Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 33, Number 177, 10 August 1908 — Page 5

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM AXD SUN-TELEGRAM, MOXDAT, AUGUST 10, 190S.

PAGE FIVE.

4"t"t"M"

THE SCRAP

t Evading the Issue. An old woman who entered a conntry sarings bank was asked whether she wanted to draw or deposit "Nayther; Oi wants to put some money in." The clerk entered the amount and pushed the slip toward her to sign. "Sign on this line, please," be said. Above or below It?" "Just above it." "Me whole name?" "Yes." "Before Ol was married? "Xo; Just as it is now." "01 can't wroite." GOLD. Gold, gold, gold, gold! Bright and yellow, hard and cold. Molten, graven, hammered and rolled. Heavy to get and light to hold. Hoarded, bartered, bought and sold. Stolen, borrowed, squandered, doled. Spurned by the yoirns;, but hugged by the old To the very edge of the churchyard mold! Frloe ofmany a crime untold. Gold, gold, gold, gold! Good or bad a thousandfold! How widely Its uses varyTo save, to ruin, to curse, to bless. As even Its minted coins express. Now stamped with the Image of good Queen Bess And now of a bloody Mary! Hood. 8wet Revenge. A little boy came into a dentist's office and had a troublesome tooth removed. The boy asked for the tooth. The dentist gave it to him and asked why he wanted it. "I'm goln' to take the old thing home an stuff it with sugar an' watch it che!" Lippincott's. aflat i A Cause For Thanks. A camp meeting was in progress in the wire grass region of Georgia. The afternoon service was conducted by Uncle Mose Bradford, an exborter of deep piety, but innocent of book learning. He took for his text on this occasion the words of St. Paul, "For I have learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content." After talking about fifteen minutes on the beauty of contentment from a Christian's point of view, he announced that he was going to "throw the meeting open." His invitation was, "If you've got anything to be thankful for, git up aud say so." One after another rose and spoke of reace and contentment under circumetances that seemed impossible, Judged from a worldly standpoint. Some said they were thankful for things'they had missed, and at last an old lady arose, pushed back her sunbonnet, and with n beaml'.i.rr countenance triumphantly exclaimed. "Well, Brother Mose, I hain't got but two teeth, but, thank God, tbey hit!" A Choice of Two Evils. ,"I think I can quiet little Flora," eald the professor. "There's no use Jn humming to her In that Silly way. What sho wants Is real music. The fact that I used to lead our glee club at college may make a difference too." He took the child and, striding up and down the room, sang in his best manner. After awhile a ring was heard, and the door was opened to admit a little girl. "I'm one of the family that's just moved into the flat next to yours," she eald. "There's a sick person with us, and he says would you mind letting the baby cry instead of singing to It?" Ladies' Home Journal. Lets of Weather. "I want to do some shopping today, dear," Bald a fond wife "that is, if the weather is favorable. What is the forecast?" At the other end of the table her husband, consulting his paper, read aloud, "Rain, hail, snow, thunder, lightning and floods." Guilty Consciences. The following advertisement recently appeared In a London morning paper: "The person who stole my umbrella last Sunday in St Paul's church is personally known to me, and unless he shall return it before twenty-four hours he will see bis name printed in this same paper. Address X. Y., 10 High street." A do2cn 6ilk umbrellas were received by the advertiser the following day. each accompanied by a note of apology for the involuntary mistake made. No More Room. Once in Dublin toward the end of the opera Satan was conducting Faust through a trapdoor which represented the gates of hades. His majesty got through all right he was used to going below but Faust, who was quite Etout, got only about halfway in, and no squeezing would get him auy farther. Suddenly an Irishman in thr gallery exclaimed devoutly, "Thank God, hell is full!" How Jack Got the Bed. "A sweetheart of his was longing for a feather bed." said Goggins, "and Jack determined to get it. Well, he marched into a house, the door of which he found open, and went upstairs and took the best feather bed in the house, tied it up in the quilt, crammed some caps and ribbons be saw lying about into the bundle and marched downstairs again. But, yon pee. In carrying off even the small thing of a feather bed Jack showeU the skill of a high practitioner, for he descendhered the stairs backward." "Backward: What was that for?" "You'll see by and by. He descendhered backward, when suddenly he heard a door owning and a fayniale voice exclaim. 'Where are you going with that bed?' " 'I'm going upstairs with it, ma'am,' says Jack, whose backward position favored his He, and he began to walk up again. "Come down here.' said the lady. We want no beds here, man.' 'Mr. Sullivan, ma'am, sent me home with it himself, ma'am.' said Jack, still mounting the stairs. " 'Come down here, I tell you,' said the lady in a great rage. 'There's na Mr. Sullivan lives here. Go out oi this with your bed. you stupid feUow.' "-"I bee Tour -jeardqu. ma'am .says

