Rensselaer Union, Volume 11, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 May 1879 — MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

—Summer complaint —Bucolics.—' Phil. Bulletin. *' —How to prevent pleuro-pneumonia "kill all the oattle. ‘ —Devotional—the “Jap” on knees. —Hackensack Republican. —The five-cent savings banks are running on half dime.— N. Y. Mail. —An advance agent—a money brokor.—Chicago Commercial Advertiser. —A pitcher of water can't hold a candle to a pitcher of a base ball club. —The whole-souled man can easily be distinguished from the half-souled. —lt coflts more to kill an Indian than it would take to build a school-house. — N. O. Picayune. —The significance of the cigar-store Indian is that tobacco is sold at Lo prices.— Boston Transcript. —“ On to Leadville!” is now the cry, and in a few weeks it will be, “ Lemrne a quarter.”—#. Y. Express. —The average Englishman is as fond almost of a “leg o’ mutton,” as he is of “ roast beef an' plum puddin’.” —lt is not what you have in your chest, but what you have in your heart, that makes you rich.— N. Y. Herald. —The celebration of Easter never wearies, although it has been kept ova antjova for centuries.— Phila. Bulletin. —A seven-years’ convict in the Massachusetts State Prison was drawn to serve as a juror in the-. Supreme Court, Boston) the other day. —Truth is stranger than fiction; but then it isn’t half so interesting. And then, nobody likes to be familiar with Hawk- Eye. —“ Raise achild in the way he should so,” and when he gets old enough to raw threes or two pair he will “ raise you.”— Kentucky New Era. —“Give me that bottle, John,” she cried, “You horrid, wicked elf,” but when he took a walk that night, she drank it up herself. — Owego Record. —A paper has been started called the Handkerchief. There is a great deal of blow about it, and the editor nose a thing or two, and is not to be sneezed at.— Meriden Recorder. —A late invention is a boot mads of paper. It will last as long as the leather article, and is said to be equally efficient in raising a crop of corns and bunions.— St. Louis Spirit. —Whitelaw Reid refused the German Mission, and then had his correspondence declining it published, if we hadn’t torn up that letter we received, we’d do the same thing.— Oil City Derrick. —The people of the blue-grass region of Kentucky almost unanimously demand the re-establishment of the whipping-post as an economical and efficacious means of punishing petty criminals. —Pe/baps the funniest object is the man wLo spends the first day in a newspaper office. He tries to appear as if ho had been in a newspaper office all his life, but somehow he doesn’t seem to feel easy. There seem to be too many bones in his shad. — N. Y. Herald. —A schoolmistress, while taking down the names and ages of her pupils and the names of their parents, at the beginning of the term, asked one little fellow, “What’s your father’s name?” “ Oh, you needn’t take down his namtf; he’s too old to go to school to a woman,” was the reply. —A Maine parson who announced from his pulpit that a circus was about to visit the town, and that if any of his flock should attend he would gladly give them a letter of dismission, was somewhat mollified in his wrath when a bright and bold little Sunday-School scholar of eight prdUnted himself at the pulpit at the close of the service with, “ Please, sir, will you give me the ticket to the circus that you promised?”

—At the Police Court: The Judge— What is your age, madam P -Lady— Whatever you please, Your Honor. Judge —Forty-five years. Your business? Lady—Hold on a minute, Your Honor; you’ve made a mistake of ten years in my age. Judge —Well, then, fifty-five years. Lady (furious) —I tell you, sir, fth my oath, I’m only thirtyfive. Judge—Ah! so you have finished 1 by answering my question. —Chicago Times. —“Business is picking up, and no mistake!” began Woollenburglier th 6 other night; “ why, I put a thousand pairs of gloves in stock this morningonly this morning, gents —and, would you believe it, when I locked up this evening there were only five hundred left; yes, sir, only five hundred.” Of course all felt encouraged, and of course all congratulated Woollenburgher warmly. But you should have seen the mob. go for him as he hurriedly shot through the door after remarking, “ The other five hundred were rights, you know.”— Boston Transcript. —The managers of a Washington' hotel have recently made' me experiments which fully establish the fact that there are very few humau souls entirely destitute .of music. Duringthe sessions of Congress they employ a band of music to regale their guests at dinner. They have that a. saving of 15 per cent, can be made in the matter of provisions by simply having the band play nothing but waltzes and lively music. The tendency lo keep up with the band hurries the guests through the bill Of fareso rapidly that m&Dy of them leave the table hungry. The leader of the band was discharged last week for inadvertently playing the Miserere Chorus from “ U Trovatore” and the Dead March from “Saul.” —Baltimore Gazette.