Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 33, Number 168, 1 August 1908 — Page 5

THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM AND SUX-TELEGRA3I. SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 190S.

PAGE FIVE,

SOCIAL NEWS .To Reach the Society Editor. Call Home Phone 1121. or Bell Phone 21

A dancing party was given last evening la the pavilion at Jackson's park by Mr. Norman Craighead. Piano and drums furnished the music. The affair was a most enjoyable one. Among those attending were: Miss Bertha Carver, Miss Edna Bayer. Miss Mildred Gaar, Miss Fannie Jones, Miss Marie Campbell, Miss Mary Gaar, Miss Pearl Hasecoster, Miss Deborah Sedgwick, Miss Jessie Beeler, Miss Martha McClellan, Miss Florence King, Miss Ruth Thistlethwaite, Miss Dorothy Vaughan, Miss Opal Husson, Miss Rose Gennett, Miss Carson of Indianapolis, Miss Shyloh Van Meter of Cambridge City, and Miss Ruby Washburn of Anderson; Messrs. Orvllle Comer, George McKone, Owen Kuhn, Wilson Magaw, Thomas Campbell, Mark Pennell, Howard Hunt, Robert Carter, Harry Ross, Paul Fisher, Charles Morgan, Paul Hurst of Milton, Carl Burnhardt, Russell Gaar, Walter Craighead, Warren Clements, Bailey Fraunberg of Cambridge City, Mr. Bates of Boston, and Mr. and Mrs. W. P. Haughton. Jt & Mrs. Effie Bloom is the guest of her sister, Mrs. Wilbur Dean, of East Jackson street, Muncie, Indiana. j j Mrs. Joseph Beck and grandchildren, Warren. Marjorie, and Henry Beck, are spending the summer at various northern points. & Mrs. L. A. Mote was hostess for a lawn party given last eveving by the women of the First Baptist church. The spacious veranda was charmingly arranged with paper lanterns of gay tints. Small tables were appropriately arranged on the lawn. Ice cream and cake were served to a large number during the evening. The musical which Is to be given Wednesday evening, August Fifth by Mr. Leroy Lacey in the auditorium of the Second Presbyterian church, promises to be one of the most important events of next week's social calendar. All who are interested in the affair are cordially Invited to attend. The program will begin promptly at eight o'clock. It will be as follows: Piano Solo. . . Miss Lucille Townsend Vocal Solo Miss Bertha Garver Vocal Trio Misses Hilberts Reading Rev. Dunaway Vocal Solo .. i.MisB Marcia Caster Recitation Mr. Leroy Lacey PJano and Clarinet Duet . . ..Miss Parks and Mr. Carr Vocal Duet , Miss Caster and Mr. Lacey Vocal Solo Miss Huldah Kenley Vocal Solo.. .. .. ..Mr. Leroy Lacey tj? a . The members of the aid society of the Grace M. B. church were enter, tained in a most charming manner yesterday afternoon by Mrs. Lan Fry at her home on South T street. The hostess was assisted ' tertalnlng by Mrs. William To There was no business to transat t this session, the affair being simply a social meetinar. A luncheon in sev eral courses was served at the conclusion of the afternoon's festivities. A called meeting of the society will be held Friday, August Seventh, at the church. ! J3 J The annual picnic of the Woman's Missionary society of the First Presbyterian church was held yesterday afternoon at the home of Mrs. Isaac Dougan In Spring Grove. The afternoon was spent, in a social manner. The supper table was arranged on the lawn, and was beautifully appointed with summer blossoms and ferns. Fifty persons partook of the elaborate luncheon which had been prepared by the members. for their families and friends. After the luncheon an Interesting musical program was a feature of the occasion. Miss Donna Parke, Miss Bessie Adams, Miss Ruth Scott of Cincinnati, Miss McClure of KanfHv nvo tViA Tuimhore which were all beautiful and were rendered in an Intelligent manner. This was one of the most charming and enjoyable affairs in the history of the organisation. jl at ; Miss Ilo Oler. Misses Mayme and Jennie Grace and Miss Inea Mendenhall, left today for a ten days trip to Niagara Falls, Canada and various other points of Interest J J Jt Mr, Chase, who graduated recently from Valpariso University is the guest of his sister, Mrs. Edward Stout, for a few days. 0 0 J ' Miss Frances Simmons entertained the following members of her class at Earlham Summer school, at her home