Jack, tflftilng roimd'and "marcliing cn with the bed fair and aisy.

Little Reason, Big Fuse. Robert G. Ingersoll used to relate an anecdote of a Hebrew who went Into a restaurant to get hi3 dinner. The devil of temptation whispered in his ear. "Bacon." He knew that if there was anything that made Jehovah real white mad it was to see anybody eating bacon, but he thought, "Maybe he is too busy watching sparrows and counting hairs to notice me," and so he took a slice. The weather was delightful when he went into the restaurant, but when he came out the sky was overcast, the lightning leaped from cloud to cloud,, the earth trembled, and it was dark. He went back Into the restaurant, trembling with fear, and, leaning over the counter, said to the clerk, "Did you ever hear such a fuss about a little piece of bacon?" Not a "Birth" In His Language. A commercial traveler is on friendly terms with the porter of a sleeping car that he uses frequently. "Well, Lawrence," announced the salesman one morning gleefully, "1 have good news for you. We've had a birth in our family twins." "Dat am no birth, sir; dat's a section." Ladies' Home Journal. Crowded. In the Berkshire hills there was a funeral, and as the friends and mourners gathered In the little parlor there came the typical New England female who mingles curiosity with sympathy, and as she glanced around the darkened room she said to the bereaved widow: "Where did you get that new eight day clock?" "We ain't got no new eight day clock." "You ain't? What's that in the corner there?" "Why, no, that's not an eight day clock; that's the deceased. We stood him on end to make room for the mourners." Honors Were Easy. A congressman's secretary, thinking he beard burglars In the house, woke the congressman. "Sir, sir," he whispered sharply, "there are burglars In the house! "Well," he mumbled drowsily, "so there are in the senate." Everybody's. Opinion Based on Knowledge. A physician' who has some practice among the colored population was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic ring at his bell. Putting his head out of the window, he inquired, "Who's there 7" "It's me, doctah. Ifs Dinah. I wants yer ter come quick ter see my ole man. He's pow'ful sick." "What seems to be the matter with him?" "It's indigestion ob de kidneys." "You mean congestion of the kidneys." "No, sah; It's indigestion ob de kidneys. He done eat four platefuls ob 'em, stewed, fer supper, and he ain't done slep a wink since." Llpplncott's. What the Nose Couldn't Do. A Sunday school teacher tried to make the little ones understand different verses in the Bible by letting them finish each sentence. i "The idol had eves " she said, "bnt it couldn't" "See!" cried the children. "It had Hps, but it couldn't" "Speak!" "It had ears, but it couldn't" "Hear!" "It had a nose, but it couldn't "Blow it!" Ae Lincoln Might Have Put It. A naval officer once went to President Cleveland, laying before him a request for the appointment of a nephew to the Naval academy at Annapolis. "His father, say late brother, our father, grandfather and greatgrandfather before him were all in the service." the officer added. The president did not speak for some moments. When he did he said: "As a matter of fact, I am rather disposed to grant the appointment, knowing as I do the young man's merits, but what you have Just remarked with reference to the long service of the family in the navy fills me with some doubt I am tempted to ask whether you do not think that it is about time that one of the family went to work for a living." A Conscientious Constituent. Congressman Hull of Iowa sent free seeds to a constituent in a franked envelope, on the corner of which was the usual words, "Penalty for private use, $300." A few days later he received a letter which read: "I don't know what to do about those garden seeds you sent me. I notice It la 300 fine for private use. I don't want to use them for the public. I want to plant them In my private garden. I can't afford to pay $300 for the privilege. Won't you see if you can't fix it so I can use them privately? I am a law abiding citizen and do tot want to commit any crime." The Country's Need. "I say," said the old lady with the high pitched voice as the Jerkwater slowed down at Grigsby station "I 3ay, what is all this fuss about edu cating boys to be civil engineers? The thing that this 'ere country really needs is a few civil conductors and less sassy brakemen." Lipplncott's Talking of Ant. "Talking or ants, h saia, "we ve got 'em ns big as crabs out we6t I've seen 'cm fight with long thorns, which tbey used as lancee, charging like savages." "They don't compare to the ants 1 saw In the east" said an inoffensive Individual near by. "The natives havr traired them as beasts of burden. One of e;n could trail a ton load for mCe; with ca..-?. T'.. ti!-t;cL wiiLi: .bu.

