Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 22, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 October 1900 — Page 6

Wedded for Gold

BY BERTHA N. CLAY

CHAPTER XVII. As titne passed on Sir Owen, to use his #wn expression, was himself again; the novelty and restraint of his new life had worn off, all his natural characteristics were in full play, and there were times When his young wife wished herself dead. Bhe was not often driven to such despair; but occasionally he was terrible. As a whole she enjoyed her life. She had money and everything that she wished for; she enjoyed her magnificent home, With all its attendant luxuries; she was by universal consent queen of the county. For some time there was ill-will between herself and Lady Rolfe. She did not wish to ask either that lady or her daughter Lavinia to Gars wood, but after a few words from her husband she was compelled to give way. She had the good sense to make the best of it, and Lady Rolfe became a frequent visitor to Garswood. During all this time Violet had never once seen Felix. She had heard of him continually—he was rising rapidly in the world. She heard old Col. Riddell speak of him one evening when she, with Sir Owen,-went over to a formal and stately dinner party at Lady Rolfe's. “Mark my words,” said the colonel, “the leading man in this part of the world is, or very soon will be, young Felix Lonsdale, the lawyer’s son. I have watched him with interest. He will be a leader yet. He acts as the earl s agent now, and Lord Arlington has implicit confidence in him. I prophesy that with the earl’s interest he will be returned as • member for the borough, and that, once In Parliament we shall hear of him.” One or two others agreed with the colonel. The face of Lady Chevenix grew crimson when she heard her husband give a little insulting laugh. “I have beaten him once,” said Sir Owen, “and I will beat him again; if he goes in for one interest, 1 -will go in for the other.” For his wife’s sake ue one answered him; and Lady Rolfe gave the signal for the ladies to withdraw. Lady Maude Bramber had been absent from home for some few days, and during that time the earl had sent out invitations for a dinner party. If he and his countess had heard anything of the love story of Felix and Violet, they had completely forgotten it. The earl sent out the invitations, and one went to Garswood for Sir Owen- and Lady Chevenix. and one to Felix Lonsdale. Lord Arlington very seldom had a large dinner party now withcut inviting Felix; his brilliant conversational powers made him a most welcome 'guest. “Felix is a host in himself,” the earl .would say, laughingly. He had not the faintest idea, when he sent out his invitations, of having done wrong. Lady Maude, to whom Felix had revealed his love story, did not return until the day of the dinner party, and then It was too late to send a note or message anywhere. ‘They must meet some time,” she said herself, in dismay; “perhaps it will be better here than elsewhere. I shall be at hand to help him if he requires help." She said nothing to anyone, but awaited the course of events. The dinner was given in honor of Lord

Rayden, a great statesman, who was visiting the earl, and Lord Arlington was both pleased and proud to introduce his young and gifted protege to his friend. Col. Riddell was invited—he would surely not have gone had he known that he was to meet Sir Owen, whom he detested —also Lady Rolfe, her daughter Lavinia, and several other friends. It was a warm day, and the green ■hade of the foliage all about Bramber Towers was cool and inviting. The dinner hour was fixed for seven. Lady Maude was the first in the drawing room, 'and to her great delight Felix came in soon afterward. She was wonderfulyl proud of him. As Lady Maude looked at him, she thought to herself that there could not be a finer, handsomer or nobler looking man in Etflgland than he was.

There was a warm friendship between i £two. Felix would have done anything the world for the noble, beautiful ( nan who had seemed to him like an el of comfort in the darkest hour of ) his life; he had the greatest reverence, | the greatest esteem tor her; he knew that he owed all his good fortune to her kindly Influence with the earl. And Lady Maude was very fond of him. She watched his career with pride and hope; she had a feeling almost of proprietorship in him; bat for her he might have gone to the So now she waited for him, and. When he had spoken a few words of greeting to her, she said: “4 was waiting for you, Mr. Lonsdale; I have something to tell you. I know you are a brave man; this evening I shall see your bravery put to severe proof.” He could not imagine what she meant, but he said that he hoped whatever might be the proof she would, not find him wanting. “I have no fear as to that," she said, . earnestly. “Mr., Lonsdale, I want to tell you that Lady Crevenix will be here thia evening. Papa made up his list of invitations during my absence, and I could do nothing.” Bhe ww glad they were alone. His face grew white as death—so white that she was alarmed; he stood quite still, and she saw his hand tremble. She saw the great effort that he made to recover himself. He succeeded; the color returned to his face; he stilled the trembling of bls hands; he smiled as he answered her: "Yon are so good to me, Lady Maude, that I am at a loss how to thank you for fvlng me this warning. I needed it. If had met Lady Chevenix suddenly I Should have been terribly embarrassed; sow I am master of myself.” "And will keep so?” said Lsdy Maude, earnestly. * "And will keep so," he repe«bd. . “Look/’ said Lady Maude, as she ■ btoebed Falla’s arm gently. * He looked in the direction indicated and a dflBL// 4m • . .a . at S. ... W

