Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 36, Number 90, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 July 1904 — Page 4

Thackeray’s Satire.

Thackeray created quite erroneous Impressions of himself bj often indulging In Irony in the presence of people who were incapable of understanding it. One curious instance which he gave waa this: Thackeray had been dining at the Garrick and was talking in the smoking room|after dinner with various club acquaintances. One of them (happening to have left his cigar case •t hopae, Thackeray, • though disliking Ihe man, who was a notorious tuft fainter, good caturedly offered him one of his cigars. The man accepted the cigar, but, not finding it to his liking, Md the bad taste to say to Thackeray, "I say, Thackeray, you won’t mind my faying I don’t think much of this cigar?” Thackeray, no doubt irritated at the man’s ifngraciousness and bearing.in mind his tuft hunting predilections, quietly responded, ‘‘You ought to, my good fellow, for it was given me by a lord.” Instead, however, of detecting the irony, the dolt immediately attributed the remark to snobbishness on Thackeray’s part and to the end of his days went about declaring that “Thackeray had boasted that be had been given a cigar by a lord.”

Witty Response of a Lecturer.

A professor who acted as chairman of a meeting at which Max O’Roll was to lecture introduced the Frenchman in the following manner: “Ladies and gentlemen, when we Wish to see ourselves as individuals W 6 have recourse to the mirror. This we cannot do as a nation. I take pleasure in introducing a gentleman who will act as a French mirror, by means of which you will, I am sure, obtain an adequate and pleasing view of yourselves as a nation.” The introduction pleased O’Rell, and Jie responded in a vein as jovial: “I km requested to reflect on a nation. .However, I must take seeond place to the man in the moon, for he reflects bn the earth. As an imported French mirror I shall do the best I can to give yon a correct picture of the nation. And if your chairman remains where be is, in the background, he will add greatly to the reflective power of the mirror.”

Origin of Life Insurance.

“I don’t have to have my life insured,” said the business man to the agent, '‘but I So want to know how life insurance originated. Can you tell me?” “I can,” the agent answered. “It originated in 1706 in London. In that year there was formed the first life insurance company. It was called the Amicable Society For a Perpetual Assurance Office. It was a mutual benefit concern. Each member, without reference to age, paid a fixed admission fee and a fixed annual charge per share on from one to three shares, and at the end of the year a portion of the fund accumulated was divided among the heirs of those who had died in accordance ,Trith the number of shares each dead person had held. Out of tl company, with its crude and imperfect methods, .life Insurance as it exists today has grown.”—Philadelphia Record.

A Story of Young Dan Webster.

'A New York lawyer recently told an Interesting story of boyhood. "Little Dan and his younger brother,” said the legal light, “had each been given some money. They started out gleefully, and it was evening before they got back home. “ ‘Well, Dan,’ said the senior Webfcter, “what did you do with your money?' v “ ‘Spent it,’ the boy answered sturdily. * "‘And how about you? What did you do with your money? 1 the father asked the younger brother. " ‘I loaned it to Dan,’ was the reply.”

Scotch Coolness.

Speaking of Scotch characteristics, an Englishman traveling in this country .told a story illustrative of Scottish coolness under trying circumstances. number of Scots,” he said, “were -working on a fifteen story building. One up near the roof lost his foothold and fell. But even in his swift descent through the air he remained quite cool jfcnd calm. In fact, as he shot past a friend on the twelfth story he sang but: aj/“Eh, Saundy, man, sic a fall as I than hael’ ”

Clubland’s Submersed Tenth.

There is hardly a club, even among the oldest, that does not possess Its almost woefully poor members; men who mopped ambition and their tailor simultaneously, who try to hide even from themselves the whereabouts of jtbelr dismal “chambers,” which Is one abom; who have no want that does not 3ggln and end with their dabs and i would fade away and die miserably If Its doors were closed to them.—Court ‘Journal.

On His Mind.

Long-Have 70a forgotten tbat $lO you borrowed of me some tirae ago. , Short—Ob, no, I still hare it in mind. 'Long—Well, don’t yon think this .would be a good time to relieve your mind of It?

A Hustler.

t “Do you think Skinner can make a living ont there?” -“Make a living! Why, he’d make a living on a rock In the middle of the ocean If there was another man on the roCk.”