BOOK

occasionally they turned on "tnelr attendants and killed them." "I say, old chap," said a shocked rolce from the corner, "what sort of ants were they?" "Elephants," said the quiet man. She Was Welcome to the Rest. As several travelers got into the station bus one of the men noticed that a young woman had a grip exactly like his, but that it was placed with the rest of the baggage on top. Thinking there might be some mistake made, he kept his inside and placed it at his feet He was soon engrossed with his paper and did not notice the young woman reach over and draw the grip close to her side. He waited until she was occupied with a book and then pulled the grip to its former position, the rest of the travelers looking on with amused expressions. In turning over a leaf she looked down and suddenly became aware of the removal of the grip. With some force in her voice and manner, she said, "That is mine!" and Jerked it back close to her feet. Touching his hat politely, the owner said: "All right, madam. But may I please get my pipe and nightshirt out? You are welcome to the rest of the things T' Ladies Home Journal. As It Seemed to Him. A man had been employed to make an Inventory of the furniture in the house. He was' so long about bis task in the parlor, however, that the mistress of the mansion went to see what he was doing. On the floor lay an empty bottle. On the sofa lay the man sleeping. But the Inventory bad not been wholly forgotten. At the top of the page stood a solitary eloquent entry, "One revolving carpet" A Poor Sermon. A clergyman accepted an invitation to officiate at Sunday services in a neighboring town and Intrusted his new curate with the performance of bis duties. On returning home be asked his wife what she thought of the curate's sermon. "It was the poorest one I ever heard nothing in it at all." Later in the day the clergyman, meeting bis curate, asked him how he bad got on. "Ob. very well. I didn't have time to prepare anything, so I preached one of your unused sermons." The Question Waa Passed. "I believe," said the prosecuting attorney, "that you gave your name as Mary Howltly, unmarried?" "I did." "And what is your age?" "I decline to answer." "But the court wishes to know." "It's none of the court's business." "What's that madam?" the Judge asked sharply. "I said, your honor, that it was none of the court's business what my age Is." "The witness will answer the question," frowned the Judge. "The witness will do nothing of the kind," replied the lady. "The court insists," said the Judge. "And why? Will I tell the truth with any less impartiality whether I am twenty or seventy?" The Judge was thinking of a fitting answer when the prosecuting attorney put in: "May it please the court," be said severely, "this is contempt and should be punished accordingly." The witness smiled most ex asperating! y. "May it please the court," she said, in close imitation of the prosecutor, "you may fine me for contempt if you wish, but It will not make me answer. Your honor and the gentleman who asks me the question are elected to the offices which you fill by the people, and you are both willing to be elected again. Imprison me if you wish. I shall not answer. But I say to both of you now that when the public know you have punished a woman for refusing to tell her age you will never be elected to office again in a thousand years. Women have some rights that are bound to be respected, and public sentiment has accorded us this one. So there." The Judge looked down at the prosecutor, and the prosecutor looked up at the Judge, and the question was passed. A Lincoln Retort. A woman once wrote to Abraham Lincoln asking for a sentiment and bis autograph. He answered promptly: Dear Madam TVhen you write to a stranger asking the favor of a letter, always inclose a postage stamp. There's the sentiment. Here's the autograph: A. LINCOLN. Told In Six Hundred Words. A beginner in newspaper work in a small town who occasionally sent "stuff" to one of the New York dailies picked up what seemed to him a "big story." Hurrying to the telegraph (Office he "queried" the telegraph editor: "Column story on so and so. Shall I send Itr The reply was prompt, but unsatisfactory. "Send six hundred words," was all it said. "Can't be told in less than twelve hundred," he wired back. Before long the reply came: "Story of creation of world told in six hundred. Try it." Stockton's Chickens. When Frank Stockton started eut with his Rudder Grange experiences he undertook to keep chickens. One old motherly Plymouth Rock brought out a brood late in the fall, and Stockton gave her a good deal of attention. He named each of the chicks after some literary friend, among the rest May Mapes Dodge. Mrs. Dodge was visiting the farm some time later, and, happening to think of her namesake, she said, "By the way, Frank, how does little Mary Mapes Dodge get along?" "The funny thing about little Mary Mapes Dodge." said he, "is she turns out to be Thomas Bailey Aldrich." PALLADIUM WANT ADS. PAY

