Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 34, Number 119, 7 March 1909 — Page 7
Are You Able To Write "Funny" Articles? Your Fortune is Assured if You Can Do So Editors of Periodicals Find That There is a Great Dearth of Humorists and When :New Ones Are Found They Are, Welcomed With Eager, OuMrekhed Arms. :
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Boston, Mass..' March 6 The rarest thing in" ; the world, as everybody knows who knows anything about the literary, markets, is a new Joke. The next rarest la an old Joke so revamped that It looks new! The liveliest hunt mens publishers of books and magazines today Is for real humor, -See that drawer," observed the editor of a big New 'York weekly to an aspirant for literary honors who felt ' sure tie eoUld write the right stuff if h only knew- Just what the editor . wanted. "Nearly empty, Isn't It? That's my humor drawer. Any one who can help me to fill It is persona rata to this office." , Humor Very Rare. ' The editor, like every other, had discovered, how rare genuinely funny writing Is. To discover the humorous books with which the Christmas bookstalls are stocked and the humorous articles 'which now and then occur In the magazines, is the publisher's most ': serious occupation. Anything that contain a laugh a line is received gleefully In the editorial offices of half a hundred American publishing Both schools; of American humor are In. favor. ' Anybody who can be either broadly or delicately witty finds a hearing these days as well as many who think they are able to be either, and actually are neither. . The distinction between the subtle and the obvious groups of humorists was ' amusingly traced In - a recent . Harvard Phi Beta Kappa after dinner speech' which Introduced to the learned society Rev. Samuel M. Crothers, a publisher's 'find," a Unitarian clergy-
' man known mostly not so long ago as President Eliot's pastor, but now duly ; qualified as a literary? successor of Oliver Wendell Holmes, who Is expected . to produce something bright whenever he touches typewriter to paper. '.
Two Classes of Wits. The point was made in this address that most American humorists have belonged very clearly to one or the other of these schools; and consult- - tlon of such a manual as '"The Early American -Humorists." a handy; reference book that gives selections from the writings of many, who famous 4n their own day . are now In too great danger of being forgotten, discloses pretty clearly on the one side the Jokera who had buffoon gifts like "Artemus Ward," "Orpheus C. Kerr," "Bill Arp.V "Josh Billings." "Petroleum. ,V. Nabj" and the "Danbury News Man" and on the other side the literary wits like Washington Irving, George Wil
liam cunts . and N, P. Willis, whose quiet ' humor more closely resembled that of the great English writers of the eighteenth century.- The discoveries of humorists by publishers In the. last few years have not been so ; . numerous, and many of them have been disappointments because the
: imiici wuw uw suuim iu uy ueing uproariously0 funny1 often conceives an 1 of' reforming the world through ,! his humor and thereafter becomes deadly t dull. This tendency of the Jester to aim to be-a preacher has been very apparent in the history of American humor, ' ,,Mark Twain Baffled. JuBt as Dr. Brothers Is perhaps the most valuable recent discovery among men who write, a woman whose humorous powers were quite
unsuspected up to a" short ' time ago,
outside of a circle of personal acquain
tance, has come to the fore. The lit erary world Is styi laughing over the failure of Mark Twain, himself the world's leading humorist, to recognise a professional hand In the first of the "Letters of Jennie Allen" which Miss Grace Donworth, a Providence woman, wrote as a practical Joke. The story is that while some good ladies of a San Francisco relief committee of the Rhode Island capital were engaged In assorting and packIng clothing sent : to . them for the benefit of victims of the earthquake and fire one of their number -received a letter signed "Jennie Allen" which requested that a certain garment should be returned to her slnee It had been forwarded by mistake. . The spelling and phrasing of the communication were fearful and wonderful, and half from curiosity It was answered. It was also shown to a number of people and a copy of It came into Mark Twain's hands, which he twice used as subject matter- for more or less serious speechifying, as : at an annual dinner of the Associated Press and which later the Simplified Spelling society gravely issued as part of one of Its leaflets. -The letter turned out. of course, to be the production of Miss Donworth, who was a member of the committee. After the lady had admitted her guilt she amused herself and her companions by adding more letters, gradually describing the entire "Allen" family and its acquaintances. Some of these were published In the Ladies Home Journal. Now that in ' their completeness they have
been Issued In book form the whole
