Rensselaer Union, Volume 12, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 October 1879 — THE GREEN-GROCER’S BOY. [ARTICLE]

THE GREEN-GROCER’S BOY.

Rev. Hope B. Milter was elected Moral Instructor of the Northern Penitentiary by. the. Directors, at the same meeting the other officers were selected. Mr. Miller is sure 1 of a large audleuce each service for the next two years. A democrat* ic preacher preachtng to a democratic audience is fight and proper enough. When we view the grand field of corruption presented to us by the democratic party, we are astonished to find so many honest well meaning citizens who are so blind to conviotion that we are constrained to exclaim in the language of the Scottish proverb: “Those who are long gone in the line will never change.’’ The widow Oliver, who sned Simon Cameron for breach of promise, is now an inmate of the poor honse of the District of Columbia. She tried to get a living by lectnring, with the scandai for a text, but after several attempts concluded that the public didn’t want to heather story. “Thea over the hills to the poor house.” The committee appointed by the Legislature to investigate the accounts of Clarence A. Buskirk, eX-Attorney-general, have completed their task. ‘The result of their investigation is a fair sample of democracy and “reform.” By the report of this committee, it is shown that the total amount of Mr. Buskirk’s defalcation is $26,957.60. Thisfor the people who wish to follow a party, that steals of their mor - ey in the short space of two years, $26,000.

It was said in these columns last week that no business man of Rensselaer had gone into bankruptcy since 1868 or 1869, and that the fact spoke emphatically for the integrity of the people. It is also pretty good evidence that Rensselaer is a pretty good trading point. Other equally strong testimony may be adduced to sustaiu this proposition. Within the last two years, while people all over the United States were complaining of stringent times, the people of central Jasper county have paid out $75,000 taxes and voluntary donations to build a railroad; within the same period those who live in Rensselaer have built dwelling houses and business blocks of the value of the entire improvements of this character in* the town previous to that time—that is to say, within three years the valne of the improvements in the town of Rensselaer has been doubled. Not another town in the State of Indiana can truthfully say as much. There is no excitement, no speculation—

all is legitimate and calm. The improvements spoken of are all of good substantial character. Two and three story brick dwellings aud business blocks, that no town of 1,000 or 1,200 inhabitants need be ashamed of; indeed such blocks as the Nowels hotel and Alfred Thompson’s dwelling, and Willey & Sigler’s opera house are not inferior to the best buildings of their character found in cities of 10,000 population. Town lots, and lands in the neighborhood of this thriving, prosperous town are very cheap. The owners have never held them at their fair Value. They are not monopolied by speculators. There has been no fever,' there is now no lassitude, no nervousness, no prostration. Three years hence the condition will all be modified. The country at large is entering upon a scene of new prosperity. Money is plenty at the great centers of exehange and the holders are seeking paying investments. Business will be unprecedentedly brisk with ns directly. Within two years the present prices of real estate both in the town of Rensselaer and throughout central Jasper county will appear surprisingly small. Those who own land here now will be able to realize large profits from it in a short time.

Indianapolis Journal: Senators hees and McDonald, of this State, are both making speeches in Ohio. The former is laboring to prove that resumption has not been accomplished, and that the country is on the road to ruin, while the latter freely admits that there is a great revival of prosperity, and'that- tbw

only trtre moi.cy is. gold and silver. These two Indiana statesmen, at opposite ends of the financial line, fairly represent the patent reversible Democracy. Indianapolis Journal: The gifted Gooding of this State is prancing around ia Ohio making what he calls political speeches. People who used to stand Within a hundred yards of William Allen while he was speaking cannot come within a mile of Gooding without putting cotton in their ears. He and Senator Voorhees spoke together at Columbus, Saturday night, David furnishing the sound and Daniel the fury. The audi ence was completely prostrated. ™\ Go tc the sluggard, thou ant,consider his ways and tramp. Immense stock of merchant tailor goods received this week at T. M, Jones’. Bargains unprecedented in tire jewelry line at Orwin’s. He is closing out to .move away. Try Jones, the tailor, for that new suit; if something nobby and durable and cheap is wanted. No better stationery in Indiana than is found at the post office. Closing out stock at low prices. A number of poultry fanciers propose to organize a county.poultry association in tha near fu tare. Men’s and boy’s fashionable tailoring cheap at Jones’. Call and see the new stock just opened Fine fancy suitings at Jones, tha tailor’s, are the nobbiest goods for men’s and boy’s wear yet introduced.

