Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 44, Number 185, 17 May 1919 — Page 16

PAQK TWO

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM, SATURDAY, MAY 17. 1919 THE HICKSVILLE BREEZE ; "The Official Wind-Jammer of the Community" Colombey-les-Bellcs, Muerth-et-Moselle, France, March 14, 1919 A SMILE OR TWO AND ALL FOR YOU

Big World Extra :

; Big World Extra

CLARABELLE. WRITES ARCHIE. America, U. S. April 17, 1919. Dear littlo shrimpy: Dog-gone! Archie, I eure was glad you wrote me, but haven't had much time to answer as ma and pa are away on a visit, and I have to take care of the farm. Oh. Archie, you wouldn't know me now, as I have shrunk up a whole lot, but Archie, I sure would rung your neck if you was here when you made such a remark about me, in your letter frem France. You said "1 was so fat that you was afraid I'd roll off your lap." if you remem

ber. Of course, I realize you are so far away you can say what you please, but remember, you Hawedoff shrimp, your time Is coming when you get home. You may wonder why I call you a "shrimp," well, Archie, that's the nearest thing I can think of to a fish. Ma and pa had a argument a few minutes ago, as they just got back from a visit to the city. Ma asked pa whot time it was, and When pa reached for his watch It was gone. Ma she remembered that pa had wandered away out of her sight once, and they re still arguing about it It la awful to be married, Archie. Bill's boy has his first new long pants, and dog-gone, he sure does look awkard but he never will amount to anything.. Joe Heggman's family went to Bainville to see Bluffing Bill's Tame West show, and little Bennie wandered away and nearly got lost his ma spied him over near one of the animalB' cages, and his ma yeuea for Bennie to get away from them cats' cages but his ma didn't know the differece between a cat and a monkey, for that was what Bennie was looking at. Bennie wanted to know what was the real name of them great big brutes with rubber tails over in the corner, and his ma did know, cause she told him thoy was elephants. Hattle Boldmald's cat tried to get her gold fish last night, but the cat leaned over the bowl too far and fell in, and Is dead- the fish are still swimming. 1 had heard so much about coo ties in France that I asked Col. Pullman of the G. A. R. what was the difference between a cootie and a flea, and he said he thought a cootie had military training. Schweiner's butcher shop will be closed for some time, as he has run out of beef and will have to wait till the three calves grow up he has on pasture. There's nothing new at our house except what I Just told you as we still have the same two hounds and . the five house cats we had when you went to France. Your "asbestos-padded heart's" friend, as ever. Clarabelle Snookums. "SAYETTES." A few pieces of rubber soaked in gravy will cut down the coat of running a cheap restaurant. The patrons get up and hurry oue so fast that the rubber can be used over and over without much dam age. .. - '. ;- ,''; Dishes might be made from the same application as ice cream cones, and after a meal, nothing but the cloth and a few crumbs remain. A pet crow will rid you of the crumbs, and make dish washing a past article. . Think of a chap being under shell fire in France and not enough nerve to face his mother-in-law... x PODUNK BRIEFS. Joe Linxweiler went to work for Sam Ilcggeman, and Joe likes the work fairly well. He gets up at 4 a. m., feeds and milks 25 cows, currys 60 horses, feeds five hundred hogs, rounds up the sheep, and a couplo cords of wood before breakfast, but what worries Joe is what he will do to put in the rest of the day. Squire Perkins left the Crescent Lodge meeting banquet before refreshments were served because the gravy did not match his vest.

Edited by CHARLES MacLEONHARDT Third Company, Third Air Service Mechanics. Columbey-les-Belles, Muerth-et-Moselle, France, A. P. O. 731-A, American Expeditionary Forces.

