Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 44, Number 246, 29 July 1919 — Page 6

PAGE SIX

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM AND SUN-TELEGRAM. TUESDAY, JULY 29. 1919.

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM

AND SUN-TELEGRAM

Published Every Evening Except Sunday, bf Palladium Printing Co. Palladium Building. North Ninth and Bailor Street Entered at the Post Office at Richmond. Indiana, aa Seat ond Claw Mall Matter. MBMBBB OF TUB ASSOCIATKD PRESS

nr republication of all news dlcpatcb.es credited to It

-oriri8 oraaitea In this paper and also tne 10

i if ftereio. Ail rlg-nts or republication OI oimi dispatches herela are also reserved.

"A Sample Case of Humor" This is the title of the latest book by Strickland Gillilan, formerly city editor of the Palladium, now one of the foremost humorists of the country. A review of the volume by a literary critic is appended: How could we live without the humorists, especially the real genuine sort like Strickland Gillilan, who has made millions of people think this is a pretty fine world while he has talked to them from the platform and his books? Somebody has called him the official dispenser of sunshine to the American people. Now he comes with another book, which he

calls "A Sample Case of Humor," and it is packed with clever, original fun more laughs to the square inch than can be found anywhere. It

might be well called a text book of humor; for every kind of humor is described and illustrated

with an original story of the Gillilan brand. If you have ever heard Gillilan lecture you know the quality of this volume and will hasten to get a copy; if you have not heard him you owe it to yourself to get acquainted with this kindly, clear thinking humorist through this refreshing book; for he is an American institution whom everybody should know. Get all his books and you will not need a medicine chest. Gillilan's humor is high grade sane, well balanced, and enjoyed by all sane, well balanced humans. It has a vital relation to life and remains in the memory years after it is read. Real humor and pathos are not far apart, and so the reader as he turns these pages occasionally stops laughing to ponder on a choice bit of sentiment that reaches the heart. In his preface Gillilan says : "My hope for this

book, from the viewpoint of results, is that it may increase the public's appreciation of humor by increasing its powers of observation in that direction sort of an every-man-his-own-humorist proposition, you see. There is as much fun in the world for you as there is for me. All you need is eyes to see it, a heart of kindly appreciation, and a mind sufficiently devoid of rheumatism to enable it now and then to jump out of the rut and kick up its supple heels. It is, in other words, in the hope of enabling people to have a lot of cheap and harmless fun, from the eyebrows up, that I have prepared this book." And he closes the book by saying: "If I have given to humor a mental aspect as well as its customary emotional one; if I have in the least degree helped you to find more humor about you and to create humor to while away lonely moments ; and if I have helped cultivate in you the capacity for throwing off sorrow when further

communion with it would make you not only un

happy yourself but render miserable your associates which is black injustice I am happy. And you will be happier."

scenes, with middle man and end men as of yore and row over row of burnt-cork faces rising amphitheatrically above them. But the grace of the day that is dead never comes back. Most emphatically, the fault does not lie in aging risibilities, nor yet in the dry-top baldness of the antique minstrel joke. The old minstrel show was wittier than the modern Imitation, even when due allowance is made for things seen in the dark backward and abysm of time; but it was not verbal antics that made its memories forever golden. Wit is the smallest part of your true low comedy, an almost negligible incident. The essence of comedy is character! the revelation of the sensitive human ego traversed by the grim, insensate

facts of life. Was it George Primrose who told ! how he stole the widow's flapjacks while she , made love to him? It doesn't matter; Haverly, , Thatcher, West or Dockstader could have acted: the little scene as well. While Cleopatra enveloped j him in her serpentine charms, he deposited flapjack after flapjack in his tall silk hat, with wads of butter and portions of New Orleans molasses in between. But when he slapped his hat on his head to go, she clinched him in a final embrace and the opze trickled down about his ear and upon her cheek. In his startled, guilty eye, Love's perfidy stood revealed. The thing- was done with one battered tile, a few gestures, fewer words, and of course with no crudely visible widow; but the joy of it is still tremulous in the midriff. Negro

character has never been warmer, richer, more deeply delightful, than in the old minstrel show. Who shall say why fashions in the theatre rise so gloriously and so lamentably cease? Changes in our kaleidoscopic population have ap parently something to do with it. The civil war intensified interest in the negro. Then came the Irish invasion, conducted by Harrigan and Hart, whose masterpieces culminated in the dramatic "rally".of a running fight between shillalah and razor. The shillalah always conquered; but its triumph was short lived. Other things came into favor. It is all so gradual that one scarcely realizes what is happening until some well remembered favorite makes his final exit.

