Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 43, Number 83, 16 February 1918 — Page 13

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM. FED. 16, 1918.

PAGE THREB

OLD MAIDS' CORNER

For a new patent on locking doors just see Aunt Mahitable. Her doors are Becurely guarded by lawn mowers and dishes, etc. On account of .severe illness Liza Jane has had to part with her beautiful tresses but never-the-less she looks very cute. Hetty Jones sure is the most awkward critter. She is continually falling down. We wonder if it Is getting contagious. From Cutey? Aunt Mahitable acknowledges that she is a little awkward herself, especially when those dignified (?) Sophomores and Seniors are standing around. I haven't seen her yet but when she reaches her destination she is always five minutes late and always exclaims, "Oh horrors! Why are there so many steps to climb and I am continually falling over the door fasteners and . The Old Maids have recently joined a knitting club. It will hold a conference at Betty Jones' house next SaUaday afternoon. Betty Jones thinks that an occasional washing of the teeth is sufficient She washed her teeth night before last. 'J, Wre all wish that Ruth Smith and her friend would get on speaking terms again. Such initials as the following are found among her books. M. B. I. L., which means my ball is lost. - Nothing seems so interesting to Daniel Rost as to play with the girls' hair in the general science class. If anyone has a question that they would like to have answered and are able to take a joke the Old Maids will try and answer it. We will start a questionnaire in our corner next week. THE LOOKING GLASS The inventor of the looking glass was a lover of women or he would not have known what they were satisfied with. In almost anyplace where you go you can see a piece of glass with paint on one side, hanging on- the wall. This particular thing is called a looking glass and much prized by the ladies. We have several looking glasses in school and an easy way to see that they are prized by the ladies, is just to watch the east room. A large number of girls gather here each morning. Why do girls prize a looking glass so high? This is the reason. They are, as a general thing, very proud of themselves and want to be as neat as possible. A girl is not to learn how to be neat here in school but to get an education. As a general thing girls spend more time looking In the glass than they do studying.' Another reason why they prize a. looking glass is this. It gives them an opportunity to admire themselves. There are many girls who have no one to admire them and a looking glass affords them the privilege of doing it themselves. ' , . ; . Many a girl who keeps company will spend two or three hours in front of the looking . glass before his arrival,, when she should be helping her poor mother wash dishes or doing her work. I should think that the inventor of a looking glass would be ashamed of hlmselv for taking so many people from the ir. labor. If. he had thought, probably he would not . have done it and if he had not we could raise more food. The swell ladies in town would not think themselves so smart if they had not been able to see themselves and then they would not have been too high classed to raise a hill of potatoes or a stalk of beans in their yard. If each one would do this it would help some because every little bit helps. Ralph Locke, Lewisburg, O. A DISCRETION OF A DOG The dega' name is Don. He is black all over only his throat and it is yellow. He is a little dog with a short tall. He's a very nice dog to play with and when you tell him to say his prayers, he will go up to bis little stool and kneel down and act as if he was saying his prayers. Mildred SUckley. West Ward School, Columbia City, Ind. 8END BOOKS TO SOLDIERS The children of the West Ward Bchool building are making books with jokes in them and sending them to the soldiers who are sick In iTjAOLrcelIa Eyanson.

MIKE

Iw If S WT I;

II ASKS

Children will miss these Glen Miller pets. The destruction of the greenhouse by fire brought death to the favorite mooldes at the park. Thousands of children enjoyed feeding peanuts to these pets. And the monkies enjoyed having the children make over them.

