trying to lead you into proper paths! The moment my head is turned you’re gallivanting off to ice cream socials on lawns! I thought I had you framed up on the lawn fete proposition so you didn’t dare walk on the grass. And here you are, actually putting your head into the lion’s mouth and taking chances that may wreck your whole career.” “Oh, it isn’t as bad as that, I hope,” said Willie, carefully examining an imaginary spot on the front of his white vest. “I suppose a fellow can mingle with human beings once in a while without hurting anything.” “Back up," said Archie, warningly. “That’s the line of talk they all begin on and it lands every one of ’em sooner or later. ‘Mingling with human beings’ and ‘Living the life of a hermit’ and all that sort of stuff! They jolly themselves along in the belief that they can back out when they find they are getting in over their depth, but you’ll find there’s no lifesaving boat ready to dash to the rescue when you begin giving your signals of distress. "Not on your life. It’s a case of sink or swim when you get into the social whirl, my boy. I'm trying to reach you before you go down for the third time.” Willie smiled in a superior sort of way and gave his scarf an approving little pat as he surveyed it in the mirror. “I’m afraid you’re a bit cynical,” he suggested. “Cynical!’’ echoed Archie. “Not a bit of it. Only I’ve been standing on the sidelines watching the game so long that I hate to see a good fellow go wrong. Why I knew a young chap about your age a few years ago, and after he once got started he didn't last four months. lie began with this ice-cream social thing, too. It looked innocent—the way a man learns to play poker after he has monkeyed with whist and cinch for a few years. He went along from the lawn fete to the Saturday night hop and then he got reckless and before his friends could butt in and drag him back to safety he was up against afternoon teas and junior proms and low neck receptions and the whole blooming show —he didn’t make any limit at all. Then, while a few of us were doing what we could to sort of brace him up and make a man out of fyim again, he slipped and fell and it was all off. He was lost forever.” “What happened to him?’.’ inquired Willie, with unusual interest. "Married!” blurted Archie, with horror depicted, in every bachelor lineament. “Think of it —married! And with his whole life before him!” "Oh, there isn’t danger of anything like that in my case,” protested Willie, taking a surreptitious flash at himself in the mirror to be certain that he was looking his best. “Isn’t there, though?” said Archie, warmly. "That’s the trouble with you young fellows —you’re always too cock sure of yourselves until it’s everlastingly too late. “Say, you remind me of the boy who thinks because he’s never been held up that he is in no danger and the very night he blows about it at the club or somewhere he has a 45 bounced off his skull on his way home. You’re taking chances all the time, you know, and when you deliberately go to one of these lawn fete things it’s like hanging a sign on yourself that says, ‘Come on. I’m easy.’ “When you go to this affair tonight for instance, provided you are reckless enough to take a chance after I’ve tipped you on all this stuff, you’re taking your life in your hands. The minute you get inside the gate they drop a flag on you. Some kindly old lady will hook on to you before you have gone five feet inside the ’ grounds and will see that you do not make a getaway until after the last race 1b run and that you have a little bet down on every event on the lengthy program they havW provided. Tuking a firm grasp on your bridle, she will back you into a box stall, where you will find a charming young woman In a white dress. They always wear white dresses at these lawn affairs because they look so much younger in white —sort of a reminder of commencement day. This young woman will have an inordinate disproportionate and positively fierce capacity for ice cream; Bhe will also 'have upward-looking eyes—the kind that are so soulful when you are

