Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 279, 5 October 1918 — Page 10

PACK TWO

RICHMOND PALLADIUM. OCTOBER 5, IMS CRM FROM SAMMY STAY-AT-HOME'S OLD KIT BAG r.

NOTHING NEW My nephew on returning from school the first Hay was asked what he had learned. He replied: "Nothing but how to stand up and sit down, and I thought I knew that before 1 started to school." B. E. S., Chicago Tribune.

DECIDEDLY LACKING Robert wa3 a thoughtful child and was used to reasoning out the "why" to bis own questions. One day a little boy came in from next door. He asked questions continually and Robert finally looked at him curiously and said: "Haven't you a think of your own?" M. C. R., Chicago Tribune. GONE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME "Is your mother at home, Willie?" "No, Mrs. Smith. She is Red Crossin' somewhere. We don't expect her home for good until the war is over." Lone Scout Magazine. HIS WISH GRANTED A boarding school lad wrote home for financial aid, and then, feeling a bit shaky about the impression his letter would make, he added the 'following postscript: "P. S. Dear Uncle: I am so ashamed to have asked for this money that I've run after the post man a long way to get this letter back, but I'm unable to catch him. My only wish now is that you never get this letter." The uncle replied by return mail: "My dear Nephew: I am hastening to make you happy by telling you that I never received your letter, as you wished." Lone Scout Magasine. RAISE IN SIGHT Two friends met the other day after an absence of some months "What are you doing, now?" inqnired Bill. "Working in the powder factory." "Good job, is it?" "Well, 22 shillings a week and prospects of getting a 'raise any minute?" Lone Scout Magazine. TRUTHFUL FISH STORY Boy "No, I won't sell this big trout, so don't ask me." Trout Fisherman "But at least let me measure him so I can truthfully say Just how big the trout was that got away from me." Lone Scout Magazine. A SWEET REASONOne day while deeply thinking, my small nephew, Eugene, looked up at his mother and said, "Mother, don't you wish you had another kiddie?" His mother replied, "O, 1 don't know. Whey?" The answer was, "Then you could have two more pounds of sugar every month." P. R. in Chicago Tribune. ENTIRELY WRONG. 'William's mother is a little over weight She had been to schol wita him that day, and coming home a small boy said, "Your mother is fat." William looked at him in surprise and said, "No, she isn't, she's Just comfortable." O. L. D., Chicago Tribune. A SURE WAY TO TELL. While kissing his baby sister goodbye, Jim said, "You won't forget to pray for me, will you sweetheart?" The baby clasped her hands and said, "Dear God, take care of all the soldiers and if you see one that looks just like me take real good care of him, coz he's our Jim. M. J. K., Chicago Tribune. QUITE TRUE. "What's the hardest thing about roller skating when you're learn big?" asked a hesitating man of the instructor at the rink. "The floor," answered the attend antBrooklyn Eagle. OH, FOR AN ACCIDENT! A little boy was visiting one day in a hometf a woman who was baking a cake. While she was beating the chocolate icing, ho looked up at her wistfully, and said: "I' wis' some of that choco-

V? just mat we may have themjacL again, dn Jsnto tho wjv thPV WPnt. With youth MSDQllQd)

V&Our boy?, whose live? nave never qiuwu ukm. J Of clean ideal?-Sod grant they stay uncoiled'

I mil eye? a? clear a? boyish eye? should be7iot mjv irnnw the faitn that never die?.

Jo mice them through ttie land? across the sea.... . ... St? just that they may feel p vMfflfmr. . May 'reel&od's nearness, like a glowing mgfit, Jo be a cloak: about tthem, eyerwAem Jhrough horrors clay,andtermKbtiermght v Jvsmst that they no matter Wforejh&nqam,

late would splash up in my face. D. C, Chicago Tribune. OUR FLAG. The part of our flag that is blue, Stands for all that is noble and true. The part of our flag that is red. Stands for the bravery of living and dead. The part of our flag that is white, Stands as the emblem of purity's light And the stars in our flag, so bright, Stand for goodness in the world's dark night. Thus our flag has a meaning for all. Let's give it a place "in Fame's great hall. THE MAGIC WORD. Officer: So you captured a thousand Germans by just calling across No Man's Land. What did you do promise them a square deal if they Bnrrendercd? Yankee Private: No; I promised them a square meal." Life.

