Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 44, Number 294, 27 September 1919 — Page 14

"AGS TWO

RICHMOND PALLADIUM. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 1019

THEWlSfflNGPLANElM JL .Bn Willis Winter 5iRyiVS1

When the children awoke next norning they heard CVptaiu Irave's voice, bo they climbed iruC heir clothes as fast as they could, ecause they wanted to know what he letters he received at Brest had o tell. Well first of all. thp one from rather and mother, back home in I Make Believe town, was brim full of love. The pictures the children ent home, showing where Uncle George was burled and how they tiad decorated his grave, had ar rived safely and had made mother, )h, so glad. You remember when he children started on their trip iround the world with Captain 3rave and Ladydear, mother and ather hadn't heard where Uncle ieorge who was killed in the war, tad been buried! In fact, they didl't even know that anyone had ver found his body and been able ) tell who it was. I don't need to tell you that there ere letters from Dr. Cheer, the ice old man on Beautiful island, nd from Captain Bold, the submarine commander with whom they tad had such wonderful adventures. "Let me know when you plan on caching Italy and I'll try and arange to meet you there with my ;ub," said the captain at the close if his letter. "Are we going to Italy, too?" ask'd Jane. "I think so.' said Captain Brave. 4e didnt tell the children that he ind Ladydear had decided about vhat date they woulld reach Italy nd that he had scribbled a note 0 be mailed to Captain Bold. There was a big, fat letter from feanne, too. It was hard for her to vrite in English although she ould speak it, but she tried hard n dthe letter was the most intersting one in the mail, Jane and 'ack thought. Jane, with her mother and fathr. whom the children and their riends found, had returned to her Id home. The village had been 1 vt net r n isi ri rfrc r r j l n nn n nv ronnnna HnrHncr tha war ulio vrote, but the men were working iard to clean up the wrecked buildngs, get their homes in shape and ;et their fields ready so they could ilant what crops they could. "I wish you could come to our louse some time," she said. "I ouldn't be half as nice to you as ou were to me because there is nly one of me against two of you," he added, and the children laughed hen they read that. "The hospit1 gave father a wonderful arm to ake the place of the one he lost n the war." Jeanne also wrote, Father can move it any way he vises and do all kinds of work." Oh, yes, I almost forgot. There as a letter from King Charles and ue.en May, too. They told how iey had given a big picnic for "ie children on the castle grounds, 'he little folks came in the mornng and stayed all day. "And aany, many, of them wanted to now where Jack and Jane and he wonderful airplane were now," dded the queen. All In all. the children felt quite appy to think they had so many riends in many parts of the world inking about them. Now, let us think. Oh, yes.-Yes-erday we had to stop just as the ittle Leopold girls and their mother rushed away from their chalet o dodge the avalanche. Now we'll et Peter go on with the seory. "aid Peter: "They stumbled and fell a dozen imes while scrambling through the leep snow. The mother couldn't se sklis, so the little girls had!

kicked their's off when they left home. -Einallv they hoard the avalanche almost flpon them. Thinking that they woldl not be able to escape they knelt down and prayed. And then a wonderful thing happened. The edge of the avalanche struck a huge rock above tliein. The rock held firm and the snow that hit it was brokpn up. What seemed like tons of lumps of snow and fine powder fell about the three, burying them for a few minutes, but the part of the avalanche that slipped by the rock didn't touch them. When they dug themselves out hours later they saw that the main part of the avalanche had swept over their house, hurling trees against it and wrecking it. Ail three wold have been killed by the falling timbers if they had stayed in the house. "They managed to reacli a neigh-

