Rensselaer Union, Volume 10, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 April 1878 — Giving Her Census. [ARTICLE]

Giving Her Census.

When the census-taker rapped at the door of a certain cottage on Crawford street, the other day, and wondered if the woman would set the dog on him or douse him with dish-water, a great disappointment awaited him. She opened the door softly, snuffed the air to see if he smelled of lightning-rods, and then threw it open for him to enter. “Madam, I am making a canvass of the city,” he began. “Ah! Sit down,” she replied, and as he began opening his book she continued: “ There are five of us in the family, and we paid SIOO down on this place. My husband’s name is Peter, his age is forty-two, and he came from a mean family. His father was always having lawsuits about dogs, and his mother was the greatest gossip in Elmira. Have you got that down?” He grunted assent, and she continued: “My name is Alvina Sarah, and I was born in——” “I do not care to know where you was born, madam,” he interrupted. “Well, 1 care!” she exclaimed; “it makes a great deal of difference whether I was born in Africa or Boston, and I want it put down. As I was saying, I was born in Boston in 1838. Put down that I came of a good family.” “Madam, you don’t understand—you ” “Don’t I understand that I came of a good family? I’d like to know of a Boston family which carried their noses higher than the Rogerses! Put down that my father was in the Mexican War.” “ You have three children, madam?” “I haven’t any such thing, sir! Put down that my mother was killed by an explosion in a quarry. Her and father were ” “How many children have you, madam?” “ Have you got mother down?” “ No, madam. You see, lam taking the census of the city.” “ Well,” she said, giving him a dangerous look, “ I had the typhoid fever at the age of fifteen, and for weeks and weeks I nung on the edge of the grave. I bore up as well as I was able, and ” -- .

“ Five in the family—how many children P” he suddenly asked. “ Put down that I bore up!” she commanded. “And that one night when the watchers were asleep I crept'out of bed and took a drink of——” “This is foreign to the subject, madam. How ola are yOur children?” “ Haven’t you put down that I hung on the edge of the grave?” “No, madam.” “ Aren’t you going to?” “ No, madam. You see, lam simply taking the census of Detroit. I desire to ascertain ” “ You can’t ascertain it here, sir!” she snapped. “If my sickness, which cost over S2OO, isn’t good enough to go in the book then you don’t get a line here!” “ Let me ask you ” i«No use asking fdF btiV' b'ho*' , tographs, sir I If you get ’em anywhere and put our pictures in that book we’ll make it hot for you! Good-day,udr—-good-day!” He stood on the step, sighing, and she called through the door: “My grandfather was also bitten to death by an alligator, but I won’t give you any of the particulars! You want to walk!” He passed on, sorrowfully wondering if the next woman’s mother was blown off a bridge or carried down the river on a hay-stack.— Detroit Free Press. ~~Br our ’fashion will continue to wear wrappers with paste ornaments. — Utica Observer. Ladies’ neckties are worn in tied sailor-knots. i