THE POOR LITTLE GIRL ' Once upon a time there was a little girl named Ruth. She was very poor. Her birthday was to be tomorrow. Her -parents were very sad because they could not get her anything. Her father said that he wanted to take a walk. TRENCH EXTRA ISSUED ONCE IN A WHILE You Can't Kill a Cat Hicksville Tried It Hiram Corntassel brought a cat home the other day, and it proved to be such a nuisance to the neighbors that he had decided to get rid of the animal in some manner. Hiram's next door neighbor gave in a suggestion to get a tub of water and tie a , brick around the cat's neck and leave it over night. This method was used, but the cat appeared next morning as usual. "I though you tied a brick around that cat's neck and drowned it last night," said the neighbor. "I did follow your instructions and filled the tub with water and when I got up this morning the cat had drank all the water and was sitting on the brick," said Hiram. A WINTER VERSION Mary had a little cold; It started in her head; And everywhere Mary went, That ccld was sure -to spread. It followed her to school one day, 'Twas not against the rule. It made the children cough and sneeze To havo that cold in school. The teacher tried to drive it out, She tried hard, but kachoo! It didn't do a bit of good, The teacher caught it too. Ladies' Home Journal. SOUTHERN CONFECTIONERY "(iee whiz! Dey got cherries and strawbenies and all kinds of fruit covered with candy. What kind shall I get, Rastus?" . "Get me a chocolate-coated watermelon.'" Ladies' Home Journal. THERE'S HOPE "I will not deceive you," the doctor said, "Your life bangs now by a single thread." Spoke the tailor feebly: "That will do. "If the thread's waxed, doctor, 111 pull through!" HE CAUGHT HER Did you ever catch your wife flirting? Yes, that's the way I caught her. HE WORKS UNDER "Do you go to work in your auto?" "No, under it-"

AND CARRIE ARE

USD While he was walking down the street he met a fairy. The fairy gave him a package which she said was for Ruth on her birthday. Ruth's father was very much pleaser with the gift and went quickly home. The next morning when Ruth

THE fflCKSVILLE BKEEZE "The Official Wind-Jammer of the Community"

'HICKSVILLE SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA"

The HICKSVILLE BREEZE Edited by CHARLES MAC LEONHARDT Of the Third Motor Mechanics Signal Corps Regiment of the Aviation Station at Camp Hancock, Augusta, Georgia. ; A paper filled with slams and jams and almost news that's almost the truth. VILLAGE NEWS Ben Grigsby says: "It's strange that a disease always strikes one in the weakest spot; and maybe that the reason so many people have a cold " . Mrs. Sally Ebbs boy has joined the army, and while going through one of his examinations he was asked: "Can you see that fly walking on that limb over yonder in the woods." "No, was the boy's quick reply, "but I can hear him walking." While Uncle Ez Zarrow was visiting in a southern city, and not knowing of a laziness that exists down there, noticed a dog who was sitting on the sidewalk just howling as though he was being beaten. Ez rushed up to where the dog was sittiug just as a traveling man came along. "What's the matter with this dog that he is howling so?" ask'.'d Ez, in a mysterious manner. "Why," said the traveling man, "he is sitting on his tail and is too lazy to move forward." Elmer Biggs had trouble with his feet when he thought of joining the army. They were cold, not flat as reported at the village postoffice. Eliza Jane Whippens says she had had more fellows since the war; and when Uncle Ebb3 heard about it, he said, he guessed that everybody that amounted to anything had gone to war and In a way the war had helped Eliza Jane considerable. NO ONE HURT "There was a terrible murder in the hotel today." "Was there?" "Yes, a paper-hanger hung up a border." "It must have been a put-up job."

DEAD

was eating her breakfast her fath er said that he had a present for her. She opened the package and found a diamond ring and a sack of gold and a new dress. They lived happy ever after. Raymond Thomas. Ye Town Gossip One of the "Breeze' " correspondents writes and asks: "If a man was bom in a balloon, would he be an Irishman or a sky-terrier?" Jim Perkin's mother-in-law has the mumps, and has been warned that he had better look out as mumps are contagious. Jim says he's not afraid cause his mother-in-law wouldn't give him anything. . The reason some men are treated like a dog is because their . wife had them on the string before marriage. They say the difference between a mosquito and an elephant is the shape. Most people usually go broke on their honeymoons. IT'S ALL IN THE SPEECH A foreign lady stopped in a pharmacy and said: "I vant some powder.". . , . "Mennens?" "No, vlmmen's!" "Scented?" "No, I vill tak,it mlt mo." SHOULD SAY SO! To sterlize a lady's sighs Or kisses, is outrageous. We'd much prefer to humor her And let her be contagious. SHE DIDN'T KNOW He "Poor Brown! He lost all his money in a wildcat mining company. She ."Mercy! I didn't know you bad to min for wildcats." IT SAT ON HIM Ben Squashby was out In the harvest f.'eld and a couple of bumble bees lit on him. Ben said: "They didn't hurt when they lit, but oh, it was awful when they sat down." JACK-THE-RIPPER CAUGHT "They caught Jack-the-Rlpper today!" "How?"' "He went into a shoe store today for a pair of shoes, and they pinched him. A WOOD PROPOSITION While walking down the street the other day a sign appeared out in front of a sky scraper, which read: "Wanted Several girls to sew buttons on the fourth floor." We would never have an idea that a floor could get aa loose as that