"The ALL SNAGG CENTER NEWS. Bill Bumpkin's wife was arrested for aiming her flivver the wrong direction, while two motorcycles made so much noise the constable could not get her name. nid Mairl Duffins has sold her j canary bird on account of the high cost oi living. In a speech delivered at the KaDootes theater by Squire Zarrow, we find there are a great many things that might stand consideration in the minds of our village people. For instance, there is the automobile owner who drives through our village so fearlessly, knocking our spring fry chickens to their death and most any day our post offlee might be robbed and the thief could be safe in the next village before our worthy constable could get his clothes on to make the catch. Ordinances were passed for Constable Phinn to sleep with his clothes on and for people to keep their chickens in a coop. Constable Phinn was called up before the town police board and given a good "calling down" because he had not made any arrests during the past week. At this writing the calaboose is full; since Constable Phinn has decided to arrest anything that moves, creeps or crawls through our village streets. Five flivvers, a threshing machine, three one-horse wagons, and two baby cab pushers were the victims of the town's justifier. One man came through the village riding horse-back, and Constable Phinn could not arrest him. as the law did not have any clause about speeding horses. Squire Whiggs, our village druggist and patent medicine emporium, was lucky enough to sell Constable Phinn a can of silver polish to shine his constable badge. Millie Zarrow borrows sugar when it costs the most and returns it when it i3 cheaper. Marsh Timpkins has an ad in the Matrimonial Gazette for a pardner wife. Little Willie Gibbins was chewing gum In school, and at the same time his feet were out in the aisle. The teacher notified him to take the gum out of his mouth, and put his feet in. Willie thought It was asking too much, and decided it could not be done. Si Plunkard says: "It's easier for a girl to raise a row than it is for a girl to raise a mustache."

a great distance, saw the avalan the sweep down over his home he gave his wife up for dead. In despair he hurried home. On the way neighbors told him that they had seen the girls going home from school, and he was sure that they too, had been buried. "When he arrived at his wrecked home he started to dig frantically in the ruins to find his family. He was silting, tired out and weeping, in the ruins when the neighbor man. who had taken in the mother and her girls, readied the chalet and told him his family was sale." Peter told Jack h nd Jane many other stories of avalanches. Some of them had happy ending. and some had Fad endings. One that amused the children very much was about a trained goat. Then children of a family on the edge ol a neighboring valley had trained a goat for a pet. They liked it. but their lather and mother considered it a nuisance, just like your parents probably would if you had a goat that insisted on stealing everything in could find around the house -like

Official Wind-Jammer of flte ' Community

THE VILLAGE GOSSIP BY SANDY RIDGE NEWS Since there are so many strikes everywhere, we may hear about some of the following kinds in the future: There's the babies, the canary, the dogs, the cats, the chickens they all have a right to strike if they want to. The canaries could strike for more sanitaryworking conditions, less singing, more food and less bird seed. Our babies could make a strike by asking for bigger bottles, less sleep, bigger cribs, fewer photographs, less baby talk, less kissing, and no sleeves in their dresses. The chickens can make their squawks to inform the public with les3 preachers, less visitors, no Sundays or holidays, and more freedom. Here come the cats! They can ask for more nights to stay out. more milk, more mouse traps, and longer lounging hours with more privileges to stay in the house. The dogs make their howl for bigger moons, more cats, fewer baths, no dog soap, no dog chains or dog houses, more riding in automobiles, and less walking. Sol Newconib loves his new wife so well he has named his hound pup after her. Miss Hazie Duffs does not like the movieji near as well as the old fashioned dramas. No one can see her gold teeth when she laughs. Hiram Hubbletree received a telegram from his boy yesterday, and the boy had been kicked in the mouth by a horse. The message stated the horse did not kick the boy on purpose, as it thought he was another horse. It is said soup is the easiest thing you can get for false teeth. THE WHISPERING INK "Joan, have you been doing anything to this ink?" "Yes, mamma, I put some water in It to make it write weak. I've been writing a letter to daddy and I wanted to whisper something to him." said little Wilie, "his hind tires have come off." SAFETY FIRST. "Why are you hurrying so, my boy?" queried the minister. "I want to get home as quick as I can. mother's going to whip me, and if I don't get there before dad does he'll do it." ASTONISHING, IS IT NOT? "What has Brooklyn got that New York hasn't?" "The other end of the bridge."

that pet did. It was chewing away at some stolen article out in the snow the day an avalanche buried the little chalet. The family caught in the house, waited a long time in vain to be dug out. They couldn't open the doors or climb

