Richmond Palladium (Daily), Volume 31, Number 363, 24 February 1907 — Page 9

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IN THE COMPLETE SHORT STORY "Mr. Blink's Automobile," here given to our readers, there is presented a pleasing phase of one of the many characteristics that strikingly mark the series to which it so fittingly belongs. The author, F. H. Seymour, shares with the other authors who contribute to the series the one essential gift of seizing and holding the reader's interest, but the manner in which he exercises this gift is distinctly his own, and at once explains the strong hold he has won as a favorite of all those who relish laughing views of life in its lighter moods. The large and strikingly attractive wash drawings by Ike Morgan are in that talented artist's happiest vein. They are instinct with the jovial spirit of the story they illustrate and illumine. Story and pictures combine to prove the happy results that may be obtained when talented pen and pencil harmoniously co-operate, as they do here, in the service of an appreciative public.

HF. thing commenced when, by coincidence, the Blifkins and the Blinkses moved the same day into apartments on the seventh floor of the "Skyborough Flats," across the hall from each other. Just two days later, as strangers, Mrs. Blifkins met Mrs. Blinks in the elevator, and from that moment, you might say, things were on. Then ensued one of those frightful friendships known pnly to the female sex. ... In an incredibly short time they each knew about the other's wardrobe and family affairs, and each of them fondly believed she knew the other's dearest secrets ; they called each other "Lobelia," and "Ariminta," and were together morning, noon and night it was intense ! They were of similar tastes, intellectually, too. They ",. joined several clubs whose ends were, more or less, conZ summately utter and soul searching researches into -the j realms of gush; and when "Ariminta Haljamcs Blifkins" read a paper on the "Psychic Aspects of Henry the VIII's Connubial Infelicities," it was "Lobelia -Blinks" who led the applause; it was Lobelia who was loudest in declaring it to be "just too perfectly sweet "for anything!" rit was Lobelia Blinks who frowned at some envious lady members , whom she overheard "wonz dering from what encyclopedia the creature 'got that : stuff" such was her devotion. As a result, of this, of course, Blifkins and Blinks themselves were dragged in. :. They were totally unlike. Blifkins was a ponderous, " fat-faced, flabby man, of such sluggish mind, that by the f time he got ready to evolve a remark the time for makr ing it was past ; so he was usually "doomed to silence " and was, consequently, a good listener, and accumulated a reputation for wisdom. , Blinks was a short, thin, nervous and talkative little man, with a hobby for invention and mechanics. But such a beatific state of things as this could not last it never does. One evening while seated around the tea-table at the lilinkses that individual announced that he had purchased an automobile an announcement which was destined to end this beautiful combination, as we shall see. ; "How lovely!" chorused the ladies in rapture. "Yes!" continued Blinks proudly, "and what's more, next Monday is our wedding anniversary, and I propose we take it for a holiday together embark in the 'bile' - and go off somewhere in the deep woods, far from the madding crowd, and have a picnic." "Oh! I don't like picnics," cried Lobelia, "one cannot rat comfy squatted on the grass horrid bugs get into the butter and" - Mr. Blinks chuckled. "I don't mean that ordinary common kind of a picnic, my dear, I propose we shall all sit at a table under the trees in style ; but there nw, you : yirls provide the goodies and III see to the table you just leave that to me," and Blinks winked at Blifkins and chuckled some more. "Where shall we go?" someone inquired. "Leave that to me, too," said Mr. Blinks, gaily, "I k "happen to know of a fine place about twenty miles from here, and not a railway station within ten miles of it it's secluded, too; you see, we must get clear away from the world." "Oh! that'll be heavenly!" exclaimed Ariminta. "Er-r-r-r!" said Mr. Blifkins, which seemed to be all the comment he was able to make on the subject. So the picnic was a settled thing. Everybody was puzzled on Monday, just as they were . about to start, when Blinks produced a bundle of boards and a package that contained folding chairs, which he proceeded to fasten under the new auto.1 "What are all those boards for?" inquired Lobelia, as Blinks fussed around like a fly over a jar of jam. "That's your table." "Where's the legs?" ''Oh, you'll see, dear," replied Blinks, mysteriously, as fie annexed a shovel with a cord to his machine, and fussily stored away the generous baskets of good things. At last they were off, the auto deeply laden, and soon were merrily bowling along the country road in the sun- . shine, where Blinks evoked unending applause by his dashing chauffeurship ; awed the ladies into silence, or " affrighted them into exclamations of terror, by increasing his speed, causing them to utter little gasps of alarm : when he frightened horses, chickens, cows and dogs in - true "red devil" fashion. At last, when they were about eighteen miles from the city well into the hush of the still, deep country about four miles from Yapville village, a smooth field appeared, ascending slightly from the road to a point . about an eighth of a mile away, where there was a beautiful grove on a sunlit knoll. "Ah! exclaimed Blinks, pointing to the ' trees that :r crowned it, "there's our place;" and so saying, he turned the automobile off the road into the field, and mounted towards it. Here they stopped. The auto was soon denuded of its contents, and then Blinks took off his coat, and began some very mysterious operations ; his genius was being made manifest. He first released his shovel, and surrounded by his companions, whose curiosity he refused to gratify, lie began to dig two long narrow trenches parallel with each other, under the shade of a great tree. Next, having completed them to the depth of a foot, he proceeded to back the auto into them. Then he undid his bundle of boards, and soon had them bound together in a platform. This he deftly placed on top of the auto, fastened it on firmly with some clamps, and having placed bis chairs around, lo ! there stood a table as firm as any that ever graced Sherry's or Delmon- ' ico's ;it was a triumph. Amid exclamations of admiration. Blinks, bathed in , perspiration, retired in glory to a mossy bank and proudly fanned himself. To be sore he had wilted his collar, smudged his EXT