CHILDREN OF WARNER SCHOOL TELL WHAT: THEY CAN DO , WHAT WE CAN NOT EAT I will not eat sugar. Iwill eat rye bread and no wheat bread, to help Undo Sam. Verda Lewis, 3A grade, Warner School. ."' I will tell you how to win the war. We can cat less beef, sugar, wheat and less meat and eat more rice and potatoes Wilbur Elklns, 3A, Warner. HOW TO HELP WIN THE WAR I will not use so much sugar, nor cat meat on meatless days. I will not buy so much candy either. That is the way we can help win tho war. Thelma May, 3A grade. . I will tell how I can win. tho. war. I can save wheat and eat rye bread. I can do without candy to save sugar. I can save fats. Berneice Smith 3A grade, Warner School. . I am going to eat potatoes and war bread. I am nQt going to eat sugar or wheat or bacon. But I am going to eat corn bread. Miriam Helser, 2A Warner. I will tell you how I can help win

the war. I will save all the sugar I can. I will eat corn bread and potatoes and. rice. I will save bacon. On wheatless days I eat corn-, bread. Ou meatless days I eat no meat Virginia Rhodes, 3B, Warner. r TRENCH EXTRA PRICE ONE SMILE Special Hicksville Breeze EDITED FROM CAMP HANCOCK Camp Hancock, Augusta, Ga., - Feb. 10, 1918. Lear Junior Header : if has been over two months since the "Hicksville Breeze" made its last appearance, and while laying around this "sunny south" camp. I have decided to edit a special edition of the "Breeze" . from Camp Hancock. . I have been told in letters that the "Breeze" has ' been missed in the Junior Palladium each week, and can say I mis the pleasure of preparing its appearance as well, and only hope that this war will soon be ended, and that all the young men can come back home to take up their former occupations tant all Ah a nlaatanraa ff Ufa fact Kft. uu mt iuu tiui vo v u w fore. ' . The weather at Camp Hancock, Augusta, Ga., is fine at present and is something like June weather up north, but the nights are awful cold. Sometimes we have heat, but moat of the time our nights are heatless, and it, would be a very unpatriotic Idea for anyone to kick on a heatless Monday, when "we boys of Uncle Sam's army"' have several heatless days a week. - . . Every "Sammle," washes his own dishes and clothes, makes his own bed; helps about' the mess hall (that's what we call dinning rooms) and in fact, there are very few trades and bits of manual labor that, the soldier doesn't have to do. It is believed that, all the soldiers will be a 'great help to their wires and can "show up" sister when it comes to doing housework, so beware girls! and "speed up" for preparedness. I hope that this special edition of the "Breeze" will be enjoyed by the junior renders, and that . the "Breeze" will be able to ."spring up" again soon, whether it be from America or in France. With best wishes to every true American; and we hope to return soon after the kaiser realizes that America is going to help "get him" and "get him "good. Yours sincerely, Chas. Mac Leonbardt, 3rd Motor Mechanics Regt, 3rd Causal Company, Camp Hancock, Ga. P. S. The Motor Mechanics regiment is a new organization and is going to play a big part in this war. The mn enlisted in this branch are the men who will keep all aeroplanes and motor cars in repair, and is known as tha Aviation Seo tlon Signat Corps.