Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 34, Number 266, 2 August 1909 — Page 3

SPAM'S HOOEY IS DADLY OFF COLOR

Walter Elliot, Vaudeville Artist From This City, Don't Care for Its Kind. TALKS ABOUT HIS WORK HAS NEW TWENTY-TWO WEEKS' ENGAGEMENT TOURING PRINCIPAL CITIES OP COUNTRIES OF EUROPE. J, . Walter Elliot of this city who Is fcome on a vacation after an eighteen months engagement in Europe on a vaudeville circuit will return to Europe again October 6. He and his teammate. Mr, Morton, have booked for a twenty-two weeks engagement which will take them to England,, Germany. France, .Russia. Austria Hungary and other countries, where business is good.k Because of the revolution in Spain and the fact that the Spanish 'I money is not regarded as 'good as gold." Mr. Elliot and Mr. Morton will steer clear of that country.. Mr. Elliot will be accompanied on his journey by his wife. ' He tells many Interesting incidents of the trip from which be has but recently returned; chief of which is the trials a stranger has to go through in order to get what he wants to eat. One Incident which he related was of a friend's experience in a Spanish restaurant. He had successfully made algns for what , he wanted until he got to milk and the waiter was unable to comprehend what was desired. The man finally In desperation drew a picture of a cow. The waiter nodding his head rushed out of the restaurant smd in about a half hour came back with two tickets to a bull fight To Mr. Elliot. Germany is a particularly interesting and delightful country. France Is too fast. Russia Ss like France and Spain as it is hard to make oneself understood. As each country has a different kind of money and an exchange rate is charged, the traveler in the old country spends a considerable amount in exchanging money. Four cents on the dollar Is usually the rate charged. Mr. Elliot brought home several specimens of money, particularly bills from different countries in Europe and England. The English paper money Is very interesting. The five pound note worth $25 in our money has to be endorsed like a check before it can be used. It is like a check in many other respects, only larger and looks as though it might be easily counterfeited but in all the years- of its usage no one has ever succeeded in doing so successfully. SECOND LECTURE, Dr. Thurston Will Continue Series at Parish House. Dr. J. M. Thurston will deliver the second of his series of lectures : on Wednesday evening at the Parish bouse of the St Paul's church. Eighth and North A streets, at 7:30 o'clock. His subject will be "Practical Religion of the Body," The lecture will be followed by a discussion. A cordial ' invitation is extended to all to attend, women and children especially. BORDENSLIFTED Prom Richmond Back Relief Proved By Lapse of Time. ; Backache is a heavy burden; , Nervousness wears one out; Rheumatic pain; urinary ills; All are kidney burdens Daily effects of kidney weakness. No use to cure the symptoms, Relief is but temporary if the cause remains. - Cure the kidneys and you cure the cause. Relief comes quickly comes to tay. Doan's Kidney Pills cure kidney ills; ' Prove it by your neighbor's case. Here's Richmond testimony, - The story of a permanent cure. David Hershey, 316 S. Thirteenth street. Richmond, Ind., says: "I was troubled for some time by kidney complaint and the various medicines I used did , not help me. , Often I was hardly able to straighten on account of the sharp, cutting pains across the small of my hack and the least exertion or any cold I contracted caused the kidney secretions to pass too frequently. Doan's Kidney . Pills, procured at A. G. Luken ft Co's drug store, cured me and at that time I publicly endorsed them. I now gladly confirm what I then said as I still firmly believe that Doan's Kidney Pills are a splendid remedy for kidney disorders." ' For sale by all dealers. Price 6s cents. Foster-Mllburn Co., Buffalo. New York, sole agents for the United States. Remember the name Doan's and take no other. Law of Attraction. The attractions of men -to womeu and women to men are full of the most perplexing Inconstancies and contradictions imaginable. It is, for , Instance," a physical i law that magnetism Is not simple attraction of one thing for another, but the difference of two opposing forces of attraction and repulsion, of which the former Is the greater. The same law holds in relaV tloa to the attraction of men and women far sack other, in which, as a rule, the saascuUns Is the force T. P.'s London Weakly.