beheld Violet, so changed from the lovely, laughing girl who had kissed him and quarreled with him twenty times in an hour that he hardly recognized her. This was an imperially beautiful woman, on whose white breast and white arms shone jewels worth a king’s ransom —a woman whose face was so peerlessly lovely that it dazzled one as did the light of the sun. Lord Arlington went-forward to meet her. Like a foil to her bright and radiant loveliness her dark-browed husband stood by her side. Lady Chevenix did not notice Lady Maude Bramber leave Felix and go up to her. When she had exchanged a few words with her she said: “An old friend of yours, Lady Chevenix, is- here this evening.” And once more the two who had parted so tragically stood face to face. CHAPTER XVIII. Once more Violet and Felix Lonsdale stood face to face. They looked at each other for a moment in silence. To Felix there came back, with a keen, bitter pain, the memory of his passionate farewell; to Violet there came the sudden, keen conviction that she was looking at the face of the only man she had ever cared for. Lady Maude Arlington, much as she disliked the brilliant young beauty, felt pleased, after bringing the two together, that she had screened Lady Chevenix from observation, for she trembled; her face flushed crimson and then grew white. Felix was the first to speak. He did not hold out his hands in greeting; he simply bowed and murmured some few commonplace words. “I am very pleased to see you,” said Lady Chevenix, and the words had a ring of truth that touched both listeners. With her usual smiling grace Lady Maude said: “We have a little time to spare—would you like to look at these photographs? They are quite new, and fim.% than anything I have yet seen.” They sat all three round one of the pretty little tables that were covered with pictures and books. Lady Chevenix turned to. Felix again. “I should like to see your father and Mrs. Lonsdale,” she said. “Are they well?” “They are quite well," he told her, but he made no response to her desire of seeing them. “He does not care at all about seeing me,” she thought; “he does not seem in the least degree agitated or embarrassed —he has forgotten me;” and as the thought came to her her eyes filled with tears. “He never could have cared so very much for me,” she said to herself; “he could not really have grieved about losing me.”

She looked at him—he was talking in a lively and animated strain to Lady Maude. She wondered to herself if this calm, proud, handsome man, so perfectly well-bred, so self-possessed, talking so brilliantly to the earl’s daughter—if this could really be the same ardent, despairing young lover who had bidden her a passionate farewell. He was in no hurry -to talk to her.’ She had rather pictured herself as having to hint something like prudence to him; she could have laughed at herself .for the notion. He did not look at her; she doubted even whether he had noted her rich dress, her shining jewels. « When she spoke he replied with polite indifference, with well-bred calmness, but he never once voluntarily addressed her. It was all so different from what she had pictured that she experienced a strange sense of depression. Lady Maude was compelled to leave them alone for a few minutes, and then Lady Chevenix turned to Felix. “How strange it seems that we should meet hero!” she said.

