Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 35, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 September 1902 — Page 2

A SISTER’S VENGEANCE

By CEORCE MANVILLE FENN

9 CHAPTER XIV.-—(Continued.) It was the scoundrel’s companion come at the call for help, thought Humphrey; Mi he dung still in silence, wondering whether it was too late as his strained eyeballs glared upward. “Where are you?” came in a husky voice. " " ■ It was to save his life; but though Humphrey recognised the voice, he could act speak, for his tongue and throat were dry“Are you here? Hold on!” cried the voice again; and then there was the •Mind of someone feeling about, but disMginc stones, which kept rattling down •nd splashing below, “Where are you ?' cried the voice above Humphrey; but still he could not reply. Htts hands were giving way, and he felt that his whole energy must be devoted to the one effort of clinging to the last •re he was plunged down into that awful gulf. But the man who clung to him heard the hoarsely whispered question, and broke out into a wild series of appeals tor help— for mercy—for pity. “For heaven’s sake, captain!” he yelled, “save me—save me! It was Black Mazaard! He made me come! Do you hear? Help! I can’t hold no longer! I'm fallMg! Help! Curse you —help!” As these cries thrilled him through and through, Humphrey was conscious in the darkness that the hands he heard rustBng above him and dislodging stones, ev•ry fall of which brought forth a shriek from the wretch below, suddenly touched his, and then, as if spasmodically, leaped to his wrists, round which they fastused with a grip like steel. To Humphrey Armstrong it was all sow like one hideous nightmare, during which he suffered, but could do nothing to free himself. The wretch’s shrieks were growing fainter, and he clung in an Inert way now, while someone seemed to be muttering above: “I can do nothing more! 1 can do notutag more!” but the grip about Humphrey’s wrists tightened, and two arms vested upon his hands and seemed to press them closer to the stones to which they dung. “Captain—captain! Are you there?” “Yes,” came from close to Humphrey’s face. “Forgive me, skipper, and help me up! I’ll be faithful to you! I'll kill Black Mazzard!” “I can do nothing,” said the buccaneer, Hoarsely. “You are beyond my reach.” “Then go and fetch the lads and a •ope. Don't let me fall into this cursed, (Watery grave.” “If I quit my hold here, man, you will Both go down; unless help comes, nothing can be done.” “Then call help! Call help now, capItain, and I’ll be your slave! Curse him Ifor leaving me here! Where’s Joe frhorpe?” “He was killed by Mazzard with a Blow meant for me,” said the buccaneer, •lowly. “Curse him! Curse him!” shrieked the paan. “Oh, captain, save me, and I'll Bill him for you. He wants to be skipper, and I’ll kill him for you if you’ll inly— Ah'.” He uttered a despairing shriek, for as Be spoke a sharp, tearing sound was Beard; the cloth he clung to gave way, land before he could get a fresh hold he jwas hanging suspended by the half-torn-Wff garb. He swung to and fro as he luttered one cry, and then there was an lawful silence, followed by a plunge far Below.

Again silence and the whispering and lapping against the sides more faint; then ia gurgling sound, the water beat once •r twice, a fainter echo or two, and then rwhat sounded like a sigh of relief, and a silence that was indeed the silence of 4eath. - ■ ’ • _ _ Suddenly the silence,in that darkness nras broken, for a hoarse voice said: “Climb up!’’ “Climb!” exclaimed Humphrey, who laeemed to have recovered his voice, while Iris frozen energies appeared to expand. “Yes, climb. I can hold you thus, but ao more. Try aud obtain a- foothold.” Humphrey obeyed as one obeys who (feels a stronger will acting upon him. “Can you keep my hands fast?” he ■aid. “They are numbed.” “Yea. You shall not slip now. Climb.” Humphrey obeyed, and placed his feet «pon a projection, strove aud strained, •nd how he knew not, found foothold, drew himself up, and half crawling, half dragged by the buccaneer as he backed «p the slope, reached the level part of the passage between the entrance and the doorway of the inner temple, where he subsided on the stones, panting, exhaustad, and with an icy feeling running through his nerves. “Commodore Junk,” he whispered, hoarsely, as he lay In the semi-darkness, “you have saved my "life.” “As you saved mine,” Those two lay there in the gloomy pasMge listening to the.solem’n whisperings •nd lappings of the water. By degrees, though, as the heavy labored panting of their breasts ceased, and their hearts ceased beating so tumultuously, a more matter-of-fact way of looking at their position caine over them. “Try if you can walk now," said the hoccaneer in a low voice. “You will be better in your own place.” “Yjes—fsooit” replied Humphtoy. abraptly; and ohce more there was silence, • silence broken at last by the bucca•eer. “Captain Armstrong,” he said, softly, ■t last, “surely we ean now be friends?” “Friends? No! Why can we?" cried Humphrey, angrily. “Because I claim your life,, the life What I saved, as mine—because I owe you mine!” “No, no! I tell you it is impossible! Bnemles, sir, enemies to the bitter end. You forget why I came out here!” “No," said the buccaneer, sadly. “You came to take my life —to destroy my people—but Fate said otherwise, and you ••came my prisoner—your life forfeited to mefl “A life you dare not take!” cried Hum-, phrey, sternly. “I am one of the king’s •ffieers—your king’s men.” “I have no king." “Nonsense, man! You are a subject of JMs majesty King George.”

