Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 20, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 November 1898 — The Comic Side of The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side of The News

A Pat-is paper says that “Spain may resume warfare." Why “resume"? “Begin" is the word. A Texas paper asks Congress to “makeDewey a full admiral.” Is that the best way to treat him? The Kaiser’s trip to Palestine is one of the greatest enterprises ever undertaken by the kinetoscope people. Perhaps Spain desires to take home the remains of'Columbus to show that she is still able to “raise the dust.” The Washington Post hears that “Lillian ltussell is going into the continuous, performance field.” Matrimonially? War excitement detracts from the popular interest in football, and the longhaired tribe really has a kick coming. Don Carlos evidently is waiting to seehow much chnnge Uncle Sam gives back to Spain before making a grab for it. Aguinaldo threatens “to move” if theUnited States keeps the Philippines. Sometimes it’s cheaper to move than to. pay refit But should the Infanta Maria Teresa be admitted to the American nnvy before she has fought somebody and won a reputation? The Chinese seem to be experiencing a good deal of trouble in getting their emperor to adopt the latest French ideas about suicide. If we, can’t civilize the Philippine Islanders we can kill them off in short order. San Francisco has just shipped to Manila six car loads of cigarettes. It is intimated that Spain would be willing to sell the Philippines for $400,000,000. Dewey probably could induce the Spaniards to cut down those figures by lopping off seven or eight cipher* if nccessu ry.