Condensed Classics of Famous Authors

OLIVER GOLDSMITH

5. -

The Ministrel's Joke

The death of George Primrose, who was seen here often, induces the New York Times to say

editorially: It does not need the passing of George Prim rose to tell us of the death of that well-remem

bered joy, the minstrel show. Several recent musical comedies have interpolated "minstrel"

Life Savers Here are warnings prepared by the Los Angeles police department that, if heeded, will prevent accidents: If waiting for a street car, wait on the sidewalk until it approaches before stepping into the street. When alighting from a car always look for approaching traffic. When leaving a car go directly to sidewalk or cross walk. Don't cross in front or rear of street car from which you have alighted wait until it has pulled out of the way. Don't dodge back and forth in front of approaching vehicles stand still. Don't use roller skates on streets. Don't ride on steps of street cars. Don't jump on wrong side of street car which is in motion. Children, don't hitch on behind vehicles. Don't allow children to play in the streets. Don't cross in middle of block.

Don't carry umbrella so as to obstruct your

view when crossing the street. Don't walk in the roadway, except to cross the street. Don't step into the street to gaze at the fire apparatus that has passed the next one may hit you. Keep your eyes open and head up when crossing the street. Don't step from a moving street car. Don't run across the street. Don't cross intersections diagonally cross with the stream of traffic. Look to the left for approaching vehicles before you step into the street, and then to the right when you reach the center of the street.

Oliver Goldsmith, English poet, playwright, novelist and man of letters, was born in 1728. There has been some question as to the place of his birth, but recent investigators have claimed that it was at Smith-Hill House, Elphin, Roscommon. Ireland. While Oliver was still a child th family moved to the county of West Meath. He was sent to the village school when only seven, where the

master, while teaching reading, writing and arithmetic, managed to also fill the minds of his pupils with stories of fairies, ghosts, banshees. Goldsmith left this school at the age of nine, and went to several grammar schools and acquired some knowledge of the ancient languages. He was not a brilliant scholar; in fact was considered rather backward. He was small of stature, with features harsh to ugliness, and was the butt of the other boys and the masters. After many and varied attempts to fit himself for a profession, and repeated failures, he took to writing. Aa his name gradually became known, his circle of acquaintances widened. He was introduced to' Johnson, then considered the first of English writers, to Sir Joshua Reynolds, the famous English painter, and others. Before the "Vicar of Wakefield" appeared In 1766. came the great crisis of Goldsmith's life. In Christmas week, 1764, he published a poem, entitled the "Traveller." It was the first work to which he had put his name, and It raised him at once to the rank of a legitimate English classic. After the "Traveller" appeared "The Vicar of Wakefield," and it rapidly obtained a popularity which has lasted down to our own times. "The earlier chapters show all the sweetness of pastoral poetry, together with all the vivacity of comedy." It Is claimed that the latter part of the tale is not worthy of the beginning. The success which he won with this story encouraged Goldsmith to try his hand as a dramatist and he wrote the "Good Natur'd Man." The play, however, which is best known to later times Is "She Stoops to Conquer." It

was brought out at the Covent Garden Theatre, and "pit, boxes and gal'.erles were In a constant roar of laughter." Goldsmith died on April 4, 1774. In his 46th year. He was laid in the churchyard of the Temple, but the spot was not marked by any inscription and is now forgotten.

Jf'i hp t-tLJf.

Oliver Goldsmith, 1728-1774

True Stories of Successful Women By Edith Morlarty

How did you ever happen to ma "was amazed. How could she ever

TOE VICAR OF WAKEFIELD BY OLIVER GOLDSMITH Condensation by Carolyn Wells

choose your profession?" Is Invaria

bly the first question which Norma Hastings, D. D. 8.. must answer before she begins work on her new patient's left molar or bicuspid. And it is little wonder, for women dentists

are not numerous, and when they are

young and beautiful like Dr. Hast

ings, everyone becomes Interested in

them.

