Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 291, 19 October 1918 — Page 10

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AICHMOND PALLADIUM. OCTOBER 19, 1911 CRAP FROM SAMMY STA Y AT H 0 M E ' ! OLD KIT BAG

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC! Stop, read and then look. You . then will see something that it is very important for you to learn. I do not know anything about it myself; therefore, I am writing this very interesting news for everyone who is like myself. It Is a moving picture dramatical exhibition entitled "Patriotic Portraits of Nifty Nephews." The nephews mean they belong to Undo Sam. Pretty good, wasn't it, but I thought I better tell you. You wight notget it. This is about the navy. Nobody much pays any attention to the navy, when all the water there is around here is Morton Lake. I don't blame them, though, when they see such examples of manishness as we soldiers are. I'm glad I joined the armyf because now I can be such a good example to all the boys and sailors and everything. Even the dogs follow me around and wag their tails, Maybe they know I get hot headed some times, and they want to keep me cool. You can't ever tell; some dogs have real good common sense. But I was telling you about writing this picture play. Since the navy is made up N of sailors, I thought I better put some in. I didn't want to bother people with too many ojthera eo I just took one for a herc Of course he isn't a hero like the soldier heroes, because ho has to wear sort of girl's dresses (that is, on the top part) with big flopping ties, and a dust cap on his head, but he's sort of a hero when he tries to put his head up as high as a soldier does, and anyhow we ought to know more aboi;t them, since there are a great number getting paid out of the general family pocketbook. - I thought the sailor better have a name, so I'll call him one with a title too. - He is first class seaman Silas Simple. Nothing complex about that, just straight out and plain, but sort of poetical too. That's what I think all good litera-

.ture and picture plays should be. From now on, It is the show. Notice carefully and you will discover what the. navy is. "What a cool and indifferent air Cora has! She acts as if she didn't know anybody was looking at her." "Yes; f;he inherits that. Her father used to fry griddlccakes in the window of a restaurant." An extremely wealthy man has occasion frequently to make use of taxis, and he always gives the chauffeurs- the legal fare and no more. Once when he handed the man the fare, the latter looked it over and said: "Excuse me, sir, but your son always gives me twice as much as this." "I don't doubt, it." growled the old man; "be has a rich father." NOT IN THE SPIRIT. Harold had been trying to whjstle for several weeks and finally same in to his mother and said, 'Mover, I know how now." One afternon his mother had calers she told them about him. About half an hour later when Harold came in one of the women asked him to whistle Jor them, lie was rather bashful and didn't like to when there was company, so he said, "I can't now, I'a not in the spirit." A. B., Chicago Tribune. A FORGIVING PUP. Annie came into the house holding a poor, hungry pup in her arms. Her mother ordered her immediately to take Jit out, and as quickly ordered her to bring it back when she heard Annie say . to the pup, "Forgive mother for not loving you, but we- will be friends just the same." Mrs. L. S., Chicago Tribune.," x . Speaking of childish humor in England, where there are meat and sugar cards, the mother took the little children to see the Merchant of Venice In one of the acts Shylock demands a pound of flesh from his enemy. One of the little children cried out at the top. of his voice, "Make Mm ghov hit meat ear

2J37 American Soldiers Are Godfathers To Eight-Year-Old French War Orphan

Jean Passard, Adopted by U. S. Regiment Which Raised $1,000 for His Support, Being Cared for fay Y. ML C. A., Whila Sponsors Aro at the Front PARIS, . Sept 1. Jean Passard is eight years old. The war has left him an orphan and without relatives. Just how he came into the possession of a certain regiment of engineers in France is clouded with mystery, but he did come into their possession and wa3 officially adopted. (When an American regiment adopts a French kid, and many of them have done so, there is no half way business about it The war time strength of a regiment Is 2,137 men. "He's our kid and our mascot, and he Isn't going to be brought up an ignoramus," was the consensus of opinion, so the hat was passed, and Jean came into possession o five thousand francs to be used to educate him. That Is a thousand dollars in American money. Jean was fitted out with a tinyAmerican , uniform, and with a whole regiment to keep an eye on him, he is developing rapidly into an American also into a military man. Some time after his formal adoption by the regiment hi3 adopted fathers were called t? ?? front and had to leave Jean behind, to Ills regret and theirs. Now he is being cared ior and fed and educated by the local Y. M. C A, organization. His business In life Is teaching French to American soldiers, and ho says to all v'ho apply for information that ho i going 'io New York .-v attend the public Schools Two American soldiers were engaged in trench digging, when one asked the other if he remembered the big posters back home saying, "Enlist and see the world." "Yes," replied his companion, "but why?" "Well, I didn't know we had to dig clear through it in order to see it." Harpers' Magazine. After-dinner Speaker: "Gentlemen, I have come prepared tonight to speak on the war." Guest: "It's all right, eld man, we've come prepared to listen to rou.'-Life. A clergyman was grieved to find that his services for men poorly at tended. He expressed his regret i to the verger one evening when, as usual, thy were tho only two at the meeting. "I really think they ought to come," he said sadly. "That's jest what I've sed to 'em over an' over again," said the verger, consolingly. "I se?. to 'em: 'Look at me,' I sez; 'looke at me. I goes to all them services,' I kcz, 'an' wot 'arm does they de me?" The Presbyterian Advance. Little Bo Feep has lost her sheep, And doesn't know where to find them. She doesn't care figs. For she took some pigs From the gevrnment to mind them. Life. "Who was that chap who dragged you out of no man's land K. of C, Y. M. C. A., Jewish War Relief or Salvation Army?" "Sure, what's the difference?" Life. . "Can you unfold the past?" "The record of all things past is to me an open book." "Then," said the caller, feverishly taking form his pocket a handful of sllTer, "I wish you would