“No!” cried the buccaneer. “When that monarch ceased to give his people the protection they asked, ’and cruelly and unjustly banished them across the seas for no greater crime than defending a sister, that king deserved no more obedience from those he wronged.” “The king—dul this?” said Humphrey, wonderingly, as he gazed full in the speaker’s face, struggling the while to grasp the clews of something misty in his mind. “The king! Well, no; but the people whom he intrusts with the care of his laws.” “Stop!” cried Humphrey, raising himself upon one arm and gazing eagerly in the buccaneer’s face; “a sister—defended —punished—sent away for that! No; it is impossible! Yes—ah! I know you now! Abel Dell!” The buccaneer shrank back, gazing at him wildly. “That is what always seemed struggling in my brain,” cried Humphrey, excitedly. “Of course, I know you now. And you were sent over here—a convict, and escaped.” The buccaneer hesitated for a few moments, with the deep color going and coming in his face. “Yes,” he said, at last. “Abel Dell escaped from the dreary plantation where he labored.” “And- his sister?” “You remember her story?” “Remember! Yes,” cried Humphrey. “She disappeared from near Dartmouth years ago.” “Yes.” “What became of he; —poor girl?” said Humphrey, earnestly; ,and the buccaneer’s cheeks colored as the words of pity fell. “She joined her brother out here.” “But he was a convict.” “She helped him to escape.” “I see it all,” cried Humphrey, eagerly; “and he became the pirate—and you became the pirate—the buccaneer, Commodore Junk.” “Yes.” “Good heavens!” ejaculated Humphrey. “And the sister —your sister, man—the handsome, dark-eyed girl whom my cousin— Oh, hang Cousin James! What a scoundrel he could be!” It was the sturdy, outspoken exclamation of an honest English gentleman, and as the buccaneer heard it, Humphrey felt his hand seized in a firm grip, to be held for a few moments and then dropped. “But he’s dead,” continued Humphrey “Let him rest. But tell me —the sist. vOh!”

A long look of apology and pity followed this ejaculation, as Humphrey recalled the scene in the temple, the anguish of the figure on its knees, and the passionate words of adjuration and prayer. It was as if a veil which hid his companion’s character from him had been suddenly torn aside, and a look of sympathy beamed from his eyes as he stretched out his hand in a frank, manly fashion. “I beg your pardon,” he cried, softly. “I did not know all this. I am sorry I have been so abrupt in what I said.” “I have nothing to forgive,” said the buccaneer, warmly, and- his swarthy cheeks glowed as Humphrey gazed earnestly in his eyes. “And for the sake of brave Old Devon and home you spared my life and treated me as you have?” “Not for the sake of brave Old Devon,” said the buccaneer, gravely, “but for your own. Now, Captain Humphrey Armstrong, can we be friends?” “Yes!” exclaimed Humphrey, eagerly, as he stretched out his hand. “No!” he cried, letting it fall. “It is impossible, sir. I have my duty to do to my king and those I’ve left at home. I am your prisoner; do with me as you please, for, as a gentleman, I tell youi that what you ask is_imposible._ We are enemies, and I must escape. When I do escape my task begins again—to root out your nest of hornets. So for heaven’s sake, for the sake Of what is past the day I escape provide for your own safety; for my duty I must do!” , “Then you refuse me your friendship?” “Yes. I am your enemy, sworn to do a certain duty; but I shall escape when the time has come. I can say no more.”