he has been discovered," 'although among .writers of comic 'verse and prose William F. Kirk was simple and delicate in his lyrics of "The Norsk Nightingale," while no one can accuse him of extreme delicacy as be records the discussions between the Manicure Lady and the1 Barber or reproduces the compositions of Little Bobble. .. No conspicuous find of the broad school of humor has been proclaimed by any . publishing house In the present year, r Probably the most noted humorist, Indeed, of this stamp, who has come Into prominence In recent
years is Ellis Parker Butler, whose,
"Pigs Is Pigs," started -a chuckle that extended from Atlantic to Pacific. Another of Mr. Butler's works representing his style at its best Is his "Perkins of .Portland," the story of the advertising man who performed commercial miracles with his catch phras
es," such as "Murdock's soap Is pure
and his "Perkins paper porous plaster Makes all pains and aches fly faster." "Mr. Dooley" a Success. Among the broad school humorists would probably be placed "Mr. Dooley," (Peter Flnley Dunne) who has successfully worked the same vein for now more than ten years. His two earliest books, "Mr. Dooley In Peace and War." and "Mr. Doolejr In the Hearts of HIS Countrymen," were among the greatest discoveries ever made by - an v American publishing house. They now count among the classics of American' humor, for which there. Is the same kind of continuous demand as for Mark Twain's work or
witticisms, such as "Mr. Spinney says you cant rise with the lark if you've been on one the night before," or "He is a Maine man, but a perfect gentleman. So is his mother," or again," "We are going to live close to my folks so I can help them when they need me, and his mother is going to live with us. My cup runneth over." Miss Donworth a "Find."; In spite of occasional broad touches the general quality of MIbs Don worth's work puts her In the same' class with the more subtle school of humorists like Mr. Crothers, Robert- Grant, Witter Bynner, whose recent "Ode . to Harvard" contains some of the brightest touches of fancy of any re cent poem. Ralph Bergengen, in whom Collier's Weekly Just now announces a combination,, of Xewia Carroll and Frank Stockton and Agnes ! Reppller; whose ' fund of brilliant ' wit ' accumulates, steadily, year by year.' "Jennie Allen's" humor In some respects resembles that of Father John B. Tabb, the prevailing quality , In whose delightfully-, funny verses, as In his "Quips and Quiddlts," and "Child Verse" is one of subtlety. although he now and then breaks forth into something broad and " dangerously near being unclerlcal, as in his often quoted quip: ; "A pious prelate used to ride A donkey which, alas, His patience being often tried, He called Eu-damid-as; A named he emphasised or not As grew his temper cold or hot." "Norsk Nightingale." It comparatively seldom happens that a humorist who If "found'; as belonging to one of these two distinct schools passes over to the other after
country is quoting Miss Don worth's , for Stockton's ?Rudder Grange." An-
otner, or course, is tne versatile ueorge Ade. In somewhat the same class; though of more variable talent, Is the prolific Holmai F. Bay, , who lives in Maine and writes books of verse about Maine people with a mission that mission being, according to a preface written'for'one of Tils volumes by his friend, Congressman . Charles Llttlefield, "to sell as ; many copies as possible." Other excellent humorists who belong with the jesters rather than with the ; graceful essayists are.- of course, Gelette Burgess, of Purple Cow fame, whose "Gage of Youth" and "Vlvette" have however shown him In more subtle light; Oliver Herford. au-
"An Alphabet of Celebrities" and other thrillingly funny productions; Charles Battell Lobmis, cheerful optimist, and popular lecturer as well vaa author. E All these haveat'One time or other "been balled as great" discoveries, and the receipt of a manuscript from one- of them is still an event, la many editorial offices. Lorimer Makes a Hit, After Mr. Dooley, perhaps the most remarkable and unheralded humorist of the past ten years was Feorge Horace Lorimer, whose "Letters . from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son," caught the popular fancy to an extraordinary degree resulting In the sale of nearly half a million copies of a book which Is still among the good
sellers. Mr. Lorimer, up to the time
of the appearance of his book, had
been known first as an excellent news
paper reporter, then as an accomplish
ed editor, but it was not realized that he had gifts entitling him to a place
among the foremost of American hu morlsts. . ! '
RICIIMID MAN OH CIIIHESE JUNKET SEES ODD SIGHTS Dr. David Dougan Has "Pleasure" of Inspecting Execution Grounds and Handling Headsman's Sword. ';t '- ; y. ;:'; ''-;';':; ;" ' " -:' ".I ': ; y. '.J',' y!. -CV ""; ', : ' '' V' V-V; MANY TEUPLES CROWDED ADOUT THROUGH CITIES Force of Gunboats Kept at
Various Nations and Serving as Protectors.
