Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 42, Number 323, 24 November 1917 — Page 13

PAGE THREE THAN !:?,( :nr!Kfi wvuii.'J 4 mil o Once upon a tima tin re were-, two litllo cln!:irf"!, u buy and a girl. On Thnnksjdvitis: day th.v rairlmother nsVe:! il' they world come to her lio iHO !) -dinner.' This wan Hie tiny before TH;-:'k--ivim; and tly wcro thinking i.bout wing to the Kraiiflmoti'T'M house. Ho the next morning About six oYJo?!; thev were o :'?(.;'' iui'1 they lived in town. She rtl fire aily arranged the table. 'I hi.; the was it was arranged, it had four chairs set around neatly and in the center was a large dish of 'fruit because the children were fond of it, there was also a turkey at one end and a covered dish on the rteht of the fruit. She had dinner about ready at ten o'clock. This is what they had for dinner. They had turkey, potatoes, gravy, the dining room and looked with longing eyes at the tablo because they were hungry after riding so long. Louise Krone, 6B grade Baxter. PATRIOTIC BOY DECORATES BOARD All Garfield students who enter room No; 6 have ttitrr patriotic souls thrilled at the sight of good old Undo Sam, and his two favorite nephew, Sammy and Jack, on each uide. James Miner is the artist, and he has completely filled the rear blackboard with a crayon drawing of this poster. It is done so well that it would attract the attention of anyone. A Dog's Thanksgiving On Thanksgiving day there was a big snowstorm. 1 heard a noise and I looked out of the door and I saw a big dog, I let him in the house. He was very glad to get in out of the storm. I gave him some turkey and hf ate It very fast. I made him a bed of soft carpet and be went to sleep The next morning he went away, but he had had bis Thanksgiving dinner and he was happy. Dorothy Orr, 5B, Baxter School. DUCKS RUN FROM WATER I went to the country on my vacation this summer. One day I tried to put water on the ducks. Every time I threw the water on them, the ducks would run. When I got through I was very wet. Stella Ebert, Hibberd School. ready, and they went i: a wagon. tjbread and butter, fruit and many They arrived about eight o'clock as tho grandmother lived in the other things that you get when you children got there they rushed in

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM, NOV. 24, 1917

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ISSUED CONTINUALLY THE WEATHER IS "PUNK" BUT GOSSIP IS WORSE We do not wish to tire our patrons by teliing them who are sick this week; but all those who were sick last week have somewhat improved. Rastus Johnson, one of the colored help at the Vanity Fair Livery Stable got married last week. The girl he married was Sally Washington and she is so black that the lightning bugs follow her around In the daytime. Last week while Hiram Perkins was over to the city he flirted with a young lady, and not knowing she was married was severely beaten up by the lady's husband. A friend asked Hiram if she had a wedding ring on her finger, and he said, -yes." -Well," said the friend, "that should have been enough to tell you not to flirt with a woman that was married." "Well," said Hiram, "just because a man smells like gasoline, that's no sign he is an automobile, is it?" " Old Syl Limberwust has accented a position as chamber maid at Ben Weatherby's livery stable. We guess it is true about Hecktor Briggs going to New York and followed the elevated railway for several miles, thinking it was one of the longest bridges he ever saw, and was determined to see the end. Some one took pity on Heck and told him it had no end. An announcement in the InsideOut Restaurant says. "Beanless soup from now on." The way we patrons have seen it, it always has been beanless, and also hopeless," said Jim Spivana. Miss Bedelia Grisby who sings at the Ail-In theatro sang "Break the News to Mother," by request and she also stopped by request it is reported. Pete Simmons who works at tire old gristmill only has a few minutes to eat dinner and he says his wife meets him at the door with a bowl of soup and a squirt gun. "Win the War in the Kitchen," has been suggested as a slogan for people of our village. Clem Squashby said, "If anybody would snoop around some of the kitchens before the man goes to work, and after he comes home in the evening, they would see there's no use in adopting any slogan that would mean more encouragement." Clem also said, "He's neutral, but tie came very near getting into one of the hardest fought battles in the village's history, when he was passing a "home trench" yesterday. "Women, will be women," said Uncle Ez Zarrow yesterday when his wife scolded him for not meeting her at the train. Ez said, a "meetless" day was a resolution passed by the married men's club. HE ALMOST KNEW "Why, ye don't know a beech from an elm. Don't ye know any trees at oil?" "I know a Christmas tree when I see It," said the summer boarder, "there's one over yonder." NOT EXAGGERATED Lawyer How large were the hoofs? Wore they as large as my feet or my hands? Darky No, sah, they was jus' ordinary-sized hoof, sah. The Harvard Lampoon.

