Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 32, Number 359, 9 February 1908 — Page 7

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WITH ZAC By LOUIS WEADCOCK

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Ccpyrlglit, 1008, hy Thoma II. ZIcKee. AT the lime t bat George Hopkins discarded his runabout In favor of a touring-car and had a. new roof put en his house, he also laid In n ready-made library. Preloti3 ti the Installation cf this collection of splendid Bindings and uncut edges he had been permitted by urbane book agents who wore, Bilk hats and gloves on the street to Invest, money in limited editions. Hi s wife liked to open those subscription hooka and look at the numbers. Hopkins had a vague idea that the lower your number was the more secure was your standing as a booklover, but he was not sure. And in spite of the nine hundred dollars worth of the best literature of all ages which he had placed In his library It took a great deal of argument to mako him fcure that when the Literary and Culture Club elected him to membership the members of that organization were not having fun with him. "I know all about day-books and ledgers," he said, "and a little ubout handbooks, but I'll make an aflriavlt that I don't know enough about the old meters, living or deal, to qualify me as a literary person." But having been elected, he did the handsome thing. He Invited all the gorgeously gowned ladies of the Literary and Culture Club and those husbands who were sufficiently tamed to come with them to bis house. He hired the best, caterer In town. Ho I ought a ease of champagne. He took the newspapers off the library-table, where they hid a fine copy of Somebody's "Visits" to the Homes of Some Other Persons, and h stood by, hot and uncomfortable, for three solid hours while the members took down his books and raved over them. And he sent the treasurer a check for his dues in Advance and gave her the names of a coup!-! d" chaps In the hardwaro business that really needed elevating clong ethical and literary linos. Also he secured important, business engagements at t he time of the next club meeting and arrived at the l.ouse where the club wrs Pi '.es-sion just as the me inters were putting on their hats and telling one another what a lovely time they had enjoyed. But they caught George Hopkins at the next meeting. He was net present. His wife made his excuses. She said that be had run In to New York to look at some new importations cf books. He was In New York, it was true, but he was purtuirjg an arduous course of study at the theatres iv.ther than the libraries or the an; tk-n-rooms. The morning he got back his wifu met him at the Coor of his library. "You can't guess, Oeorge, what has happened while you have been away?" she said gayly. "The cashier has run away or the typewriter has been married or the car is out of order," said the practical Hopkins. "You," said bis wife, fixing upon him a look of great pride, "you have been chosen as our next lecturer." "I'll play the pianola for you," said Mr. Hopkins, 'but I'll not lecture for ono thousand dollars a night. 1 never did such a thing in my life. At my age It's too late to begin. Who started this nominating convention for me, anyway?'" "Mr. Fillsbury suggested it," his wife told him, "and Mr. Haines said he thought it would be perfectly flue. He said that he knew you could tell the members many things they do not know." "Those two hardware brigands," muttered Mr. Hopkins as he stamped to the doer. "And remember, George," Mrs. Hopkins called to him, "the meeting is on Monday evening." "They can have it at six o'clock Monday morning If they like," answered Mr. Hopkins. "I'm going to send In my resignation as soon as I get to the store. "When I fed that club of yours I did not know that it was going to punish mo by insisting upon me making a fool of myself." On his way down-town he thought seriously upon the futility of trying to clamp culture upon gentlemen !n the hardware line. He had to admit that they It ad evened np matters with hitiKlor putting them into the- club. He telephoned to each Of them from the store, and each cf them refused to believe that he was not elated with the prospect, of an opportunity to deliver a lecture. Further, they promised to come an 4 bring tome friends. Like a fugitive who awaits the coming of the police dl.l Mr. Hopkins awult the coming cf Monday, lie passed a restless Saturday. Ho essayed golf, but

next week, TALBOT SMITH

played so miserable a fame he gave it up in despair. He tried a "bracer" for his nerves, but. the "braeer" disagreed vi'h him. Sunday there was rain. One of the auto tires was loose and the roads were too muddy for driving. All of hl3 friends seemed to be out of town. There was nothing In the morning paper.1. In desperation ho took refuge In his library. "And what, a subject!" he groaned to himself every little while. "What a subject: 'The influence of Balzac upon the latter-day novelists cf France.' " Mr. Hopkins, In regard to French literature, had preserved a blameless plume. Concerning Balzac, his predecessors, contemporaries or successors he had not a solitary Idea. He took down Balzac. The sentences were too long. The names of the characters sounded foolish. He re.td some of the shorter stories. He liked them.