CHARLES MAC LEONHARDT

NUFFEY'S CORNER NEWS. A tramp came to the back door of the Hubbs home and Mrs. Hubbs came to the door very much excited and asked the tramp what he wanted, and to speak quick about it. The tramp lost no time in telling her: A motor car, a flying machine, a rich wife, a steam yacht, private cars, valet and a ham sandwich and a cup of coffee will be sufficient to please. Little Tomniie Spivins was crying because he spilled some ink on a new rug. A visitor told him there were no use to cry over spilled milk, and Tommic wuld not see the bright side of things the visitor's way." "If it was spilled milk, it would not make any difference." said Tomniie, "as I could call in the cat and let it lick it up, but now that it does not happen to be milk, mother will do the licking." While the village was blessed with a circus last week one of the leopards got loose, and the town constable Phinn wired to the manager of the show who was in Chicago, and asked him what should be done. The manager wired: "Shoot him on the spot." Constable Phinn said he "never saw an animal in his life that had so many spots." Rastus Johnson, the little colored boy of the village, liked to ride on the merry-go-round at the county fair, and after he had spent the last of a dollar for this favorite sport he asked his mother for more money to continue the pleasure. His mother would like to favor the son, but she told him: "You have been riding all day, and where have you been?" Uncle Luke Zarrow will give a banquet in Higgs livery stable next Wednesday, in honor of his umbrella that was found. Uncle Luke says It is such an unusual thing to find a lost umbrella, that a banquet will be the proper thing. "A cheeky girl with painted cheeks is cheeky," said Mrs. Ez Ebbe in a lecture at the Ka-Doots theater. Miss Mary Toots sent her little brother to the store to get a can of white shoe blacking to blacken her white shoes. OUR VILLAGE WHIFFS. It hs been. deeMed ' change the name of Punkin Center to Old Glory, m It will nerer be anything but a flag station anyhow.

out the windows, so heavy was tlm snow about their home. Just about the time they had given up all hope, who should come tumbling down the Chimney but the goat. He had fallen in Turtle hunting a way to get into the hou'St. This gave the father an idea and he hrit one of his sons to climb up the thinmey. It didn't take long for the boy to get help. Needless (u say. the goat could steal all tie wanted to alter that. Copyright. 1919. Frederick Philips Youngest Reporter The youngest reporter for the grown ups' Palladium is Frederick Phillips, of Garfield. He will report the sporting activities of tlm Junior High school.

One big cannon shot costs as much as three year's of a workingman's wages; five year's of a woman teacher's salary; an average workinguian's house; four years' college education. HOG WOLLOW BEND NEWS A few days ago Justice of Peace Phinn made a trip around and about the county to see the improvements. He noticed the laborers at work on the new Pest House, and stopped his wagon and asked many questions about the institution, and he took particular notice of the high board fence the carpenters were erecting. "What is the high board fence lor?" asked Justice Thinn. "Why. that's to protect the health of the people," said the busy carpenter. "You know, I have heard a good deal about this here Board of Health, but I'll be 'switched' if I ever seen one before." Mrs. Mirair Perkins was late for church services last Sunday. She came in just as the minister was delivering a part of his sermon about sinners, saying: "The who sinneth shall fall," and at this moment Mrs. Perkins stumbled over an umbrella and went a tumbling down the aisle.. Her daughter who was ironing in the basement of iier home was uninjured. The Hired Girls' Asociation of our village have taken over the old grist mill, and will fit it up for their club, rooms. An election of officers was also held: Miss Burdie O'Guarty, head bottle washer (meaning president); Lizziebeth Noambishion, assistant bottle washer; Aberdeeny Staoutalnite, panscraper (meaning treasurer); Sprunella Lofmostimc, chief gossiper, (meaning secretary). The scandal committee is made up of the follow ing hied girls: Truenola Nobis, Ashcany Ohnoudont, Bistunery Kurtlilgrl, and Osedia Kitchenette. GRIMEN'S CURVE NEWS Miss Flossie Duffs took her first ride on the street car while over to the city a few days ago. The conductor came around and asked her for the fare four times. Each time the conductor would say, "your fare, miss," and Flossie would blush worse each time. Finally, the conductor asked her again, and this time she replied: "I know they all say I am good looking, but you needn't yell it out so everybody can hear it!" "Waiter, will you get this cat out of the dining room," said a Customer of the Pash's Hash House today. "Well, it's this way, mister, since today we have stewed rabbit; the boss thought our patrons would have more confidence if the ct was within view during serving hours." It Is Queer lightning does not hit twice in the same place," said Squire Higgans, today, while playing a game of checkers. "Well," said Es Ebbs, "the way I got it figured, it don't have to."