Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 191, 22 June 1918 — Page 14
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HAL POD SLIPS A FEW PAST THE CENSOR
PUMPKIN CENTER GOSSIP. Reported Every So Often By Mr. G. WhiftJtint. Kara Spudklns has been Eavlofi cigarette coupons until b bas got more than a thousand. Ezra told Kb Hicks be was saving them for a pretty girl. Since then Eb bas looked in every coupon book in the country and says he can't find any
advertisements where tbey are giv
ing away a pretty girl for cigarette coupons. Sam Darrow wrote a postal card to Sears and Soakem's mail order house and asked them to send hi
a catalog. After he had written the card, Sam's wife found the mail order catalog up in the attic, so Sam wrote a post script on the hnttnm of thn nurd and said. "Ton
needn't send the catalog as my
wife has found our old one," and
then he mailed it.
4 Ezra Boggs and his wife got into
quite an argument the other day
according to tbe neighbors. Mrs,
Bogs told Esra that she never got anything when she married bha except his name, and we guess she
was pretty near right at that.
There was a big cyclone up near
Squashville Tuesday aid Deacon Cobcorn was in town yesterday and told all about it. Squire Tib-
bets asked the deacon if tbe cy
clone damaged his house any, and
tbe deacon said he didn't know be
cause he hadn't found the house
yt
The tri-weekly train went
through town yesterday on its way to Bugville. Bill Smithers says be guesses the reason they call
It the tri-weekly is because it goes
up to Bugville one week and tries to eome back tbe next We think
BUI hit the nail on the bean when
be said that
Last week the Hicksville Breeze
bad a news item headed "Look What Hicksville Did." Hicksvilfe has evidently did a lot in the way
of buying War Stamps, but we are kind of wondering what Hicksville
citizens may have did since sawing that there headline. At that we
don't like to assume no boquets
when it comes to properly manipulating the English language. Lucy Corntassel was seen on the street Tuesday wearing a pair of striped Lose. The twelve tramps who was entertained here until after the census was taken left yesterday.
THE CENSOR WILL GET YOU
IF YOU DONT WATCH OUT MR. J. C. KLINE says, ' Never hang one foot over the dashboard ef Yonr flivver, because I was driving down Street one day that way and some funny guy Hollered at me and wanted to know if I Had lost one of my roller skates. BUCK WENGER remarks That the war loafer ordinance has changed ' The old tenting song so that it now runs "Boys, boys, hoys, the tramps are marehing," Insofar as Richmond may he concerned. MY FRIEND, JOSH ALLEN, Sent his girl a bunch of flowers and it , Seemed to make her rather sore than otherwise. I told Josh that mebbe it was because she Thought that he took her for a deatf one. LAWRENCE HANDLEY says, Count that day lost in which you have made No sacrifice to help America win the war. LOOK OUT! WARNS EB WEJDNER. Germany is getting so desperate that the Kaiser will be sending a U-boat up y Whitewater creek first thing we know. - v - DEMAS COE would like to know What we are going to do with all of our Ex-presidents, etc., when this war is ever. LEE NUSBAUM Has learned that when he goes to bed and Finds he can't sleep, if he just thinks. It is time to get up, he goes to sleep alright. FRANK STRAYER Has recently returned from Lake George. Frank said there were so many fish in Lake George he always had to hide behind A tree whenever be baited up his hooks. CLEM CARR says: If the army takes over all the Bull Durham We'll have to smoke alt sawdust hereafter Instead of just forty per cent sawdust. - . ACCORDING TO HARRY GILBERT "Dovey" would be an appropriate nickname For a girl who happened to be pigeon-toed.
THE MAN ABOUT TOWN
PICKS OP SOME NEWS. According to Doc Chupchell some
of these verbal patriots have ceased to be so oratorical since it
wan proposed to raise the draft
age limit to 45 years, whenever
Doc says anything there's generally
fire in it if it concerns the war. "It is not a matter of being too proud to fight." remarks Harry
Fisher. "We are too proud not to
ngnt.The nest thing on the program, according to Mike Kelly's way of thinking, will be a drive to raise enough money to establish a home for decrepid and1 deposed kings and emperors. Alexander Gordon had hired a motor in an and a conductor, and sort of wondered why the former didn't ask for a job on the rear end. Mr. Gordon likes his little joke once in a while, and to the motorman he said, "You ought to have asked for a job as conductor. You can't knock anything down on the front end." ' The 'ell I can't," replied the M. M. "I can knock flivvers down."