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PREPARATIONS BEING NOW COMPLETE, THE HAPPY PARTY DREW UP THEIR CHAIRS AND SAT DOWN COMFORTABLY TO ENJOY" THEIR LUNCHEON.

white vest, and knocked an inch or two of enamel from his patent leathers; but what of that? As Lobelia truly said," it was for Edison to invent the phonograph ; 'Marconi, to produce wireless telegraphy; Bell, tire telephone; and finally, fate decreed the name of Ichabod Blinks should be added to the list as the first man on God's green earth to offer a combined automobile and table. When the ladies had the table set it was a sight for an epicure. A snow-white cloth hid the boards, and fell around concealing the auto. On it was spread pickles and jam, jellies, fruits, and a good store of Lobelia's and Ariminta's best silver. A cold turkey graced one end, and a roast pig the other, and bottles of wine and beer guarded the intervals between, while celery and wild flowers added a combined umbrageous and Arcadian flavor to it alL Preparations - being now complete, the happy party drew up their chairs, and sat down comfortably to enjoy it Right there the trouble commenced. "Oh! BKnks dear, where is the corkscrew?" exclaimed Lobelia. "I'll get it, it's under the seat, in the tool-box," responded Blinks with alacrity, as h pushed his chair back, and dived under the table cover into the front part of the auto, while the rest waited for him to reappear. Then something appeared to be wrong ! Blinks had evidently disturbed some lever! Chug ! Chug-g ! O-o-of ! went the auto. It began to shake a little, shook harder until everything on it commenced to dance, "then, to their infinite surprise, their table started to move out from under their 66

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noses, fast, faster until, before they realized the fact, it was making full tilt across the field to the road, bearing Blinks along, and leaving Ariminta, Lobelia and Blifkins in a daze, seated with nothing but a hole and a pile of dirt between them instead of a luxurious feast. Lobelia was the first to find her voice. "Icha-tod! Ichab-o-d! Stop-it! Stop-it!" If Blinks could hear, or made any reply, no one knew. All that could be seen of him was his legs sticking out from beneath the cover; his white gartered feet waving distressfully in the air, as the runaway auto cruelly bore him away. Across the field, straight for the road it made, the eatables on its surface agitated weirdly by the jar of motion. ' 't hey seemed to be executing a dance it was all hands around, between the cold turkey, a catsup bottle and the celery; a spoon holder, the picket and the butterdish performed a solemn minuet, while various other