Standing over her and gazing Into their blue and dreamy depths.’’ “Oh, I don’t expect any such luck as that,” said Willie, carefully brushing his best hat and preparing to escape, “Still, it wouldn’t be such a fearful fate, I believe.” “Just as I feared," said Archie mournfully. “You are going willingly to your doom. I can see it from here. After you have filled up this yawning void In female form -with ice cream and cake and lemonade and other dyspeptic truck, you will learn that she has taken a deep interest in you. “You see. she’ll discover in the first 10 minutes that you live in a boarding house and she will fairly ooze sympathy for your hapless, forlorn condition. You won’t have time to tell her all about it this evening, but you’ll promise to call at your first opportunity. Then, inside of two weeks, she’ll have you hooked, strung and hung over the side of the boat. You don’t believe this now, of course,” concluded Archie, “because you have not met her. But when you stub your toe, remember I warned you." “Well, I really don’t believe things will turn out this evening exactly as you have predicted.” said Willie, with a wise smile. “You’re a little bit off this time.” “Why do you think so?” asked Archie, languidly filling his pipe. “If you must know,” replied Willie, “the young woman for whom I intend buying a moderate amount of ice cream already knows about my hapless bachelor condition and we wonit waste time discussing it tonight things to talk about.” —Chicago News, when there are so many interesting

The Old Joke Revised.

There was a rap on his lordship’s door. “My lord,” announced the servant with a low bow, “the airship awaits without.” “Without what, James?” queried his lordship as he lit another cigarette. “Without wings, without gasoline, without ropes and without a propeller. We have just been in a collision.” ,~ And with an impatient wave of his hand his lordship ordered the airship taken around to the airsmith without delay.

Meeting the Condition.

“Augusta,” said Mr. Wyss when the quarrel was at its height, “you have devised a great variety of ways to call me a fool.” “Merely a matter of necessity,” replied Mrs. Wyss. “You have devised so many ways of being one.”

Part of Her Raiment.

Customs Officer (to woman traveler from the continent)—l thought you said, madam, you had nothing but wearing apparel in your trunk. What about these three bottles of cognac? “Oh, these,” said the lady, “are my nightcaps. ’ ’ —Tit-Bits.

Universal Opinion.

\) “What do you ask for this plaque?” asked an old gentleman of the pretty girl in charge of a church fair booth. “Five dollars,” she replied. “Aren’t you a little dear?” queried the o. g. “Well,” answered the p. g., blushing “that’s what the boys all tell me.”

Souvenirs

Gunner —Where have you been, old man? Guyer—Just back from Pittsburg. Gunner —Indeed! Did you take in the town ? Guyer—Oh, no, just part of it. Swallowed several quarts of smoke, a peck of soot and a bushel of cinders.

On Her Guard.

“You see,” said the professor, “the science of chemistry depends on the discovery of certain affinities— ’’ “Pardon me,” interrupted Miss Prym. “I trust the conversation can proceed without drifting into scandal.”

Their Advantage.

“A doctor,” remarked the druggist, “has it on thp rest of us.” “How do you figure that out?” queried the young M. D. “Why,” replied the druggist, “even if he is a poor man he can take life easy.”

Obedience.

“Leonidas,” said Mr. Meekton’s wife “will you mind the baby for’awhile?” “Certainly, Henrietta, I mind everybody else around the house. I don’t see why I should make any exception of the baby.” .

Too True.

“Cheer up, my boy. You’re bound to get the girl In the end.” “I’m afraid not. Life ain't no melodrama.”

Mostly Tiresome.

“Are ydu fond of entertaining callers?” “Yes,” answered the lady addressed, “but few of mine are of that variety.”

Not Very.

“Here’s a groat for thee.” “Not very large largess,” commented the medieval wit, or court buffoon.

Just as Good.

All damsels cannot pretty be, It’s safe to say, But, sakes alive, all can contrive To look that way.

MOTHER CAREY’B CHICKENS.

