Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 22, Number 99, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 August 1901 — The Comic Side of The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side of The News

Potatoes are about as valuable as golf balls this year. Mr. Schwab, who draws a $1,000,000 salary, has not struck. “Have yon looped the loop?” will be one of the leading questions in the Schley inquiry. This will be a hard winter on Russell Sage on account of the high price of fruit and vegetables. The South American republics are said to know what they are fighting for. Then why don't thej’ tell? The crowned heads of Europe are again finding it necessary to look under their beds before retiring. Zola must expect to spring another book on the public at an early day—an infernal machine has been left on his doorstep. If that Rocky Ford man has really grown a seedless watermelon, it will be the first crop of watermelons ever raiaed without seed. The advance in the price of prunes will hit many a poor fellow right Where he lives—that is, at the table of the secondclass boarding house. The announcement is made that Indiana will put about 24,000.000 cans of “French peas” on the market this year. Now let Europe have another shiver. Our newly rich soon will be wearing potatoes iu their shirt fronts instead of diamonds, when they want to make an ostentatious display, if prices keep on going up. France is having more trouble with her pretenders. It might be said in this connection that the. pretenders constitute about the only part of the French population which keeps increasing at anything like a fair percentage. The Sultan Of Turkey is said to be growing more and more nervous as the days go by. Hv hna just banished 009 o»f his servants and retainers because a fire broke out in the royal henhouse the other day. If the Sultan get« upset over a little thing like that what would he dp if ths cook tried to start the fire with coal oil?