FREE TO Y0U-MY SISTER WrSSSSr-

treatment a complete trial J and If yea should wish to continue. It will east you only about 18 cents a week, or less than two cents a day. It will not interfere with your work or occupation. Just send me your name and address, tell me how yon suffer if yea wish, and I will send you the treatment for ywr cjk. entirobr f ree, in tWii wrapper by return mail. 1 will also send you free of cost, my book-'WO.HAN'S OWN MEDICAL AuVlSER" with explanatory illustrations showing why women suffer, and bow they can easily cure themselves at home. Every woman should have it, and learn to think lor herself. Then when the doctor says "You must have an operation." you can decide for yourself. Thousands of women have eared themselves with my home remedy. It cures ail, old er young. To mothers of Daughters. I will explain a simple home treatment which speedily and effectually cures Leueorrhoea. Green Sickness and Painful or Irregular Menstruation in Young Ladies, Plumpness and health always results from its use. Wherever yon live, I can refer you to ladies of your own locality who know and will gladly tet any sufferer that this Home Treatment really cures all women's diseases, and makes women well, strong, plump and robust. Just send me year address, and the free ten day's treatment is yours, also the book. Write todsy. as you rosy not sec this offer uim. Address MRS. M. SUMMERS, Bex H. - - . Notre Dame. Ind., U. S. A,

In Spring Grove: Miss Rose Lorlng and Miss India Sutherland of South Bend; Miss Ruby Kelly, Miss Cora Kirby, Miss Marjorie Simpson, Miss Edna Skinner and Miss Arline Barlow. Supper was served on the lawn. 5" tpS Mr. and Mrs. Charles Foster of Elwood are visiting friends and relatives in this city for a few days. t Miss Josephine Fleming, one of the postal clerks has left for a fifteen days vacation. Miss Florence Johnson of Indianapolis will spend Sunday with her mother Mrs. Ella M. Johnson, who is spending the summer with her brother Mr. Harry E. Thompson. Miss Ina Clawson. Miss Ethel Thomas and Miss Edith Bowman have gone to James Lake for a two weeks' stay. Miss Mamie Bowers of Centerville, who has been attending school here, has returned home. jt tC j4 Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gaar and daughter, Miss Mildred will spend the remainder of the summer at Bay View, Michigan. Miss Fannie Jones accompanied them. s$ Miss Ruth Dillan. who lives In a charming bungalo in Irvington, gave a garden party last evening, the guest of honor being Miss Hazel Elizabeth Cahill of Terre Haute, who is visiting Miss Grace Brannon. The decorations were of pink and white sweet peas and ferns. The supper tables were arranged on the lawn, the guests being seated at small tables lighted with pink and white candles. The veranda and lawn were lighted with Japanese lanterns. Miss Dillan entertained ten couples in honor of the visitor. Miss Flo Dillan assisted her sister. Indianapolis Star. The Francis . Willard Woman's Christian Temperance Union met yesterday afternoon at Rhoda temple on North A street. Mrs. Wilson former state president of the Virginia W. C. T. U. addressed the meeting. Her home is in Chatanooga Tenn. The program which had been arranged for was not given. Nearly all the members with several guests were present. Mrs. Wilson is a good speaker.