Queer Notions About the Stormy Petrel Among Sailors. The stormy petrel, alias Mother Carey’s chicken (Porcellaria pelaglca.) or (Oceanites oceanicus), according as we have reference to the species of the eastern or western Atlantic, has not got the epithet of “stormy” for nothing, says Forest and Stream. As already stated, the bird appears to revel In a tumult of the winds and waves and actually does so for a good and sufficient reason. This is that its food supply Is very much more abundant when the ocean is agitated than when it is at rest. Then, the petrel has a decided habit of following ships, which has really nothing to do with impending storm. No, it seeks the ship, not because it is afraid or lonely, but simply because the ship agitates the waters. Very likely as it follows a storm may spring up and then, seeing the bird so obviously delighted, poor superstitious Jack not unnaturally thought there was some connection between them. From this to a belief in a companionship in evil was only a step. The queer notions about the stormy petrel did not end here. It was believed (and the naivete of this belief is decidedly racy of poor Jack) that it carried its eggs under its wing and hatched them on the water. It was also believed that it could appear at will in the neighborhood of a ship anywhere about the ocean. All this certainly pointed to necromantic or uncanny power, and It is not to be wondered at that the bird became such an object of fear and aversion to the poor man before the mast. The poet Coleridge has left us a fine picture of the terrifying influence of the albatross on the Ancient Mariner, but no poet seems to have awakened to the possibilities of the stormy petrel as a theme. However, we read much about it off and on in old chronicles or tales of the sea. In one of these it is recorded that the sailors, seeing the herald of storm join the ship too near land as they supposed, mutinied and refused to proceed.

JUST KICKED A CAT.

Cure for Rheumatism Discovered by a Jersey Freight Clerk. A clerk in the Pennsylvania Railroad freight office In Jersey City, suffered from spasmodic twinges in hi s right leg, which he attributed to rheumatism. He consulted a physician and spent a good deal for medicine, but continued to grow worse. One morning recently the office tomcat in a spirit of friendliness arched his back and rubbed against the afflicted calf. The clerk gave a vicious kick with his bad leg and a gray streak shot through the air. He hobbled to a chair and sat down with a few stirring remarks about cats and rheumatism. A few minutes later he gritted his teeth hard and arose. He shook his leg and feebly smiled. Then he walked like a drum major across the floor and boisterously shook hands with himself. The sharp twinges had disappeared and there has been no recurrence of pain. The clerk’s doctor corrected his diagnosis when asked for an explanation of the sudden cure ana said that what he mistook for rheumatism was probably caused. by a twisted ligament. The kick at the cat straightened out tffie twist and removed the cause of the trouble.

What Gum Arabic Really Is.

Gum arable, which forms one of the more important minor exports of Egypt, is really the sap from a specif kind of tree which grows from three to five yards in height, whole forests of which are found in the Kordofan Province, and also near Geu.a, in the White Nile Province. The natives are free to collect the gum. The season during which the trees yield their sap runs from December to May. Prior to gathering the crop the natives prepare the trees by slightly cutting the bark in numerous places. The sap then exudes, solidifies in the shape of large and small lumps and is afterward gathered by hand, such gathering being done before the rainy season csommences. There are two main classes of gum—amber-like and bleached. In the latter the gum is merely exposed to the strong action of the sun—generally in Omdurman—while In the former Instance it is allowed to retain its natural amber color. The confectionery trade is perhaps the principal purchaser of gum arable, though a very large number of other Industries—chemical works, printing and dyeing mills, letterpress printers and so on—are interested in this product of the Sudan.

Dead Bacteria Dangerous.

One result of bacteriological research is the distinction between infective and intoxicative diseases. In the former the general multiplication of micro-organisms in the body of the patient is the Balient feature, while in the latter poisoning is the cause of the malady. Thus, states a well-known authority, the dead bodies of typhoid bacilli, although destitute of all infective properties, are yet toxic when Introduced into animals in virtue of the intracellular poisons they contain. Accordingly, in the case of many diseases formerly regarded as purely infective, it has npw become apparent that, in addition to tne infective, the poisonous properties of the invading bacterial cells must be taken Into account.

BUYING HEAT UNITS.

