Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 44, Number 161, 19 April 1919 — Page 18

FAGE FOUR

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM, SATURDAY, APRIL 19, 1919 THE HICKSVILLE BREEZE Birthday f Extra "The Official Wind-jammer of the Community" Colonibey-lesBelles, Muerth-et-Moselle, France, March 14, 1919 A SMILE OR TWO AND ALL FOR YOU

Overseas Edition

HICKORY BEND NOTES

School opened Monday. Miss Hilda Weatherby will be the teachers' "pet" this term. "Removing freckles from the face with Sapollo" will be the lecture at Melodeon hall by Mrs. Samanthy Arabelle Doogans next Wednesday. Miss Zarena Hirschenberg refused to go to Sunday school last Sunday, because she heard Miss Med a Boggs had a new dress she never knew the Boggs girl had. The Hickory Ben fire department and Concert Band will report at Squire Jones' Barn for practice at seven o'clock tonight ' FROGTOWN NOTES. The Farmers' club at Pikes Turn, met last night and the current topic of the meeting was "Peace at any Price." Ben Zarrow, the chairman, mado the statement he was in favor of the proposition, and an appropriation and hotel accomodations be made for the Thousand Islands at once. He said : "It would bo a mother-in-law's paradise," and further stated, "an amendment be made to the bill that they spend a' week on each island." All other members were eager to get the proposition through immediately. Ladies' hat styles will remain the saine this year.using the same crown, but where there were red ribbons, the colors will be green This was the news Miss Artilda Zarrow brought back from the La dies' Hat Mission at Smith's center. A man always has difficulties in eating breakfast when his wife re minds him of talking in his sleep, "If a woman waa as quick get- . ting into her own clothes as she is in getting in the husband's, life would be more pleasurable," says Jakie Dubbs. EXCHANGE COLUMN Open to All Boya and Girl. These Ada Coat You Nothing; Send in Your "WnU" to The Palladium Junior. FOR SALE History of the War. Life of Theodore Roosevelt Call 236 South Third. FOR SALE Eight months old full stock male calf. Liberty, Ind., Phone 10-1. Raymond Johnson. WANTED More boys for the U. S. Junior Training School. LOST A blue angora cat, white feet and white nose, answers to the name of "Fluffy". If found Please return to Rhea Louise Pyle, or phone 4322. Reward. . WANTED A place on farm during summer by boy 12 year old. Call 915 North G street

The Hicksville Breeze Edited by CHARLES MACLEONHARDT 3rd Co., 3rd Air Service Mechanics A. P. O. 731-A, Zone of Advance, Colombey-les-Belles, France, American Expeditionary Forces.

Ezra Ebb says: "He would like to get an alarm clock that would wake his hired girl without disturbing the whole family." Tho clock he owns now wakes the whole family and never arouses the hired girl. Miss Tillie Plum says she can keep a secret, but it would be just her luck to tell other girls who can't. The Agony Quartette will sing at the Woman's Argument club at Town hall tonight. KANKOR'S STORE NEWS. Si Plunkard said time sure changes why he could remember when a girl reached the age of twenty-five, she grew curls, took in a stray cat or two, had from two to five gold fisch, and the voice of a canary bird could always be heard. Mrs. Lily Boogans brags she has just buried her fourth husband, and has hopes of getting the fifth. The town's water supply was shut off for two days. Some one broke the pump handle. Bert Hawkins says, "He'd like to take, a vacation where the pocket book would enjoy it as much as he did." All girls who have passed the ages from thirty to forty years, and can remember the five years they were eighteen are urgently re quested to se Mrs. Sam Kankor, chairman of the Children's Welfare club. Your Btory of past life might interest the club. The Corntassel family attended the baptism of their daughter, Omega. Being in the early spring the water of Wild Creek was rather icy. After the minister emerged the daughter, he asked, "Was the water cold?" and the girl quickly replied "Not" A kid brother, who was star . witness of the scene, heard the remark, and cried out "Put her under again, preacher, she am t quit her lying yet." TRY THESE. If you can't get soup off the ta ble cloth with a spoon try a blotter. Because a show is called the "Lion and the Mouse," doesn't say it's an animal show. One vouner man ravr "TTnlpss you consent to be mine, I shall go ncti. lit; a ai vr ai One woman could not explain to her student son whether he was a decendent of a monkey, because she never saw any of her husband's people. This man would not attend a cir cus because he would rather stay home and hear the summer boarders try to tell and show him how to run the farm. When you see a man singing and he shuts his eyes, maybe it's because he can't bear to see the au

