Rensselaer Union, Volume 11, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 July 1879 — “ As Young as Your Daughter.” [ARTICLE]

“ As Young as Your Daughter.”

“Tell you what, Taperly,” said the one day, “you must throw a ,little more tact into your trades if you want to get on. I have noticed that you try to flatter the ladies, but you don’t lay it on thick enpugh. Whenever you see a lady come in with her grown daughter, you must be sure to mistake the old lady for the daughter, and tell her she looks as young as her daughter. That never fails to get ’em. Here comes Mrs. Boblink with her daughter Maria, and I know they will want to look at silks.” But the floor-manager was a little shortsighted, and had made a slight mistake as regarded one of the persons. When Mrs. Boblink, cheery and chipper, though hardly as young as she once was, sailed up to the silkcouuter, she was not accompanied by her daughter, but by Miss Mose Helianthus, a spinster ~of uncertain age and decidedly faded appearance. The deluded Taperly opened his batteries at once: "* . “Mrs. Boblink, I believe, though I must confess that I can hardly distinguish you from your daughter. You are looking almost, if not quite, as young as the young lady at your side.” “ Sir!” exclaimed the indignant Boblink. “ Sir!” echoed the exasperated.Helianthus. “Don’t say that it isn’t so, my dear Miss Boblink,” continued the unfortunate Taperly, turning to the faded flower, and failing to notice the storms that were gathering on the two female faces. “You know that your mother doesn’t look a day, older than you do, and I must realty beg you to tell me which of you is Mrs. Boblink and which is Miss Boblink.” “Do you suppose that I came here to be insulted?” exclaimed the Helianthus; “do you presume, you onioneating idiot, to compare me, a young lady, to a wrinkled hag of a married woman who is old enough to be ray grandmother?” “Do you mean, you red-headed ignoramus,” exclaimed the Boblink, “to say that I look no younger than that faded and withered old maid, who is fifty if she is a day? You ought to be arrested, you vile creature, and I will complain to the proprietor at once.” Taperly is looking for a sitvMtion.— Brooklyn Eagle. A butcher at Des Moines, lowa, has a list of regular customers who come Ecriodically to drink blood for their ealth. The beverage is given fresh from the veins of the slaughtered animals,. and is said to be “ tossed off” by the patient with the grace of a Teuton in a lager-beer saloon.