Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 267, 21 September 1918 — Page 12

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RICHMOND PALLADIUM, SEPTEMBER 21, 1918. FROM SAMMY STAY-AT-HOME'S .. OLD KIT BAG .ft

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FLEW THE COOP. "What Is a roost, dad?" asked Tommy. - . "A roost, my son, is a pole upon which a chicken sits at night." "And what la a perch, dad?" . "A perch Is what chickens perch on," his father kindly told him. "Then, I suppose a chicken could come and roost on a perch?" "Yer." said dad. 7 " "And they could perch on a roost?" ; "Well, yes my son." "But if a chicken perched on a roost that would make the roost a perch, wouldn't it?" But if just after the chicken had perched on a roost and made it a perch some more chickens came along and roosted on the perch and made it a roost, and some of the chickens would become perchers and some of the 1 chickens . would become perchers and some would become roosters, then ." I But hi3 worthy father had flown the coop. Kansas City Times.

HIS CONTRIBUTION. Visitor: "Sir, I am collecting for the Poets Hospital. Will you contribute anything?" . Editor: "Ah, sure! Just call tonight with the ambulance and I will . have a poet ready! London Tid-Bita. Irate Parent:. "You can get rid of money faster than any man I know." ...... Son: "True, dad, but listen. By getting rid of it quickly I save lots of , time, and time, you know is money." Boston Transcript. "I should like a room with an iron bedstead," said the tourist in Ireland. "Sorry, sir," replied the landlord, "but Oi haven't an iron bedstead in the house. They're all soft wood but you'll foined the matress nolce an'-har-rd, sir." Exchange. . ' A recruiting officer iu Germany determined . that no ; prospective soldier should elude him. One man said he was too old, but the officer replied: "Von Hindenburg is 72 and he's in. Get a gun." Another man, with ": one" arm came up to claim exemption and the officer said: "The kaisers in, Get a gun." Finally a woman brought her half-witted son, and the officer said : "No , matter, the crown nrtnee is in. Get a gun." Everybody's. ' "Have you ever read Carlyle's "The French Revolution," asked he professor, and he was some- ' what surprised to receive a negative reply. His astonishment increased as he ran oved a list of 'standard works .and . successively received the same answer. Finally he asked: "What have you read?" , "I have red hair," " Murdock responded eagerly. . September 25, 26, 27! . It was Christmas eve in camp, and very cold at that. . Certain amount of confusion, owing to Xmas festivities, was going on. One nan was unable to find any of his juter garments. He wandered ibout asking his mates if they had Seen them. ' "Has anyone seen my bb blank Hr?" he asked, and was told that to one had. "Has anyone seen my j-j-jacket?." 'ie asked and received ho answer. The unfortunate Tommy rubbed Ms head for a moment and Maid: 'Well. I'm jolly glad I have got a nice w-w-warm pair of sus suh-sus-enders,"New York Globe. SHE WOULD BE PLEASED. "What would your mother say, Mttle boy," demanded the passerby, ' if she could hear 'you swear like that?" "She'd be tickled to death if she -ould hear It.'" said the bad little .oy, "ahe is atone deaf." Fun. The soldiers buy Liberty bond. Why not we? The greater part of Belgium U adapted for agriculture.

BEANS SAVE WHEAT

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DUE FOR A RAISE... ' A downtown merchant-, while engaged in the office one morning, discovered that he had left his pocketknife at home and as he needed one urgently, he asked the different clerks, but none of them happened to. have one. Finally one of the errand boys hustled in and the merchant called him and asked if he had the desired article. Jimmy handed over his pigsticker. "How is, it. Jimmy, that you alone of my entire staff seem to have a pocketknife with you?" asked the proprietor .eyeing Jimmy with undisguised admiration. "Dunno, sir.',' replied the youth, "unless it is because my wages are so low that I can't afford more'n one pair of pants," Ladies Home Journal. Daughter (admiring a new set of mink skins from father): "I can hardly realize that these beautiful furs come from such a small sneakbeast" Father: "I don't expect thanks, my dear, but da insist on respect. William's Purple Cow. Officer (inspecting billets): "You have, a bath, of course?" Landlady: "Oh, yes, sir. but, thankgoodness .we've never 'ad to use it yet. Winsor Magazine. He was an observant little chap. "Pa." he said. "Uncle Joe is going to get married Friday, isn't be?" ' "Yes, son. Uncle Joe has only three more days to wait." The little boy sighed. "The last three days." he said, "they give them all they want to eat, don't they, pa?" "I want to give a pet to our pastor." "Then wbv not eive him a shei herd dog." Loue Scout Magazine.