The young doctor always giggles,

yes, giggles is the word, for she is a very feminine young person despite her calUng, and she always answers: "I guess it's because I was too stupid to be a stenographer."

Of course, this leaves the patient more puzzled than ever, but it is very near to the exact truth. When Norma was a young girl attending one of the large high schools in a large city

What Other Editors Say

From the Chicago News. SOME valuable by-products of the war, such as the better physique and the admirable bearing of the trained soldier, were quickly visible. It took a little longer for the psychological by-products to manifest themselves. The question of what they would be was, of course, in another form the question of the part the returned soldiers were going to play In the life and work of the nation. Data begins to accumulate showing that the war has given our country mental and moral assets of vast worth. Employers testify to the added efficiency of the returned soldier. One large Chicago institution recently applied approved tests to its many employees who had been in military service. The tests showed that 64 per cent were better workers than before, that 32 per cent were unchanged, and that 4 per cent were below their former level. The greatest improvement was found in men of fairly long service. The men who showed deterioration had all been Bent to the training camps about two months before the war ended. In other words, they had been unsettled in their habits and had not time to profit from military discipline and instruction. Even more striking evidence of beneficial reactions is seen in the wholehearted way in which the newly returned men are re-enlisting for patriotic service in the ranks of the American Legion. That new organization holds aloft a standard of patriotism, of democracy and of helpful comradeship. It seeks to carry onward in civil life the principles the soldiers fought for and also the 6elf-sacrificlng spirit with which they fought.

MONEY GOING TO EUROPE Omaha Bee. Reports from postal authorities that large sums of money are being sent from Omaha to Europe by foreignborn residents who are anxious to assist relatives and friends over there might possibly be duplicated in other parts of the country. It is a very natural state of affairs,

but one that may have a direct bearing on conditions at home. Many weeks ago it was noted at New York that the outgoing tide of foreigners was taking away much cash, the hoarding savings of years of work at high wages, to enable them to take a fresh start in the old home. No real objection is raised to this, and it may contribute to the rehabilitation of the old countries, where progress is seriously retarded because of the lack of ready cash. Government support is asked for private credit, and may be withheld,, but the stream of money now flowing In the direction of the lands that have been shut off from mail service for nearly five years is certain to have some good effect on the work of. restoration. This is not the least of America's contribution to Europe's salvation.

BRYAN AND THE PRESS Minneapolis Tribune. William Jennings Bryan is auoted in an address be

fore the Portland (Ore.) Press Club as predicting that "some day all news will be issued through government

channels and will have the approval of the proper authority before it is printed." Government-controlled newspapers, he said, would be expected to give impartially the views of each political party as presented by some one in authority. It looks as if Mr. Bryan might be taking his inspira

tion from the designs of Townleyism on the press of

North Dakota. In that event he would better wait a bit to see how the new order of a "kept press' works out in that venturesome commonwealth. With a Democratic administration hostile to him Mr. Bryan might have fared under a government-censored press in 1896 even worse than he did. His paramount issue of anti-imperialism in 1900 would not have gibed well with an imperial press if there had been one at that time. Would the slogan, "Let the People Rule", as Mr. Bryan understood that alluring appear in 1908, have been helped any by the effect of a press censored under a Republican administration, or under any other kind, opposed to his political doctrines?

I chose my wife for such qualities as 1 would wear well. She could read any English book without much spelling; but for pickling, preserving and cookery, none could excel her. We were ever unstinting of our hospitality, and our gooseberry wine had great reputation, so that our cousins, even to the fortieth remove, remembered their affinity without any help from the herald's office, and came very frequently to see us. My children were well-formed and healthy. Two daughters, who, to conceal nothing were certainly very handsome: Olivia, of luxuriant beauty, and Sophia, soft, modest and alluring. My eldest son, George, was bred at Oxford, while Moses, my second boy, received a sort of miscellaneous education at home. I But, alas, by a sudden stroke of illluck, my entire fortune was swept away, and out of fourteen thousand pounds I had but four hundred remaining. This caused my neighbor, Mr. Wlmot, to break off the engagement existing between my son George and his daughter, Arabella. Mr. Wilmot had one virtue in perfection, which was prudence, too often the only ,one that is left us at seventytwo. We were now poor, and wisdom bade me conform to our humble situation. I gave George five pounds and sent him to London to do the best he might for himself and for us. I found a small cure of fifteen pounds a year in a distant neigborhood, and thither we at once repaired. On our journey we fell in with one Mr. Burchell, a pleasing and instructive companion, who told me mucn