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'MIKE, WHAT WAS BALZAC'S INFLUENCE Hut the man who had selected his books had not put In any of the modern Frenchmen. It was patent that from reading some of Balzac's shorter stories ho could hardly he expected to know precisely the effect that Eal.-tae as a whole had upon the latter-day novelists of France whose very names even were unknown to Mr. I Iopkins. 1 leUutked Balzac again, but he stopped when in one of the. volumes he came upon a note written by his chauffeur. THE It wus dated ;i month previously, and related to repairs that at. that. time, had seemed essential to th welfare of the car. The note wa clearly written. Mr. Hopkins said to himself that he wished he cculd write a hand like that. Then he remembered that he had always thought his chauffeur a remarkably clever chap. He also n-membered that, upon occasion he had loaned books to the chauffeur. Then he arose and went out to the barn. The chauleur was plodding over the brasswork. "Mike," si'd Mr. Hopkins solemnly, "what was Bai.:ac'fc influence upon the Utter day novelists of

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France?" Mike went en polishing the brass-work. "I suppose," tsid Mr. Hopkins, "you understood what I said?" "I don't think it were very good," Mike answered, "Judging by what I've heard of them." "Heard of thetn?" echoed Mr. HopkiDs. "Haven't you a man who likes reading as well as you haven't you read them?" "I'm reading 'David Copperfield.' sir," answered Mike; '-there's a feller in there named " "How about tiie tire?" asked Mr. Hopkins, abandoning his literary labors. After he had discussed the car for a while he said to Mike: "You write a good clear hand. You know that, 1 suppose?"

UPON THE LATTER-DAY NOVELISTS: "Thank yen, sir," said Mike. "You make your letters good and big." "Thank you, sir." "Anybody can tell which is 'A' and which is 'B right off the bat." "I try to make 'em plain, sir." "How long will it take you to tinish that brass-work if I tell you to quit now?" "I'm just through," said Mike, "and anything can do to help you I'll be glad to do. I heard the cook REAL 1IEMBERS FAIRLY DRANK IN EVERY WORD. ard the maid talking this morning." "About, what?" asked Mr. Hopkins tojspieicusiy. "About the way the plate? are to be laid for the lunch after the meeting to-morrow night," said Mike, looking cut o the window with a faraway look In his eyes. "Wait here," said ?vlr. Hcpkius. "Yessi." said Mike. Through the rain Mr. Hopkins went back into his library. He shut the door behind him. locked it, and pulled uowa the works of Balzac again.

AND THE

With the first volume under his arm he hurried back to tl." I : rr.. "Mike" he said, 'there's something in that introduction there I want for reference. Copy it cut in ink. Copy ail th introduction, and I'll come out and gt it aftf r iir.n-'r." Mike went off to his rom and started to work. He propped the copy cf Ralzao acalnst a carriage lamp and wrot wi'h his tongue bftvcen bis teeth. Mr. Hopkins walked ihrcu.h his h"u.-a. Iiu:nnilng an air be Pad board in a muIcul ornery in Xo.v York. His cheerfulness coming upon the leaden he'ds of two days that had been as black as Friday and Sutu:day puzrded Mrs. Hopkins am! pleased her as weil. "George," she sai.I. "I know you'll do wl! to-aioi-iuw evening. I would have offered to he! p you if I had not thought that you would do the work better alone. Tot) many cook.-, you know " Mr. Hopkins meditated upon the fact thai to far as he knew thue existed no proverb which said tk;. there was su h a thing as a superfluity of hauffeurs. "I won't ask you another' word about the lecture," Mis. Hopkins said; "I know you will have the rough edges to smooth out. Mie said you worked all afteri.oon in the library." "What business Is it of Mike'f.?" Mr. Hopkins said Urtly. "Mike i.i getting too officious lately." "I'll speak to him about it if you say so, George," s;:id Mrs. Hopkins "or suppose you do it yourself?" "I will," said Mr. Hopkins, starting up. He found Mike still at work with Balzac propped up ia front of him. "How goes it, Mike, my boy?" asked Mr. Hopkins. "I hope you're making the paragraphs right." ' Right as a trivet, tdr," answered Miko proudly. "Do you want to read It, sir?" "I wouldn't read it for anything in the world," Mr. Hopkins answered from the heart. "It'll bo bad enough to heave' to read it once." He blotted the last sheet carefully and put the paper in his pocket. Also ho took Balzac, to the shelf. Then be telephoned to a man down-town and the man came up and they talked business till bedtime. The Monday mail and getting the week's work under way kept Mr. Hopkins so busy the next day that by the time he got home to dinner he was pretty tired. "This is positively my last appearance on any siage," he said to his wife at dinner. She smiled at him across the table. "Ah, no. George," she said. "When you see how