I THE SCRAP BOOK V ' i" 'n ' Til. - " " " ,1 ' i.

The Condemned. The family bad beard that bachelor Uncle Joe was1 going to get married, and there had been ranch caustic comment over the coming event, mingled with ' many expressions of sympathy for his fate at the bands of the designing woman who bad captured him. all of which were overheard by the keen and open eared six-year-old boy of the family. "Pa," said the youngster one day, MI hear. Uncle Joe is going to be married next week." "Yes." said the father. "Uncle Joe has only three days more." , The little boy sighed. . "The last three days," he said, "they give them everything to eat that they ask ' for, don't they, pa?" Striving. If all the end of this continuous striving ? Were simply to attain. How. poor would seem the planning and contriving. The endless urging and the hurried drtvin Of body, heart and Brain! But ever In the wake of true achieving There shines this glowing trailSome other soul will be spurred on, eonv celvlng . New strength and hope. In Its own power believing, ; Because thou didst not fall. Not thine alone the glory nor the sorrow If thou dost miss the goal. Undreamed of lives In many a far totnorrow .... " From thee their weakness or their force shall borrow. On, on, ambitious soul! Ella. Wheeler Wilcox. A Good Definition. . In one of the New York schools several of the children in one class failed on the definition of the word bachelor. The teacher, to impress the meaning of the word on the minds of the pupils, told the class to look up the word that night and come prepared with a good definition the next day. When the question was taken np at the next session the first little girl who was asked to define the word answered with a confident and smiling air, "A bachelor Is a very happy man." The ' teacher grew Interested. "Are yon sure that Is correct?" she asked the little one. " "Oh, yes," was the prompt reply. 'Father told me so." Knew Who Used It. Charles H. Hoyt, New England's great playwright, once visited a small town in Pennsylvania where there is a hotel they say George Washington, the Father of His Country, used to stop at when he passed through. In it they have a room he Is said to have occupied at times. Hoyt came through there once with one of his attractions. He arrived at the hotel after all the members of the company- had been assigned rooms. ' One of the company was given the Washington room, and Hoyt received a poor room on the top floor, the proprietor not knowing who he was. When he came downstairs later the gentleman who bad got the good room said, "Mr. Hoyt, they have given me the room that they nsed to give George Washington when he came here." "Well,", said , Hoyt, "the one they have given me must be the one they gave Benedict' Arnold when be came." A Stickler For Rules. Billy Grimes was a sailor, and he knew a sailor's duty and hoW to obey orders. Off a foreign port one night Billy Grimes leaned over the side In answer to a hall. "Ahoy!" he said. "Ahoy!" was - she reply. "Lower down your ship's ladder, shipmate." "You cant come aboard here tonight," said Billy. "Lower away, yon lubber," said the voice below impatiently. "I must come aboard. Fm the river pilot" "I don't care," said Billy, "If you're Punchus Pilot I'll stick to the ship's rules." . Too Eager Per Work. Dr. John 8. Bulst, the southern surgeon, said In one -of his surgical lectures at a state college: "It is always in rather bad taste for s physician to boast ' of being . busy. Physicians, undertakers and gravediggers only canse discomfort when they allude to good times and prosperity. There was an old man applied to the minister of the little village of Paint Rock for the poet of gravedlgger. His references were good, and the minister agreed to assign him to the churchyard. He was to be paid so much a grave. The gravedlgger haggled over the price, finally accepting it " 'But will I get steady work be demanded. " 'Steady work! said the minister. "Land's sake, man. with steady work you'd bury all Paint Rock in a week! " Th Wknl. taw. When one mockingly asked Hittel if be would teach blm the whole law while be stood on one foot the rabbi replied: "What yon would not like done to yourself do not to thy neighbor. This Is the whole law. All the rest is a commentary on It Go learn Ibis." Net What He Wanted. A Scotsman walked 1st a Montreal bookshop and, ss the assistant thought, asked for Robert Burns. On being told this the proprietor of the shop himself ' got down three or fonr editions' of the poet and took them to the watting Scotsman. The customer, bowever, shook bis - bead hopelessly , and said, "If s nae Robert Burns I ask for, but rubber bands r USED AGAINST HER. Congratulations the Actress - Received t en Her Engagement. - A London innate hall beUs who bad juat successfully "landed" an old and wealthy nobleman sued an unpopular manager, alleging that be bad not paid her sufficiently well for her engagement at his ball. She won the case and was Immediately inundated with flowery ' congratulations from her friends, all of whom were glad to see the manager go down. Not content with her victory, howthe beus sanat needs crow-over by packing up the