w Miss Hettie Elliott, one of the instructors in the public schools, is visiting her aunt, Mrs. John W. Griffin at her country home near Splceland. Miss Mary Meyer, 228 North Tenth street, has returned from a several weeks' visit with relatives at Anderson. j4 j8 p Mrs. H. L. Tate and daughter, Mrs. ; i'in of Kentucky, are the guests of .. Wallim and family. af Miss Mable Barber has been giving a number of social functions this week at her home on. South Thirteenth street. Last evening she entertained in honor of Miss Pearl Frledley who leaves next week for her home in Columbus. The guests were members of the choir of the First Methodist church with a few friends. The lawn was beautifully lighted with Japanese lanterns. Forty guests were served with a dainty luncheon, later in the evening. Wednesday evening Miss Barber gave a lawn party for the members of the Young People's Missionary society of the church. Several informal afternoon teas were also given by Miss Barber. t5 Mr. and Mrs. Charles Shiveley left today for Boston and Nantucket for a two weeks' visit. Mrs. E. W. Stigleman, Mrs. J. A. Karch and children Lillian and James have gone to Cincinnati for a week's visit with Mrs. James King. $1 EXCURSION TO SHELBYVILLE Pennsylvania Lines, August 2, account Dedication Catholic Church. Lv. Richmond S:15 a. m. july2S-30-augl Army Influence In Germany. I am more than confirmed in the impression I always get when I visit Germanythe impression that the drill sen-' geant pursues the German citizen from, the army to all departments of life; that the nation remains a well watched, well drilled and very docile army Inside Invisible barracks and submitting to Iron discipline all the moments of Its life. T. P.'s Weekly.

I know woman's suff eriogs. I bave found the cure. I will mail, free of any charge, ay home treat ment with full instructions to any sufferer from woman' ailments. I want to tall all women about this cure you, my reader, for yourself, your daughter, your mother, or your sinter. I want to tell you how to cure youraelTes at home without the help of a doctor. Men cannot understand women's sufferings. What we women know from experience, we know better than any doctor. I know that my home treatment ia a safe and sure cure for Leacerrhoca or Whitish discharges. laceration, Displacement or Falling of the Womb, Profuse, Scanty or Painful Periods. Uterine or Ovarian Tumors or Growths; also pains In the head, back and bowels, bearing down feeHngs, nervousnnss, creeping feeling up the spine, melancholy, desire to cry, hot flashes, weariness, kidney and bladder troubles where caused by weaknesses peculiar to our sex. I want to send you complete ten day's treatment entirely free to prove to you that you can cure yourself at home, easily. Quickly and surely. RsnmlMr thftt M miiJI eact na lurthliw a u tK.