“Yes, it is strange,” he replied. “I am very often here on business—you, 1' presume, come equally often on pleasure?” “It is my first visit,” she said. Then came the signal for dinner, and Lady Chevenix was a little surprised to find that Felix took down Lady Maude. Never in her life had the beautiful Lady Chevenix felt so surprised. She had always heard Felix spoken of as being clever and gifted; but she had never dreamed that he was really the genius he was. When with her he had seldom spoken of anything but herself and his great love for her. Now, for the first-time, she heard him converse with intellectual men, who all seemed to look up to him as their superior. She was astounded. The great statesman, Lord Rayden, talked much to him, and the earl asked his opinion. “It does me good,” said Lord Rayden, “to hear such ideas as yours, they are so thoroughly fresh, clever and original. We must have you on our side. Y’ou must not go over to the enemy.” Felix had a natural wit that made his ■ conversation piquant jand amusing. Lord I Arlington delighted in it. When any playful attack was made on himself lie would look at him and say: “1 shall leave you to answer that, Mr. Lonsdale.” The dinner was a complete success. It was a new thing to Lady Chevenix, intellectual conversation such as she was listening to. She looked at once at her husband, and she saw him gazing with undisguised admiration at Felix. Sir Owen said little. He had ideas of his own; one was that talking at dinner time was a bore rather than not. People sat down to eat, not to talk. He certainly did not contribute much to the general entertainment. He dined well. Violet could not help contrasting the two men; nor was she the only one present who did so. Felix was so bright, so handsome, so animated, so gifted and intellectual; he was a leader of conversation even among older and wiser men than himself, for he had the gift of picturesque language. Sir Owen, coarse and heavy, ■peaking little, but when he did speak saying something almost disagreeable,

was doltisli and inert, except when he was offensive. There could have been no greater contrast —and Lady Chevenix saw it. To herself she thought how Felix would be appreciated and understood in London, how eagerly he would be sought —who would eare to remember that he was the son of a country lawyer? Such men make their own mark. While her husband would not be tolerated, Felix would be received with open arms. All these observations she made to herself as she sat by Lord Arlington, her beautiful face wreathed in smiles. The last words she heard as the ladies quitted the dining room were from Lord Rayden. “The next time you run up to London, Mr. Lonsdale,” he was saying, “pray come and see me*' I shall be delighted if you do, and I will show you the very articles in the newspaper of which we are speaking.” And in her own mind Lady Chevenix thought that such a thing as an in vita tion from the eminent statesman would be an honor Sir Owen would never attain.

CHAPTER XIX. Lady Chevenix and Felix Lonsdale did not meet again for some time. Sir Owen had not made a very favorable impression at Bramber Towers. The earl had invited him, with his beautiful young wife, to a grand ball, but Felix was not present. In September, Sir Owen was invited to be present at a grand political banquet given at Oldstone, and Felix made one of the most telling speeches of the night. It was so eloquent, so magnificent in its true, noble ideas, its picturesque language, that he became popular; a man who could speak so well ought to be in Parliament, the leaders said—and it seemed very probable that at the next election Felix would stand an excellent chance. Sir Owen was startled; he thought a great deal about “young Lonsdale.” With all his own dense stupidity, he was capable of admiring great talent in others. Another thing struck him. During the banquet he sat next to Captain Hill, who told him that he had heard Lord Arlington say that the wisest action of his life was the placing of his affairs in the hands of Darcy and Felix Lonsdale. Sir Owen thought a great deal of that; a good, clever, trustworthy land-agent was a person he had long desired above all others, and, if the Lonsdales served Lord Arlington so faithfully, they would perhaps serve him in the like manner. He thought over it some days before he mentioned the subject to his wife. , He knew that he was deficient in business capacity. In his sober and most sensible moments he owned that. Study —learning of any kind —had always been irksome to him. He never had read anything but the daily newspapers and some of the sporting prints; he could not write a letter properly, and. he had just sense sufficient to know his own shortcomings. One morning he received a number of letters that puzzled him—some documents that he could not understand were sent to him to sign. “A man may sign his whole fortune away without knowing it,” he said. “I wish I had some clever man to see to it all for me. Arlington has none of this trouble, I know.” Lady Chevenix, in her graceful morning costume, sat opposite to him. They had just finished breakfast, and that was his most amiable hour. He looked up at his wife suddenly; he had never consulted her on any business before, and would not have done so now but that she knew the Lonsdales.

