Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 244, 24 August 1918 — Page 10

A PAGE TWO

RICHMOND PALLADIUM, AUGUST 24, 1918. CRAP FROM SAMMY STAYATHiOME' OLD KIT BAG

THERE ARE OTHERS. Johnny had been doing homework quietly, and felt sure that his lessons would be perfect without having to ask aid from his father, until all of a sudden he said, "Thi3 gets me, dad." "What Is the trouble now, son?" asked his father. "Why the teacher wants me to give a definition of the word 'nonessential.' " "That Is easy, son," replied the father, "Just give it as the letter "P" In pneumonia."

ONE WAY. There was only one piece of pie for luncheon, and Mrs. Jones divided it between Ned and Grace. Ned looked first at his piece of pie and then at his mother's empty plate. "Mother," he said, '1 don't believe I can eat my pie while you haven't any." "Why. Ned," said the mother, much pleased, "how unselfish you are, dear! But you see my boy, there isn't any more pie." "I know that, mother," answered Ned, "you take Grace's." DAYS NOT HOURS. A weary tramp appeared at the door of a very charitable woman's home and asked for something to eat. She eyed him with pity as she inquired: "Isn't it awfully annoying to get your meals at sucli irregular hours?" "The irregular hours ain't so bad, lady, as the irregular days," lie said gazing past her into the savory kitchen. A GOOD PROVIDER. Mrs. Bennett had a maid who had been with her for somo time. The girl left her and got married. A few months later she came to see Mrs. Bennett: "Well, Mandy," asked the former mistress, "how are you getting along?" , , "Oh, fine, ma'am, thank you," answered the bride. "Is your husband a good provider?" "Yes, indeed he am, ma'am," said Mandy. "Why just last week he got me six new places to wash." ENTERPRISING. In a section of Washington where there are a number of hotels and cheap restaurants, one enterprising concern has displayed in great illuminated letters, "Open All Night." Next to it was a restaurant bearing with equal prominence the legend: "We Never Close." Third in order was a Chinese laundry in a little low-framed, tumbled down hovel, and upon the front of the building was the sign, AMERICAN When these American boys began lutocracy. This picture, a recent one how the American boys drop their

turn Hun flrn. Th fiermnna can vnnoh tnr that unih iclaim

in great scrawling letters: "Me wakec, too."

A DEAD BIRD. A naturalist attached to one of the government bureaus at Washington tolls of an amusing incident that occurred during a visit made by him to the Zoological park. He had been standing in front of an inclosure containing a giraffe. The animal was standing perfectly motionless. Its head was resting against an iron beam in front of the inclosure, and its eyes closed. As the naturalist stood there, he was joined by a little boy and girl. They, too, gazed at the giraffe's head. In a moment the little boy turned to his companion and said, "Come on, Dolly. That bird's dead." Scene, street car; weather stormy. Conductor: "Transfer, eir?" Passenger: "No, I guess I'll take a rain check." Professor of voice culture: "You have a promising contralto voice." High Society (airily): "But I'd much rather sing soprano, for its higher toned." "Gertrude," asked the teacher, "what were the causes of the Rpvn. lutionary ar." It had something to do with automobile," answered the girl. "Oh, no," said the teacher, "that was long before the day of autos." Wen, answered Gertrude "it had something to do with taxis. One day a teacher who had first grade class in physiology asked a nine gin it sno lcnew there was a fire burning in the body all the time. The little girl said. "Yes'm. wh it is cold you can see it smoke." In Halifax several davs after thf explosion; a collie was found keeping watch over the ruins of his master's home. He didn't know what had happened, but he felt it his duty to protect hia owner's property from intruders. Maggie cleans the kitchen Agnes cleans the stairs, Pa, he cleans the knives, And Helen cleans the chairs. Ma. she cleans my face and hands Well as she is able; When it comes to dinner time, Boarders clean the table. Wm. Gilmore, 229 South Second street, Richmond, Ind. Selfishness and self-love are synonyms. TROOPS DIGGING

digging trenchei on the Marne they started the graves of Prussian from the westera front, where U. S. soldiers am tn.lkln? hlstnrv ilinnra

equipment and "hoo to it" with shovel

HE KNEW IT WASN'T. The teacher was warming to her subject, and laying down her book, said: "Now you all understand that the trunk is the middle part of the body, don't you?" "Yes, ma'am," chorused the class with one exception. "You understand it, too?" she asked the boy who had not answered. "No, ma'am, because it isn't so." "Why, my dear boy, what do you mean?" "Well," said the boy, "you ought to go to the circus and see the elephant." Baltimore Sun. BREAKING THE NEWS GENTLY. Little Marie stood at the doorway, one hand on the door knob. For a moment she gazed at her mother, who was preparing to go out "Mother," she said, "do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday when it comes?" "No, dear," answqred her mother. "Please tell me." "A nice hairpin tray with gold flowers all around it," said the little girl. "But, my dear," said her mother, "I have one like that all ready." "No, you haven't, mother," said Marie, "I just dropped it on the floor."