4 things did lonely pas de seuls, or got out of the way entirely by falling off. As an accompaniment, the unfortunate Blinks, still caught under the seat, went along, his white spatted feet waving in the air, and his dismal howls smiting ruefully on the ears of his distracted friends who had recovered themselves and were strenuously chasing their runaway dinner. Like a thing of life, when it reached the road, the auto turned, and made straight down the pike toward Yapville, with increased speed. II Mr. and 'Mrs. Denis Foggarty. possessed three pigs. One of them gave them infinite trouble by getting out of the pen. This pig Mr. Foggarty named William J. Bryan. "Phwhy do ye call him that?" enquired his friend Cassidy. " Tis two reasons," Cassidy," replied Mr. Foggarty. "The firsht is becase he won't shtay shut up, and th' second is whin I come out in th mornin to feed him, it's j6 to I I won't find him in." Accordingly Mr. Foggarty had arranged for the sale of the pig to his friend Tim O'Hara, the butcher of Yapville; and on the very day of the automobile picnic, Mrs. Fosrgarty'was on her way with the pig to deliver it to O'Hara, where it was arranged she was to meet Mr. Foggarty. It was when she was moving along contentedly, driving William J. Bryan by a cord attached to his hind leg, and had just passed the place of the picnic, that the runaway auto, now going at a tremendous pace, still

MelHsh's Sus

By

JTr II SEYMOUR

holding the unwilling Mr. Blinks in its clutches, appeared on the road behind. Perfectly innocent of danger Mrs. Foggarty plodded on, while grim death hovered in the rear. A rush and a roar, and it was all over. Mrs. Foggarty found herself dazed and uninjured , in the ditch with the diminutive form of Mr. Blinks, whom the jolt had released, lying across her stomach, while William J. Bryan, the pig. likewise unharmed, but howling with terror, was making across the fields towards the woods, the cord on his hind leg snapping like a lash and adding to his fears. Mrs. Foggarty released herself from Blinks, who groaned and rubbed his back, got up and shook himself, then turning to him exclaimed: "Fr th love of Gawd, man, dye know phwhat phwhat's happened us?" "Oh-h-h, me! Oh-h-h, my!" groaned Blinks, " Twas an automobile." " "Phwhat! wan av those rid divoles? "Yes," said Blinks. "An' whose was it." "Mine. Oh-h-h, my!" groaned Blinks. "Oh, it was jours, was it?" exclaimed Mrs. Foggarty fiercely. "Then ye jnst git up an' cha-ase me pi " so saying she grasped the little man by the collar and lift-d him to his feet. At this juncture, Mr. Blifkins. Ariminta and Lobelia arrived on the scene, laden with silver articles and dishes they had gathered on the way. "Ar-re ye a gintlcmanr" demanded Mrs. Foggarty turning to Mr. Blifkins. "I am," responded tht person. "Then, ye fat fa-aced divi!," cried Mrs. Foggarty, "phwhy don't ye cha-a?e me pig?" "Oh ! this is" absurd !" exclaimed Ariminta. "Absurd! d'ye say," said Mrs. Foggarty, turning on her with great indignation. "Absurd is it? An' me here walkin' along th' road, peaceable like, with me pig, both of us "mindin our own bizness, an' ye tur-rns lnr,5e on us yer-r-rid divil in a whate gown! It's only th' protection av tire saints that kept us fr'm bein' squashed fiat as griddle ca-ake now will none av ye's cha-ase me pig?" No one made a move. " "Thin I'll have th' .law on ye!" so saying, Mrs. Foggarty shook her fist under their noses aggressively, and departed in high dudgeon down the road toward Yamillc. "There's one thing I regret more than the los of six spoons, three forks, a pickle fork, and some dishes of my wedding outfit," said Mrs. Blifkins in freezing tones to Mr. Blink. , "Indeed, and what is that?" retorted the latter with equal hauteur. - "That is, that our good sense should have so far departed from Mr. Blifkins and myself as to lead us to trust ourselves in an auto with that insignificant idiot ! pointing to Blinks. . "This is too much!" cried Mrs. Blinks. "Madam! I " At this point Mr. Blifkins intervened, having stopped a baker's wagon and engaged passage in it for himself and wife for Dunston Junction, whence they could get a train for the city. So Mr. and Mrs. Blinks were left alone in the road, gazing forlornly at each other as the Blifkins had gone. The auto was gone. The pig was out of sight, so was Mrs. Foggarty there was nothing for them to do but walk into Yapville to see what had become of the machine, which they proceeded to do. Blinks telling Lobelia on the way how his sleeve had caught in the machinery and started it. Two days later, in the course of a connubial confabulation. Mr. Foggarty recounted to Mrs. Foggarty the exciting events that occurred in Yapville on the 4 u iSS T-'-J S RUSH 'AND 'K ROAR AND