w.rll you re received to-r.ight you wfii v. ant to deliver .". ctur- at every meeting " "If I exhibit symptoms like that." taid Mr. Hopkins, "it will be no trouble to break my will." He helped Mrs. Hopkins receive the members when they came. Fillsbury and Ilalnes were among the last to arrive. Mr. Hopkins took them to the sideboard. "What excuse are you going to offer?" asked Pillsbury. "What do you mean?" Mr. Hopkins askel with dignity. SERVANT,

He means," said Haines, "how are you jolng to c-ide-step this lecture thing?" Mr. Hopkins threw back hts head and lau(rhS. "I?" he asked. "I try & dodge like, that? Not I. Am I one of these fellows that Is tied so fast to the hardware business that he doesn't know Bulsac from Hall Caine? Am I a slave to my business? No. I read. I study. I Improve my mind. I'm rolng to deliver a leeture that's a corker. Been working at St for more than a week. Been neglecting my business, ia fact. Here's looking at you." ' IMilsbury looked at Haines and Haines looked at Pinsbury for some time before they drank. Theu they sighed. "It's going to be worse than a bull Csht, aii Fillsbury genially. "I hope the police, don't Interfere." said TTalnes. ' A ten-round bout between Hopkins and Balzae. Why. Hop can't even pronounce that name the earn way three times In sueeesolon." The two big front rooms were filled. The women outnumbered the men. Yet none of the men eeml to regret that he was there. Hopkins did not lectur on Balzac every evening. The president of the club, a large lady with eyeglasses and an English accent, opened the meeting. Mr. Hopkins, freshly shtyen and slightly flushed, sat at her side. From the other side of the room Mrs. Hopkins beamed upon him. He winked at her. Then he remembered that h bad never seen any other lecturer wink at his wife or anybody's else wife in public. So he Mashed a little more. He saw that every eye In the room was flied upon him and he began to wonder If his coat was not getting too tight across the shoulders. He noticed, too, that one of the electric lights shone more brightly than the others. He wondered why. He compared that electric light with those in the store. He remembered that somebody had said that all 16-candle-power lights are Dot of the same strength, and as his mind went wandering down a vista, illuminated with various sorts of lights he got cold all over and his face began to feel as If It were made of wood. The president had called his name and made a brief speech of introduction. He stood up and bowed stiffly. Pill bury and Haines were looking at him with compassion written all over their fat faces. Mr. Hopkins glared hack at them. "... who will now address us upon The Influence of Balzac upon the Latter-day Ftench Novellets, " pounded Into his ears, and he grabbed the reading-table with one hand and cleared his throat "Ladies and gentlemen." he said. "I've written oat what I'm going to nay, and It Isn't very long and I hope you'll enjoy hearing It as well as I did writing? it" And then he read them Mike's copy of the Introduction to Balzac Even Fillsbury and Haines got Interested ! It as Mr. Hopkins went along. As for the real members, they fairly drank in vmj word. Mr. Hopkins, wanning to his work, regretted that there were only three pages more Instead of thirty. He liked the sensation of being the centre of all the attention. He even ventured to introduce a pathetic tone In his voice once or twice. Once he stamped his foot and then elevated his hand above his head. He had to keep It there a little longer than he had intended, but he did not bring it down until he could And some appropriate sentiment with which to accompany Its descent end produce aa effect. He read slowly, that every word mljht sink In. And striking the last page and happening to notice that both Fillsbury and Hain's were looking at him In opftn-mouthed admiration, he slackened bis pace even more and became even more impressive. "And," he read, "Balzac represented in his various works both polea of narrative writing. He was at once a romanticist and a realist. A fine steel engraving of Balzac will be found upon page five hundred and twenty-six." Mr. Hopkins saw the noose in which he had hanged hlmfelf as quickly as anybody else. Bat no quicker. Pillsbury and Haines broke into unhallowed glee. Plllsbnry dared to ask in a high tone: "Will the gentleman please repeat his last obFerraticn? Those in the back of the rccm did not hear it." And out In the hall Mike, who had crept in on tiptoe to witness the triumph of Mr. Hopkine, suddenly remembered that a friend wa waiting for him and Le went away rapidly.

PROBLEM

By Arthur, E. . McFarlane