Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 72, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1909 — PATTY SEEKS A GOOD PARTY [ARTICLE]

PATTY SEEKS A GOOD PARTY

But Gets Little Help From Her Father ’ 7*’*'-T7.'i" and Brother. Miss Patty had long had political aspirations, and yearned to understand all about parties, platforms and planks. She had never joined a woman’s club for' Patty lived and flourished In a town where the women were all domestic and never indulged &'lilg|ier intellectual’ food tliah that afforded by the weekly sewing circle. Patty received the finishing touches to a sound education at a private school for young’women, after graduating at a good Methodist seminary In Namelessville, and returned to the paternal roof thoroughly equipped (as she supposed) tor all th- varied and complex duties of life. Patty had vague longing in her innocent mind for some knowledge beyond that required In the schoolroom. She argued to herself that of course men who had to prepare for the arduous duty of voting would know all about parties and their platforms. Visions came to her mind of the noble principles and high standard of the best party, and she felt that even If she were denied the great and sublime right of casting her vote, at least she would understand-thorough-ly the principles ‘underlying each party, and cast her sympathy and influence with that party which stood for right and justice. In such an exigency as this to whom should a timid maiden, not out of her teens, turn but to her father? So Patty went to papa, and said, “papa, I want to know the difference between a Democrat and a Republican.” “Want to know what! my daughter.” “The difference between a Democrat and a Republican.’’ Papa peered curiously over his goldbowed glasses for a mement, and then said: “Ahem! that is a very complicated subject, my dear, —very complicated, merely a difference in platforms, that’s all; never could explain such subjects to a woman any way. By the way, you left lumps in the heels of my stockings last week when you darned them. I would advise your mother to give you a few more lessons In mending,’’ and after this unaccountable switch from Miss Patty’s track, he subsided Into the depths of his newspaper. Patty tried to give him a reproachful glance, but the ominous crackling of the sheet warned her that she could look for no more light* from that quarter; so, heaving a regretful ’sigh, she sought out her big brother. “Henry, will you please tell me the •difference between a Democrat and a Republican?" . “Why, sure, ask me a harder one. The Democrats are all liars and scoundrels, and the Republicans are all thieves and robbers. The ’’

“Bat those other parties, Henry, the populists, the prohibitionists, the socialists, sure some off them must be honest. This new wing of the Republican party, who carry little flags sticking from their pockets, and talk about the little red school house, indeed, Henry, they must be patriots.” 1 “My dear girl,” declared Henry In a parental manner. “They are all good, all honest, all are right I would advise you to vote for the Republicans for they believe In yellow money and protection. Or vote for the Democrats for they believe in free coinage, free trade, free rum and the breaking up of the trusts which the Republican party nurses and feeds with Mellin’s food. Or vote the prohibition ticket and rid the land of Intemperance; for when they elect their candidates ‘There’ll be no more rum drunk then.’ Or vote for the populists, for when the government owns the railroads, the telegraph, the mines and controls business generally we’ll have prosperity. Or vote for the socialists, for. when they hold the balance of power they’ll take from the rich and give to the poor and we won’t need any soup houses, nor any church fairs ’ But Patty stuffed her pretty fingers In her ears and ran away, for she realized that in all Henry said he hadn’t told her the difference between a Democrat and a Republican. As a last resort Miss Patty went to the editor, acting on the generally understood principle that editors know everything. “Mr. Editor, will you pleaso tell me the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?”’ The great man ran his hand through his hair, overturned a pile of exchanges, upset the glue pot and spilled the ink. then he said: “The Democrats think gold money good, stiver money better, but any kind good enough. The Republican scorns to ask what the money is, but only shouts ‘more.’ The Democrats scorns nnd despises trusts because the men concerned tn them are all Republicans. The Republicans want change In office, and change In their pockets, and they're going to have it, too.” Miss Patty stood aghast, and then cried In horror and despair, “But whbre is that great and good party to which honest men and patriots belong’” And then that editor laughed an inhuman laugh and said, “Long years ago Diogenes took a lantern and •earched for an honest man. You had better take a garden rake and half a dozen headlights and look for your great and good par—” But Patty had fled, and now when politics are discussed in her presence She listens with the benign sadness Which Is born of superior wisdom.— Springfield Republican.