Old newspapers for sale at The Union office for 10 cents a dozen. The best and cheapest reading matter to be ha'd. Jones, tbe tailor, has this week opened the largest, finest, best and cheapest stock of cloths for men’s and boy’s clothing ever displayed in Rensselaer. Dr. O. C. Link, has moved his office and residence in the dwelling house formerly occupied by J. S. Wigmore, on the corner of Cullen and Washington streets. Jones, the tailor, is unsurpassed ns an artistic cutter and fitter. His new stock of merchant tailor supplies is elegant. None better can be found in the market. It is true economy to employ Jones, the tailor, to tnake fine and business suits for gentlemen. They fit better, wear better and are cheaper than slop shop goods. Another of those excellent’and beautiful Western Cottage organs has been received by W. S. Orwin, jeweler. He is about to close out business in Rensselaer and does fiot move the instrument, therefore will sell it at a bargain.

Orwin, the jeweler, will be with ns only a few days. If anything in his line is wanted now is the time to get the benefit of low prices. He is bound to sell all bis present stock before leaving, if low prices will be an inducement to bnyers. We hope Mr. F. J. Sears will conclude to remain in Rensselaer as the community cannotafford to loose as public spirited and enterprising a citizen as he has shown himself to be since he located here. There are several kinds of business which he coifld engage in aud conduct successfully. - Harvest is over and the crop was excellent, unprecedented. Prices are good and cash is ready for it. Delinquent debtors have been treated with uniform court esy and leniency. lam now about to w itbdraw from the business in which these accounts were contracted and desire to close up my books. Thole who have been favored as above indicated will not only prove their honor but also show their appreciation of favors by making Settlement without delay or personal solicitation. Respectfully, Horace E. Jamßs.

Mens', boys’ and children’s suits sold at prices that will astonish the closest cash buyers. The largest and cheapest Stock of clothing in Rensselaer. Leopold can not be beaten. There is no use of trying to get better or cheaper goods. Call and see iirhat : he has in this line. Let him tfhow yon one of his Ulster overcoats, one of his dress suits, or one of his splendid busi* hess'suits. They are perfectfou.

Fair Commences the 7th. Congressman De LaMatyr hats gone to lowa on a lecture tour.’ In Memphis there art thirteen deaths per day from fever; Grand Shooting Tournament each da* of tHB fair. S2OO in pro* mi tuns. Ton cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one. Thh Blueßlbon meeting last Fri* day night was a success. Many of the boys “came home again.” joe. Sharp, Thos. McCoy, M. D. Rhoades and others have gone to the itankakee on a fishing expedition. .•Premium lists 6f the Jasper County Agricultural Society’s fair for 1879, may be obtained at the post office. Simon Bass, and family, after aT three years’ residence in Rensselaer, removed to Lafayette last : Wednesday. Little Dolly, a three year old daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Zimmerman, died last Friday withT the diphtheria. A hypocrite may spin so fair si thread as to deceive his own eye. He may admire the cob-web and not know himself to be the spider. Excursion tickets admitting to* the fair will be sold by the 1., D. ( So C. R. R. at its offices up to and including Friday morning of ftext week.