CURSE OF GOD IS CALLED DOWH

Priest Asks Same Curse Fall on the Children of State's Attorney to AROUSED OVER BILLIK CASE DIVINE HAS BEEN WORKING TO SAVE NECK OF MURDERER AND WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEFEAT OF HEALY. Chicago. 111., Aug. 10. Father Peter J. O'Calaghan, who has stirred all Chicago in his efforts to save the neck of Herman Billik the condemned poison er of seven members of the Vrral fam ily, called down the curse of Qod on the head of State's Attorney Healey in his sermon at St Mary's church Sun day. He also expressed the hope that the same divine curse would rest upon Healy's children. State's Attorney Healy was defeated in his candidacy for renomination at the primary election Saturday and the priest who had canvassed the city against him making speeches bristling with invective, declared Sunday that the attorney's defeat waa the Judg' ment of God against him for his part in the prosecution of Billik. He added: "I would explain to you why I said that I felt that if the people of the ; city did not condemn John Healy that the curse of God would rest upon him and upon his children. I had said before that he, like Pontius Pilate, would think to soothe his conscience by washing his hands in a basin of water. The next day the papers came out and said that John Healy was anxious to assist In the discovery of the truth and was going to cooperate with the authorities of Du Page coun ty in sifting the evidence thoroughly and honestly. "The next day we find that this man, this honest investigator, sends out an assistant who does nothing but belittle the evidence, turning that which should be a serious investigation Into a farce. "That night he came out with the affidavit of an irresponsible man, doing his best to thwart the purpose of the investigation. This was a provl dential exhibition of his dishonesty and hypocrisy, making manifest the insincerity of his promises to investigate, and it justified me In saying that I apologized to Pontius Pilate for comparing John Healy with him. "It was to that cry of the multitude that I referred, and to that old prophecy, and that old judgment that God uttered in the Old Testament that the sins of the father will be visited upon his children unto the third and fourth generation. "Only with repentance and only by some marvelous interference of God's grace can any child escape the sins of his father. It is God's holy word that is condemned and God's judgment of men's sins rather than my utterances of what I firmly believe to be a holy law of a just God." HUSBAND OUT ALL NIGHT; WIPE DOWNCAST She Takes Gas But Is Recovering. New York, Aug. 10. Despondent because her husband, Joseph De More, had stayed away from home all night for the first time since they were married, three months ago, Mrs. Maude De More tried to commit suicide at her home, No. 2472 Marion avenue, the Bronx, Sunday by inhaling illuminating gas. When she regained consciousness, a prisoner in Fordham hospital, she found her husband at her bedside. "Where were you?" she asked. He explained he had been in jail. being put there for participating in a rough house in a five cent theater. TWO MILLION PEOPLE RESIDE IN CHICAGO Directory Shows Increase of 58,000 Over Last Year. Chicago, Aug. in. umcago has a population of 2,425,000 according to the 1908 city director-, which was is sued today. This is a gain over last year of 58,000. The number of names in the alphabetical list is 758,100, an increase of 20,700 in a year. Tbis population statement is in excess of what is shown by the school census, which found only 1,922,330 persons in Chicago. WESSLER REUNION. Pupils and Families of School to Meet Thursday. The annual Wessler school reunion will be held at Wessler's grove near Chester. Thursday, August 13. All former pupils at the school and their families are invited. This is one of the oldest schools in the county. Music will be furnished by the Cooper orchestra of this city. The Rev. Aaron Worth of Fountain City will deliver the address.

