Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 297, 26 October 1918 — Page 10

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RICHMOND PALLADIUM. OCT. 26. 1913 CRAP FROM SAMMY-.STAY-AT-HOME'S . OLD .: KIT -,BAG

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC! Stop, read and then look.. You then will see something that it is very important for you to learn. I do not know anything about it myself; therefore, I am writing r this very Interesting news for everyone who is like myself. It is a moving picture dramatical

exhibition entitled "Patriotic Por traits of Nifty Nephews." The nephews mean they belong to Uncle Sam. Pretty good, wasn't it, but I thought I better tell you. Tou might not get it. This is about the navy. Nobody much pays any attention to the navy, when all the water there is around here is Morton Lake. I don't blame them, though, when they see such examples of manishness as we soldiers are. I'm glad I joined the army because now I can be such a good example to all the boys and sailors, and everything. Even the dogs follow me around and wag their tails. Maybe they know I get hot headed sometimes, and they want to keep me cool. You can't ever tell; some dogs have real good common sense. But I was telling you about writing, this picture play. Since the navy is made up of sailors, I thought I better put some in. I didn't want to bother people with too many of them so I just took one for a hero. Of course he isn't a hero like the soldier heroes, because he has to wear sort of girl's dresses (that is, on the top part) with big flopping ties, and a dust cap on his head, but he's sort of hero when he tries to put his bead up as high as a soldier does, and anyhow we ought to know more about them, since there are a great number getting paid out of the general family pocketbook. I thought the sailor better have a name, so I'll call him one with a title too. He is first class seaman Silas Simple. Nothing complex about that, just straight out and plain, but i sort of poetical too. That's what I think all good literature and picture plays should be. From now on, it is the show. Notice carefully and you will discover what the navy is. FlBST'CALL S0 Morning, early dawn, and first call. You can clearly see there is one sailor tooting his bugle which makes everybody mad. The sailor ia his cradle is not, Baby Bunting. He really is our Seaman Silas Simple. They just string them up to the'ceiling that way to make them used to staying where they are and not falling overboard. After falling out of bed five or six times, they either have their heads put out of commission, or else they .prove that they are bony-, enough

to endure the navy. Good idea, I'd call it. Silas Simple was about to throw bis shoe at the disturbing noise, but finding that his shoes are dangling from the wrong end of the hammock, he is about to use his foot instead. We can imagine that the bugle is not exactly in tune. Seaman Simple is said to feel s very strongly about that bugle call. He has emphatically stated that when the war is over he is going to hire the bugler to come below bis window and toot the same as always. After the tooting goes on for some time, he will say, "Go find the Kaiser," and then turn over to sleep for another hour. Our hero maintains that such great satisfaction will make up for all the time he has endured that noise during th vu

II A picture of the first chow. Notice the wavy white line curling up. That means it has been burnt to a crisp, and is still smoking. Also notice that our hero is ixi the lead. The next picture will show what happens after such presumption. . v III Seaman Silas Simple immediately after chow. They had navy beans. He ate a great many. Now he is wishing he hadn't. However, being a true nephew of Uncle Sam, he does not sink down in a pitiful heap,' but does' all in his power to overcome the trouble. ASSEMBLY CALL T45 IV Assembly call. Thip means that all who have survived the first portion of the day, are called to real work. Notice the grimly determined expression . on the face of the man in the foreground; the pale, wan and generally pained expression on the second, as his head slightly droops' forward. Also notice the relative size of the men coming up in the distance. The picture is symbolical. We believe you are only as big as you feel. V Muster call. That means the men are all mustered up with ginger, A man calls their name and they have to show they have some pep. Uncle Sam doesn't want anybody calling him a relative if they don't show they have a system full of mustard, peper, gihger and spuz, He keeps them ready to give folks a hot time

SECOND CHOW 11:45, VI Second chow shows every one sitting down except our hero. Seaman Simple. He is making a great speech to his comrades, cheering them on with their chow. He is saying, "Give me liberty or give me breath." He got some breath so he went on. He next made a little poem. It was inspired to him by knowing of several fellow-sailors who f had jone down to a "neighboring lunch room to try to buy what they wanted for a meal. His poem follows: "There are lines that make us . happy, There are lines that make us sad, But the noon hour line at lunch rooms Is the line that makes us mad." The fellow mess-mates cheered and applauded so long after this burst of poetry, that our hero had ample time to eat all that he wished before they stopped clapping. . DULL AT 1:00 UNTlL4O00a4iS0 ".. VII. This expressive portrait of Silas Simple, with all the ditto marks, is to illustrate one novel feature of the navy which few notice oft hand Look carefully, and you will see that there are no wrist watches on Seaman Simple or any of his dittos. They are keeping time with their feet. HL S45 LEISURE VIII. Leisure is the time when you can be almost human once more. The three boys are singing. You can notice that the sailor to the left has a slightly strained expression on his face. That is because he is giving forth the full volume of his lungs he never was allowed to do that back in civilization there al ways were the police you know. The song Is a new one, which camo out in the Bulletin not long ago. It is called "A Sad Tale, Mates." This is what is says: "The Crown Prince sighed a sad, -sad sigh, , 1 And wiped a tear from his eye. 'O father dear, I must confess Those Yankees give me much dis tress. ' Old men and babes I quickly beat But Pershing's men I can't defeat "The Kaiser said, 'Oh, my Crown prince, Although ycu are an awful quince, I cannot help but decorate Your hollow chest I must abate '