patching them' to bis 'house, w?th the intimation that he might make what use of them he thought proper. . She regretted this last concession the next morning. Taking her at her word, the manager pasted the telegrams on a board outside the music ball, headed them "What Miss Fligbtle's friends think of her engagement" and left the public to assume which engagement the professional or the matrimonial, was meant. " Then ' followed , such messages as "Good for you, old girl!" "Pinned the old horror at last?' "Don't let him wriggle off the hook r, "Stick to him till you get the dibs!" ."Congratulations on your splendid haul! Another, action for damages against the manager is now pending.

Sammy Told. ' Mrs. Smith was showing a visitor a new battree she' had recently purchased when little Samuel came in and neglected to remove his hat. Thinking to. teach him a lesson she said.' "Samuel, what did I buy that hattree for?" "For $1.98," answered Samuel promptly, "but yon -said I wasn't to tell anybody. " ' 1. He Could Go. At the death of the Duke of Wellington the whole diplomatic corps was Invited to the funeral at St Paul's. The French ambassador on receiving his Invitation was very much upset He hurried off to his colleague of Kussla, Baron Bronnow, and confided to him the difficulty in which he was placed.. "The queen," he said, "expects ns to go to St Paul's to the funeral of the Duke of Wellington. How can I go, considering the injuries which the duke inflicted on my country? ." What shall I dor Baron Brunnow listened gravely to his colleague's exposition and then replied. "As the duke is dead," be said, "I think you can safely go to the funeral. If you were asked to attend his resurrection I should say refuse the Invitation," Life. Life is a good deal of a puzzle, but if we were more resolute in our determination to enrich it by worthy service than we are in our desire to solve its mysteries we should be happier. If we put more Into It we should get more out of It. Epworth Herald. Not In His Lifetime. A well known scientist was lecturing on the sun's beat and in the course of his remarks said: "It is an established fact that the sun is gradually but surely losing its beat and in the course of some 70,000,000 years it will be exhausted. Consequently this world "HOW MAST TJCABS DTD YOU SAX IT WOULD sn? of ours will be dead and, like the moon, unable to support any form of life."..', At this juncture s member of his audience rose In an excited manner and aid: "Pardon me, professor, but how many years did you say it would be before this calamity overtakes ns?" The Professor Seventy millions, sir. , "Thank Godf was the reply. "I thought you said 7,000,000." Success Magazine. Time to Rebel. For. three weeks he bad borne an the horrors of houseclsaalng without a murmur. Then his patience gave way. ,? ;.-; ... - ; "And you," sobbed his wife "you need to teH see I was your queen." "Yea," he said, with a wild glare in his eyes, "but whan a man finds his queen has used his best tobacco jar for pale oak varnish and his meerschaum pipe for a tack hammer be begins to grasp tbs advantages of a republic" MIDDLETOWN FAIR EXCUR8I0N3 August 3, 4, 5 and 6. $1.60 Round Trip from Richmond over Pennsylvania Lines. See agent about trains. aug 2-3-4 VISITING RELATIVES. Brings Democratic Word From Far West About Gov. Marshall. Isaac Barth, a practicing attorney of Alburquerque, N. M and well known in this city, is visiting relatives here while on his way to Washington. ; Mr. Barth states that Arizona and New Mexico are both strong for Gov. Marshall for president and should he be nominated, would be strong for him. The only clothing worn by a. tribe of Brazilian Indians who inhabit an Island at the mouth of the Amazon river is a sort of earthenware apron. Dr. Lb F. Ross has moved his office

