Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 35, Number 150, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 January 1904 — The Comic Side of The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side of The News

Panama sleeps as soundly as a man with a big dog in his yard. » Russia should take off its skates and stop sliding down the map. Eggs cannot be classed as mere luxuries now. They are tantalizing dreams. Hereafter, It is believed, the fireproof drop curtains in Chicago will be fireproof and will drop. In the matter of musical farewell tours the balance of trade Is always heavily against the United States. Second-class nations should keep .on hand a few warships to sell to linger nations at boom prices when a war cloud bob* up. Chicago union pickets feel greatly inclined to throw old shoes or anything eliG that ia handy at the bride if she rides in a non-union carriage. The case of F. C. Andrews, who acquired $1,600,000 at a cost of only six-'-teen months in the penitentiary, 'Shows what a thrifty young man may accomplish by watching his opportunities. Those latest airship navigators may have surpassed Prof. Langley In making their machine fly, but the professor la still a few laps ahead so far as concerns his ability to make Undo Barn’s money do so.