The brick work on Willey is Slgt I‘er’s building will be completed this week. This building adds much to the appearance of Washington street. Moses Tuteur and wife returned from Chicago everting. The Rensselaer Cornet band furnished them with splendid rausie, late in the night. James M. White, Kankakee township, Jasper county, Ind., barf twenty-eight Lead three years old steers tor sale. Postoffice address, San Pierre, Ind. 12-3-2 While playing in the vicinity wheie the Rensselaer shooting club practiced with their glass balls, Georgie Cole stepped on a piece es the gIaRS of a broken ball and seriously cut his foot. If yonng men of Rensselaer have become so depraved as to profane the Sabbath by making it a holiday for riots and drunken sprees, we; as citizens, have come to a very low ebb, compared with a reasonable standard of morality. The temperance folks held a very interesting and successful meeting in the Court House last Friday evening. Several men took th 6 pledge and put on the fclue. Let every one attend these meetings aud show by their presence that they favor the right, the pure and* the good. *

The secretary of the Jasper County Aricultural Society will b«f at the post office on Saturday, 4th, and Monday, 6th, to record entries' of stock and other articles for‘eihibition at the fair next *week. On Tuesday, 7th, he will belat the Fait* Grounds. By an order es the Board of Directors, all entries roust be made on or before Tuesday evening* Many of the fufra’ers of Jaspe# J county are making improvements* - of a substantial character this year* which proves that the times ore improving. We note the fact this week that James Yeoman, of Nekton township and George Thorn toft' of Marion, are each bnlfding good and substantial dwelling houses* We hope both of them will live long to enjoy tlv4 fruits of est industry. Foi' twenty days from the 18th day of September, 1879, stationery will be sold cheap at the postoffice, to close out stock. Arnold’s Writ* ing fluid waranted genuine import*' cd”, in quart and pint stone bottles, Thomas’ black and violet inks, Elgin crimson ink,' - warranted pure gum mucilage, best quality envelopes, writing papers of best quality in variety, a superior lot of fine box papers at a reduction, standard brands steel pens, pencil and ink rubber erasers, lead' pencils in variety, scratch books, slate pencils, note and receipt books, justice’s' blanks. Call and secure bargains. . Remember, the stock will be ftttL !- I

Now the hero of our tale is the Green-procer’B Boy; but then his history Is so mixed tip with that of “ our Polly,” aud Pa Jones has told that story sowell himself, that for any one jetsc to attempt to do it better would be too aboard. Hero goes for the old gentleman's posthumous papers, from among which we ekhume the following: Ikar Jcrnshy —lt must be twenty year since I wrote you a line; but knowing you was wclLto-do down in Lancashire, and seeing you never took the trouble to come up to London and look sifter us a bit, and being as I’ve never been easy in my mind since Polly c*mc — But there! you don’t know who Polly is any more’n the dead; and to think my* own flesh-smd-blood sister don’t know our Pollv just makes me feel what a wretch I’ve been. Wife and me, you know, kept a tobacco shop on the Strand, just above street,when wc was first mairicd; got it yet, too, and it pays, it does, though if wife was to see me behind that counter now she’d have hysterics, which is what we used to call “tantrums,” but Polly says when folks get rich the doctors find a new Greek name for it, and Pol Ip knows, or if she don’t, the Green-gro-cer’s Boy does. It’s no use; I’ll never forget that fellow in his blue .cheek apron —no, not if he lives to be Lord Mayor. Well, wife and I we stuck to llic shop pretty industrious, 'and the first thing we knew we began to get rich. Somehow we couldn’t seem to help it. Yon see, when every fellow you mpet either smokes or chews, man and bof — and some say the women, too, on the sly—from the Prince of Wales down to the lad that sweeps the crossing, it stands to reason that there must be a pretty gobd demand for tobacco. Wife ami I we kept a good article, ever}- variety. Bait there, Jemshy, what’s the use of talking? You don’t know tobacco from a cabbage leaf, and I dare say don’t want to.. But the money kept a-piling and a-piling up. And we had never a chick nor child, though we’d been married fiftceh year. There was the butcher, he had a baker's dozen, f and the tallow-chandler likewise, and we hadn't one. Now I was inclined to fret about it, for it was dreadful lonesome the kettle ever}- night in the ‘parlor behind the shop* dith nobody to upset the hot water, and racket around, and get things out of place. Excepting the times when she was blowing me up, there never was such a couple as the old lady and me; and those times was only when she- felt a little important, for, you see, that bank account was getting bigger and bigger, and it ain’t every temper as can stand prosperity, leastways not the old lady's. Now,* if onr' house, and the shop included, hail been turned upside down, and stood on its roof with the foundations sticking in air, there couldn’t have been a greater revolution in its internal economy than there was after our baby came. It wasn’t four weeks before the ► old lady and I had a dreadful row—all alxmt giving it a name. She wanted it called “Marie Antoinette;” for she said - “ now we’d got a baby we was going to be gentle folks, and it shouldn’t be named after anything less than a queen.” “ Mercy, wife !” says I, “you wouldn’t the child after a woman without a head ?” “ But she had a head once,’* said the old lady, which, of course, I couldn't deny. 1 stuck it out, though, when all of & sudden she went into hysterics. We hadn't learned the name then, but that was it Then the neighbors * came, and said I was a • “ bruteso of course I gave in. Nowadays, when, Polly sees her ma is going to be topk in that way, “she cures her right up with a good dose of commonsense; but you see, at that time, Polly was only a month, old. So “Marie Antoinette” it was; and you ought to , have seen the clergyman grin! I took to calling her Polly, though; and I tell you what, that young one was no goose. She'd never answer to anything else—not she. The next row was just before she had the measles. Wife and Iwe was trying to settle upon a husband for Polly. The old lady picked out the FVince of Wales; he hadn't any wife at that time; and, after all, it seemed hardly likely that he’d wait; but there wasn't anybody else in the kingdom that would suit the old lady. Now I always loved the Queen—God bless her! —but I didn’t like his ways; and I just said so. Then wife she said I was a traitor to my country, which was mast unjust, considering I'd always paid my taxes regular for the support of the aristocracy.* We was at it hot and heavy, when the doctor came in; we always had him once a week, to see that Polly was all right. Now he knew more than we did, and told us that his Royal Highness couldu’t marry a subject, and as Polly was of course an out-and-out Britisher, we had just had all the fuss for nothing. She swallowed a button, too, that minute, and *the old lady was so

