Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 161, 18 May 1918 — Page 16

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RICHMOND PALLADIUM. MAY 18, 1918

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The Richmond high school now f niece . No wa8 a lresh. boasts of two "freshmen detect-1 Efgn school.

Jves" Martha Eggemeyer- jT Mage Whlteseli. on tae lookout German Bpy8 Th cor. Ser will keep you posted on their successes. Thomas Scbumaker informed Aunt Matilda the other day that when he sneezes he doesn't sav, "Who Is she?" but says, "Whiskey." , , Mike Murphy has been wearing a watch that does not run except when she does. Alice Ebby and Aunt Matilda are totter enemies. Colin Fulle delights In throwing grass all over the old maids. Ruth Smith and Aunt Matilda have been smiling at each other lately. Alice Taylor has written an essay on "What Girls Can Do." She has also written a poem about Mr. JfuMins who left recently lor a training camp. - There was once a girl who went to visit her aunt. One day a gentleman asked her who she was. She said that she was her aunt's

FUTURE HISTORY By R. T. and M. W.) Twenty-three years ago when I was a kid I saved every copper that 1 could cat my hands on. I Bure did hate the old kaiser who was (the bad man's first cousin. I bought thrift stamps with my money and 'when I put them on the card I always licked them with such vigor that I believe I Caused the kaiser to shake. Now to the business part of it. 1 have enough money to buy an automobile. This makes the world a little happier for me, but not for the kaiser. I thought that I would die of joy when I heard that the kaiser had been .captured by the American troops. When he died he had to purchase an asbestos suit to wear to where he was going. It certainly -was a good thing that he died because he could mot have stood the news that all the world was free tor democracy. The war taught Old Bill's relatives not to meddle with the American people.

News Clsppiags From Perthes Pest

Silas Banebreak -want Aching j j other day, but didn't .tch. any-1

""n"-. Ii.-iffiflained that the iS Vtre too poor this spring as they hadnt been corn-fed since the war begin.

German Propaganda CSerman sympathizers in the United States have been spreading propaganda among the people wherever they can as In clans, political and racial quarrels. Tliey have been discouraging the farmer to sell his wheat, telling him he ought to have a higher price. The Germans have been laying grains and letting them rot. They also are trying to make us kick about price-fixing, so that we will quarrel. Propagandists are among the negroes telling them about the cruelties the white people are doing to the negToes.in the south. On the other hand they are telling the negroes how nioe it would he under the Kaiser and that they would be equal to the whites. Also they are trying to make the white people lynch the negroes. German agents are at work inciting the I. W. W. and organizing leagues of oonsdentous objectors, while others are leading mobs to tar and feather these. Other agents of the Germans are tryiag to weaken our faith In the government by telling lies about the government officers and officers in Washington. It is just the saaoe as a drive against us. Their aim in all of this Is to disunite us. Dudley Kemper.

AMONG THOSE PRESENT. A story was told me not so very long ago by a St Louis newspaper man that I do not believe has ever before broken into print In any of the magazines. It concerns a man who used to live near Belleville, 113., Just across the river from St Louis, and is particularly interesting because Teddy Roosevelt plays a part in the telling. It happened at the time T. R. was ill in the Roosevelt hospital in New York City. The former Belleville man was staying at an apartment in New York and happened to have a telephone number similar to that in the hospital. Day and night he was kept busy, so the story goes, answering the numerous calls that came in regarding Mr. Roosevelt's condition, many nany persons getting his number by mistake. The limit of his endurance was reached, however, when one man called up and said: "Just tell the colonel that Mike Hicks called, will you? Hell remember me alright I'm the fellow that shook hands with him at the depot that day he came to Allen-town."

The Indiana state Council of Defense says that the wise man is he who puts in an early order for coal.

Fern Doolittle went shopping up! to Indianapolis the other "day to buy her spring outfit, and all she bought was a pound of fudge and a pair of overalls. Bud Jones's father bought a new Ford the other day, and now Mary, Simpkins is hoping she will get over the measles pretty soon so Bud can call. Jim Dollarhide says the Liberty Loan Bonds is a mighty good investment, and he's going to put every dollar he's got in 'em so his wife can't strap him every night when he hangs his pants on the bed post Peter Hollern, the corner loafer, bought some thrift stamps the other day, and now every body is wondering how Peter got the noney. Thrift is all right Peter, hope you'll get along with it so that you won't have to borrow your next winter's coal. Bridget McCarty says she is surprised at "This Oirish over the pond at the way theve bin actin' of late. The spalpeens! They're no bitterin me son Pat. Me wuz conscripted and got into a stiff foigght the nixt day after be landed in cam fcr callin' his tint mate a doirty Dutchman." Josephine Apple went to Indianapolis to visit friends last Thursday for the week-end, but came home Friday. She said the town was too big for her she couldn't attract any attention, and her new spring hat wasn't in style.