CHAPTER XV. Humphrey Armstrong sat gazing through the opening of his prison at tlu dark forest vistas and dreamed of England and its verdant fields and gold-cup-ped meadows. The •whole business connected with the Dells came back to him, and with it th» figure of the handsome rustic fisher ghl standing as it were vividly before hijp, and with her his cousin, the cause of all the suffering. _ “How strange it is,” he thought again, “that I should be brought into contact with her brother like this! Poor fellow! more sinned against than sinning; and as for her ” “Poor girl!” There was a slight sound as of acme one breathing hard, and the bucerecer stood before him. He smiled gravely, and held out his hand; but Humphrey did not take it, and they remained gazing at each other for some few minutes in silence. “Have you thought better of my proposals, Captain Armstrong?” said the buccaneer at last. “Are we to be friends?” _ “It is impossible, sir,” replied Humphrey, quietly. “After what has passed I grieve to have to reject your advances.” "I can wait,” said the buccaneer, patiently. “The time will come.” Humphrey shook his head. “Is there anything you want?” “Yes,” said Humphrey, sharply. “Liberty.” “Take it. It is in pay hand.” “Liberty chained to you, sir! No. There place me under no further obligations. I will not fight against you; but pray understand that what you ask can never be." “I can wait,” said the buccaneer again, quietly, as he let his eyes rest for a few momenta upon his prisoner’s face, and then left the room. Humphrey sprang up impatiently, and was about to pace the chamber like a wild beast in a cage when be heard voices In the corridor, and directly as er Dinny

entered. The man looked troubled, and stood listening, then he stele to the curtain and went down the corridor, to stay away for quite a quarter of an hour before he returned. “He’s gone, sor, safe enough. Faix, captain, dear, I sale as if I ought to be hungt? “Hutfg, Dinny?” “Yes, sir, for treachery to as good a ■fweßd- as. J -iver. had.” “What do you mean, Dinny?” cried Humphrey, eagerly. “Mane, sor! Why, that all the grate min in the world, from Caesar down to Pater Donovan, have had their wake side. I’ve got mine, and I’m a fallen man.” “Speak out plainly,” Humphrey, flushing. “That's just what I’m doing, sor,” said Dinny, with a soft smile. “It’s nature, sor. She was bad enough, and thin you helped, her. Oh, there’s no foighting agen it! It used to be so in Oirelgud. She says to the little birds in the spring—choose your partnefg, darlin’s, she says, and they chose ’em; and she said the same to human man, and he chooses his.” “Oh, Dinny, if you hadn’t quite such a long tongue!” cried Humphrey. “Faix, it’s a regular sarpint, sor, for length, and just as desaving; but :.s I was saying, what Nature says in owld Oireland in the spring she says out here in this baste of a counthry, where there’s naythur spring, summer, autumn, nor winther —nothing but a sort of- moshposh of sunshine and howling thunder storms.” “And will you really help me to escape?” “Whisht, sor! What are ye thinking about? Spaking aloud in a counthry where the parrots can talk like Christians and the threes is full of ugly chaps, who sit and watch ye and say nothing, but howld toight wid their tails, and thin go and whishper ‘ their saycrets to one another.” “You’ll help me?” “Yis, sir, if ye’ll go down on your bended knees and take an oath.” “Oath! What oath?” “Niver to bethray or take part in annything agen Commodore Junk, the thruest, bravest boy that iver stepped.” “You are right, Dinny. He is a brave man, and I swear that I will not betray or attack him, come what may. Get me my liberty and the liberty of my men, and I'll be content. Stop! I cannot go so far as that; there are my men. I swear I will not attack your captain without giving him due notice, that he may escape; but this nest of hornets must be burned out and my men freed.” “Ah, well, we won’t haggle about thrifles, sor. Swear this, sor: Ye’ll behave to the captain a gintieman.”