WILLOW BEND NEW8. Mrs. Liz. Wash was refused a divorce because she was a lucky and able dodger when her husband hurled chinaware at her. Hiram Wiggens was cursing bis auto because it would not run; when some one came along and told him he could not run it with lung power either. When the first auto speeded through the burg, Squire Perkins ., f. . ., . . f that carriage. Sy Webb went to a movie a few night ago, and he was under the impression it was a Jungle scene, until he discovered it was the fo Mage on a lady's hat who sat In front of him. Mrs. Weatherby asked her husband why he did not buy as many pretty presents for her now as he did before they were married, Mr. Weatherby told why, you know before we were roarired you lived off your father and I lived on free lunches. TOWN HALL NEWS. Squire Plum has announced he will not run for town constable. He thinks it will be asking too much to enforce some of the new laws of the village. The new laws are: No chewing gum on Sundays and holidays; neighborhood gossip must be stopped; all parties who play checkers must talk during the p-amo nnpasinnallv cirla riouirinc husbands must first consult town j

clerk Weatherby, as he doesntlBay to Shawlie about the whale? want to be cheated. He may j shawlie didn't do a thing and someone who he likes bet-totne kaiser elephant!" "Oh. no, ter than Miss Toodle, otherwise,.! no whno-nee. ee-voon-e.

he will marry her; and also, no hitching to the town clock post in front of Ez Ebbs watch fixing shop. The last law was made after Doc Pilldotn hitcher his horse and rig to the post and jerked the town clock down. No body knew what time it was in the village for two weeks till Bill and Henry Pash made a new spring at Hicksville Boiler Works. As a result of not knowing the time, the village natives dwid not know when to go to bed and could have Judged better if the sun had shined, but it was raining or cloudy weather for the whole two weeks. There will be no church at Deepsteeplo Temple for two Sundays, so everybody can catch up with their sleep. Bub Higgans has sold his old rusty shot gun, and will quit trying to raise chickens. Too many marriages in the village has caused a honey shortage. Since all the flowers are picked, the bees have no territory to gath er the material for making honey. Miss Kitty Annabelle Westwheat took a seven-day romance on an excursion boat up Big Creek river, and many strange passengers' were aboard. Second day she- met many of them; third, met a villain, a regular "cut-up;" faurth day, the villain "edged" up to Kity, and made acquaintance; fifth day, villian asked for a kiss Kitty refused; sixth day, the villian threatened her, and attempted to sink the boat should she resist; seventh day, Kitty saved the lives of many hundred passengers. TOWN REMARKS. A woman often misses her hus band, because she has no one to contradict. There's ants out west that can carry large articles, pull up a tre, ets. They are eleph-ants. People who they're dead. have no forriesTeach your boy to take sister's part when she has an orange the brother will also take her half of the orange as a manner of obeying orders. '

