Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 72, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1909 — Few Dont’s On Eating. [ARTICLE]

Few Dont’s On Eating.

Don’t eat flour. It is ground So fine that is produces appendicitis. Don’t eat meat of any kind. It has germs in it that will surely kill you. Fresh meat abounds with germs. Dried meats and canned goods are embalmed and kill people. See report of Philippine army. Don’t drink water. It will give you fever and ague and everything but riches and happiness. Don’t drink liquor. It will make you see things. Don’t eat fresh fruit. The spray they use to kill insects on the trees is a rank poison and will surely kill you. Don’t drink tea or coffee. They both contain poison and affect the whole nervous system. Don’t use sugar. It contains albumen and will give you Bright’s disease. Don’t eat • potatoes. They are hard to digest and will give you dyspepsia. Don’t eat candy. The coloring matter is poison.

Don’t use vinegar. It is full of poisonous acids and will destroy your stomach. Don’t eat cake. It is heavy and will not only give you indigestion but will cause cramps and pains. Don’t drink milk, it is full of tuberculosis germs. That is,, fresh sweet milk. Don’t drink buttermilk. It is full of acid that lines the coating of the stomach with an extra dose and finally stops secretion. Don’t eat eggs. Chickens these days are fed stale meats and poisonous drugs to make them lay. Eggs will finally kill you. Don’t eat dried fish or fresh fish. They live at the mouths of sewers and are filthy to the last degree. Don’t eat! chickens. They have lice and cholera and the human system is liable to absorb these things. Don’t eat anything. Don’t drink anything. Don’t wear clothes. Don’t sleep anywhere except on the ground and then look out for spiders and centipedes. Don’t sleep because your system may not be able to stand it. Don’t stay up too long because lack or loss of sleep may hasten your death. Don’t worry. Don’t do anything. Just stand around like a telegraph pole and pray to die. That’s about the size of it if we believe all these things now handed out by scientific men. Strange that with all these things the world’s population is Increasing so rapidly. Strange that if all we eat is poison and all we do is not healthful and race suicide is so appalling that the old world is so rapidly filling up. But, well, we have baled breakfast foods, galore, and maybe that is what has saved the Nation and the World.