Doings Of Betty Jane.

WHY WE SHOULD BUY THRIFT STAMPS. We should buy thrift stamps because it helps our government and also teaches us to save. They help build ships, make cannons and ammunition and buy clothes and food for our soldiers. The price of each stamp is twenty-five cents. They can be bought until 1919. When you have sixteen they may be traded for a war savings stamp which draws interest In January twelve cents was paid for the exchange the cost of the exchange increases one cent every month. We are in the war to win. The government has put out Liberty Bonds in order to get money. People who cannot afford to buy Liberty Bonds can buy thrift stamps. Merle Vully.

Betta Jane said today she was going to write a story for the Junior Palladium, and her ma said she could if she knew anything to write that was any sort of common sense. So Betty Jane started to . get ready. She had a fussy time of it. She wanted a pen, some ink and paper. She hunted the house over for soma paper suitable to her aestheitc tastes, but couldnt find any except some gilt edged, perfumed paper belonging to her big sister. Betty Jane didn't think it wrong to lake a sheet or two, as this was the only kind that came anyway neaT her fancy. So she took some of the paper. Her ma told her where to find the pen and ink, but the pen was old and rusty, and Btty Jane couldn't make it writer She went to her bank, got out a penny and ran down to the corner grocery to buy a brand new one. When she got home she put the pen in the holder and sat down to write. She sat thing for a long time. She didn't know how to commence. Betty Jane worried and worried, but she oouldnt get away from the old way daddy, began his stories when he used to tell her bear stories when a baby girl sitting on his knee. As badly as she hated that way and as earnestly as she tried to think of some other way, her mind wouldn't work on anything else any other good English form. She giive it up and commenced: "Once upon a time," and then paused. She could go no farther. Her thoughts wouldn't come. She took another sheet of Sis's gilt-

edged, perfumed paper, looLed at the edges, smelled of it, and began again : "Once upon a time a bey," and then her brain went on another strike, and failed to work. She got another sheet, looked at the pen; tipped up the bottle to see how much ink there was in it, and began again: "Once upon a time a boy was going" on the upward stroks of the on the last letter "g" the pen caught in the paper and made a blotch that looked something jfke a chestnut burr flattened out. Betty June wr wild, and was about readjvto'cry'. But she got another sheet, resolved to try again: "Once upon a time," she got no farther. Her big sister came into the room and stopped her. Sis discovered her box of paper, and how Betty Jane was wasting it. Then there was a row. Sis made Betty Jane put the box of paper where she found it, which Betty Jane grumblingly did, flinging hack at her sister as she went out of the room: "You ain't got any sense at all. All you want of that paper is to write to that freckled faced, bricktop Halfora Brown silly stuff, and he's too green to appreciate such fine-smelling paper and "yum-yum" words as you write. Just take your old paper! I'll buy a carton of my own." Bett Jane slammed the door and went out to play with her pet pig; and lived happily ever afterward.

FARMERS HOARDING The farmers have been keeping their wheat They think they will get higher prices for it. They should be ashamed of it, because they are taking it out of the French and British soldiers' mouths. More than that, they are taking it out of their very own sons' mouths. The farmers are doing it to satisfy their hungry wish for money. Farmers have been known to let their potatoes and vegetables spoil in their cellars. Some feed them to their stock. The government has said that all people will be made to sell their grain. We are so far behind in our shipment to our allies. If then the farmers will not sell the government will look them np and make them sell it. We have got to send wheat over there or our boys will starve. Mildred Mann.

Coal land will be developed by the Luton Mining Co., Providence, Ky., incorporated with $106,000 capital.

WHAT IS A PERFECT DAY? Lots of men regard Saturday night when the ghost walks as the end of a Perfect Day. Still ol hers think that the day their mother-in-law leaves for home after an extended visit with her daughter will be a Perfect Dav. And to the school kids the last day of school is most certainly a Perfect Day. But as for myself, and no doubt the rest of the world, or at least a good fart of it, will share my opinion, the -day they plant the Kaiser beneath the sod will be about as Perfect a Day as anyone could with for.