Sale

6c Cream Outing Mill End Price 41c. 9c Cambric Finish Muslin, Mill End Price 7c. The Low Priced Busy Store Come See. 15c Towel Mill End Price 10c. 62c Muslin Gown, Mill End Price 50c Mill Ends Hope Muslin

TM1E IPEOIPILJE'S Open Evenings. Cor.

ma SOCIAL To Reach the Society Editor, Call EVENTS FOR TODAY. Mrs. Fred Fox, 219 National avenue is entertaining with a thimble party this afternoon. The Elks will give a dancing party this evening in the pavilion at Jackson's park. The Mary F. Thomas, W. C. T. U. is meeting this afternoon In the dome room of the Morrisson-Reeves library Annual picnic of the Olive Branch Bible class, at the home of Mr. and Mrs. John M. Haas, west of the city. Chester Halsley was pleasantly surprised recently by thirty of his young friends, at his home near Arba. Games and music furnished the evening's amusements. A luncheon in three courses was served. Those present were Misses Epple and Carrie Martin, Florence Payton, Alpha Moody, Woodsle Elliott, Ruby Brown, Alta Hill, Mary and Echo Horn, Edna Hill, Blanche Colvln, May Smock, Georgia Haisley and Miss Colvin; Messrs. Delbert Martin, Russel White, George Meyers, Ora Clark, Howard Thomas, Walter and Wilbur Haisley, Fred Hill, Ollie Marshall, Ralph Jones and Clifford Ryner. J Jt Jt The Ladies Aid society of the Chester Methodist church will meet at the church Wednesday afternoon at two o'clock. All members are urged to be present. Jt Jt Jt Mrs. S. B. Clapp of Walnut Lane, Germantown, Philadelphia, is the guest of her daughter Mrs. Benjamin Johnson, 201 North Eleventh street. Jt Jt The members of the choir of the St. Paul's Lutheran church will hold an all day picnic Thursday, August 13, in a grove near Centerville. Jt Jt Jt The Central Aid society of the First Christian church will meet Wednesday afternoon at 3 o'clock at the church. Jt je jt The East End Aid society of the First Christian church will meet Wednesday evening at the home of Mrs. Albert Jones, 204 South Fifteenth street. All members are asked to be present. Jt Jt The Cook family reunion will be held Thursday, August 20 at Glen Miller park. 8 The picnic of the Olive Branch Bible class of the First English Lutheran church which is .being held this afternoon proimses to be a most enjoyable event. The picnic is being held In place of the regular monthly meeting of the organization, which usually occurs the first Monday in the month. ( J& Jt Jt Miss Carson of Knightstown was honor guest at a luncheon given yesterday at the Country club house, by Mr. and Mrs. Milton Craighead. Flowers as prizes at bridge parties is a departure successfully made by a New York hostess. On the refreshment table at each of the series of parties given by her were two vases filled with rare flowers. At the close of the repast the flowers were awarded to the ladles having the highest scores. The same amount as the more commonplace prizes would have coet was expended for the flowers. Everyone was delighted with the plan and it wag in all respects a welcome change both to the hostess and the guests. It seemed far less commercial than the customary method of awarding prizes. Jt Jt J The mfti'5 social union of the First Christian church will meet Wednesday evening, August Twelfth at the church. AH members are urged to attend. The program is in charge of the Rev. S. W. Traum. J Jt 'Jt Mr. and Mrs. Thomas M. Kaufman will be the guests of Mr. and Mrs.

m

mm

All This Week Each Day Some Special Bargains See, Give Them a Look.

Mill Ends Hope Muslin Mill Ends Lonsdale Muslin Mill Ends Ginghams he J

Step in, look around. It's a pleasure to have you call show you the goods.