of Squire Thornhill, our new landlord, who, it seemed was the pleasureloving nephew of the great and worthy Sir William Thornhill. Mr. Burchell had the great kindness to rescue my

daughter Sophia, who had the mischance to fall into a rapid stream, and, who, but for this timely asisstance, must have been drowned. On this, my wife immediately built a future romance for the two young people. I could not but smile, to hear her, but I am never displeased with those harmless delusions that tend to make us more happy. Our landlord, Squire Thornhill, became a frequent visitor at our little habitation, lured, perhaps by my wife's venison pastry or perhaps by the charms of my pretty daughters. Mr. Burchell, too, came often, so we were not at loss for merry company. My wife, ambitious to hold our heads a little higher in the world, desired that I sel lour colt at a neighboring fair, and buy, instead, a horse that would make better appearance at church or upon a visit. She sent Moses, who was a most discreet bargainer, and whom his sisters fitted out bravely for the fair. They trimmed his locks, brushed his buckles and cocked his hat with pins. He wore a thunder-and-lightning coat and a gosling green waistcoat; but, alas, at the fair he was imposed upon by a prowling sharper, who, after Moses had well bargained away the colt, managed to get the purchase money from him in return for a gross of green spectacles in shagreen cases! and so, as usual, unforeseen disaster frustrated our attempts to be fine. ,My daughters planned a pleasure expedition to town, and this Mr. Burchell so strongly disapproved of that a quarrel ensued between him and my wife, and the gentleman left our house in a fit of anger, nor could Sophia's pleading looks stay him. The town trip being still in prospect, my wife, decreed that I go to the fair myself, and sell our one remaining horse. But when one wouldbe purchaser examined the animal and declared him blind of one eye, another observed he had a spavin,' a third perceived he had a windgall, a fourth observed he had the botts, and so on, I began to have a most hearty contempt for the poor beast myself, for I refllected that the number of witnesses was a strong presumtion they were right, and St. Gregory himself is of the same opinion. However. I at last sold my horse, but had the misfortune to receive in payment a forged and worthless draft, the same bein, indeed, the wicked work of the very man who had sold Moses the spectacles. Mr. Burchell being absent from our fireside, only Sophia missed him, for the rest of us were greatly pleased by the visits of our landlord, who now came often. It must be owned that my wife laid a thousand schemes to entrap him as a husband for Olivia, and used every art to magnify the

merits of her daughter. The results, however, being small, my wife sought to rouse Mr. Thornhill's jealousy by hinting of Olivia's marriage with Farmer Williams, a most worthy though humble neighbor. This failing to egg on the backward Thornhill the wedding day was set for Olivia and Farmer Williams. But four days before the day I learned to my distraction that my Olivia had gone off secretly in a post-chaise with a gentleman, who, as I was told by an onlooker, kissed her and said he would die for her. Well did I know the villian who had thus robbed me of ray sweet innocent child ; it was none other than the wicked Thornhill. My wife fell

to loud berating of him and Olivia as well, but I declared my house and heart would ever be open to the returning sinner. I set out to find her, but my first efforts persuaded me that is was Mr. Burchell, and "not Squire Thornhill, who had seduced my darling. This, though, was not the truth. 'Twas but part of the vlllians's plan. After long search I found my darling girl, in a hiding place, whither she had fled from the dreadful Thornhill who, under pretence of marriage, had ruined her. It seems they were married by a black scoundrel, who had before married the Squire to six or eight other wives! I took my little darling home, only to be met with the astounding news that my home was utterly destroyed by fire. With what cheerfulness we might, we mads shift to live in one of our farm outbuildings, and endeavored to enjoy our former serenity. But this was not to be. The despicable Thornhill, about to marry Miss