SEARCHING

FOR

WHO DRUGGED PRETTY GIRL

Pittsburg, Pa., August 1. Miss Clara Konler, aged 18 years, the beautiful daughter of M. J. Konler, was kidnaped in daylight from near her father's home last Monday, and fortyeight hours later she was returned raving mad. The young woman has not yet recovered her senses and the physicians say that she will die. They say that she has been drugged. The detectives of Allegheny county and the police of Pittsburg have joined in the search for her abductors. Miss Konler is the leader of young society at Glenwillard, and Mr. Konler, who is connected with a big steel CHILDREN PLAYED WITH DEADLY BOMBS Were The Property of Mexican Revolutionists. El Paso, Tex., August 1. Ueputy United States Marshall Hillebrand located 60 bombs three miles northwest of El Paso, where it is believed Mexican revolutionists had hidden them. A secret service officer from San Antonio traced the bombs from Ysleta, below here. Some of the bombs had been uncovered by Mexican children, who were playing with them. They were constructed of old vegetable cans, filled with sticks of dynamite and Iron slugs, with percussion caps and fuses for exploding them. When the officers got close to the revolutionary rendezvous at Ysleta, it is said, the bombs were removed at night and hidden in an arrovo bank, covered with dirt. THE DIAMOND TREE'. A Plant Whereon It Is Alleged the Precious Stones Crow. "I haven't a diamond tree," said the jeweler. "Smith, over the way there, has one, though. At least, so I've been told." "What is a diamond treeV" "It is a tree where diamonds grow, of course." "No; seriously. What is it?" The jeweler smiled. "Well," he said, "a diamond tree is a swindle, a very profitable swindle, and one that can be carried on forever with mighty little risk of detection. I'll explain it to you. "I am a Jeweler and you bring me a diamond ring for repairs. I take the diamond out of your ring and put back in its place n similar diamond that is a little, a very ( little, smaller. You naturally don't discover the trick that has been played on you. "The same day a brooch is brought to me, and since the central stone of the brooch is a little larger than your diamond, I get rid of yours and keep the bigger gem. In this way, four or five times in one day, I make diamond exchanges, keeping always a better stone thaii I part with. "On good diamond trees diamonds as small as pin heads have been known to grow to the size of peas in two days. A good tree, too, won't have only one diamond growing on it at a time. A dozen stones or more will be simultaneously increasing in size and value as the days pass." Chicago Chron icle. MATCHING SHADES. Hot to Purchase and lie the Gcods, bat to Dodse Them. Before trying to match the sample of silk the clerk asked: "Ia this a piece of something you want or something you don't want?" "Something I want, of course," replied the customer, with asperity. "You don't suppose, do you, that I would go to all this trouble for a thing I can't use?" "Some folk do," said the clerk. "I've met a number of them. The first woman I ever saw with that kind of bee in her bewH bad a square inch of blue silk that she wanted me to match. The scrap of silk was 60 small that it was hard to make comparisons, but after hauling down half the blue bolts on the shelves and running to the door several times to test the color in broad daylight I found the exact shade. " 'How many yards do you want, madam?' I asked. " 'Oh,' said the woman, 'I don't want any. Almost any other piece will do. That particular shade is very unbecoming. I just wanted to make sure that I don't get it, that's all.' " The customer laughed. "What did you say?" she asked. "I'd rather not tell." said the clerk. "Anyhow, since then I have been cautious. Before matching n sample now I inqnire as politely as possible into a customer's intentions. If it's a case of 'don't want' I don't hurt myself matching the shade." New York Press. Napoleon and Mothers. A charming story is told of Napoleon which Illustrates well his reverence for mothers, whom he rightly regarded as the "makers of men." When his army lay at Boulogne an English sailor who had been taken prisoner tried to escape on a rude sort of skiff which he had contrived with bits of wood and the bark of trees. Ilearing of the poor fellow's unsuccessful attempt. Napoleon had him brought Into his presence, and he then Inquired whether the man had really Intended to try to cross the channel in such a frail little boat. The sailor replied that he had meant to try ir, order to see his mother, who was old and infirm. "Yon shall see her," said Napoleon, "and take her this money from me, for she must be a good mother to. have such sua affectionate sea.'

