Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 20, Number 100, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 August 1899 — SHEAR NONSENSE [ARTICLE]

SHEAR NONSENSE

De Garry—Are you sure no one WmH | looking when you kissed her? MmHfli —Positive. She wasn’t even looktofll <1 herself.—Town Topics. || “We’ve been playing school, mato|g j ma.” “Indeed! I hope you behaved® 1 nicely.” “Oh, I didn’t have to I was tb> teacher.”—Truth. 1 Madge—Why are you buying such ex-& I pensive stockings? You don't need J I them. Haynie—Oh, I’ll put them away|j I for a rainy day.—Town Topics, j His Honor—Young man, do you ap-?i I predate the solemnity of an oath; dp j | you know what an oath is? Hoy | sir; I caddied for you last Sunday>fl j Life. ..fl “Doctor, my husband says black «ndtjl I red spots appear before his eyes everya I night. What do you advise?” “I-Ad-j vise that he stop playing poker.”—CM-S I cago News. fl Husband—l am going to join another! club to-night Wife—l don’t suppose g shall see you at all after this. t band—Oh, yes! They have a ladiaF.-l day.—Puck. "fl Tommy—lt was a dreadful day th»|l I last time I went to grandma’s. It blowed a 1 and it Mother—lt “blowed” to not J I proper. Say it “blew.” Tommy—lO I blew and it anew awful.—Tit-Bits. | Kelly (growing pathetic)—Pity •J I poor, unfortunate man, Kelliher, tikottefl | got to go home to his wolfe! Kelliher—|| I Brace up, Kelly! Brace up! Ye shouKl-j I be thankful ye are not the Sultan!— 1 1 Puck. .fl Hogan—Schwarzmetoter was tilin’! j me thot Uncle Sam could never lick the J I Flllypanoes. Grogan—An’ did ye show J | him be was wrong? “Oi did. 01 thlnk;f I he will be out In about a fortnight"— | | Indianapolis Journal. fl “Is the cashier in?’ “No, he’s not” I “When will he be back?” “Can't say/1 I He skipped for Canada about an hour. 3 I ago.” “Just my luck! I’m his brothstifl I and he took my hat by mistake this i | morning!”—Yonkers Statesman. “What Is that old proverb about the i 1 moss and the rolling stone?” | the Chicago girl. “A revolving fra®*3 I ment of the paleozoic age collects; ne 3 cryptogamous vegetation,” replied her 'I 1 cousin from Boston.—Chicago News. 3 | “Seems odd, nowadays, that racfejl ■ poets as Moore and all of them were 1 I always writing ‘Lines to Fannie.’” t “Probably Pegasus Is like other | and they gave the lines to Fannie so aa to have their hands free.’’—HarteONl .1 Life. 111 Nice Old Lady-Will you kindly tell | | trie if the lady who writes the “MottoO ] er’s Page” In your paper Is In? I want J 1 to tell her how much I enjoyed her articles on “The Evening Hout in I ' the Nursery.” Office Boy—That’s. htoM 1 over there wid de pink shirt, smokin’g 1 cigaroot.—Tid-Bits. . || A paper published in Paris recently:! contained the following unique adver--| J tlsement: “A young man of agreeabteil presence, and desirous of getting nutofl j! rled, would like to make the aequalnt-|| 1 ance of an aged and experienced getoii tieman who could dissuade him frooM taking the fatal step.”—Exchange. “Did you hear about Lucy Weston j and Al Winslow falling out?” “No! ’i When did that happen? Pshaw, it can’t jj JI be true. I saw them together last|| night.” “Yes, it’s really so. They we«B| jt rowing on the pond in the park day be-1 fore yesterday and tried to seats in the boat.”—Chicago Timet*! S Herald. fl Tommy—Miss Upjohn, I want to|||| know the names of the twelve disciples.:j j His Sunday School Teacher --Certalnlyifflg Tommy. They were Peter, James, Andrew, Philip, Thomas, Judas and—j $ and—l can find the names of the otherUja In a moment Tommy—No fair looi|H|| In’. I knowed you couldn’t do it!— N«mß|| York Evening World. 9 Young lady—The musical conservaffl® tory is in this building, isn’t it? Janitorfl ’: —No, mum. The musical conservatory-gj is 'bout two blocks down street. Young|||| lady (dubiously)—l—l was sure I hearffj'® pupils practicing vocal exercises. Are you sure the musical conservatory to | not here? Janitor—Yes’m. Nothin’ but W dentists’ offices, mum.—New York j' Weekiy. 3| “Great Scott, man,” thundered the ! householder to the ice man, as he 1 j looked at his bill for the month, “daj||| you want to make an Independent for- 3’-?-; tune in one season?” “Well,” man, “I read in a scientific treatise ttaMH the sun was gradually losing its heat, j and I can't run any chances of beinO without the means of a |j| Kansas City Star. ||| “Won’t you sit down in this chahfl| Willie?” said the kind lady who llvedj next door to the little fellow who come to pay her a call. “If lt’» aR same to you, ma'am,” said the little I visitor, a shadow of pain creeping OVUM his innocent face, “I’ll prefer to a chair with a soft cushion. I hid ’m| collar button yesterday morning he found it out.”—Boston Traveler.. “It's a great scheme.”’ exclaimed Parmer Corutossel; “a great ' “What's happenin'?” asked his “They're buildin’ good roads all around Havana. They're goin’ at It enthustoriflW tic an' industrious. An’ I’m tn hopes that after they git througjM with good roads in Cuba they’ll wriflHg around by degrees to the similar states” Washington Star.