ends of the poles to their shoulders and are off at a dog trot, only interrupted by a "congestion of traffic, which occurs very" frequently. It is surprising to see how rapidly they can go through the crowded streets; ' the whole line of chair carriers are yelling all the time, as are the other people who are carrying burdens, for as there are no carts in . use the entire merchandise of the city is transported in the same manner, not in chairs, of course, but slung on poles carried across the shoulder. - Noise Is Deafening. The noise resulting from the simultaneous shouting of every one In. sight, both in front and in the rear, for the stream is flowing in both directions, is enough to make one wonder if the long expected riot baa not . begun. I have not been able to learn whether there is any law of the road governing the rights of these common carriers, but I noticed that they keep going and the people dodged and ducked to avoid being hit by ends of the poles; sometimes when meeting other processions like our own. or carriers with lante
Cant6n y Representing the balesorboxes It was necessary tobe
jostled, but we got through without accident, much to my surprise, as I looked for a collision every minute, and was not advised if they bad an employers' liability law. In addition to being narrow these Btreets are often crooked, and long stretches occur without street intersect Uons, sometimes a quarter of a mile or more. The houses are from two to four stories in height and are full of people. The rays of the sun never reach tho street level, and the houses being built one against the other no light can enter except at the front and read. The ground floor front room of nearly every house la the city is a shop for the sale of something or a work shop where some trade is carried on, while the people live In the rear and In the upper stories. " , ' - " ft. Three Famous Guides. . We were fortunate 'Jo securing for our guide Ah Cum; who with his two sons. Ah Cum No. 2 and Am Com John, are no doubt known to aft Colorado people who have -visited Canton. Ah Cum Is growing old and ts In poor health and after fifty-two yean of service has practically retired as a tsi as ttriss tie business over to his tsis JLm cct party was a
.Writing as special staff correspondat of the Denver Post, David H. Dongan. a brother of John B. Dougan. of this city, gives the folowlng interesting
thay: There are but two days to go about the Chinese cly on foot or in a sedan chair. The streets are from four to - eight feet wide, the average beingprobably about six feet, and wheeled vehicles ai-&i of the' question; Even the
JUVHWHI OUUHHi V UM9U UVW. II JfUU try ' to make your way on foot the density of the moving -masses renders f' procress almost Impossible, and rowdies and pick-pockets are numerous, so that the best plan is to Uke a respons. Iblo native guide sad chairs, r, These csfrs are carried by two, three and
', wcht of the .rasseager. The two bam-
BU3T .puns kj wicu uis cnur tm iupfcr';' are about eighteen fast long tri are Joined at the front aad rear - c " rmr'tTx - Af"F xr fctva.