ABDUCTORS

firm in Pittsburg, has been in the habit of going to his farm every night. Monday Miss Konler left her home for Glenwillard. some distance away j but did not return. The entire town- j ship turned out that night to search for her as Clara had never been known to remain from home over night. As she wore diamonds and much jewelry, there was fear that she had been waylaid. The search continued until Mrs. Konler, who had been in the woods assisting the searchers, entered her daughter's bed room to find her lying on the bed apparently dead. Since then the girl has neither moved nor spoken. HONEYMOON LUSTED TWO SHORT MINUTES Taylor Arrested for Forging Checks. Lima, Ohio, Aug. 1. Two minutes was the length of the honeymoon of Lloyd Taylor and bride, who came to this city from Spencerville this morning to be married. Immediately following the ceremony the police arrested Taylor for alleged forgery of checks. The checks were crudely written, one being on a customer's draft of the Commercial Bank. It was ascertained last night that Taylor has money in a Warsaw (Ind.) bank, but that it is in the hands of his guardian. The checks were drawn on a Lima bank and signed with the name of the guardian. IS Ohio Governor May Attend Good Roads Meeting In Richmond. AOTCISTS ENTHUSIASTIC. Governor Andrew Harris of Ohio has been invited to attend the Good Roads meeting, which will be held in this city next Saturday. Governor Harris' -home is near Caton and as the road officials of Preble county are in vited, the local committee extended the governor a special invitation. To promote further interest in the event and add to its success it has been agreed by the local owners of a number of automobiles to place streamers advertising the meeting on their machines when making trips about the country. Everything will be done to attract attention to the importance of the affair. LETTER LIST. Women Miss Mabel Burger, Emma Boyer, Mrs. A. Bellamy, Lucy Rudell, Marie Sandon, Emma Tordor, Gracie Ticknor, Mrs. Lew White, Mrs. John a Wilkens. Men E. R. Begry, Dr. Ernest Banm. C. H. Clifton. Worthy Dickie Excelsior Lodge U. B. F.. A. A. Grave, Hunt Ac Hall "Contractors." Johnie Ireland, E. A. Jones, M. D. Kirk. Master Mechanic Erie Shop. Archie McDonald, Ben Pierson, J. J. Smith, Pearl Trier, O. E. Thill, The Studio China Kiln Co. Drops Lou E. Taylor. BAD NEWSTO IRISH. Investigation Shows Small Crop of 'Spuds." Greensfork, Ind., Aug. 1. Those who have examined their early potatoes in this locality report that there will not be half a crop. The quality is good but the yield is small. OLD PASTOR RETURNS. The Rev. C. O. Shirey, a former pastor of the Second Presbyterian church, together with bis family, are expected here, August 5. for a short visit. Is Your Kitchen Clean? Greasy floors and oilcloths can only be cleaned properly by the use of pure soap. The cheap yellow kind which is filled with rosin, only makes a scum over the dirt. Easy Task is different, because it is made from borax, cocoanut oil and tallow. It dissolves the dirt and leaves everything sweet, and it costs 5c. Hu.r...u Ft-r Tree. "The treea of Paris will delight you." said the traveled man who was seeing off his friend. "Every boulevard and avenue has its two lines of trees. Sheltered from the hot sua. you walk under them in a cool green dusk. That hot and dusty city doesn't easily keep its trees vigorous and fresh. It must have tree hospitals great nurseries where, with all sort3 of liquid parasite killers and all sorts of stimulating fertilizers, the rundown urban trees are built up again. Continually in Paris you see faded trees being taken up and fresh trees being put down, and fresh and faded trees alike. In those ambulances which we call transplanters, drive continually up and down the sunny streets." OFoaotASA: Our chef saya Gold Medal Floor only. VlEOMCA.

