Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 35, Number 126, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 October 1903 — Ml? \JoK£k [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Ml? \JoK£ k

She (reproachfully)—Before we were married you used to say you couldn’t live without me. He—A man never knows what he can do till he tries.—*’ Life. Caller—Your sister is a long tlcbe making her appearance, Johnny. Johnny—Yes; she’s to make It, of course, ’fore she comes down.—Ghlcago Tribune. His failure: “Do you know anything about flirting?” “No,” he replied, sadly; “i TEougSrT'dta, but when I tried it, hanged If the gill didn’t marry me.”—Chicago Post. % Doctor—Ah! out for a constitutional? She—Yes; I walk two in lies before breakfast every morning for my complexion. Doctor—ls the drug store so far at that.—London Tatter. Friend—Edith married f^r -“money didn’t she? Clara—No indeed! He la rich, but jshe is dreadfully in love with him! Why when he comes iu late, she just sits and scolds him by the hour! Fond Mother (who Is sure the viswould like to hear her infant prodigy on the violin)—Johnny Is so far advanced that now we can almost tell whether he Is tuning or playing— Punch. His guess: “Well, I think I made an impression on her anyway,” said the automobile enthusiast, as hd glanced back at the fair young woman lying In the road.—Chicago RecordHerald. One Thing Left—“ There doesn’t seem to be anything that he can do.” “Oh ; I don’t know. He’s* failed at everything else, but he might run the advice column iu a family magazine.” —Chicago Post. And It swallowed the hook: “So you caught a catfish that weighed 38 pounds?” “Hook and all, that wuz Its weight.” “Hook and all?” “Yep; the hook I was using weighed 37 pounds.”—lndianapolis Sun. Visitor—You are the editor? Weil. I want to speak to you about my daughter. She writes poetry, !jjr; and she’s only 14 years old! Editor—Oh, well, wouldn’t wor;y. She’ll outgrow It, perhaps.—Boston Transcript. The visitor—Why afe you here, my misguided friend? The prisoner—l’m the victim of the unlucky number, thirteen. The visitor—lndeed; how’s that? The prisoner—Twelve jurors and one judge;—Sporting Times.

Medium (at spiritualistic seance)— Is Mr. Keezicks present? His deceased wife wishes to communicate with him. Mr. Keezicks (in an agitated voice)—Tell her I’d rather not. I’m married again.—Chicago Tribune. “I am afraid,” said the very wealthy young woman to the titled wooer, “that our Ideals differ.” “In what way?” “I should like to be loved for my own sake, while you expect to be loved for the sake of your family.”— Washington Star. A useful attache; “Why should I give this man a position?” said the Sultan of Turkey. “Because he may be very useful In an emergency,” answered the grand vizier; “he knows how to say ‘We apologize’ In every modern language.”—Washington Star. Visitor—You haven’t got half as nice a cemetery here as we have In Elmvllle. Prominent citizen (of Howvllle) —No, I’ve always heard- that the cemetery is the only part of our town that holds out any Inducements for permanent residents. —Chicago Tribi/Ue. “Fine, wasn't It?” exclaimed Cltlman, after the trombone soloist bad finished his star performance; “that was clever, eh?” “Oh, shucks,” replied the Milpitas couptry cousin; “he didn’t fool me a little bit. That’s one o’ them trick horns. He didn’t really swaller It.”—Ex. Promoters of courage: Spartacus— Women are a great Incentive to manly courage. Smartleus That's right Since I’ve been married and had a few tilts with my wife, the prospect of a scrap with the meanest man on earth seems like mere child’s piny to me. —Baltimore American. Lady (who was on a visit to her native town)—How is Mrs. Gabb; I haven’t seen her In a long time? Hostess—She Is having her usual ups and down. Lady Visitor—And what may that be, I pray? Hostess—Oh, running up bills and running down her neighbors.—Brooklyn Life. Class amusdmeuts: “Don’t you think the amusements of many society people arc very i nonsensical?” “Sometimes,” answered Miss Cayenne, “but not as nonsensical as the amusements of those people who amuse themselves by Imagining how society people a muse themselves.”—Washington Star. Miss Pert—He met you at the bench this summer. Miss Ann Teek—Yes. I Just heard him telling you abont it Didn't I bear him sgy also that I was not frivolous like the other girls he met here? Miss Pert—Not exactly. He said you were “not frivolous like tho girls he met there.”—Philadelphia Press. One of Hie detectives came hurrying. “Chief,” he said, “we are on tbs wrong scent. The man we supposed wws murdered has turned up alive.” “It can’t be possible," sternly answered the chief; “tlie fellow we've had In the sweatbox for the last two or tbreo days lias Just confessed that he murdered him.”