dience suffer . '

Quite an argument occured between two of the town's society girls when one received an engagement ring. The holder of the ring said it was pronounced "turwahs" and the other said, "turkwoys," but the town Jeweler settled the argument and said, "He thought it was pronounced 'glass.' " Mrs. Higgins thinks preachers are about the same as any of her boarders, only she thinks they eat more. "Will you press my trousers," said the newly married man. "What, me! Do you you think you married a flatiron," said the wife. A few days later the wife asked her hubby "to button her blouse." "What, me! Do you think I am a button hook?" While Squire Jones was complaining of his stomach, the doctor stated he had an acute stomach. Squire said he knew it hurt and there was nothing cute about it either.

OH, THAT CAT! We got a cat at our house, He's funny as a bug Don't like rats and mice, And tries to eat our rug. We got a cat at our house, That's different than the rest Carries matches, smokes cigarettes And drinks pop his best. We got a cat at our house, . Almost human, they say Stays out fighting all night, And slipes in bed all day. We got a cat at our house, Who fell in love with the moon He strained his neck looking up, Now they feed him with a spoon. We got a cat at our house, Who's wise as Father Time Refuses to drink milk, And likes chloride of lime. We got a cat at our house, That can't stand the heat Carries an umbrella, To protect his head and feet We got a cat at our house, Why, stronger than a lion But, what we want to know. Who's cat is this? "Tai't" mine! ARCHIE WRITES CONSTABLE PLUM A BUSINTSS LETTER. Mud Senter, France, March 10, 1919. Dear Old loafer: 'Spose yer begin to think that yer will soon have a couple new boarders, since the war is almost oer. When me and Eddy is muskered out the wars army. Eddy, he sjested me to rite yer a letter and let yer no weuns aint agoin' to be muskered out. Kawse yer the konstable and think yer got us under the arms of the law, aint no sine, neder of us is skeered. We rite yer and let yer know ahed of time, so yer aint agoin' to have eny chanse to get us in yer pail house. Me and Eddy knows we's a kuple bad eggs, and Eddy sez to me, "yer haint eny better and haint fit fer to be a kunstuble of a respektuble town." What me and Eddy dun haint wurth nuthink and yer kant maik a krime fer what we did. Kawse that there nite when Mrs. Smithins cat wuz on our bak yard fense, It wuz a fightin' and hollerin' so awful, that me and Eddy kouldn't slepe. Eddy, he gets up, and he wuz awful mad, and then we both gets up and grabs our killers. The cat haint made eny more noise sinse. If yer think me and Eddy don't know somethink on yer, jist keep on tormenting me and Eddy about this wurthless cat, and we'll tell the hole town about yer being swete on Widder Perkins, and flirting while on duty. Me and Eddy hopes yer are throne out of yer office when we kum bak to Hicksville. Yours disgustingly, Archie Doogans. P. S.: Eddy didn't sine his naim to this letter, but he sea my wurds are his centimenU, 1

HER'N AND HIS'N. Two hearts that yearn For love's sweet prison; Where his Is her'n, And her'n is hls'n. FUNNY BONE STUFF. A deaf lady came into a church carrying an ear trumpet. The elders had never seen one and viewed it with suspicion and uneasiness. After a few minutes one of the elders went toward the old lady and warned her, by saying, "One toot from you, and you are out." Many a pretty young girl has married an old miser, because they have vowed to , die for them and they usually do! In a chicken stealing case Sam, a colored boy was being tried and the judge gave him his choice of being tried by the judge or a jury of your peers.