HARRIS

INVITO

1

THE SCRAP

a mm e . a ej 1 m m - W W T T 1' T V V T I T I 1 f TTTT TTTT V V V A Predicament Reversed. 'The late Bishop Fowler," said a Buffalo Methodist, "was a broad minded man. Bigotry he abhorred. Creed, be claimed, should never hedge one good Christian from another. Sincere creeds, no matter how diverse, should. n the contrary, bind Christians together. "Bishop Fowler vised to tell about a young Detroit couple, John Smith and Hannah Jones. "John Smith was a Presbyterian. Hannah Jones, was a Baptist. They hesitated about marrying because they feared that !n later life,- when the little ones came, religious disputes might arise. Thus the years passed. Neither would renounce his or her church. John Smith grew bald, and Hannah Jones developed lines about ber mouth and eyes. It was a complete deadlock, the world said. "Then John was sent abroad for a year by bis firm to buy fancy goods. He and Hannah corresponded regularly. Toward the year's end by a remarkable coincidence each received from the other a letter, the two letters crossing in the mail. They said: "Friend John The obstacles that stood In the way of our marriage have at lust been removed. This day I was received in full membership in the Presbyterian church. HANNAH. '"Dearest Il.innah We have no longer any ground for delaying our union further. I united myself this day with the Haptist church. JOHN." Washington Star. DEAR HANDS. Roughened end worn with ceaseless toll and care. No perfumed grace, no dainty skill had these. They earned for whiter hands a Jeweled ease And kept the scars unlovely for their share. Patient and slow, they had the will to bear The whole world's burdens, but no power to seize The flying Joys of life, the gifts that please. The grold and gems that others And so fair. Dear hands, where bridal Jewel never shone. Whereon no lover's kiss was ever pressed. Crossed In unwonted quiet on the breast, I see throueh tears your glory newly won The golden circlet of life's work well done. Set with the shining: pearl of perfect rest. Susan Marr Spalding. The Warning Beacon. The bachelor and the benedict were wending homeward their weary way. "Ah, you lucky married man!" sighed the bachelor. "Think of having a hearthstone, a real home, a waiting welcome! Look, there Is a light in the window for you!" "Gee! So there is!" muttered the benedict. "Well, there's only one way out of that. Let's go back to the club." Home Herald. A Practical Suggestion. It was his first Sunday school, and he sat in the infants' department eagerly watching the superintendent illustrate the lesson on the board. The superintendent drew the path to heavenone straight line and started the figure of a man on it. Gradually the man became larger and larger, and finally when he arrived at the gate of heaven he could not get In. The superintendent turned to his small audience and in a tragical and sorrowful tone said, "You see, he Is so puffed up with sin that he cannot enter in." "Try him sideways, mister; try biro sideways," came the small, shrill voice from the Infants' department. Philadelphia Ledger. Tha Democracy of Death. In the democracy of the dead all men at last are equal. There is neither rank nor station nor prerogative In the republic of the grave. At this fatal ! threshold the philosopher ceases to be i wise and the song of the poet is silent. Dives relinquishes his millions, Lazarus his rags. The poor man Is as rich as the richest, and the rich man Is as poor as the pauper. The creditor loses his usury, and the debtor is acquitted of his obligation. There the proud man surrenders bis dignities, the politician his honors, the worldling his pleasures; the Invalid needs no physician, and the laborer rftta from unrequited toil. Here at last is nature's final decree In equity. The wrongs of time are redressed. Injustice Is expiated, the Irony of fate is refuted, the unequal distribution of wealth, honor, capacity, pleasure and opportunity, which make life so cruel and inexplicable, ceases la the realm of death. The strongest there has no supremacy, and the weakest need:i no defense. The mightiest captain succumbs to that invincible adversary, who disarms alike victor and the vanquished. John J. Ingalls. A Maine Whisky. Sir Thomas Dewar told an amusing story at the opening of Dewar House concerning a liquid which be once sampled In the prohibition state of Maine, U. S. A. When he asked what it was made of he was tolj the blender took a gallon of wood alcohol, put a wineglassful of glycerin in It to mellow It. then ground down some plug tobacco and strained it through a cheesecloth to give it a flavor and united the .whole with a gallon of water. It waa called "squirrel whisky" because "those who drank it talked nutty and climbed trees." London Globe. The Locust Story Outclassed. The king commanded the court story teller to unfold a narrative without an end. i "Once on a time there waa a hugt building filled with corn," began the story teller. "An enormous swarm of locusts swooped down on this tremendous edifice and" "Stop!" commanded the king. "That tale is a bearded chestnut I want something new. But it must be a story without an end." The story teller departed- Several hours later he returned and was admitted to the roytl presence. "O most mighty monarch," he began, T have found one who can regale you with a story which Is devoid of sMcJOSicu,"

'