Large Consumers of Coal Are Adopting This Method. Buying coal on the_heat unit basis Is becoming Increasingly and deservedly common,. « One of the latest proofs of this Is given In Cassler’s Magazine, which states that Chicago Is said to have )et contracts for 200,000 tons of coal on this basis. In the case of the Chicago deliveries, If the coal test shows 13,000 British thermal units, moisture 10 per cent, and ash 8 per cent., the price Is to be $2.30 per ton; but If the coal varies In heat units the price Is to vary accordingly. On a 5,000 ton contract an analysis of the coal is made once a week. The sample is taken by the regular method and analyzed and reported to the consumer and the contractor. Thoughts For People Beyond Forty. It As’ foolish to fix an age at which men become comparatively useless. Some men are young at seventy, others are old at thirty-five. One of the worst delusions that ever crept Into a middle aged man’s mind is the conviction that he has done his best work, that he is growing old and must soon give place to younger men. Every man makes his own dead line. Some reach it at thirty-five, some at forty, some at fifty; bo me do not reach it at eighty; some never reach it, because they never cease to grow. Look around the world to-day and see what some of the men who have long passed the “dead line” are doing, and what they have accomplished. Look at the young old military leaders in little Japan, who conquered great Russia. Oyama was twenty years past his fatal line when he won his great victories, and all of his corps commanders were past fifty. The Marquis Ito, the Grand Old Man of Japan, her greatest statesman, and the one who has done more than any other to make Japan what it is to-day, is still active In the service of his country. The larger part of the great fortunes of this country have been accumulated after their amassers have passed forty. In fact, the first forty years of a man’s life are the preparatory years, the years of training and discipline. A large part of this time he is laying the foundation—just getting ready to rear the superstructure. Many of us stumble around many years before we get into the right place, and then, for additional years, we make many mistakes. Most men do not get wise until they have passed forty. They may get knowledge before this, but not much wisdom. Wisdom is a ripening process. It takes time.— Success Magazine.

Coronation Souvenir.

In honor of the coronation of King Haakon and Queen Maud df Norway a medal has been struck in gold, silver and bronze, which shows on one side profile likenesses of the King and the Queen, on the other side the Arms of Norway and the date of the Coronation.

Canada’s Greatness.

Canada is larger than the United States by 250,000 square miles. Canada contains one-third of the area of the British empire. Canada extends over twenty degrees of latitude —from Rome to North Pole. Canada is as large as thirty United Kingdoms, eighteen Germanys, thirty-three Italys. Canada is larger than Australasia and twice the size of British India. Canada has a boundary line of 8,000 miles between It and the United States. Canada’s sea coast equals half the earth’s circumference. Canada Is 3,500 miles wide and 1,400 from north to south. The population Is about 6,000,000, or about twice that of New York. —Montreal Herald.

English Patent Medicines.

At the present time in Great Britain there are no less than 40,000 makers or venders of patent medicines, and these patent medicines are computed to Supply a revenue of £231,000 to the State. The patent medicine dealer reaps his harvest from so-called incurable diseases. Consumption cures, cancer cures, epilepsy cures, paralysis cures, make up the large majority of patent medicines.

Does He Bring a Rake?

From Berlin comes the official &%• nouncement that Dr. Karl Muek of the Royal opera, that city, has accepted the position of conductor of the Boston Symphony Orchestra for one year. His name, or at any rats the spelling of It, Is highly suggestive of a wave of muslcsj reform In this musical center.’— Boston Globe. The layer of the sea taken np In oloads each year Is now estimated at ii laet lA thjskasssi- •" 1 ■■■■—

Real Estate Transfers.

