Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 273, 28 September 1918 — Page 10

PAGE TWO

RICHMOND PALLADIUM. SEPTEMBER 28. 1918. FROM SAMMY STAYATHOME'S OLD KIT BAG

SCRAPS

Our grapes were beginning to ripen, bo little Charles picked a bunch, brought them in to me, and, with the-greatest excitement, exclaimed: "0. mother, our grapes are all sunburnt." H. C. L. In Chicago Tribune.

TOO LATE. Judge: "It looks like a clear case case against you,. Sam. The officer swears you left your finger prints on the door of the chicken coop." Prisoner (excitedly): "Dafs a downwrlght lie. Jedge! Ah wus wearln' mah gloves when tboBe chickens wuz got, e-e-e-r-r whoever got them wuz, Jedge!" Buffalo Express. - REGULAR SCRAPPERS. A German spy attended a football game between teams representing two army camps. With bulging eyes he watched the huskies slam one another around, and observed the human battering rams rush and crash into each other. Finally he could stand it no longer. "Ach." he exclaimed aloud in his excitement, "If dis iss the way dey play, vot will dey do ven dey fight!" ORIGINAL THANKS. Dorothy was in a grocery store with her mother and the grocer gave her a banana. Her mother asked her what she was going to say to the man for giving her this. The little tot held up the banana to the grocer man and said, "Peel it." M. K. in Chicago Tribune. THE TRUE SPIRIT. James Joined his parents on a motor trip to a neighboring town. Before being away many hours they met reverses, and with engine trouble and bad roads the party became pessimistic. Finally the sun ceased to shine and clouds began to form. This was most discouraging. James, seeing the chances of returning home disappearing said pleadingly: "Come on, dad. Let's not feet badly about it. Let's be peptimistic." F. B. "I wouldn't drink out of that cup if I were you," said the little boy at the pump. "That is Bessie's cup and she has just been drinking out of it." "Oh," said the gay young man from the city, as he drained the cup, "I dont mind. I feel honored to drink out of Bessie's cup Who is Bessie your sister?" "No, my dog." People's Home Journal. ANCIENT HISTORY. Teacher: "What happened to Babylon?" Students: "It fell." Teacher: . "What to Nivevah?" Students: "It was destroyed." Teacher: "And what happened to Tyre." - Students: "Punctured." ' ' Ladles Home Journal. "My friend Smith bad a most wonderful retriever. One night Smiths' house caught on fire. AH was constant confusion. Smith and ' his wife flew for the children and bandied them ont of the house. Bat one of them was left The family dog rushed in and rescued It Everyone was saved, but Roger again rushed Into the bouse. What did he want? No one knew. He soon reappeared badly burned, but carrying something 1b his mouth? ' What do you think is was?" "Give up," cried the listeners. ".With the fire insurance policy wrapped la a damp toweL. gentlemen." Ladies Home Journal, THE TRUE REASON. A One day my little lister came to me and said, I know why they named, the German submarines U-boats.' " ' "Why," I asked. "Because the Kaiser's mustache makes a U," was the answer. S. B Chicago Tribune. THE SUFFERING HERO. Harry bad a bumble-bee sting. He thought it a dreadful thing; ; His poor little finger was almost dead. At least that Is what he said. Marjorle Luclle Meek. Chester, Ind.

BoyJScoUte

Piute,

The Boy Scouts of Washington, D. C, not only have made two ears of corn grow where one grew before, in the fields about the Nation's capitol, but they have made as many as five, six an 1 seven ears grow where none grew before! Enlisting as regulars in the great Food Conservation army of the Food Administration, they planned and planted their crop unaided. The crop which they gathered from the reclaimed mud-flats of the Potomac, In particular, Is worthy to be representative of the efforta of the nation. Visitor from all over the United States and the whole world who have driven and motored In Potomac Drive, known as the "speedway," back of the Monument, have wondered all spring and summer about the beautiful corn crop which nodded in the breezes from down the river. Who planted it, whose was It. and who was potng to take It away, were daily questions asked of the chauffeurs and cabbies who piloted the visitors about. Very few knew the answer to all of the questions, but now there la no need to ask them. A perfect swarm of small persans in khaki, replicas of their older brothers across the sea, are flocking Into the corn fields and stripping the tall stalks of their Juicy burdens. The Boy Scout Food Admlnlsf rntion regulars are way up and "over the top", when it comet to growing corn I

"Can any of you tell what the ruler of Russia was called," asked the teacher. "The Czar," replied the class. "What was the Czar's wife known as?" "The Czarina," responded two voices. "Very good," said the teacher, "but can anyone now tell me what his children were called?" "The Czardines," responded one little boy. Ladles Home Journal. Lester, who was present while bis older sister was reciting her lessons and happened to mention "the bed of a river," broke in with the question: "Mother, Is that where the fishes sleep f M. R, W. One night mother put the children to bed. The boys played and tumbled their covers. Mother came upstairs and straightened then out and then told them to get back in bed, saying: "Now you lie still and go to sleep, or I will spank yon and put the light out in the bargain." Kenneth asked: t "Where's the bargain?" R. D. H. One small son's aunt was being entertained at friends' homes just before being married. As I went to parties he would ask where I was going. I always told him to a shower for anty, but never thought to explain matter. Shortly after we installed a showerbath in our bathroom. He exclaimed: "O. I know now, what yon did to aunty." G. A. 8. Chicago Tribune. Perfectly Welcome. "What if we lose this blinkln' war after all. Bill?" "Well, all that I can say is them what finds It Is welcome to keep it Ladies' Home Journal.