A Possible Exception.

r Wife—lsn’t It a fact, dear, that handsome men are proverbially disagreeE band—Well, I don’t know. I altry to be pleasant | coast line, 1,700 miles In • straight Use, becomes 12,000 miles if jfbllowed round the fiords, la these fiords are over 150,000 islands

Card From B. F. Fendig

Mi-o-na Costs Yon nothfng Ir It does Not Cure. To the editor of the Republican: The unusual statement in the advertisements I have published for Mi-o-na have led sone people te ask If I really mean all that I said in regard to this preparation. The best reply I can make is to publish over my signature a statement of what Mi-o-na will do and the unusual terms under which I am selling it. 1. Nine-tenths of all sickness is caused by some kind of indigestion. As Mi-o-na cures indigestion in any form and restores healthy action to the whole digestive tract, it will cure nearly every case of poor health. 2. The dyspeptio is ordinarily thin and emaciated, with sallow complexion sunken cheeks and flabby flesh. Mi-o-na will cure dyspepsia and those who use it will find every part o' the body filling out with firm, solid flesh so that all the outlines be. come plump and pleasing . . . 3. The strongest evidenoe that I can give of my faith in Mi-o-na is my personal agreement to refund the money if it does not give satisfaction. Although I have sold hundreds of packages under this guarantee, yet less than one out of every hundred has asked to have the money returned, lam always ready to refund the cost of Mi-o-na, 50o„ to anyone who is not satisfied with it on return •q - ! of the empty box. Respeotfully yours, B. F. Fendig.

EPIGRAMMATIC ELOQUENCE

Some Incisive Sentences by Senator Albert J. Beveridge. The following epigrams are from an address recently delivered by Senator Beveridge to the graduating class at Fairmount Academy: “The sources of inspiration are in the small towns away from the cities.” “I can’t speak down to any audience. I must speak up to it.” “The final appeal is to the homes of the people and not to the politicians.” “I bring four words of power: Hope, prejudice. There is nothing in the

SENATOR BEVERIDGE.

thoroughness, faith, patriotism, and a master word —righteousness.” “The great book of law—greater than Blackstone, has yet to be written, the book of Institutional law. All history must be rewritten In accordance with scientific methods.” “The truth must be told withdßt world worth while but truth.” “Two thing* we must meet—opportunity and death. Be ready.” ‘'‘Opportunity Is God’s messenger to ajpk how you are getting along With His partnership.” "There is no inspiration but preparation." “I am against all war. 1 would Eliminate it forever if I could. But If we must war let us be In the field.” "This world is not willing to accept any shoddy goods. You must put out the best” "To get blue, melancholy and despondent is a crimo against nature and the Good Father who watches over us all the time.” "If you’re up against jt. only walk up closer against it and it won’t be th*re at aH.” "The Great Partner of us all will fill his part of the contract.” “Telling the truth Is a small part. Doing the truth is the great thing." “God knows what we are here so and that’s enough.”

The McCoy Bank Failure. will not hinder or delay us in the making of farm loans at 5 per oent interest on best terms known. See us if you desire anything of the kind. Bauhman & Williams, Attorneys and Loan Agents. Phone 329. * The First National Bank makes loans at 5 per oent on farms, terms reasonable and service prompt.

PROFESSIONAL CARDS. OK. S. O. JOHNSON, Physician and Surgeon. Mob over Porter* store -n new Uoiifngtworh mining, offleo rtiouv Residence 221 South Klver Strict. Phone 21, 9Ucthours:ttoll:9oa m. ltoßA7toßpia. BBNBBBI-ABB. IND M. WASBURN, M. D. " * Physician and Surgeon. Makes a Bpeeiulty of Ditaaiss of the Eyas. Fits Eyas for Glasses. RENSSELAER, IND' ATTORNEYS. Law, Loans and Real Estate, Loans on Farms and City Property. Personal security and chattel mortgage Buy, sell and rent farms and city property. Farm and city Are Insurance Attorneys tor the American Building. Loan ond Savings Association. Office ovkb Chicago Dept. Stobe kknbselaer, IND. yy. H. PARKISON Attorney-at-Law, Insurance Law Real Estate, Abstracts and Loans Attorney for the Oblcago, Indianapolis ft Louisville Railway (Jo. Will practice in all of the Courts Office In Odd Fellows’ bldg on Washington Bt. Rensselaer, Jasper county, Ind. Frank Foltz. Charles G. Spltler Harry R. Korrle. FOLTZ & SPITLER, fsuccessor■ to Thompson ft Bro.) Attorney-at-Law. Law, Real Estate, Insurance, Abstracts and Loans. Only set of Abstract Books In County BENSBELAER, IND. FERGUSON & WILSON, Attorney a-at-Law. WUI practice In all the courts. Will give caretttentloa to any and all kinds of Legal Business Intrusted to them. Office west side of Public Square-upstairs. BENSBELAER, IND. J. M. Baughman. G. A. Williams ? Baughman & Williams, Attomeys-at-Law, Law, INotary Work, Loans and Real Estate. Special attention giveu to collections of all Mnda. Office oyer “Racket Store. RKNSBELAEB, - INDIANA. yg, W. HARTSELL, M. D. HOMEOPATHIC Pnysician and Surgeon, Chronic diseases a specialty. In StocktonWilllams block opposite court house, Phone3o RENSSELAER. IND. J. J. HUNT, Attorney-at-Law, law. Real Estate, Insurance, Abstracts and Leans. Office: Over Ellis ft Murray s store BENBBELAEB, IND.