Tbe difference between country ham and city bam, Tom Abl says, is that the con u try ham is made out of pork and the city ham out of chicken. "I used to think my old mule was
as homely as a mud fence," says Clem Carr, "but I'm getting so used to her and I'm beginning to think she is really good looking after all. Just like some girls."
YES, THERE'S A WAR GOING -ON IN EUROPE. A man of draft age was arrested in Richmond Tor failing to register, failing to file his questional re, and fairing to respond to any o fthe notices that were snt him by his board. He said he didn't know anything about the questionaire business. He was sent to ramp by the Richmond board, where intsructers wilt let him know there is a war on in Europe and that Uncle Sam playing a considerable part therein.
SKUNKS ALWAYS SMELL THE SAME. A pacifist told me he would admit being against war, but that be was not pro-German. It doesn't make any difference what you call a skunk it always gives but the same kind of stink. I asked the pacifist if he would shoulder a gun if the German hordes ever attacked Richmond and he said that he certainly would not. "Stand up against the stone wall, Mr. Pacifist," said i, "it's time you were shot.''
ASK
ME ANYTHING!
I ANSWER 'EM ALL. Sir: Can you think of one tbing just one thing in favor of aviation? Reader. Answer: Absolutely. Aviation make no cripples. Safety First. Mr. H. P.: Answer me this one. There is a guy In this town I do not like to the least degree. I
know a lot of things about bim that
are no credit to bis character. , Would you advise me to start this stuff around town? Subscriber. Answer: If. you don't know anything good to say about a man,
don't say anything at all. Especial
ly a bigger man than you are. Am I Correct?
Honored Sir: You say you can
answer anything. Alright, tell me
when the war will end. Percy
Knutt Answer: Easy! Percy, easy!
The war will end, dear boy, when
peace is declared.
(USELESS NEWS r n . . mi mii ki
rnun puuiunn. BUGTOWN, Ind. Cy Weatherby
took his girl to a carnival the other night over to Eaton and when they
went past a red hot stand the girl smelted the red hots and said she thought they smelled good. Cy is
as tigat as a ounu spiuer ana ne
wouldn't take a chance on buying
a jitney if he could get it for two
cents. So Cy says to his girl, "Yes, they do smell good, Let's stand here a while and smell 'em."
SAFETY FIRST IS
EXPLAINED BY MR. JESSUP.
Shorty Jessup writes home from
Camp Taylor to tell about a new recruit who seemed to have the
proper idea regarding safety first
as it concerns army life.
"A lot of men have taken out life Insurance." Shorty writes, "but
most of them seem to want merely
the $1,000 policy. Tbey were sell
ing them the other day and in the
waiting line were several colored
gentlemen. All of them took out
a $1,000 policy until they come to one little negro who bought $10,000
worth.
"Believe me, boy,' he said, 'I ain't takin' no chances. It's a dead
cinch they ain't goln' to put no $10,000 nigers In the front trenches, when they can get all the thousand dollar ones they want' "
FAMOUS MEN. The guy who invented garlic
DOC. ZIM DRESSES AN OLD JOKE UP IN BRAND NEW CLOTHES. "I've got a horse," remarks his honor, Mayor Zimmerman, "who is 30 doggone lazy that when I take him out for a drive he stops every few feet to listen. He's afraid I might holler 'whoa' and he wouldn't hear it I guess that's why he stops."
CONCEALED WEAPONS Limburger cheese on your breath.
TOMMY KNEW WHEREOF HE SPOKE. "A pacifist orator was declaiming war in Hyde Park, London," writes Sergeant Wright of the Richmond army station. "Seeing a returned soldier listening on the edge of the crowd, tbe pacifist roared out: 'See that man ! He is garbed in the uniform of war. As for me, I belong to the army of heaven." The Tommy leisurely removing his pipe from nis mouth, dryly replied: 'If that be the case you're a 'ell of a long way from jour barracks, then.' "
Jess Willard, Jess Willard. Let me see, where have I heard that name before
Sousa said he would compose a wedding march to replace those in use in America, because all of them were wirtten by Germans. However, Sousa said he couldn't do it until the inspiration struck him. But who wants to wait that long to get married?
THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD. Think twice before starting an argument with a woman and then talk to- yourself. The kaiser's peace offers remind me of the fabled tale of the spider and the fly. "Come into my parlor," said the spider. We hear a lot about the kaiser's iron hand and iron heel, but I wonder why we never hear so much about the kaiser's wooden head. He's suie got one. I see by the papers where the mints are going to turn out more dimes. I don't quite grasp the idea. I'd like to know what you can buy nowadays with a measly dime?
THE NEW GERMAN MOTTO TO MY WAY OF THINKING IS "FLEE AMERICA FIRST."
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