- T T W W 'Vrtl ueef cried the king. The story teller passed from the throne room, but soon returned. He was accompanied by a woman. "Your highness, this lady will tell a story which has no end," announced the story teller. Then the woman told the king everything she was going to purchase when her husband had his salary raised. The king was still listening. Harper's Weekly. The Saving of the English. I cannot disguise from myself the helpless dependence of the British empire on us (the Irish) for vital element of talent and character. Without as the English race would simply die of respectability within two generations. Bernard Shaw. He Saw With His Mouth. " wealthy and indolent country-man of mine," said a Frenchman, "spent several years in America. On his re turn to Paris a learned society invited him to dine. " Tell us your Impressions of that great and rich country where you remained so long. they said to him at the dinner. "And he pondered a long while. Then he said: " The American redhead duck Is delightful.' "But the learned men about him pushed aside that statement. He had been In America eleven years. Surely, they said, he must have observed other things. "And the guest, after a very great while of thought, said: "The American canvasback duck la also delightful.' " Tha Missing Frog. The pupils of a distinguished professor of zoology, a man well known for his eccentricities, noted one day two tidy parcels lying on their Instructor's desk as they passed out at the noon hour. On their return to the laboratory for the afternoon lecture they saw but one. This the professor took carefully up In his baud as he opened his lecture. "In the study of vertebrata we have taken the frog as a type. Let us now examine the gastrocnemius muscles of this dissected specimen." So saying, the professor untied the string of his neat parcel and disclosed to view a bam sandwich and a boiled egg. "But I have eaten my lunch," said the learned man bewilderedly. The so Married Men. "A charming actress sat beside me I one night at a dinner," said a Phila delphia playwright, "and with the fish some one began to talk about wifely extravagance. 'The actress listened to tale after tale of the ruinous extravagance of wives, and finally she said: " 'Wives' extravagance obvyes. You men are all alike. You are all like the broker who at midnight at his club hiccoughed, wiped his eyes and said brokenly : " "This is the sixth bottle of champagne I've drunk today, all through my wife making me lose my temper. It is terrible what a lot of money that woman costs me." " Our Insignificance. Worlds are but dreams of God and evanescent The galaxies of suns burn out; the heavens wither. Even time and space are only relative and the civilization of a planet but an Incident of its growth. Lafcadio Hearn.Tha Other One. "Yes," he said, after explaining to his wife that the lodge meeting bad been a very Important and a somewhat protracted one, thus making It Impossible for him to get home a minute earlier than he did, "and there were two fellows there who made the worst fools of themselves you could Imagine. You couldn't find two worse chumps la a row of counties clear across this state." "I suppose not." rhe replied. "Who was the other one? I'd like to sympathize with his wife." Chicago Bec-ord-nerald. Satisfactory Plan. "Your wife's twin 6lster Is so Hither that I wonder yon can tell them apart" "Well, when I meet either of them I kiss ber. When she slaps my face I know it Isn't Bertha." Meggendorfer Blatter. No Hair Splitting. "But" argues the exasperated automobilist who has been baled before the country Justice, "you haven't the shadow of a reason for arresting and trying me. Why, man, my machln was standing stock still, absolute! motionless! Even the constable wU', tell you that" "The antomobull was a-standln' still all right." acknowledges the constable "but its engine was runnin fall blast an' It sounded just like tbey do whec they go forty miles an hour." , "But my machine was not moving! Jude. this is prepos" "The evidence Is all against you." coldly decides the justice. "Twenty dollars and costs. This Is not the tinu or place for Idle technicalities." Judge me Best That Was Offered. A prominent attorney of Kansas City succeeded In getting his client out of a bad situation by means of an alibi, which the attorney presented In so novel a way that It was little short of masterful. At the end of the trial the attorney was overwhelmed by congratulations from his colleagues of the legal fraternity. To these felicitations there were added those of the learned judge himself, who observed: "A fine alibi, that and mighty we'll put" "Well," modestly responded the lawyer. "I myself think It was rather neat Of those that were offered me It wa by far the best" Well Suited. Do you think your daughter and I are suited to each other, madam?" asktd,th ctsrnc-tiv. hrWesy1-. --.