Wilmot yes, the same to whom my

son George was once betrothed made

proposal that we marry my Olivia to

r.nother, yet let her still be a friend

of his own. My righteous denunciation

of this resulted in the Squire's threats of retribution, and this came, in the form of a demand for my annual rent,

the which, I was all unable to pay. I was thereupon thrown into a debtor's prison, but even here I endeavored to preserve my calm, and after my usual meditations, and having praised my Heavenly Corrector, I slept with the utmost tranquillity. Men frequently call In the consolations of philosophy, which, I have found, are amusing, but often fallacious. In the prison, though I attempted a much-needed reform movement, and though I lectured and advised with all my powers, I suffered many and various sorrows and disappointments. I was informed of the death of my daughter, Olivia an untrue report, thank Heaven! I was told of the forcible abduction of Sophia, by desperate villians. From this danger, however, dear Sophia was rescued by Mr. Burchell, to whom I willingly gave my treasure for a wife. And, we then learned that our friend Mr. Burchell was in reality the great Sir William Thornhill, and my daughter would be a fine lady: And, another joy, I learned that my daughter Olivia was the lawful wife of Squire Thornhill, his previous marriages all having been so performed by the wicked clergyman that they were not legal. Whereupon, my son George having

reappeared. Miss Wilmot, his one-time

take up dentistry She had no money and her last experience In school had

been so discouraging. The dentist, however, would not give up so easily. He finally worked out a plan with her whereby she was to work for him one year and during that time she was to read up on dentistry and save money for tuition at school. Then she was to work for him after Ecbool hours, as the dental college ot the big .university in the city was downtown near his office. She was also to work for him or some other dentist during the summer vacation and by that method it seemed possible that by borrowing money for part of her tuition and paying her earned money at home for her share she might in three years have the coveted degree of doctor of dental surgery. She followed his plan to the last detail except that her last year the was able to pay all her own tuition. She was the only girl in her class

and despite her absorbing interest in her work and her hours, crowded as tbey were with studying and moneymaking, she still had time for parties and dances which are a part of every young girl's life. She graduated third high in her class and when she took her state examinations she was fifth highest. Today she is just what she decided she wanted to be five years ago, a dentist who specializes In children's work and her practice is as large now as the dentist' j who helped her get her start. She paid off her debts in a year and today, although but 24 years old. she is already a successful woman.

she. like most other irfrls. never fZ

thought of a dentist or dentistry except when she had the toothache and then her thoughts were not kindly ones.

When she finished high school she did not know just what to do. Most of her friends were going on to college, but Norma could not afford to do that, and so after casting about a bit trying tq find an aim in life 6he

decided to go to business school. Disgusted with Shorthand. Her first week was one of terror, according to her own accounts of It. Those "miserable little shorthand figures," as she called them, danced before her eyes all day and haunted her at night, but she could never recall the right one at the right time. Each night she would decide to leave school and go to work and each night her family would persuade her to return. Finally she gave up trying to master the dots, dashes and curlicues and

she merely went to school, put in the

time, and went home each night with

nothing gained. Parties and dances were so much more fun and finally be

came so important a part of her life

that she forgot that she was supposed

to be learning her life s work.

Then one day everything changed.

Her father died suddenly and left the family with little money, and many

debts. Norma had to leave school.

"Had my father lived or left us

with money and no debts, today I

6hould probably hold the record as the city's slowest stenographer, for I was well on the road to the title," she laughingly says when speaking of her

career. Becomes Dentist's Assistant She and her sister both left school and started to work to help the family recover financially. Norma happened to get work as assistant in the office

of a prominent dentist. It was not long before she became intensely in- i terested in her work. Even before j she realized it herself she was think- j ing more of work and less of play, j She started taking dental magazines ; and reading up on dentistry in the 11- j

brary and while she waa doing it she was unconscious of any effort on her part. She was merely doing it because she found it pleasant. She matched the dentist with the interest that other girls watch their favorite hero on the movie screen. She asked questions about everything she did not

understand. The dentist appreciated her interest and her work, but he thought she was merely an especially conscientious person. But one day he discovered her and she discovered herself. A little girl came to be treated. She cried and was frightened and it looked as if nothing could be done for her. Then Norma took the child and calmed her and looked at her tooth and finally treated her under the doctor's instructions. After the child was sent happily away. Norma 6aid: "I don't see why women do not take