“I swear I will.” “Bedad, then, I’m wid ye; and there’s one more favor I’ll be asking ye, sor.” “What is it?” “Whin we get safe home ye’ll come and give Migthress Greenheys away.” “Yes, yes, Dinny. And now’, tell me what will you do?” “Sure, I’ll have an oi on a boat, and see that there’s some wather and bishkits and a gun in her; and thin, sor, I’ll set light to the magazine, for it’ll be a rale pli>iure to blow up that ow’ld gintleman as is always leering and grinning at me as much as to say, ‘Och, Dinny, 1 know all about the widdy, and first time ye gd to see her I’ll tell Black Mazzard, and then, ’ware, hawk!’ ” “But when shall you do this?” “First toime it seems asy, sor.” “In the night?” “Av coorse, sor.” “And how shall I knew?” "Hwk at that, now! Faix, ar’n’t I telling ye, sor, that I’ll blow up the magazine? Sure, an’ ye don’t pay so much attention to it when ye go to shleep that ye wcji't hear that?” “Of course I shall hear it,” said Humphrey, excitedly. "TLin, that’s the signal, sor; and when it goes fizz, be riddy and wait till I kim to ye, and thin good-by to the rover's loife Whisht!” A fortnight passed, during which the buccaneer visited his prisoner twice, as if 4,0 give him an opportunity to speak, but each time in company with Bart. Both were very quiet and stern, and but few words were said. Everything was done to make the prisoner’s condition more endurable, but the attentions ■now were irksome; and though Humphrey Armstrong lay listening for footsteps with the greatest anxiety, those which came down the corridor were not those he wished to hear. .

“One of them might have managed to come and give me a word,” he said, fretfully, as at last, weary of watching the scintillations of the fire-flies in a distant opening, he threw himself upon his couch to try and sleep, feeling that he would be wakeful all night, when all at once, just as he felt most troubled, his eyes closed, and he was deep in a dreamless sleep, lost to everything but the terrific roar which suddenly burst forth, following a vivid flash of lightning, and, as confused and half stunned, Humphrey started up, all idea of the proposed escape seemed to have passed away, and he sat watching for the next flash, listening for the next peal, thinking that this was a most terrific storm. No flash —no peal—but a confused buzz of voices and the distant pattering of feet, while a dense, dank odor of explod ed gunpowder penetrated the forest, and entered the window close to which the prisoner sat. “Dinny—the escape!” he cried, excitedly, as he sprang from his bed, for now a flash did come with almost blinding force; but it was.a mental flash, which left him quivering with excitement, as he sprang to the curtained corridor and listened there. A step! Dinny’s. Yes, he knew it well! It was coming along the great stone passage! “Quick! we shall easily get away, for they’ll all crowd about the captain, asking him what to do.” Dinny led on rapidly till they reached the turning in the direction of the old temple. Here they stnuck off to the left, and found, as they cleared the narrow forest path, that the odor of the exploded gunpowder was almost overpowering. Not a hundred yards away voices were heard speaking rapidly, and directly after they were silent, and the captain’s words rang out plainly as he gave orders to his people, though their import was not clear from the distance where the fugitives crept along by the edge of the ruins. “Are you sure you are right?" whispered Humphrey. “Roight, sor; I niver was more so. Whisht! Are ye there?" “Yes, yes,” came from down by the side of a great wall. - “Oh, Dinny, I was afraid you were killed!” »

“Kilt! Nay, my daritog, there's a dal* o’ life in me yet. Tak’ howlt o’ me hand, one on each side, and walk quick end ahteady, and I’ll have ye down by the sayshore, where the boat ia waiting, before ye know where ye are." They started off at a sharp walk, patiaing at times to listen to the jargon of excited voices behind, but rapidly advancing, on the whole, toward their goal. (To be continued.!

PLOWING WITH ELEPHANTS.

