Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 36, Number 136, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 December 1904 — The Comic Side OF The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side OF The News

Evidently the mouth of the ship subsidist is beginning to water again. In making up your schedule of winter rending don’t forget to leave a place for the President’s message. The suit for $350,000 ngninst Tom Lawson may provide him with still another chapter on frenzied finance. The United States has granted 3.500 patents to women, but as yet there is no device for keeping a hat on straight. As to the opposition that will confront the majority in the next Congress, it will be a theory rather than a condition. Gen. Stoessel and Baron Kodama hold different opinions as to which of them will spend the winter in Port Arthur. Russian reactionaries have yet to learn that those who stand in the way of the car of progress are liable to get run over. The magnificence of Chicago’s great subway will lie chiefly in the magnificent relief it will afford to pedestrians on the surface. It staggers the country to hear the Massachusetts Legislature likened to a string of sausages. String beans would sound more convincing. Three Russian torpedo-boat destroyers that ventured out of Tort Arthur were sunk by the Japanese. This news is calculated to cheer the Baltic fleet on its way. Unless Gen. Stoessel sOon surrenders life in"and about Port Arthur will become almost as deadly as American railway (travel. If St. Louis does not appreciate how great the world's fair hns been, it will do so iater when the excitement is over a\)d it settles down to the sober duty of paying the bills. By the terms of her uncle’s will an Indiana girl is to receive $15,000 if she marries and not a cent if she remains single. There are plenty of heroes who will be willing to help the poor giyl get ker money.