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to 1$ N. 10th street. l-3t

FUUERAL WAS HELD

Mrs. Emma Knauf of Milton, Laid to Rest With Beautiful Ceremony. MANY FLORAL OFFERINGS Milton, Ind., Aug. 2. The funeral services of the late Mrs. Emma. Knauf were conducted at the family resi dence, Saturday afternoon, in the presence of many friends and rela-' Uves. The Rev Mr. Pinnlck. of the M. E. church officiated. . His sermon subject was "Where is the Place of My Rest." He spoke personally of the deceased and of - the many good deeds she had done. The music for the occasion was furnished by Mesdames I M. Gentle, Will Daniels. J. A. Brown. Messrs. J. A. Brown and Albert Newman, of the M. E. church choir. There were three numbers, "Nearer My God to Thee," "Asleep In Jesus" and "Abide With Me." At the close of the Rev. Mr. Pinnick's remarks, the Cambridge City Relief Corps took charge and performed their beautiful ritualistic ceremonies, in memory of their deceased president. The services were closed by the Rev. Mr. Hawley, of the Presbyterian church, at Cambridge City, and a member of the G. A. R. at Cam bridge City. The burial was at the Westside cemetery. Among the many beautiful flowers were a wreath by the young ladies of the Overall factory, at Cambridge City in honor of the daughter, Amelia, a bouquet by the Home club, at Milton, Anchor of Hope, by the D. of R., at Milton, spray gladiolia, Woman's Re lief Corps, spray of cream roses, fam ily, spray of cream roses and smilax, Mrs. L. M. Gentle and Sunday school class, M. E. school of which the daughter, Amelia Is a member. Others who contributed flowers were, Mrs. W. A. Bragg, Miss Marie Hofman, Mrs. Peat of .Cambridge City, Mrs. Martha Lee. Mrs. Amanda Needham, Mrs. St. Clair and daughters, Mrs. W. H. Miller. Miss Lenna Riche'. Cambridge City, Mrs. L. E. Ward and daughters. Misses Stella and Effie Hubbell. Mrs. Thos. Doddy, Mrs. Geo. Murley, Mrs. Andrew Fink, of Connersville, Miss Hannah Martin, Cambridge City and many others. The pall bearers were David Nugent, Willard TenEycke, M. V. Brown, William Passmore, Joseph Clevenger and Wil lard Williams. HURT III ACCIDENT Cambridge City Man Falls , Down Mountain Side In Automobile. WAS NOT BADLY INJURED Cambridge City, Ind., Aug. 2. Bos ton papers of last Thursday contained an account of a strange automobile accident in which five persons nar rowly escaped death or serious injury. Charles Ault, formerly of this place, traveling salesman for the Lunn, Sweet Shoe company, was a member of the party. In company with his employer, A. J. Sweet, and other traveling salesmen, he was making a trip through the Green and White moun tains, enroute from Boston -to the fac tory in Auburn, Me., when without warning, the center of the road caved in and the automobile in which they were traveling and its occupants were percipitated over a 30 foot embank ment The machine turned turtle, roll ing over and over, finally landing un der a culvert The occupants clung to the car. and although the automobile was smashed, the men received noth ing but sprains and minor bruises. Their plight was discovered by a passing farmer, who took them to a nearby city, in a big wagon. At last reports all were resting comfortably. Bamum A Bailey Circus. Clowns are one of .the reasons of the unusual success this season of the Barnum and Bailey Greatest Show on Earth. There are sixty of them, pick ed from the talent of the world, each with original . methods of creating laughter. From the grand entry to the hippodrome races the performance abounds in merry capers, the most amusing of stunts and grotesque pan tomimes. . ; All great clown acts have originated with this circus. This season's per formance has more than its usual number of novelties of the laugh-provoking kind. The great performance is punc tuated with hilariously amusing antics and one laugh follows another, through out the entire afternoon. Individual hits are made by clowns from Eng land, France, Germany, Spain and America. Groups of jesters and fools fill the arena, burlesquing public events, taking off national characters and enacting little pantomimes and travesties that keep the audience In constant merriment Those who live to laugh will find the performance rich in amusement Ancient tricks and time-worn devices still in vogue with Inferior shows have been discarded by these up-to-date clowns and the result is refreshing. Spilled mercury may be collected hv rolling s piece of tin foil tightly to the size of the lead la s pencil snd touching the end to the scattered globules. When ss muck mercury is gathered ss the tin ton wm bold u suitable