Barnum's Reply to Farmer Who Asked if It Would Pay. It may be said of P. T. Barnum that be was the Majordomo or Lord of Laughter and Fun, the protean Dispenser of Amusement How well he became known through this function one curious Incident certifies. Some years before he died, an obscure person in some remote part of A:sia wrote a letter, which he dropped In the postoffice near him, directed to "Mr. Barnum, America.’’ The letter reached its destination without an hour’s delay. The great showman unaffectedly enjoyed being known from the very beginning of his celebrity; and whea he found his celebrity was a tremendous factor In bls success, he did everything that he could think of to extend the exploitation of his name. This was not to nourish vain imaginings or because he felt exalted; it was to promote business. Around his successive homes at Bridgeport, Conn., he was fond of putting something that suggested a show. Queerly marked Rattle, the sacred cow, or an elephant, were frequently among the stock to be noticed in his fields. On one occasion he had an elephant engaged in plowing on the sloping hill where it could plainly be seen by the passengers on the New Haven and Hartford Railroad, an agricultural innovation that he knew would get notice of some sort in every newspaper in the country. It was even said that he received letters from farmers far and wide asking how much hay one elephant ate, and if, it was more profitable to plow with an elephant than with horses or oxen. His replies were invariably frank, and were of this purport: If ydu have a large museum in NeW York, and a great railway sends trains full of passengers within eyeshot of the performance, it will pay, and pay well; but if you have no such institution, then horses or oxen will prove more economical.—Century Magazine.

Had Discharged His Duty.

As an instance of President Hadley’s aptness in meeting every situation or replying to every pertinent or impertinent question, the following story is told: At a reception given for him by an old friend some 500 miles from New Haven, one individual with a better memory than tact asked him what he thought of the recent baseball game. As Yale had met with a disastrous defeat, the subject might be called unpleasant Without hesitation President Hadley said: “There was a boy living in a village whose uncle died. The next day a man driving along the road was surprised to find the boy working in a field. Thinking this did not show proper respect to the dead uncle, he called the lad to him and said: ‘Johnny, didn't you know your uncle was dead?’ “Johnny slowly approached and drawled out: “ ‘Yes, I know it—l have cried. v ” — New York Times.

Pawnbroker’s Three Balls.

The three balls used as a sign by pawnbrokers were introduced into England by the merchants and money brokers from Lombardy, Italy, who settled in London in the middle ages, and they were used by them in remembrance of the feature in a coat of arms than which none was more familiar in their native province, that of the Medici family. These balls or disks, in the Medici arms were variously explained, the more popular suggestion being that they were intended for pills in playing allusion to the name “Medici” (doctors). William Roscoe, howevea, in his “Life of Lorenzo de Medici 1 * refers their origin to a more plausible source, an exploit of Averardo de Medici, a commander under Charlemagne. “This bold warrior slew the giant Mugello, whose club he bore as a trophy. This mace or club had three iron balls, which the family adopted as their device.” z

A Useless Device.

At a suburban auction of household goods an active and successful bidder was a Montgomery County farmer. His purchases were piled high in one corner of the room, and he was still eager when a thermometer was offered. There was no bidding from any quarter, and the auctioneer, reaching it out to the farmer, said: “Here, give me a quarter for It and take It along!” “No! Not for me!” said the farmer, backing away. “Why, that’s dirt cheap!” exclaimed the auctioneer. “Don’t you want a thermometer?” “Nup!” was the decided reply. “I had one a year or two ago, and fooled around It an’ lost time without being able to regulate it at all. Why, I couldn’t even open the darned thing!”

His Plaint.

Brown—What was Jones kicking about? You'd think he never got what he wanted. Smith—lt's worse than that. He says he never gets even what he doesn’t want. The older every one grows, the more inclined he is to attribute a child’s ill temper to a state of ill health. Onions are a preventive and ofts» times a cure for malarial fever.

JOLLY JOKER

He —I am told that your admirer’s name is legion. She (blushingly)—Oh, no, bls name is Jones. She—“l am going to play Chopin.” He—“ln what flat?” She—’‘Why, in our own flat, of course.” Wlgg—“ls he a man of Intelligence?” Wagg—“l suppose so. At any rate, he has never served on a jury.” Nell—“ Love doesn’t seem to agree with Maude. She is thinner by twenty pounds than she used to be.” Belle —“She has loved and lost, eh?” Merchant—“l want this ad. where everyone will see it.” Solicitor—“We charge higher rates for space on the baseball page.”—Baltimore World. “Have you any Marconi roses?” asked the man entering the florist’s “What are they?” Inquired the puzzled dealer in flowers. “Wireless ones.” Customer (In restaurant)—“Look here, waiter, I’ve found a button in this salad!” Walter—“ That’s all right, sir; it’s a part of the dressing!” -Tit-Bits.