AND WHEAT SAVES SOLDIERS AND SAILORS

Old Glory is not too old or too big for patriotic Americans. A new railroad through Louisiana strikes some of the towns about a mile from the business center, so it is necessary to run a bus line. A salesman stopping at one of these towns asked the old bus driver about it "Say Uncle, why have they the depot way down here?" After a moments hesitation the old man replied, "I dunno, boss, unless they wanted to get it on the railroad."

EVERYTHING FORWARD. One lieutenant found the full meaning of the famous phrase, "The command is forward." While serving in advance, he received official notification that he was to report for duty back in the S. O. S. He had found no great trouble in moving forward for a week. In starting back he was forced to wait around in the rain with his bedding roll for nearly three days before he could locate any sign of a conveyance leading to the rear Stars and Stripes.

FLAG SALUTE FOR PRIMARY CHILDREN. I give my head, My hands, And my heart, To God and my country One country. One language, And one flag. HOW ALL YOUNG " AMERICANS CAN HELP. Saving pennies for Thrift Stamps. Eating less of things the soldiers and peoples of Allied countries need. Eating less candy and other sweets. Eating everything on the plate. Saving waste in water, light, and fuel. Being careful of shoes and leather. We need all we can spare for the soldiers. Saving labor by not giving other people extra work. Helping mother and father at home. HE'D GET A RAISE. Officer: "If a bomb would drop on the powder magazine what would you do?" Sentry: "I'd go up with the report" Boys life.

BRIEFS. From Sammy Stay-at-Home's Diary. Monday, Sept. 16. Troubles have been slacking up lately, so much so that my kit-bag is not heavy enough to feel natural. I felt that I must do something to fill my mind with weighty material. It takes some kind of a gyroscope these days to make a respectable Sergeant, who doesn't have much to sergevover, keep his mental balance. Therefore this diary. It will be a great document after the war, I do not doubt, for I shall write all the great ideas which pass through my mind each day. As there is not anyhing special to say in the diary today, more than I already have said, I shall close, hoping the book may long hold my fiery words deep within its secret depths.

Tuesday, September 17 Something in the army makes even a Sergeant something of a poet. Now I never thought I was, but this morning I saw a simple little leaf flittering, fluttering, flapping around as it came down from its childhood home on the tree, and at once this gentle little poem came into my mouth. I take it in my fingers, bring it to your view and submit it for your pleasure: O little leaf, Dear little leaf, Here do you be today. Sweet little leaf, Green little leaf, I'll help you on your way. And then to make my verse come true, I wadded the .thing up, stepped on it, smeared it around on the ground, and after fifteen minutes of greatest effort, the leaf was entirely gone. Not even its mother tree could have recognized it. Wednesday, September 18. The sun shone several times today. It even shone cn me. It shone upon the grass and trees. And on a little bee. More poetry today. Somehow it just seems to come out of me real naturally. The only thing was the sun was shining on that brute of a bee just when he was making a raid on top. of my nose, but that didn't rhyme. Thursday, September 19. Raining again, or yet (I don't know which). Worse luck, as I was coming down town, I struck that North A street again !!!???!!! . However this time I made a great discovery. Among the great lakes and whirl pools of that notable sidewalk, there are little Vimy Ridges here and yon, caused by the protecting, never-failing guards of the centuries .those wondrous elm trees; so all you have to do is find an unusually large root that has heaved up a miniature Mount of Ararat, on which you can safely stand above the flood, and proceed upon your way. Those roots don't seem to know how to go straight, but they get you there after awhile. There is compensation in all things, quoth I with Emerson. Friday, September 20. Was in a restaurant this morning, but more troubles, as usual. A beautiful little doll was in there ahead of me. She had eyebrows dainty, curved eyebrows, and she knew how to use them. - And she had curies, and a complexion. It took her just half an hour to make out her order, and the waiter had to help the whole time. - Sometime I think the more empty space there is behind a girl's face, the more she puts on top of her face to camouflage the defect Saturday, September, 21. The doll was back again today. I think I'll appeal to the hotel and restaurant keeper's association to start one calm and sure retreat for plain honest citizens who aren't beautiful, but hungry. The population of Belgium before the war was about 6,896,079.