one, he decided to give us his personal
service, which was no doubt fortunate
for us, as his being so well known and
respected by the . Chinese probably
saved us some annoyance. AH the same
Ah Cum is a wise old fox, and while he always made the shops reduce their
price to the figures he ; would name.
and called our attention to the amount we had saved by his Intervention, It was qulto dear that he would get a
rake-off from the shopkeepers of 25 to
00 per cent of. the amount of our purchases. However,, as we did not buy
to an amount that, would make him rich, we enjoyed the joke quite as much
as he enjoyed the supposed deception,
and if we were going to Canton again, which God forbid, we would write In
advance and engage good old Ah Cum. Taken to Temples. Under' his guidance we saw all of interest that it was possible to see in the time spent there. As our chair procession was about fifty yards long and Ah
Cum was in the front and myself in the
rear, there was no opportunity for discussion or suggestion en route, and, although I had decided in Japan that I did not need any more temples, we were taken to all the "good" temples in Canton. Most of them I did not care for, but there was one that interested me In a professional way. Ah Cum called It the Doctor's temple, but I think if he
had been more proficient in the Eng
lish language he would have said
Tho Sacred Temple of Medical Science." At all events I think that IS its correct name, and I Improved the opportunity who there to take an ad
eundem courso In medicine. The temple has the naval layout and
the big God back of the altar la the doctor; I forgot to ask his name, and a priestly-looking Chinaman has a shop
at the right of the main entrance. ? The patient who desires to be cured
gives the pt last s' copper : ' cote - and
draws a box of bamboo sticks: th
sticks are thin and Cat and about ate
inches long, and there are one hundred in the boa; es one numbered and marked with the name of a disease.
This determines what Is the matter with the patient and the treatment la
equally simple. For another penny
two he buys a -Joss stick" And with It
Ss given a smatt amount of tea wrapped la a colored paper and told to bun the "Joss stick" before the Doctor God and mix its ashes with the tea and
tte the wic! tl J at one
Side Contlnneo Two Weclio
DEGINS OUQ GREAT
UNBLEACHED MUSLIN, remnants of 5c to 7c kinds. 3 to 20 yard lengths .........3 Yards HUCK TOWEUNG, 8 13c grade.-in plain white or with red border Vz Yards Qq TOWELS, fringed, hemmed or Turkish, good 6c grade.... 2 for TURKISH TOWELS, extra heavy 18x36 inches, unbleached, 15c value, each ..........................................90 CANTON FLANNEL, unbleached, the regular 6c kind. 2 Yards 16c CURTAIN SWISSES, la plain white or fancy dots and fig
ures, per yard
1 e e e e 4
jl e a eel
FLEECED WAISTINGS, choose from our entire stock; of Ue
9c
grades, at per yard ....... ................... wu.......Qm
SCOTCH PLAID DRESS GOODS, worth 30c and 35c per yard. black and white checks Vk Yard gc 50c DRESS GOODS, many of the season's newest and best styles .V Yard gc LINEN TORCHON LACE and Insertlngs, all 7c to 10c vatues 2 Yarda gc FINE VAL LACES, worth . up to 8c and 10c per yard, sale price -. 3 Yards gc DRESS ORNAMENTS, In black, white and colors, sold as high -as 50c each, go now at, each ........... ..................gg BRAIDS AND TRIMMINGS in all colors, worth 5c to 10c per yard, to clean up the lot .....'...12 Yards gg EMBROIDERIES, worth up to 10c yard, now .2 Yards )q
EMBROIDERIES, worth up to 20c and 25c yard, now, yard ...... gg EMBROIDERIES, 17-lnch Corset Cover. Embroidery, worth 39c a yard, ................ ..' Yard gg POST CARDS, all new colored photo, local views, Easter and SL ! Patrick's Day Cards, all go at ".i0. 9C MACHINE THREAD, Merrick's1 black or- white, : aU Vaumbers, .....,..'... .".. -2s Spoele Qr
LADIES' HANDKERCHIEFS, fine lace trimmed; sold at 20c to i 50c. to close, each .... '........(..;.... Qfj PEARL BUTTONS, all good sixes, pure white pearl. 5c kind .'.'. "'.. .'... '".... .... 8 Deaen for gg MEN'S TIES, 4-ln-hand or bow styles, worth 25c. each. '-9C MEN'S AND BOYS' ..VESTS, .sold at $L00, to oleaa,up the Jot, 1
choice ....1 ;'.;.m.mV.;. .Qq
MEN'S LINEN COLLARS, all styles, each
BOYS' 25c to 60c CAPS, an odd lot to close out quickly, each
LADIES' BACK COMBS, side combs and barettes, worth 25c to 50c, each 3 LADIES AND CHILDREN'S HOSE, fast black, all sixes. 15e val- . ues, pair ................................................rj LADIES COLLARS, stocks, Ues. turnovers, etc worth up to 50c. .jiqv, each ..................................C
nov V......;...M.