Muggins—l understand that friend of yours is a millionaire. Is he one of the open-handed, extravagant kind? Duggins—Yes, indeed. Why, be even pays his taxes. “I’d have you know that I’ve turned away thousands,” stormed the heavy tragedian. “Naturally,” sneered the comedian; “your acting would turn away anybody.” Dolly—“ Your ride in the auto must have been just lovely and exciting.” Madge—“lt was exciting, but not lovely. Charlie had to use both hands to work it”—Judge. Prison Visitor—“ What brought you here, my man?” Convict —“Danged if I remember, but it wasn’t an automobile, ’cause they didn’t have none in them days.”—Philadelphia Press. “Did yew ever salt sheep?” asked the farmer of the new hired man, who came from Colorado. “No,” replied the new hired hand, “but I've had considerable experience in-salting mines.” “What! you call me pretty? Why, I am an old woman; my hair is turning white, and, look, here Is a wrinkle!” “A wrinkle! No, madam, It is a smile that has drifted from its moorings!” “What is your nativity?” asked the magistrate. “I ain’t got any, y’r hpnor.’Lsaid the blear-eyed inebriate, feeling in his pockets; “the police took everything I had.”—Chicago Tribune. Father—“l thought I heard our Johnnie say he was sick, and now I see he’s out coasting. Did you do anything for him?” Mother—“ Yes, I brought in all the evening coal.”—Ohio State Journal. “I suppose you set a good table,” remarked the man who was looking for board. “Well,” replied the landlady, “three of my regular boarders are laid up with the gout.”—Chicago Daily News.

“I’m sorry you don’t like the new nurse,” she said to her busband. “She’s so good about singing to baby and keeping him quiet.” “Yes,” was the calm reply; “but I’d rather hear the baby cry.” The little girl was watching her mother ancT father discussing a plate of oysters the other night. “Mamma,” she said, after some thought, “you eat them face and all, don’t you?” Journal. Mrs. Youngbride--r-I’ve come to complain of that flour you sent me. Grocer —What was the matter with it? Mrs. Youngbride—lt was tough. I made a pie with it, and it was as much as my husband could do to cut it.—Philadelphia Press. Weary Willie—“l jes’ put in a good day’s work in thirty minutes.” Frayed Fagin—“ Explain yerself.” Weary Willie—“ Well, I put in six pies, a pan uv doughnuts an’ four jars uv preserves. Dat’s a good day's work fer any woman.”—Judge. The Suitor—l wish to marry your eldest daughter, sir. Her Father —Oh, you io, eh? Are you in a position to support a family? The Suitor—l think so, dr. Her Father\-Well, you had better be sure of it. There are ten of us all :old.>—Chicago News. “What is the greatest fib that ever Impressed itself on your experience,’ Snapper?” Well, by al! odds, the worst >ne I ever heard was that your quartette perpetrated last night when they :ame round to the house and sang, ‘There’s Music in the Air.” “Why is it that so few people seem inxious to talk to Mr. Carpington? He ■ seems well informed.” “That’s just ■ ‘he difficulty,” answered Miss Dimple- ! ton. “He’s one of those dreadful men. ‘ who know enough to correct your mistakes when you quote the classics, and who doesn’t know enough not to do it.” Schoolmaster (turning round sharply) —Which of you is it that is daring to make faces at me? Six youngsters (in chorus)—Freddy Brown, sir! Schoolmaster—Ah! Then you six boys stand out and be caned. If you saw Freddy Brown making faces, it shows that you were not attending to your lessons.— Fun. “I am selling a new cyclopedia,” began the well-dressed man who had been ushered Into the reception room on the strength of his make-up; “would -you care to look at It?” “’Tain’t no use,” replied Mrs. Neurlch; “I’d break my neck If I ever attempted to ride one of them fool things."—Chicago Daily News.

Some Custom® in Mexico. In a country like Mexico, where sers Vice has always been available and domestics multitudibus; where the well* to-do, or even comfortable, family has been accustomed to a separate nurse for every baby, and where there are almost as many divisions in the house* hold duties as In India, It Is only -natural the public should accustom* ed to having their slightest effort anticipated for them. Other causes, too, ar® climatic, and those arising In the com* ! mon disfavor with which any form of! manual labor was regarded In this de* pendency of the Spanish monarchy. The remnant, or rather the effect, of these Influences still survives, and th® Anglo-Saxon who would preserve absolutely good form should not Indulge inj carrying home his newly purchased* outing shirt or golfing shoes, however much his soul may long to “make sure of them.” This longing Is perfectly excusable, says the Mexican Herald, and the more so in Mexico, where It Is not* yet conceded that “time Is money” or anything like’ It; but on the contrary; there exists a general indifference as to the flight of the golden moment, which to the overprudent Northerner Is Inexplicable. The promise to send a bundle this afternoon frequently means “manana,” and while In some cases, as A hat, for example, this may not be so absolutely fatal, In a case of “cerveza” It may be —or nearly so.

