Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 42, Number 312, 12 November 1917 — Page 3
THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM AND SUN-TELEGRAM, MONDAY, NOV. 12, 1917.
PAGE THREE
SATAN RESIGNS HIS POSITION IN KAISER'S FAVOR
So Says Letter Which Causes Sport Among Camp Funston Soldiers. The following letter from Kenneth Toler to a member of the Palladium staff is self-explanatory: Camp Funston, Kansas, Nov. 5, 1917. Dear Sir You will probably be surprised at receiving this letter from me but as my thoughts often turn homeward and &; I read the article in the paper that I am enclosing, I thought of the contributors' department of the "Pal." The article is entitled "Satan
Writes to the Kaiser; Offers Himj
Nether Tnrone. rnis piece nas Deen
printed in several of the western pa
pers that reach our camp. Should you see fit to publish it, I think it will at least afford a good satire on the Kaiser, his methods, etc. Just a word about camp life. l am
in a hospital unit of the 341st Field Artillery. At present I am keeping books. However, our duties change from time to time. We start the day
at 6:45, then at 7:00 we have , sick
call: at 9:00 we drill for thirty min
utes; after this we have-lectures until
noon. In the afternoon we have lec
tures until 4:30; this Is an average day's schedule with variations as the
day might demand. We have good things to eat. For in
stance today for dinner we had roast
beef, stewed tomatoes. Jam, bread pud
ding, bread and coffee. One thing is
noticeable; nothing is wasted. Every
one gets all he wants but woe to the nan tha loads his plate then throws away the food. These fellows are giv
en fatigue work generally for five
days at a stretch.
In closing I am begging your pardon for having intruded upon your time
and beg leave to remain. Sincerely, KENNETH W. TOLER, 341st Field Artillery. San. Detch. Camp Funston, Kansas. The letter follows: The Infernal Region June 8, 1917.
To Wilhelm von Hohenzollern, King
of Prussia, Emperor of All Ger
many and Envoy Extraordinary of
Almighty God. My Dear Wilhelm: I can call you by that familiar name
for I have always been very close to
you, much closer than you could know. From the time that you were yet an
undeveloped being I have shaped your
destiny for my own purpose. In the days of Rome I created a rough-neck known In history as Nero; he was a vulgar character and suited my purpose at that particular time. In these modern days a classic demon and efficient super-criminal was needed and as I know the Hohenzollern blood I picked you as my special instrument to place on earth an annex of hell. I gave you abnormal ambition, likewise an oversuppiy of egotism that you might not discover your own failings; I twisted your mind to that of a mad man with certain normal tendencies to carry you by, a most dangerous character placed in power; I gave you the power of a hypnotist and a certain magnetic force that you might sway your people I am responsible for the deformed arm that hangs helpless on your left, for your crippled condition embitters your life and destroys all noble impulses that might
otherwise cause me anxiety, but your strotfg sword arm is driven by your
ambitions that squelch all sentiment
and pit. I placed in your soul a deep
hatred or an tnings tngnsn. ror or an nations on earth I hate England most;
wherever England plants her flag she brings order out of chaos and the hated Cross follows the Union Jack; under her rule wild tribes become tillers of the soil and in due time practical citizens; she is the great civilizer of
the globe and I hate her. I planted in vour soul a cruel hatred of your
mother because she was English and left my good friend Bismarck to fan the flame I had kindled. Recent history proves how weil our work was done. It broke your royal another's
heart, but I gained my purpose. The inherited disease of the Hohen
zollerns killed your father, just as It will kill you. and you became the ruler of Germany and a tool of mine sooner
than I expected.
To assist you and further hasten my
work I sent you three evil spirits, Nietzsche, Tdeitschke and latter Bernhardt whose teachings inflamed the
youfh3 of Germany, who in good time
would be willing to spill their blood and pull your chestnuts, yours and mine; the spell has been perfect you cast your ambitious eyes toward the Mediterranean, Egypt. India and the
Dardanelles and you began your great
railway to Bagdad, but the ambitious archduke and his more ambitious wife stood in your way. It was then that I sowed the seed in your heart that blossomed into the assassination of the duke and his wife, and all hell smiled when it saw how cleverly you saddled the crime onto Serbia. I saw
IT IS SERIOUS
Some Richmond People Fail to Realize the Seriousness of a Bad Back.' The constant aching of a bad back, The weariness, the tired feeling. The pains and aches of kidney ills May result seriously if neglected. Dangerous urinary troubles often follow. A Richmond citizen shows you what to do. J. H. Morris, 29 N. Third St, says: "At times my back has been weak and lame and has ached steadily. I bf ve hardly been able to do any bending or lifting and the trouble has made me restless at night: The kidney secretions were too frequent In passage and highly colored and I have had headaches and dizzy spells. I have lost as much as two weeks work
irom mis irouoie, 1 nave procured a box of Doan's Kidney Pills at Quigley's Drug Store and they have never tailed to help me." Price 60c, at all dealers. Don't simply ask for a kidney remedy get Doan's Kidney Pills the same that Mr. Morris had. Foster-Milburn Co., m-c. HvffrIo. N. Y 4Hv.
