Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 42, Number 245, 25 August 1917 — Page 7

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM, AUGUST 25, 1917

PAOB THREE

HOW JIMMIE BECAME A MEMBER OF THE T.A.O.

It was about seven o'clock when the prospective members o the T. A. O. met ou the corner under the electric light to proceed with the .evening's business or initiating Jimmie G. They nil were there and waiting, when Jimmie finally issued forth from the shadows of his side yard. He was carying a clumsy looking bundle, and he came up to his fellow members with a rather halting walk because he seemed to be having some trouble to keep the insides from stringing out. "Hi, Jim," greeted Bill Hadley, '"going to get us some eats to night?" "Sure," answered Jim, without looking up, "come-mon an' watch me." And the small procession of the T. A. O. moved off down the street towards the place where watermelons grew, and a dog lay sleeping. But Jimmie was prepared. As soon as they reached the patch he unwrapped the already almost unwrapped bundle, and approached the peril. It was pretty dark but Jimmie could sec his friend (or enemy which ever the case might be) lying there, chained to the little hut, just as he had been in the afternoon. As Jimmie came closer and closer the dog suddenly lifted his head and growled softly. "Hello, old fellow, don't you remember ine," began Jimmie in a most friendly, but very softened tone; and as he came up, he held out the nicest, fattest, juiciest weenie ever seen in this part of the country. And it worked. Without another sound, the keeper of the watermelon patch lay contentedly eating away on Jimmie's donation, for Jimmie had brought . along a good supply, while the initiatee of the T. A. O. hastily advanced into the midst of the vines, grabbed the first melon he stumbled across and began pulling it loose. It was a good sized melon, and since Jimmie had to hold it in botii arms, he did have quite a time getting it off of the vine; but finally he managed to get both feet on the vine, and then pull, so that helped out. With the price of his membership into the great and mysterious order of Try Anything Once, firmly held in both arms, Jimmie G. made his way back through the tangled meshes of the watermelon patch towards the street where the charter members awaited him. "Well, fellers, here she is," said Jimmie With modest pride as soon as he reached the sidewalk, but just then an iron hand gripped his shoulder. "I got you, I got you all right, You will try coming in and getting ' my watermelons, will you? Well, I got you this time." And looking around, Jimmie found himself in the clutches of "Old Man Ezra," himself. All the other boys had gone. When and how, Jimmie never knew, but they had gone entirely and completely, and Jimmio alone remained to tell the tale. Still, there did not seem to be any tale to be told, just then. "Old Kzra" had already begun to march Jimmie G. down the street, and all the time he was exullingly telling Jim tm e over and over, "I got you. I got you all right." But they had not gone a square when "Old Ezra" spied the blue coat and brass buttons of that district policeman. Jimmie saw him too, and a sheepish grin forced itself across that, young man's face as the "OM Man" forced him straight up to "Big Stick Tom," the pet policeman and best friend of every boy in that neighborhood. "I got him, all right, I got him," began Old Ezra, as soon as they had reached the official keeper of law and order.. And at once the watermelon owner handed Jimmie over to the owner of the billy-mace, expecting him to do his worst. But instead, the big policeman stood looking down at Jimmio G. while his eyes twinkled more and more. Jimmie didn't see all of this, however. There . seemed to be something awfully interesting on the skuffed toe of his shoe, which ' kept all of his nttentioo. "Well Jim, what have you been doing," asked the blue coat officer. "Nothin," answered Jiuimie, still gripping the watermelon with both arms. "You see that, you see that, don't

you," piped out "Old Ezra," who had kept still as long as he could. "I'll just go right down to the station with you, and see that he geta arrested all right." "Well now, I don't think we can do this all up tonight," began the policeman in a slow drawling tone. "I'll take care of this boy now, and then you can come down to the station tor.orrow morning to straighten things out Yoa better go on back home now, and don't worry, I'll take care of Jim here until tomorrow." "Well. I I got him," began Old Ezra once more. "That's all right," broke in the policeman. "You come down tomorrow and w canget things fixed up then." And he and Jimmie had