LIGHT OUTINGS, regular 15c quality, fancy figured; yard
OWE QOUQ SPEOALS On sale from 9 to 10 a. m. every day of sale. Best Calico, all colors, limit 10 Yds., 2 Yds for . - - --. - 9c Dress Gingham; limit 10 Yds., 2 Yds. for. .9c Lenox Soap, limit 9 bars, 3 bars for -...9c Watch the dally papers for ether hourly speciels.
........
CHILDREN'S UNDERWAI8TS, good quality muslin, our 15c . ; seller, now, each .. .V.'.. .......... .......C . 10c DRESS GINGHAMS, full width, standard quaUUea, Vz YarCa C , ,15e. DRESS GINGHAMS. In short lengths, now. yard ...... ....C DARK OUTINGS, mostly reds,.' worth up to I 1 yard. .
........ 2. Yards
WHITE POPLIN, extra highly Mercerised, good heavy weight. ' sells always at 25c yard Yard 3 ' FANCY WHITE WAISTING. in new self stripes, checks eta, ; . , . : 25c kind .......................................4 Yard fj 19c WHITE WAISTING, now, yard ............ INDIA LINEN, good 6c grade, now ....'.. 2 Yarda 3 LININGS, 50c wool serge, yard wide, coat or dress lining, fast black i Yard
LININGS, la black and tana, worth . .; up to 25c yard, now per yard. ..fj. DRESS,, GOODS, fancy ISc' plaUs and plain effects, yard ......... 3
zoo yard spool Hssting : Tnreatt ; : 7 SAFETY PINS, sixes 2, or 24 or j' i
sixes on card, sell always at tc card, now ........ ....S deasa 3
MEN'S SUSPENDERS, 25c values, now per pair .MEN'S MIXED SOCKS, 6c kind ..........M;......1,S Pairs MEN'S 15c DRESS SOCKS, in bUck or tan, per pair MEN'S 15c HANDKERCHIEFS, in white or colored borders.' '
',5 j. - each, . . . y . . ........ ...... ...... .. . .4-' . MEN'S HANDKERCHIEFS, red or blue, special Ll J". J.l far s SHOE POLISH, combination cleaner and. paste, black or tan. .C I
KeacI TTltaese Woimflei?fiDiifl Se IHIasemnieimtl EqiidM
BLACK SHOE LACES, sell always at 3c to 5c per pair, basement (limit 12 pairs) t.,,,.........i.... ....... ...12 pairs gc ELECTRIC WALL PAPER CLEANER, the best and biggest 15c can on the market, 3 cans for 25c, or per can .............. Qq JUMBO MATCHES, IScfworth. of matches in every box. 2 boaes gc CHINA PLAtES, regular 10c values, all slses, 1 lot to close at ,'. ',.... k.'.-.i i .. .f ............... . 2 for 9c WHITE ENVELOPE8, standard letter slses, sell at 5c for 25, " now ... ................... 100 for g CREPE PAPER, full 10 foot rolls, worth 10c each? sale-price - - :.. ..: i. 2 Rella On
, , . -....-j- : - - - -.... .
