Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 19, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 November 1897 — LOVE-MAKING STATISTICS. [ARTICLE]

LOVE-MAKING STATISTICS.

How the Young Man Telia the Story to the Young Woman. Statistics are at present being collected on almost every conceivable subject. What do you think of a scholar who has actually thought it worth his while to collect statistics in regard to the manner in which men and women make love to each other? He has spent considerable time over this ’ delicate work and now at last informs the world how the men, as a rule, propose to the women, and how the women, as a rule, accept the proposals of the men. According to the scholar, the number of young men who embrace their sweethearts at the moment when they are inviting them to become their wives amounts to 36 per cent. On the other hand, 67 per cent, of the men in love kiss their sweethearts on the lips at the critical moment, while 4 per cent, stiower kisses on their hair and 2 per cent, content themselves with kissing their hands. At one time it was the fashion for love intoxicated youths to fall on their knees when about to make proposals of marriage, but this fashion is evidently dying out, for we are assured that only 3 per cent, of those in love at present fall on one knee, while only 2 per cent, venture to sue for their ladies' favor on both knees. A curious reason has been assigned for the decadence of this chivalrous custom, which is that of late years the nether garments of males have been so constructed that it is rather risky for a map to flop down suddenly on his knees in a lady’s presence. Garments, when strained, will rip and tear, and no self-respecting lover desires to have his act or adoration turned into a farce by any such casualty. On the other hand wooers oi to-day seem to be far more nervous than the gallant men who wooed and won a century ago. Just fancy, 20 per cent, of the lovers of to-day are awfully nervous when the decisive moment comes, and in the throat of each mother’s son of them there seems to be huge lump, which it is impossible for them to swallow. How they got over this difficulty heaven only knows. Somehow the lump disappears after they have struggled with it a minute or two, after which it is to be hoped that their agony is at an end.

. The behavior of the young women is similarly remarkable. When the men Invite them to share their homes they by no means all act alike. Eighty-one out of every hundred fall without a word into the outstretched arms of their chosen ones and so very easily put an end to a rather embarrassing, if otherwise very delightful, situation; 68 per cent, blush very becomingly, and in maidenly fashion shrink away as though frightened at their companions’ boldness; one out of every hundred—possibly more, possibly less, says the statistician—falls on a sofa as though about to faint, and 4 per cent, are really astonished at receiving proposals of marriage. On the other hand eighty out of every hundred know very well what the men have come for, and hence they are not taken unaware, and they behave just as they should behave on such a momentous occasion. Furthermore, GO per cent, look their wooers boldly in the eyes, evidently with the idea of still further bewitching them, or of relieving them from their apparent embarrassment. Curious facts these, but the most curious fact of all is that one maiden out of every hundred runs away before the young man has finished his pretty love tale, with the object of telling the good news to her girl friends.