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2 a- v tell me what it was that my wife wanted mo to bring home tonight without fail, and name your price. Money is no object." Argonant. Tommy (who had been wounded for the fourth time) : "I know what it means, mate; them Huns don't want me at this war! London opinion. The Judge (to jry, who have retired several times without agreeing) : "I understand that one juryman prevents your coming to a verdict. In my summing up, I have clearly stated the law, and any juryman who obstinately sets his individual opinion against the remaining eleven is totally unfitted for his duties. The Saliiary Objector: "Please, m'lud, I'm. the only man who agrees with you." Passing Show Judge: "You are charged with profanity." ri isoner: How can that be, your honor, when I was arrested for getrid of it?" Judge: "Ten days for swearing. Thirty days for that joke. Bcston Transcript. Mrs. Chinwag was highly elated about the success of the women's meeting at which she had spoken, and she could not help remarking about it to her husband. "I was absolutely outspoken in my sentiments," she remarked, "at the meeting today." Chinnwag gasped and looked Incredulous. "I can hardly believe it my dear," he replied. "Who outspoke you?" Montreal Star. ALL HER FAULT. On asking Francis, who was small for his age, why he didn't grow any more, he replied, J'My muvver always takes me in when it rain." E. A. a, Chicago Tribune.

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Patriotic Sailing One day a boy named Philip made a little ship which he called 'Mayflower." He made wooden soldiers and put them in the ship. He thought he would take it down to the river and sail it. Ho put it in the river and then he came back the next day to see if it was still there, but it was not. When he found it it was sunk and the soldiers were still there. He had put an American flag on it but it was 'gone and the boat was part on top of the water and part not. He jran home with it and told his mother that his boat has sunk, but it came back. He said that the flag that he put on it was gone. Hi3 sister said that he would have to fix the boat and sail it again. So one day he went out to go swimming, but soon he came back and told his mother he was going to sail the boat, because in these days boys feel moro patriotic sailing boats than swimming. ' Pauline Dorgan. Fifth grade, Franklin Township. A Disastrous Voyage Once there was a little boy named Raymond. One afternoon his father gave him a little ship. At once he took it to the creek, but he must run back to the house and get a flag, for every ship had a flag on. So off he went and got a flag and a little wooden soldier. Raymond put the flag on the ship, and then stood his wooden soldier upon the ship. He then gave his ship a push and ran around the creek and waited for his ship to come up. He did this several times, but once ho gave it too hard a push ind off went the wooden soldier to the bottom of the creek. Wanda Fulkerson, Fifth Grade, Whitewater school, Franklin Townshlo. ,

A young reserve officer came into an American Library Association war camp library to return a book. He had enjoyed It very much, he said, and added that it was the first book he had read in four years. "You don't say so!" exclaimed the librarian. "What have you been doing for the past four years?" "Going to the University of Mississippi!" replied the officer "Do you like Omar Khayyam?" thoughtlessly asked the host who was entertaining two brothers. The elder brother plunged heroically into the breach. "Pretty well," ho said, "but I prefer Chianti." Nothing more was said about it until the brothers were on their way home. "Bill," said the younger brother, breaking a painful silence, "why can't you leave things that you don't understand to me? Omar Khayyam ain't a wine, you chump; It's a cheese."

Jake Jackson, a native of Georgia, was summoned to court on an issault charge. The state brought into court the wepaons used a huge pole, a dag ger, a pair of shears, a saw and a gun. Jackson's counsel produced as the complainant's weapons an ax, a shovel, a scythe, a hoe and a pair of tongs. The jury was out but a short while and returned with this verdict: "Resolved, That we, the jury, would have given live dollars to see the fight." RED INK "Did your husband make use of that bottle of grape juice I sent aim?" asked Mr. Narrowpath. "Oh, my, yes," replied Mrs. Rounder. "He writes all of his letters with it and says it is the best ink he ever used." Advice. Say nothing, son, and be content To simply saw your wood; And it may be that you'll invent A new brand of breakfast food. NO JOKE. "Be saving with your coin," said Ben, "To be broke isn't funny. You save a lot of trouble when You save a little money." FACT. "Every man knows right from wrong," said the Old Fogy, as he looked up from his book he was reading. "Yen," growled the Grouch, "but not until he gets found out." STRANGE Yes, angleworms are thick, that's true. As thick as you could wish; Except when you need some when you Are starting out to fish. HELP. How did so many of the men who are in training camps happen to get influenza? We give up. , Because they were in the draft OH! Dear Luke: You say, "You can't foot a bill by kicking at it." No, Luke: and you can't make a bill any smaller by filing it away. Charlotte, N. C. QUITE DIFFERENT. Jane was going to be six years" old and her mother was going to have a birthday party for her. Her mother told her to ask Mrs. Wright if Elizabeth couldn't come over to her house tomorrow, informing Jane not to tell Mrs. Wright that it was her birthday, a she wanted to surprise the youngsters. Upon Jane's return her mother asked her if she told Mrs. Wright that her birthday was going to be tomorrow. Jane replied, "No, mother, I told her I was going to be six yeari old." G. F., Chicago Tribune. ONLY HER HEAD WRONG. Becky is four years old. She is always wanting to be larger than 3ome one else. Our neighbor's boy is eight years old. The other day Becky came into the house and said, "Father, I'm bigger than Junior, only I'm a little ihort headed." E. S. B., Chicago Tribune.

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