Rensselaer Union, Volume 10, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 May 1878 — A Modern Application of Damon and Pythias. [ARTICLE]

A Modern Application of Damon and Pythias.

A Gratiot avenue saloon-keeper was sorting out the lead nickels from his till yesterday morning, preparatory to the honest labors of a rainy day*, when a smiling stranger came in and said: “ Old fellow, I’ve got a bet of ten dollars on your head?’’ The saloonist felt all over the top of his head, found no bet there, and looked for a further explanation from the stranger whose coat at the elbows seemed bound to secure ventilation. “The case is this,” continued the man, “ 1 bet my friend B that you are a well-read man. To prove it, I have come to ask you if you know what Damon did when there was every reason to doubt that Pythias would return. While I am sipping my lager you can jog your memory a little.’” He pushed a glass across the counter, but the saloonkeeper seemed to be hunting for something down among the kegs. “It’s only a trifle —small wagqy—but the principle is what I want to establish,” remarked the man, as he anxiously shoved the glass around. “I expect so,” came from down among the kegs. “ Damon and Pythias were chums, you know. When Damon wiped off his chin, Pythias pulled down his vest, and vice versa. While I am drinking you can ponder over my original query!” “ Shust so,” replied a voice, as the kegs were rolled about “ If Damon had the headache,” continued the man, trying to work the pump projecting above the bar, “ Pythias had a sore eye as an offset. If Pythias said he would take sugar in his, Damon sweetened up with New Orleans molasses. All this you know, of course, but what did Damon do when Pythias did not return?” “Ischall now show you what he did?” replied the saloonist, as he rose up with a metallic spiggot in his hand. “ Vhen dot Piddeus did not hurry up Damon vhalks aroundt der bar shust so, und !” The stranger got out, and holding the door from the outside he looked through the glass and said: “lam now convinced that you never read a line of Shakespeare! While Damon was searching under the bar, Pythias drew and drank three glasses of beer!” The saloonist smiled, laid away his spiggot, and as he good-naturedly pulled open the door he called to the stranger at the curb-stone: “ Vhen Piddeus vhas drawing dot peer, Damon vhas moofing der pump into der schlop keg!” A tremor passed over the vag. He turned pale, showed his teeth, and as he started for the wood-yard opposite he replied: “ Hanged if he didn’t—Pythias wants rest!”— Detroit Free Press.