Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 22, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 October 1900 — JOLLY JOKER [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

JOLLY JOKER

“You seem to like bls attentions. Why don’t you marry him?” “Because I like his attentions.”—Brooklyn Life. “My wife Is helping run one of these rummage sales.” “Well, don’t you like It?” “Like it? Oh, yes; I lived all last week on a ham bone, and this week I suppose I shall have to subsist on lettuce.”—lndianapolis Press. Automatic grand opera': Mrs. Brown (at Mrs. .Smith’s tea) —Oh, dear, that dreadful Miss Smith is singing again. I wonder what started her? Toha Brown (aged 7)—-I dropped a penny down her back when she wasn’t look-ing.-—Chicago Journal. “I must confess to a great deal of egotism,” said Willie Wishingtpn. “Indeed?” responded Miss Cayenpe. “Yes. I think about myselfentlrely too much.” “Oh, that isn’t egotism. That’s merely the usual human tendency to worry over trifles.”—Washington Star. “Where is the American section?” asked the visitor to the Paris show. “Oh, monsieur,” replied the polite attendant, “ze Americanes! Zey are such great peoples—and we lose them so much—it is all yours—effery section!” —Philadelphia North American. Solitary Angels; Mamma—lt is very naughty to tell lies, Eva. People who do so don’t go to heaven. Eva—Did yo never tell a lie, mamma? MammaNo, dear, never. Eva—Won’t you be fearful lonely in heaven, mamma, with only George Washington?”—Collier’s Weekly. The mature maiden who was preparing to go down-town to have her photograph taken, surveyed herself critically once more in the mirror. “I think I prefer to do my own retouching,” she said, opening another jar, and reaching for the necessary Implements.—Chicago Tribune. “Were you Interested in the piano recital?” asked the musician. "Well, answered Mr. Cumrox, “it was a little slow at first; but after I caught the spirit of it and got to guessing with the others whether it was time to applaud or only a rest, it got to be quite a game.”—Washington Star. “I’ll tell you how you can find out,” said her big brother. “Next Tuesday is his birthday; make him a present of i box of cigars like you gave me Christmas.” “But how will that prove his love?” asked the Innocent maid. “If he smokes them himself he loves you; if be gives them away he doesn’t.”— Chicago News. “Did you say this was a comic opera war?” asked the Filipino soldier who came into camp with a flag of truce. “That remark has been made.” “Well, our general says he’s willing to take you at your word. He wants to know if you can fix the show up so there will be fewer marches and more dialogue.” —Washington Star.

“Dear me!” she said, “I wonder what aas become of that household journal?” He didn’t say a word. “There was another recipe in it that I wanted to cry.” He smiled, for now he was assured that he had done wisely, when le burned it. Even a good-natured nan may grow weary of having experiments tried upon him.—Chicago Post “Now, boys,” said the teacher to the juvenile class in history, “who can tell ne what Gen. Washington said to his .leutenant while crossing the Delaware imid the floating ice?” “I can,” replied i youngster at the foot of the class. ‘Well, Tommy, what did he say?” queried the teacher. “He said, ,‘How’d you like to be the ice man?’ ” replied he incorrigible Tommy. Trained Motherhood. “I don’t see why people- growl so ibout the crowds of shoppers,” she said; “I have had no trouble at all." ‘How do you manage It?” they asked. ■‘l take my two boys with me.” “And ian they really help you?” "Can they really help me!” she exclaimed; “well, I should say so. One of them played right tackle on his college foot-ball team and the other is champion catch-as-catch-can wrestler of his class.”— Chicago Post. “Yes, George, you very distinctly said in your sleep, ‘ls It my ante?’ Now, what did you mean by that?” “Mean? Why, that’s simple. 1 was dreaming I was a boy again, waiting for Christmas. And when another boy asked me if I didn’t kuthv who Santa Claus was, 1 said, questlonlngly, ‘ls it my auntie?’ The dear old lady brought me up, you know.” “Oh, you darling, big-hearted boy.”—Cleveland Plain Deader. “I suppose,” said the woman who had sampled every kind of candy she could reach by thrusting her arm over the protective railing, and finally had bargained for five cants’ worth of butterscotch, “all this is adulterated. You couldn’t sell it so cheap if it wasn’t.” ‘Yes, ma’am,” returned the salesman, solemnly, “it’s all adulterated. That butterscotch you're getting, for instance, has mighty little butter and not a bit of Scotch.”—Chicago Tribune. She had asked the advice of the family physician. “Old Mr. Kreesus has a weak heart, hasn’t he?” she inquired. “Yes," replied the doctor. “A very weak heart. He Is likely to drop off after the slightest excitement." “And there is no doubt about his wealth?” “None. He is a very rich man.” “The reason I Inquire is that be has asked me to be his wife,” said the frank young woman. “Indeed!” "Yes. lam glad I sent for yoty I know now just what to do.” “YesYi •‘Yes,’’ said the noble girl. “We will have a very quiet wedding followed bvfa large and exciting reception. Thant you so much, doctor.”—Cleveland! Main Dealer.