WATER PITCHERS, large stoneware Jugs, worth lfc, each ....05 LEAD PENCILS, rubber tipped, ' plain polished oedsr, worth 20c dozen ....... ..12 for g$
BEAUTIFUL HAT FLOWERS, the newest spring styles.
sale, worth up to 50c per bunch, now per bunch . . .. .. . V Se GLASS TUMBLERS, good-clear glass, full sise (limit H), far C3 15c JARDINIER8, good big size, all colors, 15c 1 to 25c valaea.- - sale price, each ............ ..f JEWELRY, tie pin and cuff buttons on card, veil pin and-2 beau- , ' ty pins on a card, fancy belt pin, ,35c values.. per card. . LACE, , all kinds. Torchons and Vals,' also one lot, of sC3t
.......... U Yards CV .......................5 Cars X
braids... SNAP LAUNDRY SOAP
very Sc?, Unit 6 Dors, 2 to to St.
TOILET PAPER, "Polo, tim
5c roll ...... .4
TOILET PAPER, 'VJoltosassV' tie . usual 10c roll, full 1,C3 perfarated sheets .......... ' rcKa 'c
MOUSE TRAPS, 5c T.Ightnftig Spring- rYap, sure catch every ' time ........ ..i..........-.... .............. 4"for 0C TACK HAMMERS, 15e kind, nickel plated, varnished handle, now ........gu CLOTHES PINS, rsftiar 2 desaan for Be kind, all perfect, smooth... finish and paraflned .....7 dozen g
15c GAS MANTLES for upright or Inverted lamps, now
GLASS GLOBES for straight or inverted gas lamps,
C3
:C3
OAK STAIR RODS, regular 10c kind, with oxidised ends, 2 far S
Welch thz Persia
Day ley Ksw Cc CpcdLzIs.
j:-
' . ... '
or he does net I have
same result to
doctors in
The
The temples da not aeexa to play a very important part in Chtnses VS and we only looked at half a doaea or
so. One of the places we slatted
the exeeati
ara made into
neatness and dispatch. The
kindly erouedt the instinmeat of hhi oOce and aUftwed me to handle It sad
examine tta edge. It Is
but in sise and weight it to mora Kke a cleaver such aa butchers use. He
also illustrated the manner In which
his work was done. Holding the
in both
brought it
would who was cutting a, hose on ha
block and amSngtr said
He told mo that wO tkla parttcslar
sword he
and fifty heads, awd. fnrtTssr that
asntly there
had eat e3 fsax
Xas
without any. Ca anSlS
looked aa thong he esspsd km
and he smiled
ha
courtesy with ten cents (XSexlcan). I
tkiak ha woaU kavw beeav t'nai ti
12C2S1
The Lerld Glow Of Deem ;, seen In the red face, hands and of the little son of H. M. Adams,
Henrietta. Pa. His awful fdSght
aa had, for five years, de
fied a9 remedies and baffled the heat doctors, who said the poisoned blood had affected his lungs sad notfcmg
save him. "But.' writes his
even bottles of Electric DU-
pletely cured him. For Erup
tions. Eczema, Salt Eheum, 8ores and all Clood Disorders and Rheumatism Electric Bitters to supreme. Only see. Guaranteed by A. G. Leken ec Co.
Albert O. Martin, Dentist.
Cfbniat BaBdlng, Room 18 and 19. FZZ
toMEtr'o
Fc7 cdo I7 c3
. C2 Dec! EcZ2- :- " . 10.OcX o- cy 'Qr"!;
j . 1
h - - -
trie lights, gaa and water, sjeei
aide of North Eleventh street in. a
irafc rtr
Can W, CJ Cart Lz
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.Terme S eaeh, S te nfm tatM is
ancaeh. - . 1
CICKITC TBU3T CO, JZZTl
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