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arrival of Blinks's autcmoMie on that eventful day. D'vc know, iionora." Mr. Foggarty said, "befure yo came that dav, an' tould as av th' loss av Win. J. Brvan. an' we sint O'l lara's b'yes out an got him. Tint O'Hara an' me was called t th front av his shtore be

seem a runaway horse dash by. "Thin we saw. a cloud av duslrt at th head av thT shtreet. J 'I lowly shmoke!" says I. 'Phwhat's that comin ? "'I dinnaw," savs OTlara, .'it looks like a ta-able gone wild! "Th saints preserve us!' says I, "it's a Banshee! "Be this time it had ta-aken a smldint turn off th road an was comin down th sidewalk lickity split an' there was an ould lady r-right in front av it. " 'She'll be killed,' I shouts. "'It's th ould maid th minister's sisther, yel! O'Hara, 'an' she's as deaf as a posht,' says he, 'Oh, me! Oh, my! she's a goner! says he. "But she wasn't whin th divolish thing was within no more av a dishtance than two-sixteenth av a rid hair shplit an" polished fr'm her she seen it. an' whiff! she was up an awnin pole like a monkey, thrra she clung t' th top av it. lettin' off yells that ltd make anny fog horn on th Atlantic coasht ttir-m green with envy. "Meantime th thing r-rushed on, an whin it met four byes a carayin av a counter out av a shtore. it made kindlin' av th counter an' left th byes tangled up in th splinthers. "Immajetly afther this, it took wan more tur-rn, an wint bang! "through a plate glass window into a millinary sthore. There was fufteen wimmett in there at this time, an' they at once comminced an exhibition a fufteen hundred different kinds av hysterics all ovec th' pla-ace. "Mebbe 'twas this that scared th thing small blarn to it annyhow, it backed right out av th pla-ace, au run right over across th' shtreet down soinf steps into a cobbler shop, an' scared th cobblers stiff wan aw thim was still throwin' fits whin I left. "Here th' thing shtopped. It turned over on its back", with its wheels spinnin' in th' air, squirtin oil an' ben-, zine like a lawn fountain, an here, fr th' firsht time it was discovered t' be an automobile in dishguise. "Av coourse, here was wild excitement, an whiry afther a time, a little man appeared, bae headed, with his collar half tor-rn off, his coat r-rippetp th ba-ack. his pa-ants shmeared with black,' tU sole av wan ar his patent leather shoes half tof-rn off. th crowd knew without his sayin' a wor-rd, he was th' propreather av th' rid divole, an they wud have lynched him, then anf there, but fr his wife bein with him. "He was arristed at wonct. Th' joodge fined hint sivinty-five dollars, an made him pay f r all th' dam . ages. "It was indade a sight t see him paym'thim oia they was all prisint excipt wan " "Phwhat wan was that?" enquired Mrs. FoggartA "There was no bill brought in fr frightenin th zin linin' out av th' ould maid, th minister's 6isther. "Afther tellin' him he wud like t' send him up fr million years, th joodge let him go." "Who was they?" asked Mrs. Foggarty. , "Teddy Corcoran, who r'rins th elevator av th. Sfcp borough Flats knows them. They , live there, ho says and so does the other couple that was along. They don't speak now, he says. Bechune th .wimmin it used t' be 'Pet an 'Darlin,' he says, now whin they meet in th' elevator, th' air gets so could it ud ma-ake you shiver, he says. "Annyhow, it's a sorry thing, Mrs. Foggarty, pcopl have no more sinse of fitness. "Phwhat do ye mane by that, Dinnis? ' "I mane, Mrs. Foggarty, that if ye had good slmev ye wudn't try t ma-ake a churn out av a church organ n'r an ice cream freezer out av a sausage stuffen. "No, I wuddent !" "Then, Mrs. Foggarty, yell see that a fule that buy$ , an automobyle, becomes a dum fule, if he trys t' ma-akt it into a dinin'-r-room ta-able." "Shure, an I can see that aisy, said Mrs. Foggzrt with the emphasis of conviction. 1 .'i-. . - . t . --'.. ".,- , , ft IT WAS ALL OVE&

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