NOT LIKE A ROSE Customer: How do you tell bad eggs? Grocer: I don't know, I'm sure. I never told any. However, I would suggest that you break it gently. Might be cold storage eggs, you know.

J HAL POD TAKES HIS JUNIOR PEN IN HAND ,gffi jiUll

THE MAN BEHIND THE HOE (By Hal Pod) We honor the man behind the gun Who's fighting for us in France.

We know he'l lick: the murderous

Hun And make the Kaiser dance.

But there's another man we must

not forget Who's fighting the deadly foe

"lis the man whose work will win

for us yet The man behind the hoe.

No honors he'll win in this bloody

fight, We'll never know his name.

He sweats and toils from morn 'til

night; Unto him be lasting fame.

So let's not forget the man on the

farm. No battle scars can he show; But he's there to stay 'til this war is won The man behind the hoe.

A FEW GOOD ONES THEY TELL ON THE ROOKIES A Sammy writing home from the reaches said: "The children of France seem to e much smarter for their years ban the children of America. Why, ven the little tots here can talk he Fronch language before they are three or four years old."

The story is told of a young man who was seeking exemption and claiming that he was deaf. The doctor examined him carefully and,

after putting him to several tests, finally commenced to believe that the young man was telling the truth. As a final test he put his

mouth close to the young mans ear and yelled, "Do you hear me?" The youth did not reply so the doctor repeated the test, but with the same result. Satisfied now that the boy was telling the truth he said in a very low tone of voice, "Well, I don't see anything else to do but exempt you from military service,.'' "Oh, thank you very much, doctor," said the lad. Needless to state the young man is a soldier now. A bunch of rooties were out on their fiist march at the training camp and one of the boys, a tall, rawboned farmer, took such long strides that he was unable to keep in step with the rest of the company. Several times the captain in charge of the squad stopped the

company and tried to make the farmer boy understand that he had to take thorter steps. Finally the captain became exasperated as his repeated efforts failed to accomplish anything.

"Look here, young man!" said he, "what seems to be the trouble with you?" "Wal, there 'aint a honswoggled thing the matter with me, brother," the rookie replied. "It's the rest of this outfit that's got something the matter with 'em. They're all

out of step but me."

I have heard that the Germans hold a prayer meeting every time before they go into battle. I don't

see what good it. does them. I

don't believe the Lord can under

stand the German language.

In the movies I see many things

which sort of upset my equilibrium

get my goat, as it were. No

doubt you have had the same ex

perience. For example, I cue a

few specific casea. Recently I witnessed a picture in which a company of Confederate soldiers marched along a highway past a garage, upon the window of which was a sign reading, "Latest Models for Sale Here." Why is It that we see a letter on the screen written by the heroine to the hero, one written by the

hero to the heroine, one written

by the hero's mother to the heroine's mother, and a note written by the villain to the villainess, all in precisely the same handwriting? Which leads us to believe that

there must be only one person in the studio that can write a good hand. And why on earth does the villain always wear patent leather shoes? If he happens to be working on the farm, roaming the wilds of South America, digging gold in Alaska or fighting in Europe, he wears patent leather shoes. No doubt when the time has come to die he'll die and go to the infernal regions vearing patent leather shoes. Why do we see a twentieth century model automobile in one scene and then after a period, of 20 years is supposed to have elapsed we see precisely the same automobile.

EXCUSE ME! "The Brookville, Ind., Democrat recently reported that William Stewart was the victim of a double son stroke," said my friend, Fred Myers. "At first I thought the printer must have pulled a bonehead, but on further perusal of the article I learned that William was merely the father of a bouncing pair of twin boys.

After watching a hen cackle for

a moment little Jimmy asked his

mother why the hen had to draw

its breath every time It wanted to

say something to another chicken.

How I saved Something That Was Formerly Wasted to Buy Thrift Stamps. I used to put sugar on my bread, but now I don't. I used to eat lumps of brown sugar, but I do not now. I used to eat lots of candy too, but now I am saving the money YAKA HULA HIKA DULA DU. A paper published in this section of the state recently carried a headline which said, "Looky What Boston Township Done." Well, I tooked a look and seen where Boston township bad gone and boughten a lot of Thrift stamps which is a very creditable thing to have did. I am wondering though, what Boston township will have did since sawing that headline.