MISPLACED SYMPATHY. A Jersey man of a benevolent turn turn of mind encountered a small boy in his neighborhood, who gave evidence of having emerged but lately from a severe battle. "I'm sorry," said the man, "to see that you have a black eye, Sammy." Whereupon Sammy retorted: "You go home and be sorry for your own little boy he's got two." Everybody's Magazine. "I'm delighted to hear of your success on the school baseball team, Harold; but you must remember there are pther things in life besides baseball." "Yes, aunt, I know," said the boy, "but hang it all, I'm afraid I'm too light for football and rowing. A little slum child was enjoying his first glimpse of pastoral life. The setting sun was gilding the grass and roses of the old-fashioned garden, and he sat on a little stoolbeside the farmer's wife, who was plucking a chicken. He watched the operation gravely for somo time. Then he spoke: "Do you take off their clothes every night, lady?" The men who succeed, go after the things that fail to come to them. TRENCHES with as much enthusiasm n thrv I

c r uprose ie se ST7? U , ; v si

American Red Cross worker showing French children the importance of taking care of theii teeth and how to keep them clean. Over 173,000 people attended this child welfare exhibition. The motto, "Clean Teeth Do Not Decay," is as applicable In our own "second line of defense" as lust behind the front

Beginning Of Florence Nightingale was the founder of the profession of nursing for wemen. She wa3 an Ens lish girl and of wealthy parentage. All her life she tried to protect helpless and injured things. In her Childhood it was flowers and animals that she did not like to see hurt and later it was the soldiers of her country for whom she cared. The winter Florence Nightingale "came out" she visited a London hospital. She was appalled by the unsanitary conditions that she found existed and then decided to become a nurse. She gave up society and for twelve years traveled over Europe studying in the various hospitals. After her return to England the Crimean War brctce out and she was called by the British government to enter a military hospital. At Scutari she found two thousand wounded men who had been lying for days in mud and filth just as they had been brought in from the battle fields. The place was alive with vermin and rat3. There were no beds ,the men were obliged to lie on straw which had been scattered on the floor. Soap and towels were an unheard of luxury, and there was only one kind of food, Irish stew. Through the efforts of Florence Nightingale and her corp of workers the dirt was cleaned away, the men bathed and given clean clothing, good food served and temporary building were built. The soldiers raised a large sura of money for her which she accept ed on the condition that it be used to found the first hospital training school for women. The work of Miss Nightingale inspired a young Swiss, Henri Dunant to write a book setting forth the doctrine of' international Red

Cross. As a result a council of fourteen nations was called together in Geneva, Switzerland, in 1S64. An international treaty was adopted which gave he Red Cross to the world. Under the terms of the convention each nation agreed to work with other nations in caring for the sick and wounded and never to fire on a doctor, a nurse or an ambulance bearing the sign of the Red Cross. The emblem of the Swiss banner with the colors reversed was adopted by the convention as a tribute to the nation that had called them together. To care for those who need it regardless of race or creed is the aim of the Red Cross. At this time there was no American Red Cross. The care of the sick and wounded was in charge of what was known as "The Sanitary Commission." In 18C0 the great Civil War broke out and as the Sanitary Commission was unable to cope with the situation many individual women devoted their lives to tho cause. Among these was Dorothy Dix. Dorothy Dix was well known as a

lit! 4 t.tx " rajs The Red Cross 1 worker for reform of prisons. At me outorean or tne war she volunteered her services and was made superintendent of women nurses. For her work the government pre sented her with two beautiful flags a3 she would accept no money. She later gave the flags to Harvard College where they still stand in Memory Hall in honor of her memory. Another worker for the soldiers was Clara Barton, She obtained a pass from the government and went behind the lines and there in the midst of disease and dirt she spent four years nursing Northerners and Southerners alike. After the Civil War Miss Barton went abroad for a rest and there for the first time learned of the Red Cross. During the FrancoPrussian War in 1870, she saw the medical staffs of both armies working together. They accomplished so much in such a short time that she decided to Introduce the Red Cross in America. She had found that the ideals that had led the women of America to lend their services In the Civil War were the same as those of the Red Cross which are "Humanity and Neutrality." Through her efforts in 1S82 the United States signed the Geneva Treaty. She was made its first President. "I want a 'good revolver," said Rugger to his gusmith. "A six shooted, I suppose?" "You'd better make it a nine shooter because it is for our nextdoor cat." WHERE THEY GROW. Curious Charlie: "Do nuts grow on trees, father?" Father: "They do, my son." Curious Charlie: "On what trees do doughnuts grow. Father: . "The pantry, my son." NO WONDER. "There goes a man who leads in letters." "Ah! "What is his name?" "A. A. Adams. William Gilmore.

cane jamais pgl

RIDDLES. Sometimes in water, Sometimes out, Sometimes with head on it, Sometimes without. Ans. A pillow case. What kind of a tree has no trunk? Ans. A hall-tree. What goes around the house and makes a thousand tracks? Ans. A broom. What goes around the house and makes- one track? Ans. A wheelbarrow. . Gilbert Snider.

- ' - - .. VM.UJ.Jll: tih