worried that she forgot all about a husband. Somehow we never could do anything with Polly without a row. You see, it was so important what she ate, and where she went, and what she put on, and what she left off, that we couldn't help getting excited about it; but wife ana I we’d both a died for that young one, and so, after all, we didn't fight very hard. But the old lady she said 1 didn’t know anything about children, just as though I hadn't petted the butcher’s young ones on Che sly for fifteen years. Now I nerver was of much importance in the house after Polly came, but I do maintain that when a child of four years wants to play horse, its paternal parent is better adapted to the situation than any female relative who wears petticoats. Naturally at such times the old lady was jealous, but it couldn't be helped. And you ought to have seen the number of things the old lady bought for Polly. It it hadn’t been for the Partagas going off like hot cakes, and the property Pd bought going np like mad, Pd have had to go into bankruptcy. But even the old lady’s extravagance couldn’t get ahead of the Partagas, though I’H give her credit for it, she did her best. First she furnished the house new from top to toe, and then every year of her life that young one had at least forty new dresses. I said she couldn't wear them out; and wife said of course she couldn’t—she outgrew them. Then I said: “ What do you buy so -many for?” Then the old lady would ask me what on earth I knew about a girl’s frocks; and the tone of her voice was so withering that I felt like a cabbage that's been yanked off its roots and left in the sun four days. And Polly’s education —phew! didn’t it cost a pretty penny? But the way she took to her book was wonderful. Wife said she must learn French; but I said one tongue was enough for a woman. Then tne old lady got mail, and hang me if the young one didn’t go and learn Dutch too. You see, I was kind of worried for fear she’d get to despising her old dad, who couldn’t teach her anything but the price of tobacco. But she didn’t—not a bit. She just took to the shop, and before she was ten she could tell any brand, from Turkish down to plug, just as well as I could, and she’d smoke her cigarette like a little man. Ever}- night at nine she’d put down her book and we’d tell yams just as jolly as two Jack Tars, and the things Polly’d get out of those books and retail to her astonished parent was amazing.

