Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 19, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1897 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

j A DEAR GIRD. My love to me is sweet and kind— The hardest winds but closer bind; For these are theatre-times, you know— And she’s a girl that likes to go. A NEW DEFINITION. “What is a pedestrian, Jimme?" “A man what dodges bicycles.” ACCORDING TO DARWIN. Simkins—Softleigh is trying to tracehis genealogical tree. Timkins—l’ll bet he will find a monkey on one of the branches. TQO MANY THANKS. She—Don’t you find journalism rather thankless work ? He—Oh, no. Almost everything I write is returned with thanks. ADD XEPENDED ON HIH. “Will you think of me when I am gone ?” he asked. “I shall be glad to,” she replied with a sigh, ‘ ‘if you will make it pos-' sible. ” Then he went. A SOFT ANSWER. Mrs. Housekeep—What do you mean by coming to the front door, you scalawag! Soiled Sammy—Sure, mum, an’ I knew I wouldn’t find a true leddy like yoreself in de kitchen. AN INFADDIBDE SION. “How do you know that his love dream is over ?” “Because I heard him tell Hetty, as they left church last night, that he knew a shorter way of reaching her home than the route they had been taking. ”

CERTAINDY VERY EXTRAORDINARY. Laura—What was the queerest proposal yon ever had ? Jean—l think it was George Hadley’s. He didn’t threaten to go away and kill himself if I wouldn't have him. ANXIOUS ABOUT THE END. “Sir,” said the haughty Lady Constance, “I can read you like a book.” “Oh, then, tell me,” cried Reginald de Sentless, breathlessly, “do I marry the rich heiress in the last chapter ?” INGENUOUSNESS. New Servant—l found this coin npon your desk, sis, Master—l’m glad you are honest. I put it there purposely to test your honesty. New Servant —That’s what I thought. DUCKY FOR HIM. “Did your husband have any luck on his shooting excursion yesterday ?” “For him, yes.” “Is that so ? Why, I didn’t see that he brought home any game. ” “Of course not, but he managed to get back without shooting himself. ” SHE KEPT HIS DETTEBS. “Do you believe in this talk about discovering a man’s character from his handwriting ?” “I do,” replied Green, with a sigm. _“Ever known of its being tried ?” “Yes, and with great efficacy. Theexperiment is most successful when the handwriting is read aloud in court.”

QUITE DEDICATE. Mrs. Gabb (hostess) —“Your little son does not app ar to have much appetite.” Mrs. Gadd—“No, he is quite delicate.” Mrs. Gabb—“Can’t you think of anything you would like, my little man ?” Little Man—“No, ’m. You see, mom made me eat a hall lot before we started, so I wouldn’t make a pig of myself.” DISCOURAGING. Nervous Philanthropist (on a slamming excursion) —Can you tell me if this is Little Erebus street, my man ?” Suspicious-looking Party—Yus. Nervous P.—Er—Rather a rough sort of thoroughfare, isn’t it ?” Suspicious-looking P. —Yus; it is & bit tough. The further yer gows daowu, the tougher it gits. I lives in the last ’aouse. (Exit Philanthropist). PROOF POSITIVE. Plngwinch—Congratulate me, dear boy ! I’m engaged to the wealthy Mrs. Grabster. Pigsnuffle—So glad, old man ! But —er —are you sure she is really so rich ? ______ Plugwinch—Sure ? I should say so 1 Why, she was arrested for shoplifting: and acquitted as a kleptomaniac. TEACHER AND PUPID. Teacher—What are some of the* natural curiosities of your state—Virginia ? Pupil—Well, Natural Bridge is one. Teacher—For what is this remarkable ? Pupil (thinking awhile) —Oh, it’» where people go when they take their bridal tours.