8HAWLIE SHAPLIN PLAY8

MOVIE IN DOGDOME. Shawlie coming down the street "What's up?" Other dogs yell. "S. O. S. He's wrecking Dogdome for fair" the Kaiser elephant ha3 broke away." Shawlie: "Stand by me, my brave mates, and all in favor democracy of Dogdome say, Kl-eye." The mates: "Ki-eye, ki-eye, kiaue," were their dogish shouts. Shawlie: "Ah! the kaiser elephant, wheel Scatter, mates, scatter, and grab your implements of war; ya-bo! ya, ho! The elephant snorted a toot and says: "You shall defy me. Well we shall see! Wogogoggg!" Shawlie: "My dogdom for a saw, brace and bit, and an ax. Scat, fellows, scat!" The elephant picked Shawlie up and swallowed littde Shawlie and all his tools, and snorted: "Don't thee know what the whale did ot Jonah?" The mates: "Boo-woo-woof-oot. boo-hoo, poor Shawlie is gone, but mates we can't lose him; we can't be so yellow to resist Shawlie at this tragic moment. We shall help him, because, too, Shawlie has no insurance and has never made a will." Shawlie from the inside was heard to cry out: "Throw in my hat." The Elephant: "Wow! oh! my! I do believe that boy is tantalizing myitals with a hat pin. Oh! oh! oh!!" as the augur pierced his sides. Mates: "I do believe there Is going to be something doing for the coroner," were their shouts. "By-jinks, Shawlie acts like he was working on a cyclone, or remodeling the kaiser elephant's sides and oh! there's the saw coming through the kaiser elephant's side whee! hurrah!" "And mates what did the kaiser Ha! ha!" another barked. While the poor old Kaiser elephant layed cut in two, Shawlie came marching out, and said : "Mates, we have won! . we have won! we shall leave his brainless, powerless body for the disposal of the buzzards and now proceed to the land of liberty our Dogdome." A master pup: "We shall parade in honor of our new king of Dogdome, Shawlie Shaplin. with banners so high in the air." The mates came out with their banners of many kinds: "Order of Irish setters,-' "Fraternal order of Scotch Terriers," "Society of French Poodles," "English and American Bulls," "Lazy Lap Dogs.' "Lady Dogs' Patriot Society," "Daughters of the Great Dames and Dudes club." The peeple dogs: "We are proud of thee, dogs of Dogdome, they'd saved the kingdom for the reward, we Bliall allow all the "dog-sogers" a free license for the rest of their days." The mater,: "Tut, Tut! Wc can do the same every day." Shawlie: "Yes, yes, don't men Hon the incident, we merely did our duty, and 'tis quite so." Dogdome is the land of happiness now and forever for liberty rules. Shawlie Shaplin, King of Dogdome .SQUIRE EBBS' STORE NEWS Uncle Ike Stubs told Doc Pillmore: "I had fear of being hurried alive till I met you." Mrs. Ebenezer Squashby will not take in any more washings. Her husband has gone to work. Some hired girls got awful fresh, according to Sheriff Biggens, when he asked Miss Martha Whlggs if she would sweep out the room. She did not know about the room, but she'd try to sweep out the dust. A new bride of Ebb's Corner ordered some potatoes from the village grocer, and, of course, there are two kind of potatoes, and the clerk asked: "What kind?" The bride replied: "Let me see. I don't like fried, well you can send me them mashed." . ,

STORY OF TWO BUMS. A horse and mouse Became quite chums. With desire so great To become bums The next morning They caught a freight, Arrived In New York A quarter till eight The curfed rang At the regular time, But they couldn't find beds With only a dime . A policeman grabbed The horse by the tail, And threw them both In the city JailOne big room Was their cell, And Mousy said: "Ain't that swell?" The mouse sneaked Right thru the bars And wasn't missed For several hours-?-The horse agreed Never to roam, And now he's working Around his home That's the end Of this funny case, But though it's a fable, And never took place.

BENNIE'S COMPOSITION BOOK. deer public: i take pleesure In riting to the peeple on a subjek bout wimen. My teecher gives me the subjeck because she thinks I kin give the peeple a purty good idear what wimen are like. if you should a happen to go passed a house and hear a womin yelling to the top of her voice, like she wuz being murtered, don't Manual Art Exhibit Arouses Admiration . "How pretty! Isn't that fine? How different i;; are some of the things that people say when they go into the art rooms on the third floor of the High school building. There they see a great, great many things, pictures and little books, furniture, even a big buffet, sewing, cooking, metal and wood work,, printing, batiks (which is just a queer sounding name given to beautiful silks colored a certain way), hats, bird houses and ail kinds of toys. And every single thing in this exhibit was made by a Junior, from the tiniest boy and girl in kindergarten to the most artistically minded student in High school, all by himself, with careful help and suggestions from a thoroughly interested teacher. There is a four-room house, which m-oudly says its furniture was made by the boys and girls in the kindergarden of Hibberd. Then you may look at a real grocery, with its rows of neat-looking cans and boxes, and its counter full of candy, all made by the children of Sevastopol's second grade. You may take a long look at a beautiful flower shop 100, full of all kinds of flowers and plants. All kinds of books are shown, too, from the real simple ones to those with stiff backs , Baskets are there, and splendid posters all about things we are interested in. Liberty Loans, war gardens, Thrift Stamps and things of that sort. The boys of the sixth grade have made some very pretty and very well made bird houses, plant stands, toys and doll furniture out of wood. On different days, the various cooking classes showed the best things to eat, but they wisely showed them in a glass case. All kinds of sewing, too, proves that the girls are able to make all kinds of things for themselves. The mechanical drawing exhibit and the metal work la especially fine and very interesting. So are the examples of printing and of Night School work. Many of the posters from High school are handsome, and handsome indeed are the dyed table scarfs, mats and bags. Since 11 the schools went in groups last week to see the exhibit probably all of you Juniors have seen the exhibit If you hare not seen it, go and see It tomorrow.