|2. P, [HONAN, AtiometfAi Late, taw. Loans, Abstracts, insurance and Real ■state. practice In aU the Courts. All business attended to with promptness and dispatch. BBNSSBLABB, INDIANA' RAY D. THOMPSON, Attomey-at-Lavi, Office Ov2iFirst.National Bank North of Court House. J, r. Irwin Irwln IRWIN & IRWIN. Successors to Warren A Irwin, Beal Estate, Abstracts, Collections, Farm Loans and Fire Insurance, Office la Odd Fellows Block. 08, E, 0, ENGLISH. Physician and Surgeon Night and day calls given prompt attention, twldenoe Fbene lie. Office Fhooe i7t RENSSELAER, INDIANA. UR. A. J. MILLER, Physician and Surgeon. Rensselaer, - - Indiana, Office up Stairs in Forsythe block. General practloe of medicine, surgery and X-ray work, balls answered promptly day or night, Office and Residence phones 204 (Jasper Co.) UR. W. L, MYER, DENTIST 01*9 In K. of F. Bonding, Rensselaer, Indians,

PROFESSIONAL CARDS. DR. H. L. BROWN. DENI IST Crown and Bridge work, Teeth without plates a specialty. All the latest methods in Dentistry. Office over Larsh’s Drugstore. Gas administered for painless extraction of teeth. •■•• PIONEER----MEATJARKET J Eigelsbach, Prop, Beef, Pork, Veal, iUattoit, Sausage, Balogna. Etcat the lowest prices. —Highest Prices Paid for— HIDES, & TALLOW OR. A. L. BERKLEY, Physician and Surgeon, Office In Odd Fellows’ Annex, opposite public Square. Phone 120. BENBBELAEB, IND,

Monuments Designs and estimates furnished on application, Wm .H. Mackey SUCCESSOR TO MACKEY & BARCUS, DEALERS IN MARBLE AND GRANITE J. W. HORTON. ® Dentist. mains f«aCelt and Feisslaln Ifolk. sai (ei F&lnlm Eitiaatlen, Offioe opposite oourt house A. Leopold and daughter Julia, are visiting in Chiosgo for a few days. Why wear crooked spectacles, Jessen adjusts them free. | LOANSf I ON LAND. j • We make [our own inspections. X A No delay. Commissions .reasons- Q ble. Interest 5 per cent. I ■ Loans on City Prop-1 t erty and on Personal ♦ 5 Security. • CaU, Write or Telephone No. 88, X I First National Bank [ Rensselaer, lnd.

j THE 99 GENT RACKET STORE j ! GREAT SLAUGHTER SALE ] o MANUFACTURERS’ SAMPLES to be sold at 500 6n i Dollar. Watch for our large posters giving a full aooount of 1 4 the Greatest Sale on Record, to commence on | June 20th and Last Up To July 4th j 4 Don’t forget this sale lasts 12 days, giving yon all the time J you want to attend the same. , 2 0 We mean business. This is no fake advertisement. You 5 1 will find everything Jnst as Advertised. c 4 j $ OUR LOSS IS YOUR GAIN. 4 The Bank is Busted- We NEED the MONEY, YOU \ jj* NEED the GOODS. Come and take them at lees than they \ o can be bought elsewhere. M o re Goods for Same Money. j 2 SAME GOODS FOR LESS MO, EY j ft Has made the 990 Raoket Store for miles around. * a We are in Oar New Quarters, situated j 2 North Side of the Square, Second Door ! | West of the First National Bank. ! ! THE 99 CENT RAGKET STORE! | Yours for Trade. &V. RANSFORD, Prop. £

