Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 20, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1898 — A BUSINESS STROKE. [ARTICLE]

A BUSINESS STROKE.

Mrs. Grumpy in Her Christmas Buying Adopts Grumpy’s Methods. Grumpy-always has a financial spasm when the Christmas returns come in, and this year his spell was an unusually bad one. “Thunder and lightning, woman?’ he began; “look at these bills. Do you take me for a coal trust or a sub-treasury of the United States?’’ Glaring more fiercely as account after account was examined, he broke out again: “I’m not a profane man, Mrs. Grumpy, but ripity rip my buttons, if this don’t beat a financial panic. Five hats! We have one daughter, madam, and she’s not a two-headed freak! And eleven dresses! Have you gone crazy? Do you think of appearing on the stage at your time of life, or has some dressmaker hypnotized you? But just cast your eye over this one. All kinds of capes, sacks, jackets, circulars, shawls and ulsters. Are you planning a Polar expedition, or are you under the delusion that we are going to camp out this winter? Now, I do throw up the sponge! Nine pairs of shoes and hosiery by the gross. Going to open up an emporium, or did you yield to the fascinations of a bargain counter? “I’d like to have you take enough interest in our impending bankruptcy to invoice the balance of these traps and calamities —candles, toys, collars, cuffs, cor- - sets, gloves, handkerchiefs, laces, jewelry, skirts, and what’s this? S-h-i-e-l-d-s. Now, what in the rip-snorting creation does afi antiquated veteran like you want with shields? Where’s the bill for javelins Mid dynamite guns? If it’s not a state secret, I’d like to know whether you intend to take the field in South Africa or Cuba. Woman, have you any explanation to offer for this brazen attempt to ruin me?” “Only this. You have always sought to impress upon me that I should adopt your business methods. Yon declared that you were going to make the money fly provided the election went your way. and I made all these orders subject to the same condition.” “Oh, I comprehend. Your extravagant scheme includes a plot to place the entire blame upon me. I will not exchange criminations or refer to the viper that stings after it has been warmed in one’s breast. I simply and absolutely repudiate. You may work out your own salvation in your >wn devious way.”—Detroit Free IVess.