THE THEATER

ceptacle.

A TRIBUTE. ' SHBBBSSS1SBSBB At s meeting of Richmond Typo-

graphical Union. No. 301. held August 1. the following resolutions were adopted: ;-: . - .'.' j-v Whereas, the guiding hand of our Heavely Father, who rules the universe with a definite plan, has taken from our ranks our esteemed fellowcraftsman, Joshua Hunt, after s long and active life, and Whereas it is our hope and belief that He who doeth all things well, took our brother from us to reward him for his many virtues, therefore be it Resolved that in the death of Joshua Hunt Richmond Typographical Union, No. 301, has lost the services of an honored and efficient member who was a wise counsellor in the direction of its affairs, and one who stood for justice to all. His family suffers the loss of a devoted father, the printing craft a superior workman, the state an exemplary citizen. Be it further , Resolved that a copy of these resolutions be sent to the - members of his family, a copy sent to the Typographical Journal and the local newspapers and that our charter be draped - in mourning for a period of thirty days. J. A. HALL ' FRANK 8PEKENHIER, JOHN GRANT, i . Committee. WILLIE AND DIVER. How a Dog Repaid His Little Master For a Timely Service. Willie -waa a very little child and lived near a mill. One day he saw a big cruel boy come along and throw a little puppy into the mill pond and then run away. WtiUe cried out: "Oh, papa, paps, do cone herer "What Is the matter r said bis papa. "Oh. papa! I want the little doggie! Please get Mm for me. He will be drowned!" His paps took s long pole and put It under the puppy's neck sod pulled it out of the water ssd gsve it to Willie. He was very happy with his dog, which by next year grew to be a big. strong, shaggy fellow and was named Diver. He used to go with Willie everywhere the' boy went and he loved Willie very much. Everybody said, "What a beautiful dog!" and Willie was proud of him. One day when the' nuts were ripe Willie took his basket sod went to pick hazelnuts. One big bush full of nuts hung ever s deep place In the mill pond, and as Willie reached for the top branch he slipped and fell in the water out of sight But when he came up Diver jumped In. took blm by his collar and brought him safe to land. So If it was good for Willie to ssve the dog's life when he was s little puppy, it wss good for the dog to ssve Willie's life when he wss s little boy. And that was Diver's wsy of thanking Willie for saving his life. It was a very good way too! And Willie and Diver were always tbs best of friends, St Nicholas. THE NOBLEST DEED. How a Wise Father Awarded the Jewel i--- of Commendation. A man, feeling that the end of his life was near, called his three sons to him and showed them a precious jewel. He told them it would be given to the one who should perform the noblest act. Shortly after the oldest boy csme to his father and said: "Father, a person intrusted me with a large sum of money. I gave him no receipt for It, and I might have kept it all, but when be claimed it I returned it refusing a reward." "Tours was but an act of Justice," remarked the father. The second son said: "I was walking beside s lake when I heard the screams of a child. At the risk of drowning, I Jumped Into the cold water and brought the child safely back to its mother." "Yours was but an act of human kindness," said the father. "What did you do, son?" he said, turning to the youngest "One dark night I found my mortal enemy asleep on the edge of s precipice. The slightest move on waking would have plunged him down to his death. I took care to raise him with proper caution and led him to n place of safety." . "My dearest sen." salt the father, embracing him, "the jewel Is yours." Philadelphia Ledger. Cut Up a Pear and Make a Duok. Here's s pear, and the question is what yea can make of It by cutting it up. Of course yon might make preserves, but that lent the snswar. Cat the pesr on the lines indicated and then rearrange the pieces so ns to form s young duck. The picture snows just bow it's Things to Knew. The first newspaper was published to England Is 15CJL - The first newspaper advertJeemat appeared in 1662. Cotton spinning wss perforated' by hand wheels until 177C . The first knives were land la 1559. The first wheeled m France In ISSfi. The sartiensl colors of tbs TJuitsd OTT. is re :r.T:3i-