“Violet,” he said, “what a clever man that young Lonsdale is! He is making quite a good position for himself. I should not be surprised to hear of his getting into Parliament.” He did not notice the flush on her face or her agitation. She did not know what answer to make—she dared not say she was glad. Sir Owen did not want an answer. He went on: “I have been thinking of asking him to be my land agent; they say he does so well for Arlington. I really cannot grapple with all these matters myself; and he seems to be the only man about here who has a head worth carrying on his shoulders. I wonder if he would undertake the post if I asked him, Violet?” ‘T cannot tell —I do not know,” she replied. “But you must; surely you have some idea—you have known them a long time. What do you think?” “I should say the Lonsdales would be very well pleased; they ought to be. You would pay them well, of course?” “I should be willing to give five hundred a year; but then I should expect all my work done for that. I pay almost as much as that now in one way or another. I think I shall go and see them about it, Violet.” “It would be the wisest plan,” she said. “Young Lonsdale has not shown any great anxiety to visit us,” he continued, with a sneering laugh. “Perhaps he has not quite forgiven me about you—eh, Violet? —though he did not seem to care about it.” “He has forgotten all that nonsense,” said \ iolet. “I do not believe he remembers even that we were friends.” “So much the better. I shall call today and see them. If young Lonsdale consents, F will make him come and dine with us. He dines often enough at Bramber Towers. I hope he will consent. I thought of traveling next year; and I should enjoy my tour much better if I left him in command.” “I hope, you •will succeed,” she replied —and she did hope so; she would have forced Felix into her society. She was lonely in spite of all her grandeur, and there were times when she was dreadfully tired. At once Sir Owen rode over to Lilford and called at the office in Castle street. If he had found Felix there, his request would have been refused; but Darcy Lonsdale was in the office, and listened calmly Jo what the baronet had to say. “I cannot give you an immediate answer,” he replied; “but I will think over your proposition and let J'ou know our decision." He would not decide hastily; he did not think his son would like the Business. But five hundred per annum was a consideration; besides which, Darcy Lonsdale shrank from the remarks that people would make if he refused such an offer. He said nothing about it until he returned home at night, and then he found Eve Lester there, and the matter was reviewed in solemn council. “I say take it," urged Kate. “It seems to me really, Darcy, that there is an especial providence for us. Take it, by all means. Ft is a sin to throw away five hundred a year.”

“My dear Kate, this fs more a matter of sentiment than of money,” said Mr. Lonsdale. “I am of Kate’s opinion,” put in Evelyn. “I quite think you should accept it. If you do not,-people will say disagreeable things.” “I have thought of that, too. The general impression would be that Felix held some kind of resentment against Lady Chevenix, or that he still had some lingering liking left for her. What do you say yourself, Felix?” “My dear father, I will say nothing,” he smiled. “It is a matter of utter indifference to me. Ido not see that there is the least connection between Lady Chevenix and her husband’s agency. Accept or decline it. just as you will.” (To be continued.)

Venerable British Trees.

Yews are the most enduring trees of Britain: and no doubt can exist that there are individuals of the species in the country as old as the introduction of Christianity, ami, there is every reason to Iwlieve, a great deal older. It Is th# opinion of many leading writers on this subject, that of all European trees the yew is that which attains the greatest age. That of Brabourne in Kent is, according to De Caudolle, 3,000 years old. and a yew tree at Hedsor, Bucks, is supposed to be even more venerable. That at Fortingal, In Perthshire, was over 2,500 years old, and measured 36% feet in circumference. That of Darley Churchyard, Derbyshire, about 2,000 years. The yew grove of Xorbufy Park, Surrey, was standing in the time of the Druids. Those of Fountains Abbey, in Yorkshire, are aged at least 1,200 years. That at Aukerwyke House, Staines, was noted when Magna Charta was signed in 1215, and was the trystingplace for Henry VIII. and Anne Boleyn. Oaks also attain a great age. Witness Damorey’s Oak, Dorset, which was said to be 200 years old when blown down in 1703; Cowthorpe Oak, Wetherby, according to Prof. Burnett, 1,600 years old; and William the Conqueror’s Oak, Windsor Forest, at least 1,200 years old.

Unfortunate Beginning.