But the old lady was getting more and more airish every day. Polly’s accomplishments kind of went to her head, like champagne —not that we’d ever tasted it then—only beer; but beer and Polly’s learning had the same effect on the old lady—they made her restless. Nothing would do but we must have a piano; and we did; and piano brought such a lot of things with it that I got awfully afraid she il want a new house. But it wasn’t the old lad}' that made us move; it was the Green-grocer’s Boy. You sec, Polly got to be fourteen, and the first thing we knew' all the fellows in the street took to running after her. Wife didn't like it, for we wasn’t in a grand neighborhood; and, in spite of her disappoints ment about the Prince, the old lady still had wonderful ideas about Polly. Now the Green-grocer’s Boy had been took from a foundling asylum, and he hhd queer ways. First place he was good-looking, and the second place he wore his check apron in a way that seemed as if he didn’t fit well in it. Then when we ordered beets, he was •sure to bring apples, and once when Sally (we ,kept a servant then, you know', for all I like to have died with the cooking) was pouring the potatoes into the pot, in plumped a Latin grammar which that rascal had hid in the basket, intending to poison us. I made an aw'ful row about it; for though I didn’t mind Polly’s books, I w'asn’t going to be done to death by those belonging to that wTCteh out of a foundling asylum. Then up jumped Polly—my!' what a racket she could make when she was mail!—and said she wouldn’t hear a word against that Green-grocer’s Boy, for she was engaged to be married to him, and have Tiim she would,if she lived on soup made of Latin grammars all the rest of her life. The old lady was took in a minute, and it was all Sally and me could do to hold her, with two of the neighbors to help. Now I attend church regular, and always say “ Amen” in the right place, and 1 never swear; but on that occasion I ripped out a dozen oaths in a minute just as easy as if I’d practiced all my life. Polly told me to htish up and not disgrace the family, and the little wretch looked so impudent, as if she enjoyed the row; she’d made, that I wished she’d been a boy, so I could have spanked her till she was black and blue. As soon as the old lady came round, we made up our minds. In a week I let out the shop ; we packed up everything we owned, and the first thing we knew we were bumping round on the English Channel on the way to France ; for the old lady said that no one mortal island on the face of the earth was big enough to hold her and that Greengrocer’s Boy. Yet there he was on the wharf/ as smiling as a basket of chips, when w'e sailed off, and Polly a-grin-ning at him from the upper deck. Now there was one thing we hadn’t taken into account, and that w'as that although the old lady could talk English like a streak of lightning, especially when she was mad, and I wasn’t bail at second fiddle, not a soul of us but Polly could speak a word of French. There she had us, the little baggage, and do you know we had to coax round her four davs before she’d open her lips. If it hadn't been for the waiters and fellows that was used to people from foreign parts, and could talk all manner of languages, that brat would have let her parents starve to death before her very eyes. My!, wasn’t she mad? First I thought she’d never make up ;?but in about a week I -heard her say she “ thought she’d take a smoke.” Then I knew she was all right, because in spite of Polly’s fondness for her own way, and her tempers when .she didn’t get it, I knew she’d never be so downright abominable heartless as to come baok to tobacco without asking her old dad to join her. Jemshy, it was ten mortal years before ever* I sat mortal foot on my own native shore again to stay. Except sneaking back and forth now and then to see after the business that it didn’t go to the dogs, I didn't know any more about old England than if I lived in Patagonia. Polly went to school, and the old lady took to France like a duck to water. It seemed as if anything connected with a land so utterly vile that it could hilrlxir that Green-grocer’s Boy turned her stomach. She got to be a woman “ with soul so dead,” etc. I don’t know much poetry, but I know that And Polly, she didn’t seem to care a