Charles R. Peregrine et ux to Eliza Miles, May 15, Its 3-4-5-6, Dunnville, Mannan’s add, $250. Anna Maloy to Abraham Simpson et ux, May 31, Rensselaer, Weston’s 2nd add, S9OO. Orvin G. Payne to D. S. Otto, May 8, nw 33-31-7; nw sw 33-31-7, 200 acres, $5. Kathryn U. Payne et al to D. S. Otto, May 8, nw 33-31-7; nw sw 33-31-7, 200 acres, $5. Benjamin J. Gifford to William F. Hays, June 2, n se sw 21-30-6, pt s ne sw 21-31-6, $760. Mary E. Troxell to Moses A. Mitchell, June 9, n se 13-31-6, 80a, $2. James R. Flicklin to Howard G. Gibbs et al, June 9, pt Its 15-16, bl 4, Rensselaer, $22,000. William H. Cheadle, trustee, to Vincent Eisele, May 18, n se 13-28-7, s sw ne 13-28-7, 100 acres, SSOO. Robert Parker to Vincent Eisle, Eisle, May shrdlu ETAOI SHRDLHR May 21, n se 13-28-7, s sw ne 13-28-7, 100 acres, sl. James M. Dickey to Laura J. Larson, Oct. 23, ’OB, nw ne 1-31-7, 40 acres, $1,200. Earl A. Barkley to Roy Willey, June 3, e w ne 15-29-6, SI,BOO. Susan M. Fordice et al to Frank Howard, Apr. 2, Remington, pt n nw 30-27-6, sl. James H. Chapman to Susan O. Poulson, June 17, It 1, bl 5, Remington, Chambers & Morgan’s add, S2O. M. H. Blapkburn to Howard H. Gibbs, June 16, pt Its 15-16, bl 4, Rensselaer, sl. Martha Donnelly to Ralph J. Donnelly, June 16, pt ol 21, Rensselaer, sw nw 30-29-6, $2,000. Benjamin J. Harrig to Fred Lyons, June 21, e sw 7-28-7, 80 acres, $6,800. Henry Ferrel to Horace Marble, June 23, ne se 34-32-6, 40 acres, SBOO. Wm. M. Karstedt to Mason L. Hendrickson, May 22, w 14, n nw 20-21-5, 60 acres, $2,400. James Callaghan et al to Thomas Callaghan, Sr., Nov. 16, 1908, Its 1314, Remington, Shaffer’s add, sl. William L. Watson et ux to Thos. Ramsey et ux, June 23, ne 32-27-7, 160 acres, SIB,OOO. Lora D. Crawford to William A. Weninger, May 19, pt n se 25-32-5, 10 acres, $225. John W. Duvall to Edgar J. Duvall, June 22, pt It 1, bl 3, Rensselaer, op, $2,000. Edgar J.» Duvall to John W. Duvall et ux, pt It 1, bl 3, Rensselaer, op, $2,000. Isaac Right to Sherman Herath et ux, June 22, ne 4-30.-7, e nw 4-30-7, 271 acres, $14,000. Wm. H. Churchill et al to John M. Wasson, June 2, s nw 24-29-7, 80 acres, $6,000. Marquis R. Churchill to William H. Churchill, June 7, Its 22-23, bl 16. Rensselaer, Weston’s add, SSOO. George Worden to Ellis and George W. Jones, June 18, pt It 2, bl 13, Remington, $75. William H. Churchill et al to Fenton O. Churchill et al, June 23, se ne 14-29-7, $3,000. Fenton O. Churchill et al to William H. Churchill, June 3, Its 4-5-6-7-8, bl 16, Rensselaer, Weston’s add, SI,OOO. Luther E. Churchill to Alfred Donnelly, June 8, nw nw 24-29-7, 40 acres, $3,000. E. Franklin to Rose Cohen, Apr. 22, 1907, It 1, bl 1, Rensselaer, Benjamin & Magee’s add, sl. Orlie T. Collier et ux to Barton S. Aikman, June 25, It 8, bl 5, Remington, $1,200. Granville Moody to Emma A. Shedd, July 5, pt bl 4, Rensselaer, Van Rensselaer’s southeast add, $6,000. Carl T. Porch, tr., to Benjamin J. Gifford, May 29, h sw 11-30-6, e ne 30-30-5, ne se 30-30- 5, sl. Michael Reed to Thomas E. Reen, June 26, e e w se 28-28-7, 20 acres, w w e sw 28-28-7, $1,600. Benjamin J. Gifford to Mallchan W. Coppess, July 3, pt nw se 15-30-5, 31.54 acres, $1,261.60. Mary B. Greenway by auditor to Emmet L. Hollingsworth, June 2, It 8, bl 5, Remington, op, $27.25, tax deed Ellen M. Cox by auditor to Emmet L. Hollingsworth, June 2, Its 1-2, bl 3, Fair Oaks, $8.05, tax deed. Wm. A. Davis by auditor to Emmet L. Hollingsworth, June 2, Its 2-3-6, bl 3, Wheatfleld, Bentley's add, $19.23, tax. deed. Mary J. Brophy to Ellen O'Connor, July 9, Remington, pt n sw 30-27-6, $1,400. Mary B. Kays to Edward J. Kays, May 2, 1906, It 3, bl 10, Rensselaer, Weston's 2nd add, $1,400. John W. Burget to State Bank of Francesville, ne sw 8-31-6, se B’-31-6, e ne 8-31-6, ne ne 17-31-6, $20,400.