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Tho Orcaft Cl PcsKfe 27 Mc!a Ct

Green Trading Stamps with a SOc purchase of Tea or Coffee

0 Stamps with 20 Stamps with 10 Stamps with . 10 Stamps with 10 Stamps with 10 Stamps with 10 SUmps with 10 Stsmps with

s can of Baking Powder st s bottle of Extract at ................. one lb. Atlantis Corn Starch at 1 lb. Atlantic Borax st 2 boxes Atlantis Ball Blue, each S Cakes Atlsntlc Sweet Chocoiata each . , 1 box Atlantis Talcum Powder st. ....... 1 lb. box Atlsntlc Rlcs at

Jest received 727 Main Ot. FOR GALE Small tract sdl dry analtsiM snssl esjal t ralsfsMi t W. O. C3ACSU3Y dk 8SN l 1 snssl SAVcntcwTl Block BAKED HAM, POTATO CHIPS, ' . BULK OLIVES, C PEANUT BUTTER. ' HAOLEY BROS. Suitor Sir, you - are undoubtedly aware of the object of say visit? Father I believe ye desire to make my daughter happy.' Do you really mean It? Suitor Unquestionably. Father Well, don't marry her, then. Exchange. - POPULAR EXCURSIONS Via Chicago. Cincinnati Ck Loulavlllo R. R. Osason 1000 $68.15 To SEATTLE. WASH, Round Trip, account of Alaska Yukon Exposition. Selling dates May to October. Final return limit October Slat $15.20 To TORONTO, ONT, Round Trip, account of Canadian National En position. Selling dates August 27 to Sept. 9. Final return limit Sept 14th. $44.15 To SALT LAKE, UTAH, Round Trip account Grand Army Natl Encampment. Selling dates August 6th. Cth, 7th and 8th. Final return limit 20 ' days. NIAGARA FALLS excursion August 5th. ATLANTIC CITY Excursion vis B A O.. Aug. 12th. , ATLANTIC CITY Excursion via & fit O., Aug. ltth. . . For reduced rates to points la North. East, South or West, call C A. ELAIB, Pass eV Ticket AgL. C, C L. B. aL, Home Phone 20C2. mchaeond. lad. (toe Moire Onamiee For the men that has OLD OATS and OLD TIMOTHY HAT (baled or loose) to get a good price for same, before the new crop comes to market. Will buy delivered or at your farm. See or call 0. G. ITuUTJ 298. CASt.

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Ffceso 1210 .......SOc 10s 10c Ss Ss ......15c ...... 10O o vi A Tin. HMVWhS Phcso 121G US Strc? The only razor with a guarantee Including strop and shaving soap, sold for $L00. m Pbooa 1445 4IS It St Try Our HARD COAL Ffcc ICS. EWftssma . QUAItGn DIICAD Ezwnx.'nuM' ; I tt.net. pallad:u vjvutt ado. pay. 1 iU aV. it Is for you after consulting anything in the line of boating. Just ten ns what and it win be done to your satiafaction. Like Davy Crockett, first sure that ws are rlsht ss m an: your wishes snd then we go gfr you th best work ta this tt U doss by

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