"Whats peers? ' says Sam. "Peers, Sam, are your equals, men of your own class and situation your own kind." "You all jes try dis case youself, said Sam, "I aint going to be tried by no chicken thieves." EDITORIAL, On March 14, A. D., I same into this world without a cent and am in the army and still in the same fix. The Editor. PODUNK NEWS. Mrs. Maggy O'Casey was charged with breaking of a chair over her husband's head. She claims she never knew his head was so hard. Miss Tillie Weatherby is fond of indoor sports but her mother says: "They never know when it's time to go home." The "overseas" boys who report to the folks back home, "they never received a scratch," forget about the cooties. Mrs. Peg Wingster asked her grocer the price of three fine fowls which were in the window. The grocer told her he couldn't let them go for less than a dollar a piece. And did you raise them yourself?" she asked. "Yes," replied the grocerman, "they were only 75 cents yesterday." WANTED: Everybody of Podunk to call at Kankor's Photo shop someone had their picture taken and no one is able to recognize who it Is. A young man called Cy Ebbs by

A SONG OF EASTER Sing, children, sing! And the lily censers swing; Sing that life and joy are waking, and that death no more is kind. Sing the happy, happy tumult of the slowly brightening spring; Sing, little children, sing! Sing, children, sing! Winter wild has taken wing. Fill the air with the sweet tidings till the frosty echoes ring! Along the eaves the Icicles no longer glittering cling; And the crocus in the garden lifts its bright face to the sun; And in the meadows softly the brooks begin to run; And the golden catkins swing In the warm airs of the spring; Sing, little children, sing! Sing, little children, sing! The lilies white you bring In the joyous Easter morning for hope are blossoming, , And as the earth her shroud of snow from off her breast doth fling, So may we cast ourfetters off in God's eternal spring. So may we find release at last from sorrow and from pain. So may we find our childrhoods calm tielicioua dawn again. Sweet are your eyes, O little ones, that look with smiling grace. Without a shade of doubt or fear into the Future's face! Sing, sing in happy chorus, with joyful voices tell That death is life, and God is good, and all things shall be well; That bitter days shall cease In warmth and light and peace, That winter yields to spring, Sing, little children, sing! Celia Thaxter.

phone and asked for consent to marry his daughter. Cy said: "I don't know who you are, but you can have her. Lawyer Perks is going to get a new office boy. Yesterday made the fifth time Tommie Zarrow's grandmother died. Lawyer Perks claims Tomniie's grandmather dies every time there's a circus or baseball game in town.

The Tin Lizzie society will mee 1 at Ebb's Corner Sunday with wel filled baskets to attend the reunion of Bogg's family. This family has so many children that the farmers in this locality call them "The Birth of a Nation." "Getting all the juice from a lemon," will be demonstrated at Hicksville Hardware store Saturday night Come! THEY'RE UNREASONABLE. Why wouldn't it be a good plan to sell eels by the yard? If some one would only graft a cactus plant with bananas the peelings would probably be non-skid. Cats have whiskers! Why can't they have a mustache? 'v, A rooster has spurs but catt ride a horse! A grass hopper isn't made of grass nor a butterfly made of butter! One reason why a hog pen is built on the side of a hill is to keep the hogs in. TOWN TOPICS. Ezra Ebbs believes in fortune telling now, because one told him he would meet with an accident and yesterday he fell off the water wagon. Town Constable Hawks met a young sleep walker the other night, and warned him he would be arrested if he did not get under cover. 'But I can't help my actions, I am a somnambulist," replied the young man. "I can't help what your religion is, you can't parade the streets in pajamas," the constable told him. When two lovers part: "Good night! (Ten minutes intermission.) "Goodnight!" An experiment: ing to look cute." "Fat man tryj