up dentistry and why they do not i

specialize in children's work, because

children are usually not afraid of wo-,

men. i The dentist told her how some wo-:

men do enter the profession, and he asked her why she did not try it. Nor-

Dinner Stories

A sorry blow has been dealt at those who maintain we are not a commercial race. "You gave me prussic acid in mistake for quinine this morning," a man told a druggist the other day. "Is that so?" said the dealer, "then you owe me another nickel." A darkey was unloading horses andt when he had the halter hanks ot six horses he started up the road toward camp and the stables. Just before, entering camp the road turned sharply to the right; in fact, it made a right angle with its previous course. At this point the darky with his six halter hanks experienced some difficulty in getting all the horses to make the turn and he was heard to shout: "Here, what's the matter with yoa all Don't you all know how to mako a turn to da right? Number one pivot! Pivot dar on de right!" With the demobilization of the army some new stories are being demobilized, too. One is the story of the bright

tnougnt or an adjutant. The commanding officer of a force behind the lines had acquired or "won" (as they say in the army) a cow, and he was much envied in all the messes. Tho adjutant had avcottage with a garden in which he had some good strnwberries. One day the C. O. without a word went into this garden and helped himself to the adjutant's strawberries. The adjutant could not. of course, rebuke his chief, but he put up thi3 notice: "Trespassers in this strawberry garden will have their cow shot."

CAPTAIN USED PICK TO CAPTURE FOES

Good Evening BY ROY K. MOULTON

By ROY K. MOULTON. They have queer weather in Ohio. One of the papers describing an electrical storm said: "Each deafening peal of thunder was followed by a vivid flash of lightning."

I v ' " ' ' WF ' ' ' Vt fa.-:

.14" vS' '- - x ""?i

They abolished "Ughtless nights" many months ago, but the people

love, accepted anew his offers, and j seqm to have been kept in the dark

those two were happy together. As

a capsheaf to my harvest of good fortune, the rascal who did me out of my fortune so long ago was arrested, and forced to give up his effects. My v.rongs being set right, I, of course, was freed of the prison, and it now remained only that my gratitude in good fortune should exceed my former submission in adversity. Copyright, 1919. by Post PublishingCo. (The JBoston Post.) All rights reserved. (Published by special arrangement w!ththe McClure Newspaper Syndicate. Ail rights reserved.) "IvanW." by Sir Walter Scott, as condensed by Professor William Fenwick of Cambridge, will be printed tomorrow."

COAL SHORTAGE IN ITALY ' 77 j ROME, July 29. Italy's coal supply, which it was estimated today will last only 12 days, Is causing increasing alarm. Negotiations for American coal, which have been in progress here, have been taken up directly with the American International Relief association at Paris, of which Herbert C. Hoover Is the head.

ever since.

"Once there was a man who deceived his wife," is the way one magazine story Btarts. We read no farther. Judging by the opening sentence, the whole story is manifestly impossible. The Restaurateur's Shortest Poem. Can't pay the rent With 2 per cent. Just when we thought there was never going to be another war, the London town corporation presented General Pershing with a new sword. It Is a wise galoot who knows enough to stay off the witness stand. As a diplomat and philosopher Uncle Henry is a great little old automobile manufacturer. It is rumored that the man in the postal airplane acidentally dropped somebody's love-letter overboard the other day, and the thing was so much lighter than air that It floated upward out of sight and was never re-

0

CapL Samuel WoodhiTl. Capt. Samuel Woodhill of Ken tveky, an officer in the U. S. regular army, is credited with capturing, single handed, two German machine gun nests with his revolver and a third with a pick, when his ammunition ga,ve out He' killed thirteen machine gunners and captured three in' that action. He has been awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, the Croix de Guerre and the Legion of Honor. He was with the Fifth division in France. He recently joined his wife at Fort Thomas, Kentucky.

Memories of Old Days In This Paper Ten Years Ago Today

Herbert Bell, prominent Richmond man, died of heart disease at his home on the National Road East: Orvllle Brunson, boys' secretary of the Y. M. C. A,, reconsidered the resignation which he handed to the board and consented to remain in Richmond. Benjamin Johnson, Wallace GIfford and Clifford Plummer left for Lake Geneva, Wisconsin to attend a Y M. C. A. conference.