Gotham Food Prices Scheduled to Drop NEW YORK, Nov. 12. Reduced food prices will prevail in New York within a few days, In the opinion of Federal and city officials .who have been giving their attention to the problem. A sharp decline Is expected in the price of eggs, flour, poultry and some other commodities. The sugar situation, according to these officials, is improving gradually and there is now enough sugar on hand to meet normal demands. The Brooklyn Rapid Transit company has purchased 4,000 bushels of potatoes, which it will sell at cost to its employes.
you set sail for the fjords of Norway and I knew you woud prove an alibi. How cleverly done, so much like your noble grandfather, who also secured an assassin to remove old King Frederick of Denmark and later robbed that country of two provinces that gave Germany an opportunity to become a naval power. Murder is dirty v ork, but it takes a Hohenzollern to make a way and get by with it. Your opportunity was at hand; you
set the world on fire and the bells of hell we're ringing; your attack on Belgium caused much joy; it was the beginning, the . foundation of a perfect hell on earth, the destruction of noble cathedrals and other infinite works of art was hailed with joy in the infernal regions. You made war on friends and foe alike and the murder of civilians showed my teachings had borne fruit. Your treachery towards neutral nations hastened a universal upheaval, the thing I most desired. Your undersea warfare is a master stroke from the smallest mackerel boat to the Lusitanla. You show no favorites ; as a war lord you stand supreme, for you have no mercy; you have no consideration for the baby clinging to its mother's breast as they both go down Into the deep together only to be torn apart and leisurely devoured by the sharks down among the corals. I have strolled over the battlefields of Belgium and France. I have seen your hand of destruction everywhere; it's all your work, super-fiend that I made you. I have seen the fields of Poland, now a wilderness fit for the prowling beasts only; no merry children in Poland now, they all succumb to frost and starvation. I drifted down into Galicia, where formerly Jews and Gentiles lived happily together. I found but ruins and ashes; 1 felt a curious pride in my pupil, for it was all above my expectation. I was in Belgium when you drove the peaceful population before you like cattle into slavery; you separated man and wife and forced them to hard labor in the trenches. I have seen the most fiendish aiiack committed on young women and those forced into- maternity were cursing the father of their offspring, and I began to doubt if my inferno was really up to date. You have taken millions of dollars from innocent victims and called it indemnity; you have lived fat on the land you usurped and sent the. real owners away to starvation. You have strayed from all legalized war methods and introduced a code of your own. You have killed and robbed the people of friendly nations and destroyed their property. You are a liar, a hypocrite and a bluffer of the highest magnitude. You are a pupil of mine and yet you pose as a personal friend of God. Ah, Wilhelm, you are a wonder. You want only to destroy all things in your path and leave nothing for coming generations. I was amazed when I saw you form partnership with the impossible Turk, the chronic killer of Christians, and you a devout worshiper in the Lutheran church. I confess, Wilhelm, you are a puzzle at times. A Mohammedan army commanded by Prussian officers assisting one another in massacrinig Christians is a new line of warfare. When a Prussian officer can witness a nude woman who, disembowled by a swarthy Turk, committing a double murder with one cut of his saber, and calmly stand by and see a
L AGElTOWN, JND. J The Home Economics class held a meeting in the city council chamber Wednesday afternoon at which thirty ladles were present. Mrs. C. N. Teetor presided at the meeting. Mrs. E. S. Wikoff was elected secretary. This was the first meeting held by the club at this place, the meetings have previously been held in the kitchens of the homes of the members. A demonstration is usually given at each meeting. The class has arranged with the conncilmen to hold their meetings in this room monthly hereafter. The room is large enough to accommodate all ladies interested and an invitation has been extended to all. The class is reading a book "Housekeeping Efficiency." Mrs. Brown read the first chapter and the second chapter will be read at the. next meeting. Mrs. Wikoff read a paper, Mrs. George Keagy had a reading.. Mrs. Albert Hindman's subject was "Conservation Menu." There was a discussion of the subject,' which was led by Mrs. Willard Str.hr Mr, and Mrs. Albert Gordon have returned from Georgia, where they have resided a few years and will occupy a residence on Mrs. M. T. Fox's farm north of town. George Dutro has sold his store at Modoc to a man from Frankfprth and Mr. Dutro and family will move to his farm near here.. .-. .Mrs. Ira Kendrick returned Tuesday from Richmond.... Mrs. Charles Fox, who has been nursing her daughter, Mrs. Roy Ammerman at her home east of town for a week returned to her home at Muncie Tuesday. . . .Mrs. Elmer Durbin attended the funeral of her father, William Burelison of Muncie Tuesday. Burial was a Beach Lawn, Maxwell.
house full of innocent Armenians locked up, the house saturated with oil and fired, then my teachings did not stop with you, but have been extended to the whole German nation. I confess my satanic soul grew sick and there and then I knew the pupil had become the master. I am a back numberand my dear Wilhelm, I abdicate in your favor. The great key of hell will be turned over to you. The gavel that has struck the doom of damned souls since time began is yours. I am satisfied that my abdication in your favor is for the very best interests of hell in the future I am at your Majesty's service. Affectionately and sincerely, LUCIFER H. SATAN. .
IRS. BURNHAR
JAMAICA, N. Y.
Sufferings Cured by Medicine Recommended by Sister-in-law.
Il.'mnllllilllnllllilltllll
Ik . ,A
Jamaica. N. Y. "I suffered trrrjtlrr
with my head and with backache, was
iwea, dizzy, ner-
vous. with hot
flashes and felt very
miserable, as I was irregular for two years. One dav
when I was feeling unusually bad my
sister-in-law came
in and said. 'I
wish you would try Lydia E. Pinkham's
IComDound.' Sn T
began taking it and I am now in good health and am cured. I took the Compound three times a day after meals, and on retiring at night I always keep a bottle in the house." Mrs. L. N. Burnham, 295 South St., Jamaica, N.Y. Women who recover their health naturally tell others what helped them. Some write and allow their names and photographs to be published with testimonials. Many more tell their friends. Write Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co. (confidential), Uynn, Mass., for anything: you need to know about your ailments.
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THE
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Mill