Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 20, Number 58, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 March 1899 — Expensive. [ARTICLE]

Expensive.

It is no wonder there was a general laugh when recently in a church in a certain seaport town a proud father brought his firstborn to be christened. He was more at home on deck than in his present position, and he gingerly held the struggling infantile specimen of humanity, who kicked and wriggled till, between linen and flounces and baby, the father completely lost his bearings. For a minute there was confusion. The ceremony came to a stop and the congregation tittered. Then from a pew near by came the reassuring voice of a good shipmate: “Upend it, Jack, upend It! Its head’s below hatches!” The language was expressive, but it was no wonder the people smiled. “Do you know what is the best way to kill time In the winter, Dick?’ said an Alleghany girl to her steady company. “I know several ways, but which Is the beta way?’ “Sleigh it.’’—Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. She—ln this story it refers to empty bottles as “dead men.” That’s absurd. He—Where’s the absurdity? She— WeU, dead men tell no tales; empty bottles do.—Moonshine. Probably the milliner realizes her inability to make fine birds of fine feathers, so she decorates hats with them.