Catarrh the Cause of Comsunption.

At |past one-half of the consumption in the world can be traced to catarrh. Here are some symptoms of catarrh if you have any of them get rid of them while there is yet time. Is your throat raw? Do you sneeze often? Is your breath foul? Are your eyes watery? Do you take cold easily? Is your nose stopped up? Do you have to spit often? Do crusts form in your nose? Are you worse in damp weather? Do you blow your nose a great deal? Are you losing your sense of smell? Does your mouth taste bad mornings? Do you have a dull feeling in your head? Do you have to clear your throat on rising? Ik there a tickling sensation in your throat? Do you have a discharge from the nose? Does mucous drop in back of throat? Breathe Hyomei (pronounced High-o-me) into the lungs over the germ ridden membrane and kill the germ —a complete Hyomei outfit, including inhaler, costs SI.OO, at B. F. Fendig’s, who guarantee .ft, and extra bottles 50 cents. X 9

MI-ON A Cures indigestion It relieves stomach misery, sour stomach, belching, and cures all stomach disease or money back. Large box of tablets 50 cents. Druggists m all towns.

A bfick thrown Tuesday night through a window at the home of the Rev. H. C. Weston, pastor of the Zionville Methodist Episcopal church, narrowly missed the minister’s wife. Mr. Weston took a prominent part in the recent local option campaign, and this is believed to have inspired the attack.

ONE WEAK SPOT.

Most Rensselaer People Have A Weak Part and Too Often IPs the Back. Everyone has a weak spot. Too often it’s a bad back. Twinges follow every sudden twist. Dull aching keeps up, day and night Tells you the kidneys need help— For backache is really kidney-ache. A kidney cure is what you need. Doan’s Kidney Pills cure sick kidneys. Cure backache and urinary ills. Good proof in the following statement. Richard Imes, retired, Illinois St„ Monticelio, Ind., says: “My back was so lame that I could hardly get around and sharp pains through my loins were frequent. I could not sleep well and felt all worn out during the day. My kidneys were also weak and the kidney secretions passed irregularly. I finally procured a box of Doan’s Kidney Pills and began using them. They relieved me promptly and I have felt better in every way since, having had no further trouble from my back.” For sale by all dealers. Price 50 cents. Foßter-Milburn Co., Buffalo, New York, sole agents for the United States. Remember the name—Doan’s—and take no other. Will Russell, five miles east of Arcadia, has invented a corn-husking machine, which he says can be constructed for |l5O. It is simple in design and can be built for husking one or two rows at a time, as desired. The machine, after taking the corn from the stalk, removes the husk and drops the bare ear into a wagon alongside the machine.

Notice. Notice is hereby given that the assessment sheet of the Drainage Commissioners of the W. H. Tyler Ditch No. 86, is on file in the office of the County Treasurer; that assessments may be paid to him on or before October 20, 1909, and lien cancelled; that the Board of Commissioners have ordered bonds Issued .for all unpaid assessments after October 20, 1909. By order of the Board of Commissioners of Jasper County. JAMES N. LEATHERMAN, Jy.l6-23-30 Auditor Jasper County. July 6, ne 7-31-6, 160 acrA, SII,OOO. William C. Pruett to Cornelia S. Pruett, July 12. It 1. pt it 2, Its 3-4-6, Potter’s sub-dlv, sw ne 22-28-7, se nw