For Windy News Take the Breeze Issued Today GREAT TIMES ARE THESE "SHUTALKA" CAMPERS LIVES After the "big show" is over out at the "Shutalka," we have a little program given in "Camptown" out in the same ozone. The program remains the same all during the life of the "Shutalka" if there are any changes they're for the worse. The program is: 9:30 p. in. Ukulele practice, all 72 of the players at once. 9:45 p. m. One of the "Camptodians" make a hit with new fellow She explains it in front of a sleepers tent. 10:00 p. m Ukulele solo "The Band saw's dream." 10:10 p. in. Fiddle solo, "ine cat's night mare." 10:15 p. m. The Sympathy Orchestra will play, consisting of ukuleles, fifes, fiddles, Jews harps, graphophones and untrained voices. 10:25 p. m. Ukulele duet, "Ma. bring in the skillet it's more in tune." 10:35 p. m. Song by the chorus, "Four o'clock a. m., is time enough to go to sleep." 10:45 p. m. Ukulele quartette, "Let the Anvil Chorus Ring." 11:00 p. m. Just General noise till twelve o'clock. 11:15 p. m. Ukulele sextette, "The dog's last howl." 11:30 p. m Violin solo, "The Butcher Shop Rag." 11:45 p. m. The Gaz Band, "A Cyclone Is Quiet Beside of This." 12:00 midnight Just Ukuleles left to entertain us. 12:30 to 4 a. in. Retire maybe. BEEFLESS DAYS IMPOSSIBLE LUCAS' GAP When Sarah Mootston told her husband that owing to the war she was going to give him one beefless day a week, he said he wished he could believe it, but she'd been beefing to him about something every day for thirty years, he guessed fihe couldn't cut it out now even for one day. SOCIETY Homcrsque Everett Fisher, the light weight pugilist of Bean Ridge, is visiting down on the farm near Center Point

WJ '

started on down the street together. Nothing was said for several minutes. Then tho man broke the silence. "Now Jim, what's the row about," he said. "Well. I tell you," began- Jimrnie G., swallowing rather hard, in the dark. "You know. Bill Hadley got a new thirty-five cent ball the other day. an' it rolled In Old Man Ezra's watermelons, an he wouldn' let Bill get it An' so I was goln' to join a club, an' the fellers started it An' I was gettln' initiated, an', well, I was jus' gettin' a watermelon that would pay up for that thirty-tive cent ball of Bill's. That's all, I guess." By this time they had reached Jimmie's front steps, and they could see his mother sitting by the lamp in the living room. Jean and little sister, Mary had gone to bed, and so Jimmie breathed a sigh of relief to know his mother was alone. "Say, Mr. McKirdy, would you

THE EICKSVflLLE BREEZE "THE OFFICIAL WIND-JAMMER OF THE COMMUNITY"

Hicksville "Somewhere in America"

HICKSVILLE BREEZE HUCKELBERRY FINN, EDITOR Published every now and then to let the people of the community know "almost the truth" and lives up to its reputation. All news notes that would sound like it would make good reading for the Breeze, should be sent to Hicksville Breeze, care of the Junior Palladium. "OLD MAN GROUCHY" A little playlet in five acts one character and same big stage setting all thru play. Cast of Character. OLD MAN GROUCHY, a miser able old human being, sour on the world nothing pleases him or ever will. Synopsis. Scene This whole world on one stage. Place Everywhere he goes. Time Past, present and future. (Ye Editor's Note The old grouch appears alone with a bulldog expression on his "map" which grew with him from childhood days. He notices no one he hates himself he despises everybody in the world he could crush happy joy to death and the only living friend he has or ever did have is Great-great-great-great-great-great, etc., Grandpa Gloom Killjoy. This old grouch is so mean that ordinary breakfast food does not satisfy him and his morning breakfast food is carpet tacks covered with sand and Machine lubricating oil.) Now on with the play: Act 1. Grouchy In the morning. Grouchy in the night Grouchy if you're wrong, Grouchy if you're right. Act 2. Grouchy if you're pleasant, Grouchy if you're mad Grouchy if you're happy. Grouchy if you're sad. Act 3. Grouchy If you're poor. Grouchy If you're wealthy, Grouchy if you're sick. Grouchy if you're healthy, Act 4. Grouchy if you're quiet, Grouchy if you're talking. Grouchy If you ride, Crouchy if you're walking. Act 5. Grouchy when you're away, Grouchy when you're here, Grouchy in his pleasure, Every day in the year. (Curtain) "Slmlaikagrastis HEARD FROM TENT TO TENT. "Did you wind the cat and put out the clock. Mabel?" "No, but I locked the light and blew out the door."

