Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 35, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 September 1902 — JOLLY JOKER [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

JOLLY JOKER

He —I am told that your admirer’s name is legion. She (blushingly)—Oh, no, bls name is Jones. She—“l am going to play Chopin.” He—“ln what flat?” She—’‘Why, in our own flat, of course.” Wlgg—“ls he a man of Intelligence?” Wagg—“l suppose so. At any rate, he has never served on a jury.” Nell—“ Love doesn’t seem to agree with Maude. She is thinner by twenty pounds than she used to be.” Belle —“She has loved and lost, eh?” Merchant—“l want this ad. where everyone will see it.” Solicitor—“We charge higher rates for space on the baseball page.”—Baltimore World. “Have you any Marconi roses?” asked the man entering the florist’s “What are they?” Inquired the puzzled dealer in flowers. “Wireless ones.” Customer (In restaurant)—“Look here, waiter, I’ve found a button in this salad!” Walter—“ That’s all right, sir; it’s a part of the dressing!” -Tit-Bits.

Muggins—l understand that friend of yours is a millionaire. Is he one of the open-handed, extravagant kind? Duggins—Yes, indeed. Why, be even pays his taxes. “I’d have you know that I’ve turned away thousands,” stormed the heavy tragedian. “Naturally,” sneered the comedian; “your acting would turn away anybody.” Dolly—“ Your ride in the auto must have been just lovely and exciting.” Madge—“lt was exciting, but not lovely. Charlie had to use both hands to work it”—Judge. Prison Visitor—“ What brought you here, my man?” Convict —“Danged if I remember, but it wasn’t an automobile, ’cause they didn’t have none in them days.”—Philadelphia Press. “Did yew ever salt sheep?” asked the farmer of the new hired man, who came from Colorado. “No,” replied the new hired hand, “but I've had considerable experience in-salting mines.” “What! you call me pretty? Why, I am an old woman; my hair is turning white, and, look, here Is a wrinkle!” “A wrinkle! No, madam, It is a smile that has drifted from its moorings!” “What is your nativity?” asked the magistrate. “I ain’t got any, y’r hpnor.’Lsaid the blear-eyed inebriate, feeling in his pockets; “the police took everything I had.”—Chicago Tribune. Father—“l thought I heard our Johnnie say he was sick, and now I see he’s out coasting. Did you do anything for him?” Mother—“ Yes, I brought in all the evening coal.”—Ohio State Journal. “I suppose you set a good table,” remarked the man who was looking for board. “Well,” replied the landlady, “three of my regular boarders are laid up with the gout.”—Chicago Daily News.

“I’m sorry you don’t like the new nurse,” she said to her busband. “She’s so good about singing to baby and keeping him quiet.” “Yes,” was the calm reply; “but I’d rather hear the baby cry.” The little girl was watching her mother ancT father discussing a plate of oysters the other night. “Mamma,” she said, after some thought, “you eat them face and all, don’t you?” Journal. Mrs. Youngbride--r-I’ve come to complain of that flour you sent me. Grocer —What was the matter with it? Mrs. Youngbride—lt was tough. I made a pie with it, and it was as much as my husband could do to cut it.—Philadelphia Press. Weary Willie—“l jes’ put in a good day’s work in thirty minutes.” Frayed Fagin—“ Explain yerself.” Weary Willie—“ Well, I put in six pies, a pan uv doughnuts an’ four jars uv preserves. Dat’s a good day's work fer any woman.”—Judge. The Suitor—l wish to marry your eldest daughter, sir. Her Father —Oh, you io, eh? Are you in a position to support a family? The Suitor—l think so, dr. Her Father\-Well, you had better be sure of it. There are ten of us all :old.>—Chicago News. “What is the greatest fib that ever Impressed itself on your experience,’ Snapper?” Well, by al! odds, the worst >ne I ever heard was that your quartette perpetrated last night when they :ame round to the house and sang, ‘There’s Music in the Air.” “Why is it that so few people seem inxious to talk to Mr. Carpington? He ■ seems well informed.” “That’s just ■ ‘he difficulty,” answered Miss Dimple- ! ton. “He’s one of those dreadful men. ‘ who know enough to correct your mistakes when you quote the classics, and who doesn’t know enough not to do it.” Schoolmaster (turning round sharply) —Which of you is it that is daring to make faces at me? Six youngsters (in chorus)—Freddy Brown, sir! Schoolmaster—Ah! Then you six boys stand out and be caned. If you saw Freddy Brown making faces, it shows that you were not attending to your lessons.— Fun. “I am selling a new cyclopedia,” began the well-dressed man who had been ushered Into the reception room on the strength of his make-up; “would -you care to look at It?” “’Tain’t no use,” replied Mrs. Neurlch; “I’d break my neck If I ever attempted to ride one of them fool things."—Chicago Daily News.

Some Custom® in Mexico. In a country like Mexico, where sers Vice has always been available and domestics multitudibus; where the well* to-do, or even comfortable, family has been accustomed to a separate nurse for every baby, and where there are almost as many divisions in the house* hold duties as In India, It Is only -natural the public should accustom* ed to having their slightest effort anticipated for them. Other causes, too, ar® climatic, and those arising In the com* ! mon disfavor with which any form of! manual labor was regarded In this de* pendency of the Spanish monarchy. The remnant, or rather the effect, of these Influences still survives, and th® Anglo-Saxon who would preserve absolutely good form should not Indulge inj carrying home his newly purchased* outing shirt or golfing shoes, however much his soul may long to “make sure of them.” This longing Is perfectly excusable, says the Mexican Herald, and the more so in Mexico, where It Is not* yet conceded that “time Is money” or anything like’ It; but on the contrary; there exists a general indifference as to the flight of the golden moment, which to the overprudent Northerner Is Inexplicable. The promise to send a bundle this afternoon frequently means “manana,” and while In some cases, as A hat, for example, this may not be so absolutely fatal, In a case of “cerveza” It may be —or nearly so.