Show Grown-ups How

XT. .S. FOOD ADMINISTRJTIO " ; WMS v SLT

NO SLACKER. Leonard's hands were badly stained from bulling some black walnuts and at times be would not wash them any more than he could help saying, "It won't come off." On Sunday he celebrated his birthday, and Just as the guests were seated at the table his mother noticed that his bands did not look clean, so she said, "Leonard, I believe that gasoline would take that stain from your bands." When in a shocked tone of voice be replied, "Why, mamma, you don't think I would use gasoline to wash my hands with today do you? This is gasless day." M. W., Chicago Tribune. A HARD WORLD. "Mother," asked Helen, "when I grow up will I have a husband like papa?" "Yes, I suppose so," answered her mother. "Mother,, when I grow up, will I be an old maid like Aunt Gertrude, if I don't marry?" "Why yes, I suppose so. But what queer questions for a little girt like you to ask." After a long pause Helen said, "Mother it is a very hard world for as women lsnt it?" Ladies' Home Journal. FISHERMAN'S LUCK. One day Byron and I went fishing. A big bass got on Byron's line. He called for me and both of as tried to get it out, but we were not strong enough. The bass started down the stream and Byron let go of the kole. The pole got caught In some bashes so I got It bat the hook wasone. Lester Eugene S trader. Chester, Ind.

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4 PUZZLE. Girls' Names. 1. Mmea. 2. Arletchto. 3. Larac. 4. Ulal. 5. Elenh. 6. Thale. 7. Esllie. 8. Beile. 9. Utrh. 10. Amyr. Answers. 1. Emma. 2. Charlotte. 3. Clara. 4. Lula. 5. Helen. 6. Letha. 7. Leslie. 8. Elsie. 9. Rath. 10. Myra. Lula M. Huddleston. Dublin, Indiana. TOO SLOW FOR HIM. An elderly gentleman and his wife were making their first visit to.a New York playhouse. "Well, Sarah," remarked the old gentleman at the conclusion of the first act, "don't you think we'd better be a-leavin'." "Why, no Hiram! The show ain't half over yet" "Well, it eaya on this here program that three days elapse be tween the first and second acts, and I'm blinked If I want to sit here that long." Pittsburgh Chron icle-Telegraph. SAVE SUGAR KEtTHE MAN VHO (FIGHTS

Sunday, September 22. Today, being Hero day, I acted the part and went to church. The only trouble was that three young heathen about ten years old decided to be heroes too, and they went to the same church. Moreover, being very heroic, they sat just behind me. It was sort of "birds of a feather" you know. However, they did not seem to be sure that I was a hero at first, and of course they wanted to find out. One of them had a rubber band. Another had a Sunday school paper. The third boy evidently had a bright idea, and combined the rubber band with the paper. I felt the result very decidedly ping! just back of my left ear. Yes, Hero day's all right for folks that aren't there to prove it, but next time I surely am going to wear all my medals plainly, right in front. And then I think I'll have a sign made to wear across my back "Yes, I'm a hero. Dont Bhoot."

Monday, September 23. Speaiting of Liberty Bells, I wonder if those old colonial patriots had their Liberty Bell down on a street corner where all the youngsters kept it jangling from morning to night. If they did, no wonder the poor thing got cracked. Tuesday, September 24. Cannon booming, band booming, rafts of people booming up and down Main street, and finally a blooming orator booming away at the coliseum for half the night, who wouldn't feel so shot to pieces that they would be ready to sub scribe everything Mt their funeral expenses to buy more bonds? Wednesday, September 25. The beginning of those far-famed days, "25, 26, 27," has burst upon us. It even began in the middle of the night when those buglers started in on the call to arms. The, only thing I missed, after being routed out of my nice warm bed with the reveille call, was the call to mess. I believe I'd have been in a good humor all day if only they'd let a fellow have some breakfast before feeding him up on that "buy more bonds" dope. Thursday, September 26. The second day. Even a little frouzy headed youngster stopped ine on the street today and asked if I had bought a Liberty Bond. I just glared at him for a minute and then asked if he had bought a thrift stamp. Some people get so enthused telling other people what they can do, or ought to do, or what they haven't done, or what they might do, that they forget a few .shoes which they are trying to fit onto other folks may fit themselves. Friday, September 27. The third day under fire, with everybody in Wayne county dead and buried, but happy. I guess we're safe all right 'Saturday, September 28. The morning after the night before. It is a strange feeling to open one's eyes "the next day," with that queer all-gone sensation, and after carefully taking an inventory of ones legs and arms, and features of the head, to find that after all, you did survive with no greater damage than a flat pocket book. I even believe, after finding myself a veteran for the fourth time, that I can get ready for the Fifth or the Fifteenth loan. There's' nothing like being an American, m tell the world. AS HE UNDERSTOOD IT. Little Raymond came home from Sunday school in a joyous mood. "Oh, mother," he exclaimed, "the superintendent said something nice about me in his prayer this morning." "Isn't that lovely," said the mother. "What did he say, pet?" "He said, 'O, Lord we thank Thee for our food and Raymond.'" La dles Home Journal.