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ELIMINATOR BUSTER Two men were in a dining car, ordering breakfast. The first one said to the waiter: ' George, you may bring me two fried eggs, some boiled Virginia ham, a pot of coffee and some rolls." "Yassa." The other said: "You may bring me the same." "Yassa." The second man then called after the waiter and remarked: "Just eliminate the eggs." 'Yassa." In a moment the waiter came back. " 'Scuse me, boss, but just what did you all say erbout dem aigs?" "I said just eliminate the eggs." "Yassa." And he hurried again to the tiny kitchen. In another moment he came back once more, loaned confidently and penitently over the table, and said: "We had a bad accident jest afo' we leave de depot dis mornin', boss, an de delimiriator done got busted off right at de handle. Will you take 'em fried, as dis hyar gemmen?" Christine Lewis, GB grade, Starr School. WAITING AT THE CHURCH In a Southern town the principal amusements of the colored population are usually weddings and funerals. Recently the African Methadist preacher accosted one of the brethren on the street and the following conversation ensued : "Didn't see yo' at de weddin' las' night." "Naw, suh, didn't know dey wuz one." "Dey sho wuz, and a fine one, too. De chu'eh wuz dressed up i swell wid all dem nevergreens and don'-you-forgit-mes'! and such like, and all. dem rashers had on day long-tailed coats and rattan leather shoes; and dem bridemaids wuz powe'ful stylish wid dem swishy clothes an' green eahbobs. An' man! dat bride uz de mos' elegant yaller gal whut I seen in many er day, wid a long white trail and one o' her mammy's lace curtains pinned to her haid! She sho wuz!" "But, say," queried Brother Rastus, "yo ain't said nothin' 'bout de groom. How did lie look and whut did he have on?" A look of gloom overspread the reverend's sleek countenance. "Shucks, man, don' you know that low-down nigger neveh did show up!" SNICKERETTES An alien who wished to become a citizen received a form from the naturalization clerk. It began: "Name? Born? Business?" When handed back by the applicant the blanks were filled out thus: "Name, Jacob Lekinsky; born, yes; business, rotten." Recruiting Officer "How about joining the colors? Have you any one dependent on you?" Motorist "Have I? There are two garage owners, six mechanics, four tire dealers and every gasoline agent within a radiu3 of 125 miles." He had captured a prisoner, and while they waited for tho escof to come up he said: "Have y1 a wife?" "Nein," answered the German. "Nine?" gasped tho Tommy. "Lumme! where's yer Iron Cross?" "Say, pop, does that boy stutter like that all the time." "No, sonny, only when he talks."

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"THE OFFICIAL WIND JAMMER OF THE COMMUNITY"

Hickville "Somewhere In America" HiCKSVILLE BREEZE Published every week to tell almost the truth, and lives up to its reputation. CHARLES MacLEONHARDT, Editor-in-Chief Huckelberry Finn, Associate Editor Lucy Corntossel, Society Editor. General Nuisance, Fighting Editor. Uncle Ez Zarrow, Cartoonist. Rastus Johnson, Sporting Editor. Matilda Ebbs, Movie Editor. Katinka Zarrow, Scenic Artibt. HIS SMILE He wasn't rich as dollars go. He didn't have a pile of dough, He didn't own a motor car, He couldn't often travel far, He couldn't dress in "costly style. He just possessed a kindly smile. He hAd a happy sort of way, Knew how to work, and how to play; And he respected women fair And dealth with men upon the square. And people thought him much worth while Because he had a kindly smile. You do not need a store of gold The love of real friends to hold; Be honest, boy, and kind, and true, And do the work you find to do; Win openly and not by guile, And folks will like you for your smile. QUITE SO "We nay live to see the airplane in common every-day use like the automobile." "Sure! But our chance of living to see that will be better if we leave the experimenting to other people.'' 'TIS BEST TO KEEP STILL Judge: One year and $50 fine. Prisoner's Lawyer: I shall make a motion to have that sentence reversed. Judge: All right. Fifty years, and one dollar fine. Puck. NO NEED FOR HASTE Mr. Brown I had a queer dream last night, my dear. I thought I saw another man running off with you. Mrs. Brown And what did you say to him? Mr. Brown I asked him what In was running for. WHAT A SHAME Once there were three country men .driving to town, when they noticed an interurban coming towards them. One of the men was so afraid of the horse that he got out and walked all the way to town After he got there he found that the horse had a sore on its back and couldn't run away. Edward R. MUST HAVE BEEN A DIRTY BRAT INSTEAD OF A RAT A girl was staying at her grandmother's, when she was asked to go upstairs and get a shirt. When she got upstairs she heard something fall and she thought it was a rat. So down stairs she came without looking behind her once. When her aunt went up to see what it was, she found a pair of black socks rolled up on the floor. Mable W. THIS AUTO AMBULANCE HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS o o