You will be gtad you went to see it

be Bkeered cause she alnt being murtered. She's ony a slngin' to put put the baby to sleep. Wimen most always sing when they are a trying to rock the boby to sleep. I figure that a baby .must be purty sleeDv in the first place or it

couldn't go to sleep with such muslk as that When a womin buys her a burd cage, a kanary burd, a curling iron and a cuple gold fishes you kin figure she is thru lookin" fur a man it haint cause they want to be old maids, but cause they can't help themselves. i know a hole lot more about wimin, but hain't lowed to say much, cause the teecher is going to censor what 1 rite. Bennie. P. S. Wimin are great things to paint up their faces till they look like they are camyflaged. SUGAR KRICK NEWS. There's a creek in our village used by all the farmers to increase the out-put of milk the city folks have paid dearly-for fluid from this creek and thought they were buying milk and for a good many years. . OLD HICKORY BEND NEWS. Willie Nephf is a dude. He Is educated everywhere except in the head. Mentone Gosh has an option on Lucy Deetes till the end of the fishing season. Fink Nitz tied a can on his dog's tail so the dog could keep his mind on the rabbit. Our "Thank You" List For This Week Juniors, several of your little stories we were unable to publish, because they were duplicates of something that has been published already, or because they were only parts of things, and one or two were not written clearly enough to be read (this doesn't happen very often). We are sorry always that we are unable to print all your letters. So we take this method of giving you credit for sending them in and hope you will try again soon. The following are the names of the Juniors whose letters we were unable to publish: Ruth Longnecker, Warner School; Paul Cussins, Warner; Verlio Jones, 4A, Finley; Florence Dinley, 4A, Finley; Richard McCann, St. Mary's; Laura Marlow, 4B, Warner; Zenobia Linezey, 4A, Finley; Mildred Bromley, 3B; Crystal Gentry, 126 State street; Albert Robbins, 3A, Whitewater; Marguerite M. Starr ; Wiiford Nuss, age 10; Catherine Haworth, 3A, Starr;' Mary Catherine McAppin, 4B, Finley; Virginia Sonsini, 3B, Whitewater; and Frank Salzarulo, 3B, Whitewater. G. A. A, Girls Enjoy . Annual Banquet The High school gym, Friday night will be a pretty place and a place where everyone is having a good time. The reason for this is that the girls of the G. A. A. will be giving their annual banquet at that time, under the direction of Miss Margaret Wickemeyer, who is enthusiastic over the work of the G. A. A Tables seating ten or twelve people will be scattered over the gym, and the color scheme of red and white will be generally carried out. The efficiency pins and scout badges will be given out at this time and the officers for next year

will be elected and installed. Attractive programs in red and white will be given each girl. Mary Louise Bates will be toastmaster. The clars toasts will be given by Glenna Miller, freshman; Lona Wiest, sophomore; Helen Hazeltine, junior; and Pauline Smith, senior. Mrs. Newlon, Miss Newby and Mr. Kelly will give the faculty toasts. Martha Jones, of the class of 1918, will acknowledge the receipt of the 1918 G. A. A. pennant. Miss Wickemeyer will act as sponsor.