Sir William Rowan Hamilton, professor of astronomy in the Dublin University, used to speak with the strongest reverence of Bishop Brinkley, his predecessor. He had for him a filial affection, and used to recall, with a humorous melancholy, the time of their first meeting, when, said he, “I’m afraid I offended him.” I was a youth of 18, and sat next to him at some public luncheon. We did not speak, and I felt that good manners required me to break the silence. My eye happened to rest on a large map of Van Diemen’s Land, hanging on the wall. I turned to him. “My lord,” said I, “were you ever in Botany Bay?” The bishop turned to me with a look of severe displeasure. “Eat your soup, sir!” said- he; “eat your soup!” And then it occurred to me that he thought I was asking whether he had ever been “transported,” for at that time Botany Bay was where desperate criminals were sent for a punishment.

Famous in his Line.

Walter White, for many years assistant secretary of the Royal Society, gave in his journals many amusing and witty speeches and sayings, some of he heard at first hand. Among those repeated to him by other people was a bon mot made by one of the founders of the Athenaeum Club of London. When the Athenaeum Club was first founded, Croker was urgent that no man should be admitted who had not in some way distinguished himself in literature. Soon after he proposed the Duke of Wellington, when some one said, “The Duke has never written a book.” “True,” replied Croker, “but he is a capital hand at reviews.”

Remarkable Eccentricity.

An eccentric character, .who died recently In Italy, had not left bls owu grounds for years. He took long walks every day in the house, or in the house and grounds, counting the number of times he covered certain measured distances. Whenever the distance equaled that to some neighboring village, he put it down as a walk to that place, and spoke of it in that way to his friends. Before he shut himself up he used to pay visits to his friends in a highly original manner, he himself remaining invisible, while his servant ran backward and forward by the hour together, carrying questions and answers.

Why Leaves Fall.

The falling of a leaf is brought about by the formation of a thin layer of vegetable tissue at the point where the leaf stem joins the branch of the tree. After the leaf ceases to make starch and sugar fop the tree, the tissue begins to grow, and actually cuts the leaf. The falling of ripe fruit is dependent upon the same process.

A Rock of Refuge.

In the Sandwich Islands there Is a spot” called the Rock of Refuge. If the criminal reaches this rock before capture he is safe, so long as he remains there. Usually his family supply him with food until he Is able to make his escape, but he Is never allowed to return to bis own tribe.

A Crowded Spot.

It is stated that the most crowded spot on the earth’s surface is the “Manderagio,” in the city of Valetta, in Milan. Upon a spot In this place, about two and a half acres in extent, no fewer than 2,574 live. This is at the rate of 030,000 per square mile, or 1,017 to an acre. A college student says he rather enJo/s bls studies as they furnish a nee<V e 4 gelaxatlon from bls athletic work.

RECORD OF THE WEEK

INDIANA INCIDENTS TERSELY Fruit Jar Factories Again in Operation—School Mistress Wants Damages for Breach of Promise—Burial Followed by Marriage—Hurt in Drama. A conference at Muncie between fruit jar manufacturers and President Hayes of the Green Bottle-Blowers’ Association resulted in the wage scale being settled, and fruit jar plants started on the same conditions as prevailed last year. This practically means the settlement of the flint glass scale, as to which a conference will be called at once. Fruit jar manufacturers, although having large stocks on hand, will start their factories at once. This affects thousands of workmen in Indiana, who are jubilant at the settlement. Legislator Sued for $15,000. Representative Leonidas H. Mull of Rushville, a prominent member of the last Legislature, was made a defendant in a sensational suit for $15,000 damages filed by Miss Floe Farlow, a prepossessing young school mistress living at Milroy. Miss Farlow says she has kept company with Mull for about three years. She alleges that she and the defendant on Sept. 1, 1000, signed a contract to marry within one year from date, but he refused to marfy her. Mr. Mull is one of the ealthiest men in the county. Mourners ut a Wedding. John Mclntyre, son of J. P. Mclntyre, who was found dead in his bed at his home near Michigan City, and Miss Lena Glick were married at Laporte. A peculiar feature of the marriage was that the bridal party which accompanied the happy couple back to their home near Michigan City formed, only an hour before, the mourners at the funeral of the groom’s father. The minister who married the young couple had preached the funeral sermon over the remains of the father. Injured by Stage Dagger.' Miss Florence Gear, a member of the Devonde stock company, was painfully cut in the hand by a dagger during a scene of “The Devil's Advocate” at the theater in Marion. Miss Alma Aiken, in the role, of an Indian girl, attempts to strike ’Miss Gear, who is supposed to wrench the dagger from the Indian girl. In the struggle the dagger was driven through Miss Gear’s hand.