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THE INSIDE-OUT HOTEL PUTS UP NEW RULES Guests are requested not to speak to the dumb waiter. If the room gets too hot, open the window and see the fire escape Don't worry abou paying your bill; the house is supported Dy its foundation. Guests who wish to do a little driving will find the hammer and nails in the cupboard. If you're fond of athletics and like good jumping, lift the mattre33 and sec the bed spring. If your gas goes out, take a feather out of the pillow; that's light enough for any room. WILLIE'S FIRST LESSONS What Is a cat? A cat is an animal with better furs than mamma can afford. What is a dog? A dog is a funny animal that wears pants in the summer time and none at all when it is freezing. When a cat and dog get together how do they act? Just like they are married. See the cow? What does the cow do? She gives milk. Why does a cow give milk? Because she does not know that she can get eighteen cents a quart for It. That's all for today school's out. THE INVISIBLE FLAT. Two wretched tramps were brought before a Justice of peace. Addressing the worse looking one, the justice said: "Where do you live?" "No where." . "And where do you live?" said the Justice to the other. "I've got the room just above him." SHOES BY THE FOOT. "How much are $4 shoes?"' asked a smart one. "Two dollars a foot," was the quick reply. KNIT OR NIT? In Spokane, Washington, the women asked the pastor of the church if they might knit during service. After thinking it over for awhile, he said, "Knit," but . the women wondered what that meant to do William Rindt. DISCOVERED! "You have a model husband," said the lady who was congratulating the bride. The next day the bride bethought her to look up the word "model" in tho dictionary and this is what she found: "Model, a email imitation of the real thing." LISTEN, OLD MAIDS; HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF A lady complained that she had been looking for her husband for the last two years when an old maid spoke up and said, "That's nothing, I've been looking for a husband for twenty-five years and have not found him yet." THE BUG HOUSE "And what," asked the visitor of the intelligent lunatic, who imagined he was a poached egg; "what seems to give the greatest hope to the mild cayes here?" ' "Well," said the nut, looking around for a piece of toast so he could sit down; "the fool questions asked by some of our callers gives us the hope that we ain't so bad off as we think!"

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PRICE ONE SMILE THEY SAY OLD MAIDS . ARE NATURAL BORN AS "CAT-LOVERS " OLD MAIDS' CORNER The boys are jealous! They say that they are a whole lot better than the girls, and that they want a whole week's corner to them selves. So just for amusement, and to show them we really are very generous creatures, we shall try to humor them just, this once. But here of late they have been so re fined and polite that we may have to finish up with girls. Prof. Englebert has shown that he can quarrel over something, we know not what. But anyhow, it gives Dan Rost his chance. The other day Uncle Dud Kemper was Caesar, and you know he wa killed. He lay there with his beau tiful brown eyes closed while U himself was as motionless as a stone lion, and it almost made the audience week to look at him, tut scene was so life-like. But as the play went one, one of the actors counldn't be found, and the teacher asked who the missing member was. So poor dead Uncle Dud calmly opened his mouth and said, "Doe Fienning." Reba Boggs, Juanita Vetmar and some others, were showing theii patriotic loyalty to Garfield and the city in general by attending the Basket Ball game last Friday night. Daniel Rost entertains a certain portion of the 8A music class very much wKen he sings a certain song. He holds his mouth open so wide that it seems as if some germwould certainly walk down with perfect ease. Happy Martin had the pleasur of showing a very gallant spirit coming home from the Basket Ball game the other evening. Extra! Great excitement in girk gym class! A boy's cap was dis covered hanging in the gym, and oi course the Old Maids wondered to whom it belonged. NOTICE TO EVERYBODY Some people get the queerest ideas in their heads! Someone got it into her (or his) head that the Old Maids never got their lessons. We would like to Inform that person, whoever it is, that the Old Maids generally know their lessons as well as other people, all except arithmetic, because the Old Maid will have to admit they are ex tremely dumb in arithmetic. But no matter what people think, we will continue our ways and our corner as long as we want to be Old Maids. THE POT CALLED THE KETTLE A little boy in the second grade in the Colored Orphans' home is so black that the other boys in his room very aptly call him "Mid night." He doesn't resent the nickname when he is in a good humor. Hut one morning Midnight was peeved and when a youngster oily a few shades lighter called him "Midnight," he quickly retorted: "Well, you ain't got no room to talk. You're about half past 11 yourself!" YES. WE KNOW Autumn's on- the way to greet us; Silver threads among the gold. With higher price the coal men greet us Darling I am growing old.

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