Real Egotism.

Gyer—lt’s a fortunate thing for the inhabitants of this terrestrial ball that they are not treated nowadays as Ananias was for lying. __^Myer—What would be the result if such were the case? ■ Gyer—Why, there wouldn’t be a living soul on earth but you and I, and Myer—And what? Gyer—And you would be paralyzed.

Had Crazy Spells.

West Pembroke, Me., Sept. 22d. The 13-year-old daughter of Mrs. A. L, Smith suffered with a peculiar affliction which her mother describes as follows: “It is two years now since she was first taken with crazy spells. “They kept on coming at intervals and I could get nothing to do her any good. ' “The doctors gave me no encouragement. They all said they could not help her. “The crazy spell would last about nine days, then she would be well about nine days, but would eat very little and was very yellow.' Even the whites oC her eyes were yellow. “I heard that Dodd’s Kidney Pill* were a great remedy for young girl» and decided to try them. “After taking one box she was completely restored and she has not had! one bad spell since. Of course we continued to use the pills and she used altogether five boxes last fall. “In March I thought I saw symptom* of the spells again and I got six boxes, 1 of which she has taken four, and is in splendid health. “Her case was certainly a remarkable one, and we are very thankful to Dodd’s Kidney JMlls for the great good/ they have done'my daughter.”

Waiting His Turn.

“You got the worse of it in that hors* trade,” said his friend. “Yes,” answered Farmer Corntossel. -“I suppose it makes you angry every) time you see the horse?” “No. I like to look at him. It gives me a good deal of satisfaction to think of how I am going to do the other fellow; > in the next trade.”—Washington Star.

Look in the Glass.

What do you see? A face covered! with pimples, blotches or blackheads,' a yellow skin, lusterless eyes—do you know what the trouble is? Are you l going to continue to use soaps, powders, or other cosmetics, or will you remove the cause by getting your system In order? If your stomach, HverJ kidneys and bowels are In good condition, your complexion will be all right! again in a short time. Dr. (Laxative) Syrup Pepsin regulates the organs of digestion and secretion. Soldi by all druggists on the manufacturers* guarantee.

Accounting for His Presences

“Got another boarder, Silas?’ “Yes.” “Gee whiz! You must have kep’ him from talkin’ to the one you just brought! back to the deepo!”—Puck.

Homeseekers,

Before buying a farm or locating elsewhere, ought to see the good farming and dairy lands along and contiguous to the line of the Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railway. iThe soil is rich and highly productive of grains, and is a good stock country with markets in easy reach. These lands are going rapidly and another opportunity will be given to all, who desire to see them. On the first and third Tuesdays of September and October, round trip tickets will be on sale at 7 ’ principal stations to points on this line in Northwestern lowa, Southern Minnesota and Bduthwestern portion of South Dakota. Call on nearest ticket agent for rates, etc., and see that your ticket reads via the 0., R. I. & P. R’y. There will also be on sale at stations' of this company on same dates homeseekers’ excursion tickets at low rates to’ various other territory. JNO. G. FARMER, D. P. A. C., R. I. 4 P. Ry., Cedar Rapids, lowa. Lord Charles Beresford is to revisit the United States soon for the purpose of 1 studying American shipping methods. Hei made himself quite popular while here some three years ago. It’s folly to suffer from that horrible plague of the night, itching piles., Doan's Ointment cures, quickly and| permanently. At any drug store, 60* cents. The happiest women in the world are those that are entirely in love or those entirely out of it When doctors fall, try Burdock Blood Bitters. Cures dyspepsia, constipation; invigorates the whole system. It is the will to be grateful which constitutes gratitude.—Joseph Cook. For winter or summer, Mrs. Austin’s Paasake flour. Always good. At grocers.