BOOK t ""Oh, splendidly! "Haven't yon a very fine load voice, and isn't Mary dreadfully hard of hearing?" CONCKNTRATION. The man who seeks one thing In life, and but one. May hope to achieve It before life Is done, ut he who seeks all things wherever h goes Only reaps from the hopes which around !m he sows A TVW Vest of barren regrets, and the worm That iTeeps on In the Uuet to tha definite term Of Its creeping existence and sees nothing more Than the path it pursues till Its creeping Is o'er In Its limited vision la happier far Than the half sage, whose course, fixe by no friendly star. Ia by each star distracted In turn and who knows Each will ail It be aa distant wherever he goes. Meredith. THE ROLL CALL. "Corporal Green!" the orderly cried. "Here!" was the answer, loud and clear. From the lips of a soldier who stood near. And "Here!" was the word the next replied. "Cyrus rrew!" Then a silence fell. This time no answer followed the can. Only his rear man had seen Mm faU Killed or wounded, he could not tell. There they stood In the falling light. These men or battle, with grave, dark looks. As plain to be read as open books; While slowly gathered the shades i night. "Twos a victory yes, but It cost us dear. For the company's roll, when called at night. Of a hundred men that rnt Into tha fight Numbered but twenty that answered "Here!" Nathaniel O. Bhepherd. THOUGH ALL WERE FABLES. Though all great deeds were proved but fables fine: Though earth's old story could be told anew; Though the sweet fashions loved of them that sua I. 'ere empty as the ruined Delphian shrine; Though God did never man In words benign With sense of his great fatherhood endue; Though life Immortal were a dream untrue. And he that promised It were not divine: Though soul, though spirit, were not and all hope Reaching beyond the bourn melted away; Though virtue had no goal and good no scope. But both were doomed to end with thla Bur clay: Though all these were not. to the nngraced heir Would this remain to live as though they were. Jean Ingelow, An Honest Opinion. Mrs! Rugglea of Sooth s'ittsburg visited the Carnegie Institute and bad been much Interested In the statuary on exhibition there. On giving an account of the trip to a neighbor she said, "I have seen that fellow what they call Adonis, and I've seen Ruggles. and of the two giv me Rugglea." Lipplucott'a. Natural Enough. A stuttering man waa once arraigned before a magistrate. "What Is your name?" asked tha magistrate. "S-s-sj-a-sls-a-B-a." began the prisoner. "What's that?" "S-s--s-sJs-s--.," hissed the stutterer. Tils name's Slsson," interrupted tba policeman who had made the arrest "He stutters." "So It seems. What's ha charged with?" "I don't know, your honor," said tha policeman. "It seems to be soda water." 8impla and Logical. A teacher obaerved what he thought a lack of patriotic enthusiasm In one of the boys under his Instruction. "Now, Tommy," said he, "tell na what you would think If you saw the tart and stripes waving over the field of battle." "I should think that the wind was blowing." Ladies' Home Journal. Her Redeeming Feature. An only son had just told the family that he was engaged and to whom. Ma-What, that girl? "Why, she squints. Sister She has absolutely do style. Auntie Red headed. Isn't abe? Grandma I'm afraid she's fidgety. Uncle She hasn't any money. First Cousin 8he doesn't look strong. Second Cousin She's stuck up. Third Cousin She's an extravagant thing. The Son (thoughtfully) Well, she's fot one redeeming feature, anyhow. Chorua What's that? The Son She hasn't a relative oo earth. ra Grab her, my boy; grab her! About Eleven Head. An evangelist journeying through darkest South Carolina stopped at a cabin swarming with children and asked of the young negresa who responded to tus knock how many children she bad. "Well, I've burled some, of co se , but Ilvln' I rrkoa I gotbjjit 'leven bead." WHY JAMES LEE GOT WELL. Everybody In Zanesville, O., knows Mrs. Mary Lee, of rural route 8. She writes: "My husband, James Lee. firmly believes he owes his life to the use of Dr. King's New Discovery. His lungs were so severely affected that consumption seemed inevitable, when a friend recommended New Discovery. We tried it and its use has restored him to perfect health." Dr. King's New Discovery Is the King of throat and lung remedies. For coughs and colds it has no equal- The first dose gives relief. Try it! Sold under guarantee at A- G. Luken & Co's drug store. 50c and $1.00. Trial bottle free. GET THE LATEST MUSIC OF PAUL E. WILSON Anything in Music " Adams Drug Store