straw about home either. She got pretttier and prettier, and saucier and saucier. Fust she was finished at what they called a “pension,” and then she set up to travel. So did her mother, for after the old lady got rid of the Green-grocer’s Boy she was lost like a lamb m Polly’s hands. Now I was afraid we’d have an awful dull time, for I thought people wouldn’t take to us. You see there’s a good deal of the shop about me, for when a man’s been behind a counter forty years, it kind of sticks out. But Polly was so dreadful charming, and * she carried us right along. Some of the swells looked out of the comers of their eyes; but the fellows all made for Pollv, and generally they dragged their mothers and sisters in, for when the aristocracy goes abroad it isn’t near so particular as it is at home. Besides, the old lady is a good-looking party and don’t talk much in company, and when the fellows found I was a nice, decent old gentleman, who could always S've them a good cigar, they began to ink it didn’t hurt them to be polite to a fellow-creature if he did sell tobacco. Besides, thev wanted to marry Polly, snch a lot of them, and of course Pd be one of the family. But Polly she kept turning up her nose at them till I was afraid it would grow so. Nobody sailed her, and one day she gave us both a turn by saying she was going home.

Home we went, and wasn’t I glad, though I didn’t much like the new house in the West End. I was afraid of the swells again. But we had been there three days, when a most elegant young man came to call, and in two weeks Polly was engaged to him. It took my breath away, but then he was the adopted son of the Hon. Samuel Johnson, one of the biggest lawyers in London, and of course it didn’t behoove a tobacco seller like me to say a word. My! you should have seen the way the women carried on getting ready for that wedding. If I hadn’t slipped down to the Strand and found the Partagas going off more lively than ever, I’d ’a been scared. Well, the day came. Polly was perfectly lovely in a million yards of dry-goods. There was flowers and music and speeches, and fourteen times more breakfast than! anybody could eat. The Hon. Samuel, for all he had the gout, and it pained him dreadful, was just as polite to me as if I’d been a Duke, and I esteemed it a great honor, for he’s been to court, anil Knows who’s who. He said he was honored by my acquaintance, and I tell you when I looked at his elegant young son, a swell among swells, sitting there married to our Polly, I felt as if the disappointment about the Prince was all made up. But now comes the awful part of it. Everybody was gone but ; just the family, when Polly jumped: into my arms, train and all, and, squeezing me till I was that red in the face I like to burst, screams out: “I’ve done it, daddy, I’ve done it! I’ve married the Green-grocer’s Boy!” In a minute I was as cold as ice, and I turns to Mrs. Jones and says, “Madam, you had better have this young woman put in a strait-jacket at once.’’ But, Lor! tjiere was the old lady took again, and Felly was fully ten minutes bringing her round. Then she ran off, and left the Hon. Samuel to explain. It seems that just after we went to France one day the old gentleman, who was getting on in years, though looking hale and hearty, got under the legs of a horse when he was crossing the Strand. Along comes that Green-grocer’s Boy. and pulls him out. lustead of giving him a shilling, the Hon. Samuel adopts the wretch, makes a lawyer of him, and sends him to France on vacations to make sly love to our Polly. It was an awful take-in, Jcrusliy, and I couldn’t help treating the old gentleman in a dignified manner for full ten minutes. But he began to talk just like a lawyer. He said that wretch went round among all the vwelty, and could have married the daughter of a Duchess, which I believe to be a lie. And he also said that Cardinal Woolsey was the son of a butcher, which may be a lie, too, for all I know. I never gave in till Polly came down in her traveling dress. Then she threatened she’d never smoke another cigarette again as long as she lived, and I had to do it —l shook hands with the Green-grocer's Boy. But it’s a subject I don’t like to talk about; it harrows up my feelings. So no more at present from your affectionate brother, Josiah Jones! P. S.—What 1 wrote this for was to say that the house is awful lonesome since Polly’s gone, anil as you’ve got six girls, wife and I we thought maybe you might let one come and stay with us. And as for Green-grocers’ Boys, you needn’t be frightened, for, with the exception of that wretch, who, they say, is going to be aQ. C. and a Member of Parliament, and who comes to dinner every Sunday, we don’t keep any such company. —English Magazine.