Within Our Borders. Crawfordsville match factory in operation. Aloys Jergens, Michigan City, has a cat with two perfect heads. Rudolph Hoberg, a wealthy farmer near Batesville, hanged himself. Otis C. Newby, Greensboro, was killed in battle in the Philippines. George and William Andrews, Osgood, soldiers stationed at Galveston, were drowned in the storm. John Lightley, 15, Jacksonburg, while cutting corn, severed an artery in his leg and bled*to death before physicians could reach him. Judge Leffler, Muncie, sustains the weekly wage pay law, in the suits insti'tuetd by the State factory inspector against the Republic Iron Company. Prof. James Hagerty, formerly of the public schools of La Porte, has accepted a call to fill the chair of political economy in Pennsylvania University at Philadelphia. At a Democratic pole raising at Oard Springs, Clareriee Hay of Austin was killed and Thomas Weisman perhaps fatally injured. A rope broke, allowing the pole to fall. Deputy Fish Commissioner Oscar Welty, Kokomo, has resigned. During his two years’ service he caused more convictions than all other deputies in that part of the State combined. The 2-year-old son of Albert Kuhn, Warrington, was killed while playing in a baby jumper. A spring broke and part of the apparatus fell, striking the baby on the head, crushing the skull. Judge Morris decides that the Rushville ordinance confining the sale of intoxicating liquors to the business portion of the city is not legal, because it is too indefinite as to what is the business portion. Pod Barnes, who attempted to shoot Chief of Police Bert White at Marion when the officer arrested him last June, was found guilty of attempt to murder and given fourteen years in the penitentiary. Charles Dunbar, New Albany, who elop'd with Mrs. Nora Bradley, is insane. Mrs. Bradley’s husband also• has lost his mind. Dunbar’s mania is to buy all the daily papers and throw them away without reading them. At Rockville the municipal light plant and Fiekel & Graham’s lumber yard burned from an unknown cause. Loss $20,000, with $2,500 insurance. A new light plant is almost finished and will be ready for use in thirty days. Oscar Diltz, formerly of Chicago, and George Porter, his clerk, were badly burned in the former’s store in Muncie. Two attempts to burn it caused the men to sleep there. They awoke to find the store in flames, oil having been poured over the floor. The telephone connection was cut to prevent calling assistance. Mrs. S. R. Hicson of Muncie seized her 3-yenr-old child, supposed to be dead, and rushed about the room in a frenzy, insisting the child must live and refusing to hgve it prepared for burial. In a few minutes she exclaimed that was alive, which was found to be true. A physician says the child was probably resuscitated from a comatose state by the mother’s frantic action. B. 8. Kennett and Simon Haag, New Albany, both past 70, brothers-in-law, quarreled over household furniture, and Kennett was stubbed three times. A play at the Muncie opera house was interrupted while an account of the arrest of the Keating brothers was read to the audience from the extra edition or a newspaper. When Veedersburg changed from a town to a city last spring the Council elected a new school board, and the old town board sued to restrain the new board from acting. Court sustains new board. \