The angry cries thaUshake Berlin,1 And make the mob think we will 5,win; Our loss we must call victory, Or they'll get wise to you and me, And once they're wise, why then, good night! We'll either have to wrok or fight"

CALL 6 00 IX Muster call once more. Notice the sweet smile on the faces of our young heroes. That is because tbey are to have something to eat very soon. Their clogan's is "Feed me, and I'll smile." The evening chow. Notice the significent development which is shown in the relative numbers gathering at the various chows during the day. At breakfast large numbers pour, in, rushing to their food. At noon hour, they are pictured sitting, with an inspired orator urging on the meal in order to make it digest better. At tyening, two alone remain to tell the tale, while a third pours the coffee. No doubt the other sailors have gone to a cafeteria or lunch room somewhere else. We hope for the best. WRITING HOME 8 65 XI. Writing home is one "of the most Important things a sailor has to do. They feel it their duty to be the noble historians of this tremendous phase of history which is being mad in the world today. Of course many are writing to their mothers or other members of the family, but ,most of them are playing the part of truly inspired teachers and writing a small volume filled with their heroic sufferings and famous deeds to young and tender school girls, who thus learn all about the war first hand and in turn can be able to tell their grandchildren all about it, in years to come. Also, many of the sailors are writing "poems," as they call them when sending their work into newspaper offices. It is wise to give them some new name, for this type of literature scarcely could be called a regular "poem." However, here is an example, of which you can Judge for yourself: The Kaiser's feeling mighty sick, For peace, he'd like to dicker; If every man will buy a bond, We'll have him feeling sicker. Von Hindenburg Is on the run, He'll run a little faster, If every man will buy 0 bond , We'll hasten his disaster.

Von Tirpitz with bis submarines Finds transports scanty picking; If every man will buy a bond We'll give him one grand licking. The Crown Prince with his lanky legs,. Has proved himself some sprinter; If every man will buy a bond We'll run. him down by winter.

xii. Taps. It could be called Toots, though, according to the way some fellows howl it out. Notice that no sailors are to be seen. Even our hero, Seaman Silas Simple is gone from the landscape. He, like all the rest of the Jockie boys, are strung up to the ceiling to see how many can have sense enough to. stay there, instead of falling out. It seems kind of funny, but then, with cots, like we hate in the army, you do have some trouble in keeping the legs from being broken. There are advantages to l11 sorts of things, I suppose. Taps mean3 that one more day has been thrown into the dump pile, as the poets say; and we close our beautiful and instructive portrait of the navy with a little verse which Longfellow or some body wrote, only of course I have ; fixed it up to be a little more like the navy. All the sailors can take this as a good thing to say just before they go to hammock (they don't have beds). The night, has come, but not too soon, And sinking silently, All silently, The little Jackies drift to seas of sleep, And sweetly sleep Till morn is nigh.

"BORN OFF."' A man's two little grand children, boys, four and six years old, visiting him in the country, fell to discussing the fate of two dogs on the place, that had lost their tails. The elder of the children who had been to grandpa's before, knew that one , of the dogs had been born stub tailed and that the other one's tail had been sheared off. After drinking In the foil details ot the operation performed on the one dog, the little brother was anxious to know who had cut the other dog's tail off. "ft wasn't cut off," emphasized big brother, "if was borned off." C. C, Chicago Tribune, v GOING FOR VIOLETS. Three little maidens, Pretty and good, Seeking for violets, Went through the wood. They saw a little bluebird; They saw a little sparrow; They met a small boy With a bow and arrow. "Don't shoot the birdies!" Cried they all three. "Come and hunt violets By the pine tree." "I'll break my arrow," Said the small boy, "And in the violets I'll find my joy." Contributed from South Eighth street. American soldiers who have been blinded in the war will have a special newspaper mado with raised letters, so that they may read it by drawing their fingers' across the page. This paper will be especially meant to cheer the soldiers up, and to help them finding places where they can make a living. v

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