. WILLIS Gunsmith , special attention given to Bicycle Repairs of a llVll Front street, 1 block south of Washington, BICYCLE SUNDRIES. Call on B. O. Gardner and learn something about Oklahoma and Indian territory. Excursion first and third Tuesdays of each month When there are parties to go I will go along with them and make the trip an enjoyable one. B. O. Gardner, Rensselaer, Indiana We want your tobaoco and oigar trade. AU the leading brands of cigars 3 fur 10 oents. dmokiug and plug tobaoooes at less prioe than any other plaoe in town, at John Egers. Don’t throw your alarm clock away —take it to Jessen. Now is the time to can pineapples. Extra large fancy pineapples 90 oents a dozen at John Egers Our Hot Weather Favorites. Cheese, oanned dried beef, good pink salmon, sardines, shrimp and oereal goods of all kinds at John Egers. Hi Day Closing Oat, I am now closing ont my entire stock of lumber, And will make some prices on lumber to be remembered, as long as the stook lasts. Come at onoe, as it is going fast. Hiram Day. Jill music 25C. We have made arrangements whereby we can furnish you any of the standard, up-to-date sheet music for only 2 5 cents. We have on hand a large assortment to select from. Waltzes, two-steps, marches, etc. The same you pay from 40 toi6o cents a copy. C. H. VICK, Newstan d. We want your oheese trade, try our new fanoy full cream oheese only 100 a lb. The oheapeet and best hot weather food at John Egers. Call and see my new goods, at my plaoe in the Knight’s buiding Mrs. R. P. Benjamin' If yon need a loan on your farm sr oity property yon should call at the First National Bank.

Low Rates on the Monon. 13.55 for the round trip to Indianapolis June 27th and 28th. Return limit July 15th. 114,85 for the round trip to St,. Joseph, Mo., June 27, 28, and 29, return limit July sth, $3.85 for the round trip to Fort Wayne, Ind„ June 22, 23, 24, and 25th, Return limit July 6th. Cue fare plus 25 cents for the round trip July 2,3, and 4th, return limit July sth, $6.85 for the round trip to Cinoin nati July 16, 17 and 18. $14.20 for the round trip to St. Paul, Minn. July 13 to 17th, return limit August stb. $1.40 for the round trip to Lafayette, July 14th, limit July 15th, Exhibition Barnum and Bailey’s circus, One fare plus 250 to Rome City July 20 to Aug. 12. Limit Aug, 15. SB.BO for the round trip to St Louis, Mo., July 2,3, 4,5, and 6th limit 15 days, via Lafayette. $7.55 for the round trip to Detroit Mioh., July 6, 7 and Bth, return limit July 12th, $1,65 for the round trip to Battle Ground July 7th, to Aug. Ist, limit Aug. 13. W. H. Beam, Agent,. Have you seen those fir Hamper carriages at Sohleman’a. For Trade. A stook of general merchandise including a twelve syrup marble soda fountain, and peannt roaster located in Wheatfield, lnd. Value S2OOO, Also a good oettage in Hegewisoh, 111., rents for $8 per month. Value SISOO, Also 35 acre of good land all cultivated. Will trade any or all for property in Rensselaer, or for land or live stook. £G. F. Meyers, wtfl mo pd Rensselaer, lnd. We make our own inspection of ands and tell yon just what yon oan depend on. Funds of the Aetna Life Ins. Co. always on hand. Oar rates and terms are the best as always. No delay over technical flaws in abstraots. Ask some of the patrons of onr competitors how long it took to get their loans and what it oost them then oome to ns. Irwin & Irwin, Blacksmith and Wood-Worker Wanted Wanted a good general blacksmith and wood-worker. A steady job for a good man. Apply to Wm. Adams, Thayer, lnd., dwlwk For rent, second and third floors, over Laßne’s department store, Seoond floor for residenoe third suitable for lodge rooms. Apply to Banghman & Williams.