Rensselaer Union, Volume 11, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 August 1879 — He Forgot. [ARTICLE]

He Forgot.

At the farm-house gate the other morning Mrs. Whitehall said to Joseph, as he was ready to drive into town. “Remember, now, what I told you. I want a spool of thread No. CO, ten yards of calico with a dot in it, and a yard and a half of brown drilling to lino the waist.” Joseph drove into the city as straight as a bee line and as happy as an old giraffe when the circus is out. He sold his butter and eggs, was on his way to a dry goods store, when he met a man who once came awfully near marrying bis sister. This was reason enough why they should drink together, and they drank. When a man meets a fellow who might have been his brother-in-law if a mule hadn’t kicked the prospeotivo bride across the dark river, he can’t tell when to stop drinking. Farmer Whitehall couldn’t remember whether he imbibed seven or seventeen glasses, but the result was the same. When he finally got ready to do his trading he entered a store and said: “ Shir, 1 want shixty spools of dots wiz a waist in 'em!" Thjat was as plain as he could make it in any of the half-dozen stores he entered, and. by and by he suddenly discovered that he wasn’t in the right mood for trading. He found another saloon and more beer, and it was evening when he entered a jewelry store and said:' “ Shir, I wan’t a yardan’ a half of dots wiz shixty in ’em!” He was turned out, and late in the evening he fell down on the street near the monument, too tired to go farther. As the oilicej raised him up ho murmured: “Shir, I want ten yard drillin’ to line ’er sphool thread wiz.” He was quite sober when walked out for trial, and, moreover, a little anxious to know what had beeomeof all his vest-buttons and one coat-tail. “Do you fed better?” tenderly inquired his Honor, as he looked down at the prisoner l . * “No, sir—l feel worse,” was the answer. “Nice time you had rolling around in the street, last night.” , “’Squar’,” began the man, as he faced around, “ this is the fust time I ever made a fool o’ myself with both eyes open! I’ve got ’leven--dollars , down here in tpy vest, and you kin take it all if.you’ll let me go. I’ll bet a cucumber the ole woman didn’t sleep a wink last night, and she’ll put one of the boys on a boss and send him up the road after me this mornin’.”

“Then you plead guilty?” “I do. I’m guilty and an idiot, to boot!” v “Doyou want to dust right outfox home?” Jf “Do I@* Why I can’t hardly stand still. 1 want to meet the boy as fur out as I kin, and I’ll tell him I got upsot.” “ Can you remember what your wife told you to get?” “I kin. She wanted sixty yards of v/aist lining, a yard and a half of dots, and ten spools of calico, and I’ll get. ’em as I go out.” “Well, you may go.” - Whar’s my hat- goodby e— whar’s that j ack-knife —good-bye, everybody.” But what did his wife say?— Detroit Free Press. —One -day last week two children about eight years bf age', a boy and girl, became involved in a quarrel on one of Judge Corker’s places, when the girl whipped the.vboy-. The latter, not satisfied with the turn affairs had taken, repaired to a closet in tho room where a pistol kept, and, tal i g the weapon, fired upon the girl, tLo ball taking effect in her left eye, producing deat hin about two hours. The coroner’s ijurystendered. a jyerdict of iffSfislaugbeerT SfitlHr ffißCOTlft bf thß * youthfulness of the party noarre6t was mado.— Waynesborough (Oa.) Ecrald.