mind coining in and helping me tell her," asked Jimmie G., nodding hi? head towards tho open window. "Sure, I'll help you," said his frieud. And he did. After he had gone Jimmie G. and his mother had one of their long talks. "I'm ever so glad you are going to belong to a "Try Anything Once Club," Jimmie," she said. "Everybody who ever has done anything worth while, has had to be a member. Columbus had to. before he crossed the ocean for the first time; and the Wright brothers had to before they learned to fly in their aeroplanes. But Jimmie, the only really good members of the club, are the ones who do things to make them worthy of the second degree In the Order, and it is called the T. E. T." "The T. E. T.," repeated Jimmie. "What's that?" "That's what I want you to belong to, because then the things you do will be such fun that you

IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE Ha lost his dog and it was sad; Found him through a Breeze want ad His greatest praise is for this sheet. For finding dogs, it can't be beat TRY THIS ONE Here are the words You can write your own music but you'll find the air outside. David was a shepherd boy, A manly little feller; When along came Goliath, Acting pretty yeller. So David took a pebble An' hit him on the crust, And you ought t'ave seen Goliath there, A-lickin' up the dust! CHEER UP1 Some people who doesn't make a fool of theirself occasionally i3 the one whom nature saved the trou ble. JUST GIVE A SMILE Jolly the fellow who'6e down today, Give him a smile for his sorrow The world sometimes has a funny way. And you may be down tomorrow. VILLACE BLABBER IS WELL Mrs. Hen Witherbeed has recovered from her rheumatism and is able to drop In on the neighbors every day, so that every one in the villago knows what every one else is doing. It was mighty dull here while Mrs. Witherbeed was laid up. Such Ailments "I've just been discharged," said the shot gun gloomily. "I'm going to strike," said the clock with a decision. "I'm all tired," said the auto standing at the gate. "I haven't a stitch to wear," said the sewing machine while on the run. The bell had tolled (told) so much that it was ashamed of itself. The only thing that seemed to be enjoying itself in the whole lot was the garden bose playing upon the lawn.

will want to do them again, Just like Columbus did. Because you see T. E. T. means Try Everything Twice." ' Jimmie G. was silent for a minute or two. Then he said, "I guess It won't be very nice to have to go down to that old police station tomorrow morning an' pay Old ManEzra for his watermelon. But say mother, now honestly, don't you think I did a pretty good job of picking it out?"

After a moving picture reel has been made it must be "edited" in somewhat the same method as is a manuscript This operation is performed by the editor making his direction in a dictating machine as the reel is worked off in front, of him. It is estimated by the National Automobile Chamber of Commerce that 1,500,000 automobiles were manufactured in 1916 valued at 1810.000,000. "Almost the Truth," our Motto Price Yours HE'S SIXTYBUT HAS THE UKULELE FEVER ABOUT RIGHT Beantown Constable Plum was over to the city last Wednesday, where he purchased one of them new-fangled Ukulelest After practicing on it for a solid day Squire Urks told him it would be perhaps six months before he could be able to play a tune. There is no reason why Constable Plum shouldn't come out to the Chautauqua and do his practicing. We have over seventy ukuleles with us, and there are at least two who can play a tune. Come on out and join us; we need more members as we might as well all practice together. MOTHER GOOSE'S GARDEN Little Miss Muffet. went out to rough it By working with spade and hoe, But when the tomatoes came up as potatoes Poor startled Miss Muffet said, "Oh." Little Jack Horner grows beets In the corner And corn that his neighbors can't beat He's worked 'em all season and that is the reason His folks will have plenty to eat. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe Wrho had so many children she didn't know what to do So she set 'em to work with the spade and hoe And she'll feed 'em next winter on things tha- t'iey grow BETTER SETTLE QUICK Mr. Oscar Buttercup Owes bills all over town, He'd better settle up, Before Uiey shake him down. SNICKERS THEY TRY TO RAISE CHICKENS INTHIS TOWN While some of the members of a colored church were carving a chicken at a dinner in honor of the new parson, the new parson asked if the white people raised chickens around here. "Brudder Johnson," said the parson with a smile, "do the white folks around heah keep chickens?" "No, sah, pahrson; but de sut'ly tries to." WE ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS Dear Hnck What is the life of a flea? B. K. Answer Very hard, if not an educated flea. They usually go to the- dogs in a very short time after they come on earth. TOO BAD, THESE CHICKS WERE HATCHED THIS WAY Bingtown Squire Tibbetts used an old box of saw dust to set an old hon and eggs in a few weeks ago and when the chickens hatched, five of them had wooden legs and three were block heads!