TOO SPENSIVE. Muriel is fond of talking over the telephone, and is generally allowed a few words when anyone calls, but was told that the long distant calls were to expensive. One night her grandmother called up from a nearby town and was highly edified to hear a wee voice piping in with: "Hello, Granny, it's too spensive, Good-bye." M. A. W., Chicago Tribune.

PEELING CHICKEN. Maud Vivian was watching her grandmother prepare a chicken for dinner and said: "O. granny, you are peeling the chicken, aren't you?" E. M., Chicago Tribune. A ROAST. Here's to the kaiser of Limburger cheese May the swell In his head go down to his knees; May he find empty clothes on the Hindenburg line, And then' hear frogs croaking the "Watch on the Rhine." Betty Coate. Garfield school.

SOCIETY Master Harry and Miss Gennett Lacey spent the week end in Economy, the guests of their grandparents. Miss Estella Peters has returned to her home in northern Michigan, after a short visit here with relatives. Master Kenneth Carlander has come to this city where he will have a permanent residence. Miss Eliiabeth Overman of Muncie is the guest of her grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Overman of this city.

WHEN EXPERTS DISAGREE. The conversation turned to the

subject of damage suits, and this anecdote was recalled by Senator George Sutherland of Utah. A man in a western town was hurt in a railroad accident, and after being confined to his home for several weeks he appeared on the street walking with the aid of crutches. "Hello, okl fellow!" greeted an acquaintance, rushing up to shake his band. "I am certainly glad to see you around again." "Thanks," responded the injured one. '.'I'm glad to be around." "I see you are hanging fast to your crutches," observed the acquaintance. "Can't you do without them?" "My doctor says 1 can," answered the injured party, "but my lawyer says I can't." Philadelphia Telegraph. NO MORE NOW. "Much bothered with tramps out your way?" "I was until I tacked up a sign on my gate." "Ah! 'Beware of the dog,' I sup pose." "Oh, no. Simply 'Farm help wanted.' " Boston Transcript. TIME UP. . The attorneys for the prosecution and defense had been allowed fifteen minutes each to argue the case. The attorney for the defense had begun his argument with an allusion to the old swimming hole of his boyhood days. He told in flowery oratory of the balmy air, the singing birds, the joy of youth, the delights of the cool water . And in the midst of it he was interrupt-, ed by the drawling voice of the judge: "Come out, Chauncey,".he said, "and put on your shoes. Your fifteen minutes are up." San Antonio Light PUNK TEACHER. School opened last week and many new scholars were admitted. One boy, who seemed different, was approached after school by a friend ly little chap who knew everyone in school. "Hello, there! How do you like school?" asked Joe, the friendly one. "Oh, School's all light," murmured Amos, the shy boy. "What did you learn today ?" continued Joe. "Didn't learn nothin'.' "But you did somethin' didn't you?" persisted Joe. "Hump! That teacher didn't know how to spell cat, and asked me how to spell it so 1 told her. That's all I did today. If I was head of this school I'd hire a teacher who can teach somethin'." THE BIG BULLY. One day, while crossing on the ferryboat from Hoboken to Cortland street I noticed some children peeping through the iron gates at the front of the boat. They were deeply interested in watching the river craft. Suddenly the five-year-old shouted to the brother who was about ten: "Oh-oo, Bert! Just see that hor rid big ship! He's got the baby boat by the tail and its squealing awful." I looked in the direction the little girl ' pointed out and saw an ocean liner being towed by a little tug, which was whistling shrilly to warn us out of its way. Brooklyn Junior Eagle. FIND OUT. A troop train was at the station. The soldiers had eaten the sandwiches, drank the hot (watered) coffee, and were busy absorbing candy and smiles as furnished by the girls, wnen a young citizen broke in with the taboo question, "Where are yon going?" The reply came like the bark of a rifle: "Jump into a uniform and find out." Life. THE AIRPLANE CHICKEN. "Here, waiter, take this chicken away." "What's the matter with it, sir?1 "It's all wings and machineryno meat" London Opinion.