Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 22, Number 93, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 August 1901 — JOLLY JOKER [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

JOLLY JOKER

“Courtesy helps business.” “Tps; and good business makes a man feel a heap more polite, too.” ■ “Yes, I am a confirmed bachelor.” “How many times have you been confirmed?” —Brooklyn Life. “Can your wife keep a secret?” “Yes; she has a dozen or so of her friends to help her.”—Life. Bill—When a man is in debt I think he ought to try and get out of it. JHI you mean out of debt or out of * town? —Yonkers Statesman. Nell—Rather conceited, isn’t he? Belle —I should say. He said the best was none too good for me, and then he proposed.—Philadelphia Record. “She says her face is her fortune,” said Maud. “Yes,” said Mamie; “and I felt like telling her to cheer up; poverty is no disgrace.”—Washington Star. Crawford—How do you figure that the exhibition in Buffalo is better than the one they had in Paris? Crabshaw — It doesn’t cost so much to get there.— Judge. “How’ do you like the new professor’s lectures?” “They seen! extraordinarily’ dry, considering how many founts of knowledge he has.”—Fliegende Blaetter. “I know I shall never love another woman as I do you.” “I should hope not!” “Well, you needn’t get mad about it. I’ll bet I could if I wanted to.”—Life. Charley—Maud Toomer told me last night that she loved me. Harry—You are somewhat delayed. She told the rest of us fellows that long ago.—Denver New’s. i Daughter—Father, I fear I hurt the Count’s feelings. Father—ln what way? “I thoughtlessly told him I didn’t believe he owed as much as he said he did.”—Smart Set. Bookkeeper—This figure is so indistinct that I don't know whether to make out this man’s bill for $5 or SB. The Boss—Make it out for SB, then.— Somerville Journal. I He—We may have to wait some time before we can get married, dear. She— Perhaps it is just as well. Papa says he expects to do twice as much business next year as this. | Bifkins (who is giving a party)— What do you get an evening for wait . ing at entertainments? Waiter—Five shillings, sir; but if there is to be singing, I must ask six, sir.”—Tit-Bits. Stranger—lt seems rather strange that you should complain about your best friend because he took your part. Hamphat—l’m an actor, sir, and I wanted the part myself.—Philadelphia Press. Maud—When are they to be married? Ethel—Never. Maud—Never? And why so? Ethel—She will not marry him until he has paid his debts, and lie cannot pay his debts until she marries him.—Fun. I Brooklyn Workingman’s wife (in 1901)—What’s happened, Danny? Her Husband (desperately)—Well, I’v>e been fired by J. P. Morgan, and there’s nobody else in the world to work for!— Brooklyn Citizen. | Mrs. Strongmind—Why don't you go to work? Tramp—Please, mum, I made a solemn vow twenty years ago that I’d never do another stroke of work till women was paid th’ same W’ages as men.—New York Weekly. | "I hope to see the time when there is no money in politics,” said the ardent youth. “Well,” answered Senator Sorghum, gravely, “when .that time comes we’ll simply have to go into some other business.”—Washington Star. | “Well, madam,” said the doctor, bustling in, “how is our patient this morning?” “His mind seems to be perfectly clear this morning, doctor,” replied the tired watcher. “He refuses to touch any of the medicines.”—Chicago Tribune.

Nell —I see the Bjoneses are back from their wedding trip. I had an idea at the wedding that Mr. Bjones was quite tall, but he isn't. Belle—Well, it's to be expected that a man is rather short when he returns from his wedding trip. —Philadelphia Record. Miss Passee— L accepted Dick Bradford last night. Miss Younge—Yes. I expected it. Miss Passee—Why? Miss Younge—Because when I refused him he said the next time he would propose to some one old enough to know her own mind.—Harlem Life. “Can’t you afford to wear better clothes than those?” asked the sympathetic woman of the street beggar, as she eyed his tattered garments. “No, ma’am, I really can’t,” was the mendicant's reply; “these togs is what I beg in.’’—Yonkers Statesman. “My good little man,” said the visiting pastor, “I am afraid you’ve been fighting. A black eye! Don’t you want me to pray with you?” “Naw," said the good little man. "Run home and pray with your own kid. He’s got two black eyes.”—Philadelphia Press. “It is my oplnon," said one sage, “that a man who has a college degree is very likely to be successful In life.” “Yes,” answered the other; “and it is a rule that works both ways.' A man who is successful In life is very likely to get a college degree."—Washington Star. “Do you remember that schoolma’am that I was so much mashed on when we went to school together down at the Forks?” “Yep. Where is she now?" "1 left her at my home half an hour ago." “Then you married her after all?" "Not much I didn’t. She married my youngest boy.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.