Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 22, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 October 1900 — The Colonel And The Farmer. [ARTICLE]

The Colonel And The Farmer.

[From the New York Suu Colonel —My downtrodden friend, are you aware that the Empire is ruining you? Farmer —Well, Colonel, I told Maria I’d go to town and buy her a set of Empire furniture for the bedroom today, but I reckon ’twont quite ruin me. Colonel —But your liberty is in danger. Farmer —Not’s long as I behave myself, and I always calculate to do that. Colonel —But, my friend, the trusts, with the money trust at their head, are beggaring you. Farmer —Well, they’ll be a long time doing it. I’m in the money trust myself now. Colonel—But surely you are afraid of the ravages of the Octopus? Farmer —I don’t care a rap for no Octopus as long as the pesky grasshoppers keep out of the way. Colonel—But there’s the gageFarmer —Yep )>; lent money on one yesterday. Colonel —But surely you do not approve the retention of the Philippines. Farmer —Colonel, when I get hold of a good thing, I keep hold of it. When I get money enough to buy more land, I buy it. Colonel—But, my dear sir, would you put the man-made dollar above the God-made man? Farmer —No, But I’d put the man-made dollar in the man-made

bank. And I must get there before the bank shuts up. So you’ll have to excuse me, Colobel. Colonel—But, my misguided friend, think of the Farmer —How did you know that Bill Gibbings made one to my second daughter, Elizy Ann, last night? Yep, and I’ve got to go and price pianers and things this afternoon. Goodby. (Exit singing): “Oh, I like to see a five and I love to see a ten, So, ho, here we go for McKinley in again.”