NEWS Home Phone 1121, or Bell Phone 21 John Aufderhelde of North Meridian street, Indianapolis, this week. Jt Jt Jt Mr. and Mrs. James Hiatt, of Philadelphia, will be the guests this week of Mr. and Mrs. William J. Hiatt of South Fifteenth street. Jt Jt je Mrs. Edgar Henley, Miss Beth De Prato of St. Louis and Miss Electa Henley entertained Mr. Hall and Mr. Cappel of Dayton, yesterday. at j8 Mr. and Mrs. Butler of Central avenue will be the host and hostess for a picnic party Tuesday evening. Supper will be served on the lawn. J Jt Jt Mr. and Mrs. Wickham Corwln, Mr. and Mrs. Howard Campbell and Mrs. Charles Corwln of New York, took dinner at the Country club house yesterday. - jt Mrs. V.'D. Noland and Mr. Thomas Noland have returned from a visit" at Indianapolis. J J Jt Misses Lena RIchey, Beulah Neely and Grace Bradford with Messrs. Brook Salyer, Bert Bradford and John day with Miss Clara Thomas, 410 South Tenth street. J -J Jt Miss Carolyn Hollingsworth and Mr. Louis Francisco took dinner last evening at the Country club house. J Jt J Mr. and Mrs. L. C. Martin of South Eighth street will leave soon for an extended trip througn Montana. Jt Jt Jt Miss Esther McKone will leave next week for a visit with friends at Detroit Michigan, and Cleveland, O. j j j Mrs. Emma Releaux of Pittsburg, has returned home after a visit with Mrs. Hannah Thomas. Jt j Jt Mr. Howard Shaughnessy and Mr. Charles Rousch of Madison, Indiana, spent yesterday with Miss Alma Pfafflin of North Sixth street. JS J jH Mr. William B. Fisher was completely surprised Saturday evening at his home, 256 South West Second street. The function was in honor of his thirty-sixth birthday anniversary. Games and music were features of the evening's amusements. At the conclusion of the evening's festivities an elegant several course luncheon was i served. The guests were: Mr. and Mrs. Edward Wiklns, Mr. and Mrs. Baize Bescher. Messrs. William Keller, John Imill, Joseph Allen, John Cully, Sherman Howe, Alvin Cully, Albert Keller, Mr. Penquite, Mrs. Anna Haner, Mrs. Solomon of Kansas, Miss Marguerite Wilkins, Miss Lucile Howe, Misses Ruth Allen and Lena Griffith and Master Lesley Howe. . Jt Jt Mr. E. F. White of Indianapolis, was the guest of his brother, Mr. Charles White, 202 North Nineteenth street, yesterday. Lu itcason. "I desire to cwear off my taxes. said the millionaire. "Of course we understand that," suggested the oocial, "but it is necessary to give some reason merely as a form, yon know." "Why, It's so much easier to swear off than to pay them! replied the millionaire, somewhat bored. The rest was the merest routine. Philadelphia Ledger.

COR. Om and rVIAIIM STREETS. FURNITURE BEDDING PICTURES

6c Calico Mill End Price 4jc 8 1-3c Bleached Muslin End Price 6c 18x36 Fringe Towel Mill End Price 5c. 35c Muslin Drawers Mill End Price 25c. Mill Ends ( Lonsdale Muslin

We're Mostly "It" On Low Prices Come See. STORE 9th and Main Sis. ELKS CHANGE - RULES OF ORDER Present and Past Grand Officers Meet in Chicago. Chicago, Aug. 10. The present grand officers and several past grand exalted rulers, comprising the grand forum . of the Benevllent Protective Order of Elks met Jn Chicago 8unday to make such changes In the rules of the order as were ordered by the laat grand encampment. Grand Exalted Ruler Holland, of Colorado Springs, who presided at the meeting stated that the work would require several day. Gettysburg. -Tne verified figures for the killed and wounded of the Revolutionary war, Ue war of 1812 and the Mexican war are as follows: Revolutionary war. 10.630: war of 1812. 5,614; Mexican war, 4,877. Total for three wars, 21,420. The killed and wonndcJ at the battle of Gettysburg, Union and Confederate, were 40,322, not quite twice the bined losses of the three former .;-s. New York American. Aplomb means true to the plumb line, but Is generally used to express that self possession born of perfect self confidence and composure. Delicious Chocolate Pie You Should Try This Recipe: 1 quart milk. 1 package "0 UK-PIE" Follow directions on package. Each package makes 2 pies. 3 kinds, Lemon, Chocolate, Custard. 10c Order from any grocer. Always the Latest in Music J P. E. WILSON t J Phone 2074 J T Adams Drug Store T liMJMJE STMIPS All Day Wednesday Aug. 12 Model Grocery Co. North Ninth Street Opposite Post Office Telehone 183S Smith & Kinder