JOLLY JOKER

“You seem to like bls attentions. Why don’t you marry him?” “Because I like his attentions.”—Brooklyn Life. “My wife Is helping run one of these rummage sales.” “Well, don’t you like It?” “Like it? Oh, yes; I lived all last week on a ham bone, and this week I suppose I shall have to subsist on lettuce.”—lndianapolis Press. Automatic grand opera': Mrs. Brown (at Mrs. .Smith’s tea) —Oh, dear, that dreadful Miss Smith is singing again. I wonder what started her? Toha Brown (aged 7)—-I dropped a penny down her back when she wasn’t look-ing.-—Chicago Journal. “I must confess to a great deal of egotism,” said Willie Wishingtpn. “Indeed?” responded Miss Cayenpe. “Yes. I think about myselfentlrely too much.” “Oh, that isn’t egotism. That’s merely the usual human tendency to worry over trifles.”—Washington Star. “Where is the American section?” asked the visitor to the Paris show. “Oh, monsieur,” replied the polite attendant, “ze Americanes! Zey are such great peoples—and we lose them so much—it is all yours—effery section!” —Philadelphia North American. Solitary Angels; Mamma—lt is very naughty to tell lies, Eva. People who do so don’t go to heaven. Eva—Did yo never tell a lie, mamma? MammaNo, dear, never. Eva—Won’t you be fearful lonely in heaven, mamma, with only George Washington?”—Collier’s Weekly. The mature maiden who was preparing to go down-town to have her photograph taken, surveyed herself critically once more in the mirror. “I think I prefer to do my own retouching,” she said, opening another jar, and reaching for the necessary Implements.—Chicago Tribune. “Were you Interested in the piano recital?” asked the musician. "Well, answered Mr. Cumrox, “it was a little slow at first; but after I caught the spirit of it and got to guessing with the others whether it was time to applaud or only a rest, it got to be quite a game.”—Washington Star. “I’ll tell you how you can find out,” said her big brother. “Next Tuesday is his birthday; make him a present of i box of cigars like you gave me Christmas.” “But how will that prove his love?” asked the Innocent maid. “If he smokes them himself he loves you; if be gives them away he doesn’t.”— Chicago News. “Did you say this was a comic opera war?” asked the Filipino soldier who came into camp with a flag of truce. “That remark has been made.” “Well, our general says he’s willing to take you at your word. He wants to know if you can fix the show up so there will be fewer marches and more dialogue.” —Washington Star.

“Dear me!” she said, “I wonder what aas become of that household journal?” He didn’t say a word. “There was another recipe in it that I wanted to cry.” He smiled, for now he was assured that he had done wisely, when le burned it. Even a good-natured nan may grow weary of having experiments tried upon him.—Chicago Post “Now, boys,” said the teacher to the juvenile class in history, “who can tell ne what Gen. Washington said to his .leutenant while crossing the Delaware imid the floating ice?” “I can,” replied i youngster at the foot of the class. ‘Well, Tommy, what did he say?” queried the teacher. “He said, ,‘How’d you like to be the ice man?’ ” replied he incorrigible Tommy. Trained Motherhood. “I don’t see why people- growl so ibout the crowds of shoppers,” she said; “I have had no trouble at all." ‘How do you manage It?” they asked. ■‘l take my two boys with me.” “And ian they really help you?” "Can they really help me!” she exclaimed; “well, I should say so. One of them played right tackle on his college foot-ball team and the other is champion catch-as-catch-can wrestler of his class.”— Chicago Post. “Yes, George, you very distinctly said in your sleep, ‘ls It my ante?’ Now, what did you mean by that?” “Mean? Why, that’s simple. 1 was dreaming I was a boy again, waiting for Christmas. And when another boy asked me if I didn’t kuthv who Santa Claus was, 1 said, questlonlngly, ‘ls it my auntie?’ The dear old lady brought me up, you know.” “Oh, you darling, big-hearted boy.”—Cleveland Plain Deader. “I suppose,” said the woman who had sampled every kind of candy she could reach by thrusting her arm over the protective railing, and finally had bargained for five cants’ worth of butterscotch, “all this is adulterated. You couldn’t sell it so cheap if it wasn’t.” ‘Yes, ma’am,” returned the salesman, solemnly, “it’s all adulterated. That butterscotch you're getting, for instance, has mighty little butter and not a bit of Scotch.”—Chicago Tribune. She had asked the advice of the family physician. “Old Mr. Kreesus has a weak heart, hasn’t he?” she inquired. “Yes," replied the doctor. “A very weak heart. He Is likely to drop off after the slightest excitement." “And there is no doubt about his wealth?” “None. He is a very rich man.” “The reason I Inquire is that be has asked me to be his wife,” said the frank young woman. “Indeed!” "Yes. lam glad I sent for yoty I know now just what to do.” “YesYi •‘Yes,’’ said the noble girl. “We will have a very quiet wedding followed bvfa large and exciting reception. Thant you so much, doctor.”—Cleveland! Main Dealer.